Badla: Revenge Only Half Done !

Cricket is inseparable from Indian culture. It runs in our arteries and Cricket bridges the gap between the nerves. Even when our national team is doing badly, we bide our time for that one moment that can turn things around. This optimism keeps us alive and helps us to forget and forgive Kalmadis, Rajas, Yeddis and a thousand scams. Here are some of the trivia from the "Badla" series !

Though Dhoni has brushed aside the talk of this being the "Badla" or "Pay Back" or "Revenge" series, there was steel in the Indian camp's determination. They were thrashed in the Test Series and their luck crashed during the ODIs. But home pitches, a fitter team and a lame duck English side helped in achieving this complete reversal of fortunes.

Back from 'Hell' and back in the hunt is how we can describe Dhoni and his boys today, while we dedicate a song to the the visiting English team.

The youth brigade has turned the hunter into the hunted and India remains 'Haunted' for the World No. 1 Test Team !

Just One Day Match: On the flip side though, England hold an unenviable record of winning just one 'One Day match' against India in India in the recent past. That takes a little bit of sheen from an otherwise fabulous show by the young side. 

The turning point: The British did hold the advantage during the first 35 overs of the series. It was the determination shown by the much maligned Captain Dhoni finally sank the ship of Captain Cook and his motley bunch of  over-aggressive crew. 

Media Complex: Somehow, our print and visual media alike are stuck in a strange kind of inferiority complex. Team India bat well, bowl well and filed well in home conditions; