Unmukt Chand and the Recalcitrant System !

Where is India ?

What we see is the Final Medals Tally of  London Olympics 2012. India's place in the list was a glorious 55th out of 204 nations that participated. If we take out the No. 2 placed China, India's population is larger than the total of all the other nations in this list put together.

The other 149 nations below India don't even count when it comes to economic and political muscle power India is capable of wielding. But we were happy and celebrating an all time best medals tally. India is the ONLY country that believes in the "Spirit of Olympics". Participation and not winning is important !

Suresh Kalmadis, All India Lawn Tennis Association, Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupati and all the corruption have played their role to perfection in undermining India on the international sports arena.

But have we ever realized the BIGGEST and WORST Culprits responsible for India's pathetic performances in sports ? Go nowhere, we just have to look into the mirror.

The Principal of St. Stephens College, Delhi is but one among us. He or she is not an exception, but the rule in this country. That person did what most of us do directly or indirectly. How many of us stand up and support our kid when the child shows inclination towards sports ?

He could beat Australia but not Indian Colleges !

Unmukt Chand is not your average Cricket crazy teenager who neglected his studies. He is an intelligent and hard-working boy with immaculate habits and heavy vocabulary. If he was short on attendance, he had extremely valid and respect-worthy reasons. He lost out to the college authorities even after taking legal recourse.

Any college in a sensible world would have bent over backwards to accommodate his needs, but not St. Stephens. Never and not even for the U-19 Cricket World Cup winning Captain. Welcome to India, we are serious about manufacturing nerds, Doctors, Engineers, Accountants and people to serve the other countries. Sports is not on our agenda.

In a country ruled by Cricket and not the silent Prime Minister, the Under-19 World Cup winning Captain gets treated so shabbily. The same Principal would have allowed the Union leaders with political clout to write examinations.

If a Cricketer with such credentials has to suffer this, imagine the plight of other sports-persons. They probably would be rusticated for shortage of attendance. As long as such a system prevails, India will remain at 55 or slide further down south on the Olympic Medals tally.

So what do we call the system ? In Unmukt Chand's own style, "Recalcitrant Authoritarianism that has become Redundant for the Student Faculty and is Undermining Sports, thus making ourselves Superfluous on the International Sports arena" !



SPun Doctor

Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ?

 Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ? Or Why Cricket is Mathematics ?

Disclaimer: This is an original research article and hence might appear extremely long. Any perceived humor in any part of this article is unintended and is purely accidental like the 23.5 degree bend of Saeed Ajmal's elbow. If any part / parts of this piece appear disjointed like Suresh Raina's technique, that too is coincidental. The author holds all copyrights over the article. Any reproduction of any part of this post done any time in the past by anyone should be considered as pardonable acts of flattery.

While I was bothered by India missing out on an Asia Cup Final berth, most of India was busy celebrating Tendulkar’s 100^th 100. So I was wondering, “Is there something wrong with me ? Why am I hurt so much when even the players don’t appear to be hurt by losing the Asia Cup crown they had held thus far ?”

A Soccer fan on Facebook who hates Cricket pestered me a lot the other day. He refused to recognize Cricket World Cup and believed Soccer fans are jovial and Cricket fans turn violent if someone derides Cricket. He used a lot of convoluted logic and then demanded that I must give up on Cricket because I happen to be a Doctor and because one of his teachers believed Cricket meant Crick [whatever that meant].

After banishing him to pavilion, oops oblivion; I sat down and thought; “Why is Cricket so popular in India ? And why do I love it so much ?”. Since I am a hardcore Indian, who has never ventured out of the borders, if I find an answer to why Indians love Cricket so much, we’ll know the answer to why I love it so much !

Here is what I have come to understand why the game is so humongous in India ! The reason is Cricket is a religion in India and we knew it long ago. We have the proof for that and will give a link at the end of this post.

We Indians found out ‘Zero’ and we hold on to the Zero with all the love, affection and even jingoism. We celebrate ‘Numbers’ and Mathematics. Just take a look at our festivals, “Nav Ratra or Dusshera”. They denote numbers. Just imagine the Australians referring to the Don as “99.94 Sir Don Bradman” ! That never happens. But we revere our Swamis with “108 Sri So and So Swami” and “1008 Sri So and So Swami” and so on.

I am often confused about our rituals ‘Sahasra Kumbhabhishekam’, ‘Laksharchana’, “Shata-Koti Rama-naama Japa Utsav” and many such magnificent numbers. I don’t know if we are celebrating the Gods or the numbers. No wonder we are brought up with imposition like “Write this 500 times”.

When someone completes 84 years and 4 months, we celebrate "Sahasra Poorna Chandra Darshan" that indicates the person has witnessed 1000 full moons. That is apart from the small numbers like "Shasti poorti" or 60th birthday or "Sapthathi" or 70th birthday. We also celebrate western influenced Silver, Golden, Diamond and Platinum jubilees. We are a land of an over a billion number of people who love celebrating numbers and landmarks; more the merrier !

We have a Trinity of Gods and many Cricket fanatic Indians equate the 3 Stumps to the 3 Gods; Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. We have 33 Crore Gods and we adore a man with over 33,000 international runs as God. How we love our bloated numbers can be understood by taking a look at our ‘Puranas’. 

The creator Brahma had four heads. Vishnu had four hands and Shiva had a ‘Third eye’. Cricket maniacs would love to compare Shiva with ‘Third Umpire’ or the four hands of Vishnu with a ‘Boundary Hit’. A ‘Sixer’ will be equated to ‘Shanmukha’ the God with six faces who went around the world on a peacock, again the national bird of India.

Imagine what Ravan would have done as a Bowler !

Even our villains were no lesser. Ravan was supposed to have had 10 heads, though one always wonders how he managed symmetry and equilibrium with that rather odd looking even number of heads. If Ravan were to play Cricket, would he be considered as one player or ten different players ? Very tough question before the ICC. Thankfully I am not on the ICC and neither is Ravan playing Cricket today.

Cricket Sri Lanka would have done their best to prove that was a congenital deformity that he was born with 10 heads and 20 hands. Murali with just 2 hands was more than a handful for the batsmen. Imagine the confusion the batsman would have faced as to which hand was Ravan going to bowl. Just mind-boggling !

Well, I have digressed from numbers to Ravan. Let me come back to Cricket and the love for numbers. No other sport celebrates numbers like Cricket. We have half-century, century, double century, triple century, quadruple century and a fifty between each landmark. We have five-for as a matter of celebration for a bowler and then 10 wickets in a match. We have seen different kinds of celebrations by different batsmen on reaching the coveted mark. Why a century ? We even had a player do an impromptu dance on the pitch after hitting a six !

Every time Sachin Tendulkar steps on the ground, he is creating a new record. He will retire with the record of holding the most number of records in any sport. I think he already has crossed a century of them; the number of records he is holding.

Every moment in a Cricket match brings out numbers. Kids who play or watch Cricket regularly will be very sound in Mathematics. They will calculate the required run-rate after every over and will be full and thorough with their fractions. How a required rate of 6.15 RPO becomes 6.67 after a maiden over; only a Cricket kid can tell. No other kids can do the Maths in the mind like the Cricket kids. The economy rate, the RPO, the batting average, the bowling average and the strike rate; Cricket has numbers within numbers within numbers and then more numbers, records and then Sachin Tendulkar.

Most of the games and sporting events are over and done within minutes, hours or at worst a day. Mike Tyson had once finished a boxing bout even before people could settle down in their seats. Whereas a Cricket Test match lasts almost a third of an entire Olympic game or a Grand-slam Tennis tourney, 2 days longer than the Davis Cup Final and almost as long as a North Indian wedding discounting the first night. Cricket is nothing but pure and unadulterated Mathematics simplified and made enjoyable for all age groups !

Diving deeper into the matter of Maths, Cricket is played inside an Oval with a quadrilateral pitch in the middle with cylindrical stumps on both ends of the pitch. The ball is a perfect sphere, though it can change shapes when certain highly talented bowlers are in action. The bat and ball have specified weight and size guidelines. We have square cut and square drive which actually are played square of the wicket but somehow end up at point or third-man.

The good batsman is expected to play within the 'V' or the triangle. A bowler's wrist, elbow and the shoulder should have prescribed angles unless he is born with a deformity or has acquired one due to an accident. The concepts of 'line and length' can never be explained better in any other sport. Ajit Agarkar and Irfan Pathan will stand testimony to this. Ask Sehwag about the horizontal bat and Dravid about the straight bat. This simply is a limitless list.

Look at the fielding places. Silly point isn't silly at all; they place the best fielder there. We have slips from where thing very rarely slip. Then there is square leg and squarish gully. Fine Third man from one side becomes long on from the other. Mid-wicket is actually far from the mid point of the wicket. Covers and extra-covers often uncover the best of Cricket.

An Indian's love for Cricket is nothing but an extension of the love for numbers and Mathematics. And people think we are crazy, lazy, unproductive and waste time. Far from it, we actually celebrate Mathematics which is the foundation of all that is Science. Those who don't know Cricket will never understand this. In fact, I strongly believe those who hate Cricket are actually bad in Mathematics. I vehemently recommend, we should teach Cricket to all our kids to drive the fear of Mathematics from their minds !

All original research articles tend to be quite long like this one had turned out to be. There already is a Prequel to this. Readers who haven't exhausted their patience or slept off or not lost consciousness are advised to revise their knowledge with the help of the exhaustive original research article.

We will come back with more details, once people are able to read, understand and digest this piece of wisdom !

SPun Doctor

World Cup Early Favorites : Mind Speaks !

I am not at all happy writing this post. But when I feel like this, I have to.

Will India triumph on 2 April 2011 ?

My Heart wants to say "Yes", but the mind screams "NO" and silences the heart !

Why ? Let me give my reasons why other teams stand better chances.

This World Cup is like a Marathon Race. It is quite long, as long as some of my posts. The last team standing on the podium will be the one with the maximum endurance. And India don't look like they possess it.

Let me explain why I rate the chances of India lower than other teams.

1] South Africa: For me, they are the favorites this time. They have played good amount of Cricket and almost all are fit. Their Batting might is perhaps second only to India. But they have the best bowling army with enough ammunition to exploit any conditions. Bowling and quality of fielding will make the difference on Subcontinental pitches. So they start as favorites.
Key Players: Kallis, who else ? Steyn and Amla.

2] England: Forget Ryan ten Doeschate. Forget 6-1. That was a team drained after the monumental Ashes win. England will be a different team at the WC-11. They too have a fabulous batting line up, perhaps third strongest. But it is the bowling and the Swann factor that will make the difference. They seem to find ready replacements for any injured bowler. So, they are my second finalists.
Key Players: This could be ODI Swann song for Peitersen and Paul Collingwood !

3] Sri Lanka: Their middle order is nowhere near that of India or South Africa. But the 'Big Two' seem to deliver most of the times when it comes to ICC World Cup. But what makes them hot is the sheer quality and variety of their bowling attack. No team can boast of having every type of bowler except the Lions. How the middle order fairs will decide their fate in the knock out stages.
Key Players: Malinga and Murali.

4] Australia: Forget ThrAshes. Forget practice matches. Aussies are a different team in ODI Cricket. Absence of Mussey will hurt them. Else I would have put them at No. 2. They have two vital players, Watson and Lee and they will leave a big impact on WC-11. And never discount Ponting. Bowling is much better than India and that gives them the edge.
Key Players: Shane Watson and Brett Lee.

5] Pakistan: Cornered from all sides thanks to match and spot-fixing and players not mixing; Pakistan nevertheless is a team on the accent. They play their best when they are pressed hard. Bowling looks impressive even though a tad erratic. But if they can bowl out teams after conceding 25 wides, who cares ? Yunis Khan will be the fulcrum of this low on experience but high on Adrenaline Team.
Key Players: Any one from the 11 !

6] India: Batting card looks like a dream. But bowling causes nightmares. Sreesanth can win and lose matches single-handed. More often he manages the second. Ashish Nehra does not inspire enough confidence either. Munaf had a decent outing against Bangladesh. But can he bowl as well defending 270 ?

Bhajji doesn't really know his role in the team. Is he supposed to control runs or take wickets ? Zaheer can be fit and unfit even before you can pronounce the name Isha Sharvani. And then the Yuveraj Singh issue, is he a batsman who can bowl a bit or a bowler who can bat a bit ?

It is 'All is well' for Men in Blue when at least 2 of the top 4 score big. But that doesn't happen everyday. And there lies the problem. When the Top order falters, India lose the plot. So, for the miracle to happen, Sachin, Viru, Gauty and Virat should fire in every single match. Will that happen ?

If India have to win in spite of all these short-comings, Zaheer and Bhajji will have to deliver consistently and big time apart from the Top order !






S-Pun Doctor

Ponting is Right !

In spite of his great batting deeds, in spite of his 3 successive World Cup wins and in spite of his place in the pantheons of the 'All Time Greats' of Cricket; I have never really liked Ponting.

Well, almost all Indians have reasons not to like him. The caning suffered in the 2003 World Cup Final being just one of them !

Most of the times, I have scoffed at Ponting and his rantings. But not this time.
What he said is absolutely true.

Minnows have no place at the World Cup !

The ICC should seriously think in this direction and thankfully they already have if the reports are to be believed. But I am against having even 10 teams. There should be only 8 teams, just 8 and no more.

But isn't this injustice to the associate members ? This could sound so on face value, but it is not. There is a way out. This is how we go about it...

The Main Event should have only 8 teams as it was till 1987.

Each Team will play another team once and the Top 4 will qualify for the Semi-Finals.

The Final should be a best of 3 affair to test the endurance and the ability to bounce back.

Top 6 Teams qualify to play main event based on overall ODI rankings 12 months prior to the main event.

There should be a First round of qualifying tourney involving teams ranked 7 to 20 in the format that is being played now at this Cup.

Let this be held in different countries and the ICC should support the event. This tourney can also be called Plate Division World Cup or something like that.

Both the finalists will get to play the main event.

This will mean the minnows will get to play more matches between themselves and also get to play 2 - 3 teams from the Test playing group. The competition will certainly improve.

Fear of relegation can lead to an improvement in the Test Playing Nations Group too.

Imagine India, England, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, New Zealand, South Africa or even Australia being relegated to the qualifying tourney. That will hurt the egos and can inspire stiffer competition.

A Test playing nation missing out on main event is a possibility. When that happens, it will act as a wake up call to that team and an incentive to the one that pipped them.

What happened yesterday [20 February 2011] was just not Cricket.
It was massacre, slaughter, annihilation, decimation, humiliation and anything you like !
Let us not suffer more of those insufferably lopsided Sundays.
Who will watch them ? Just who will pay to watch Canada playing Kenya in India ?



S-Pun Doctor

Cold facts from the Warm-up game !

*

Some interesting and random sub-plots from the warm up game.

What looked like a cake walk turned into choke walk for the Aussies.

The match looked all but over at Australia 118 / 1 in the 22 over.

But as was quoted by Yogi Berra, "It ain't over until it is over !".

13 people played for India on Sunday the 13th February.

One bad-boy [Sreesanth] welcomed another bad boy [Ponting] in a manner that suited both.

Australia couldn't warm up enough in the cold wintry Bangalore evening and collapsed like Pakistan. The Pakistani Umpire must have felt at home.

Krejza continues to pick the wicket of Sehwag when he least looks like doing anything on field.

Raina and Yuvi continue to compete with each other and we still don't know who is behind.

Chawla has at least for the time being, proved me wrong and put Yuvi and Raina in serious trouble.

If pitches continue to behave this way throughout the Cup, it might be 2 + 2 + part-timers for India. Nehra and Sree will have to fill in the second seamer's slot.

Yusuf Pathan will retire with more sixes than fours, singles or twos at the end of his career.

It looked as if Johnson had started the walk back even before Bhajji bowled the ball. He was very close to the boundary line when Dhoni removed the bails.

Ponting's slog sweep was neither a slog nor a sweep. It almost looked like a swog sleep or whatever.

Michael Clarke makes a better Captain than a batsman if that is any consolation.

Virat Kohli is good. But he still isn't Dravid or Laxman. Neither in the slips nor with the clips [of the hips].

Munaf Patel did a huge favor to us. We knew he'd be cannon-fodder on Indian pitches. Thankfully he proved that well before the curtain-raiser.

Mitchell Johnson again bowled twice as many wides as all the Indian bowlers together.

Australia bowled more than 4 additional overs thanks to wides.

In fact not only Johnson but Hastings, Lee and Dussey out-wide-balled India.

And to think I was one of the very few Indians who didn't get to bowl today because Aussies folded up in 38 overs.

Ashwin and Nehra won the match for India. The 44 runs the No. 10 / 11 scored was the difference.

Australia's part-time spinners appear to be better than the main spinner.

India's lower order looks better than the middle order [which is still in South Africa].

And finally, a sensational scoop, breaking news and revelation all put together...

Sachin and Zaheer are India's secret weapons being hidden from the opponents.



S-Pun Doctor

Beyond the Deadlines : Vasachari's Mantap !

There was this famous incident that became a local legend in our small town of Karkala decades ago. It remains a point of reference even today.

A rich man's daughter was getting married. The Bridegroom and his party were to arrive from a nearby village in the morning on wedding day. The small community didn't want to compromise on quality and status. It was a matter of prestige. So the preparations were going on with a lot of  fanfare.

The bride's family wanted the 'Mandap' or 'Pandal' to be erected by none other than the expert carpenter of town, 'Vasachari'. He consented and started work the previous day. He had assured the completion of work in time. Next morning, he was still fixing a rod here and driving a nail there even as the groom's party arrived.

In the din of receiving guests and honoring them, the brides family altogether forgot the 'Work in progress'. But our man was dedicated to the core. His work went on and on and on even as the marriage ceremony began and was duly solemnized after prolonged rituals lasting over 6 hours.

Later in the evening, at the time of 'Bidai' or 'Farewell' ceremony of the bride; people noticed Vasachari and his disciple still working on the Mandap. He was just about giving finishing touches to his master-piece. When told that the function was long over; he reacted, "Well, my work too is over".

After this incident, if the preparations for any event got delayed; people started telling, "Oh yet another Vasachari's Mandap in the making !"

First we had CWG fiasco and now the Eden tragedy. The media would like us to believe India always manage to get into the hall of shame. But is this really so humiliating as is made out to be ?

I would say no, a Big NO !

This simply is a trait for us. Like it or leave it, this is what we are. The problem with us is that we hate to reach anywhere ahead of schedule. For the rich and the famous, that is below dignity. For small people like me, it is a way of life. Just like guzzling beer for the Aussies and worrying about the human rights of terrorists for Arundhati Roy.

But why ? Why do we hate to be early ? We all know the big people will be late. So we have to wait and wait really long. We also get caught in traffic. And never discount problems like the premature delivery of a she-buffalo in the neighborhood.

In spite of all the hurdles and hiccups, CWG went according to schedule and was a success. So it would have been with Eden if only the ICC had shown some patience. Alas, ICC is not IOC and Shashank Manohar isn't Kalmadi. Neither is he Lalit Modi, and that is unfortunate.

I cannot but suspect some politics in this. Is it to spite the Dalmiya group that the Pawar-powered ICC disqualified Kolkotta ? We still have to recover from the Dada snub by IPL. Anything is possible !

But coming back to our culture and nature, working till the last moment and even beyond is indeed our style. Starting from a simple annual day function at a Primary School to the AICC meeting at Delhi and the CWG, the preparations have to go on till the curtains go up.

What worth is any event that is not botched up in the beginning but ends up "All is Well" ? We love to overcome problems, hurdles and mutinies. If there aren't any, we love to create them and then triumph over them. Like Vasachari, we believe in working irrespective of deadlines.

Will Eden get a chance ?




S-Pun Doctor

Square and Fair : InSaf Well and Truly Done !

Square and Fair : InSaf Well and Truly Done !

A Progress Report of India - South Africa Series

South Africa -1 India - 1 in 3 Test Series. Twice in less than a year ! Home and Away for both teams. 

InSaf well and truly done ! 

Finally if we look at the whole series...

South Africa scored 1669 runs losing 44 wickets with an average of 37.93

India scored 1558 runs losing 53 wickets with an average of 29.40

South Africa scored quicker, bigger and won their win by an Innings at Centurion.
Team India scored slower, smaller and managed to Square at Durban by 87 runs.

So why do I say InSaf was done ?
Let us take a look at Player Report cards.

Team India Report Card

Zaheer: He is India's Champion bowler and did 'InSaf' to his billing and the faith his team had in him. Never forget the Durban second innings partnership with VVS.
Rating: 8.5 / 10

Sachin: India's best player in the series contributed very little when they won. Still played a major role and continues to rule.
Rating: 8.5 / 10 

Laxman: Whenever India win, this Man has to be around. Centurion was a disaster. But I will remember his knock on final day at Capetown because only 'He' played Cricket. All others batted to kill 'Test Cricket'.
Rating: 7.5 / 10 

Gambhir: Proved me wrong. Has stronger character than his more famous partner in crime. Overcame his 'Short-coming' with real guts. Forget averages, he was one of the main reasons the series ended 1-1.
Rating: 7.5 / 10 

Bhajji: Return of the prodigal. For all the panning, he has bounced back as a bowler in this series. Batted well when mattered.
Rating: 7 / 10

Dhoni: Another feather in the crown for Captain Cool who has not yet lost a Test Series. Batted perhaps his best in a long time; especially the first 50 runs at Centurion is why Dhoni is Dhoni.
Rating: 6.5 / 10 

Sreesanth: Lackluster at Centurion, he was real hot after that. Deserves all accolades for the Smith and Kallis dismissals at Durban. Make no mistakes, curb his aggression and you lose a wicket taking bowler.
Rating: 6 / 10 

Pujara: Again forget runs and averages. Che is much better than his returns. Persist with him. And when was the last time we saw a run-out like that of Tsostobe at Durban ?
Rating: 4.5 / 10

Ishant: Was steady after Centurion debacle. But could have been better.
Rating: 4 / 10

Vijay: Got to play in the most difficult match. Deserves better for his grit. Better than Raina on any day in Test Cricket.
Rating: 3.5 / 10

Sehwag: Disappointing. Threw his wicket away almost all the time. Centurion would have been different if he had not played 2 out of 2 bad shots. His cameo at Durban second innings was worth much more than those runs. But playing like Dravid at Capetown was unpardonable.
Rating: 2 / 10 

Dravid: Collingwood gone. Did he talk to RD before that ? For me, Dravid is a stumbling block for Team India. Sorry Great Man, but your time is long over.
Rating: 2 / 10

Raina: Save the future India Captain. Tigers can wait. He needs a break and a shoulder and some gumption. If Gambhir can, so can Raina.
Rating: 1 / 10

South Africa Report Card

1] Kallis: He was all over the place except when Sreesanth bounced him with a beast. The Player of the series deserving.
Rating: 9 / 10 

2] Steyn: Easily the best bowler in the world today. Couldn't have bowled more or better without risking breakdown. Practically it was series between Steyn and India.
Rating: 9 / 10

3] Boucher: Turned the Capetown test around with his aggression in second innings. He is a top performer in tough situations.
Rating: 6 / 10

4] Amla: The hometown jinx continues to haunt. Made merry at Centurion, but was just okay after that. Still the man in form. But failed at crucial times.
Rating: 5 / 10

5] de Villiers: Future Saf Captain dominated when his team was on top. Bad decisions included, he could not raise the bar when India started bowling better.
Rating: 4.5 / 10

6] Tsotsobe: Troubled Tendulkar. Was unlucky often. Took a stunning catch and was mostly ordinary.
Rating: 3.5 / 10

7] Smith: With or without Zaheer, India mostly have got better of Saf Captain. Except for the first test, he was ordinary, and just better than Sehwag. Lost out to Sreesanth and then went wimp.
Rating: 3 / 10

8] Morkel: Bowling in really helpful and familiar conditions, he was not very impressive except for the fag end. Anyone would've picked up wickets at Centurion day-1. Ishant was better.
Rating: 3 / 10

9] Prince: Was patchy, but better than Petersen. More a Pauper than a Prince. Would find it tough to make it into a decent batting line up except Saf.
Rating: 3 / 10

10] Petersen: Was worse than his partner after the Centurion. The Saf openers were the reason for India's come back. Thanks both you guys !
Rating: 2.5 / 10

11] Harris: Was ordinary but for some good balls. India perhaps have exorcised the left arm spin ghost.
Rating: 2.5 / 10

Look at the individual ratings.
India had more players performing above 5 / 10 than South Africa.
For Saffers, it was all about Kallis and Steyn with all others making special appearances Post-Centurion.
For India, Zaheer, Sachin, Laxman, Sreesanth, Bhajji, Dhoni and Gambhir did the Star Turn at different stages.

Average rating point for India: 5.27
Average rating point for Saf: 4.63

The final result was Square and Fair !

S-Pun Doctor

India Won !

India drubbed Australia by 7 wickets and saved the Indian fans a lot of stress and heartache !

If Mohali was won on an Oxygen cylinder, Bengaluru was a 'Smoother Delivery' !

2-0 is better than 1-0 and certainly much better than 1-1. Thanks Laxman !

"I don't like to count. I score and let others count": Sachin Tendulkar continues to grow up and nobody can help it ! 

Vijay finally has arrived. Gautam Gambhir should watch his steps ! 

Sehwag failed to cross 50 in a Test for the first time after 11 tests.
 Incidentally this coincides with his tongue wagging more than the bat ! 

Pujara has arrived. Che is here to stay !

Thanks Rahul for being 'The Wall' for all these years ! 
But I think it is time to say Dravid RIP [Retire In Peace] ! 

Raina needs to rein in his ODI and T-20 shots in Test Cricket !

Dhoni can do nothing wrong, including promoting Che today ! 

Bhajji the Batsman failed. Bhajji the bowler fared better ! 

Ojha is not Bedi, but we will settle for Ojha because he doesn't call Bhajji a Chucker ! 

Zaheer is an 'Old ball' and is better with the Old Ball ! Dhoni revers him !

Sreesanth still has the fire in the belly. But not much in the new ball !

Laxman was smiling like a sage at the post match celebrations, and why not ? 

Ishant Sharma gets his confidence back when he sees a certain Mr. Ponting in the opposition.
He deserves an applause too ! 

Kudos to Gary Kirsten, his support staff and his wards ! 

A wholesome Victory for a Team that looks more like a Number-1 Test Team now !

S-Pun Doctor

5 Non-Cricketing Reasons for the Mohali Win !

India won by a millimeter, a test they could have won by miles. Did Australia fight tooth and nail ? Or did the Indian batsmen play shots that deserved tooth and nail extraction without local anesthesia ? We will leave it there !

As is our habit, we woke up to Crisis Man Laxman's brilliance and then returned quickly to debate on Sachin Tendulkar missing out on yet another hundred. I know many people would have been happier if Tendulkar were to get his century even if India had lost the match. We are Indians, Sachin comes first. Perhaps soon after Rajnikant !

But Sachin missed out and India won ! And we had a god-damned exciting match that would have killed many on either side of the border if the opponent were to be Pakistan.

Why did India win in spite of...
* Atrocious shots by Virendar Sehwag in both innings ?
* Sachin Tendulkar's dismissal at most inopportune moments in both innings ?
* Dravid's problem with leg-cutters ?
* Sanjay Hazare's magnanimity ?
* Super All-rounder Bhajji's failure to fire with the bat in both knocks ?
* Ishant Sharma's Dirty Dozen No-balls ?
* Dhoni's shoddy work behind and in front of the stumps ?

India deserved to win because they made lesser mistakes in spite of having Sehwag, Bhajji, Ishant and Dhoni on their side. Aussies were beaten by Medical Maladies and not Cricketing Dandies !

Here are the 'Actual Reasons'


1] Rheumatoid Arthritis: Brent Fraser Bowden's peculiar condition that mostly affects the small joints of hands and legs. When Johnson struck Ojha plumb in front of middle stump, 'Poor Billy' just couldn't move his hands in time to show Ojha the 'Crooked Finger'.

By the time he managed to lift his hand, the over-throw by Smith had reached the boundary. Bowden was s--t scared of Jrod going on the rampage again dissecting Billy's Late Out Decision !

2] Lumbago: With a Doctor for father, Laxman knows how to get injured conveniently. For second Test running, he did very little running and managed to keep India in the running till end. Don't be fooled by his 'Nice Guy' looks. He even manipulates the day five pitch. It stops misbehaving when Laxman's wrists start behaving !

3] Gigantism: With a height of nearly 8 feet Ishant Sharma intimidates everyone on ground and even in your drawing rooms. Any length becomes either too short or too long for him. In both knocks he proved 'Size Does Matter'. His second innings bravado was terminated by Gould rather than Hilfenhaus.

4] Delhi Belly: Aussies were obviously affected by Delhi Belly thanks to 'Butter Chicken' of Punjab. This meant they had their hands full of butter and pants full of potty. No wonder they dropped so many catches they would have held on in grade-3 Coma Down under.

5] Amnesia: The pollution in India affects the memory cells of Captain Ponting. He develops Amnesia time and again and he bowls Hussey and bats North. He forgot Philip Hughes existed on this planet.

Many Australians including Jrod want to assassinate Marcus North. I don't blame them. Australian batting goes down South with North ! Any amount of Paine afflicted by later order doesn't compensate for this middle - middle order dud; even the fluke wicket of Tendulkar !

So... Ponting continues the hunt for 'First Frontier' and we can say... Jai Ho !





S-Pun Doctor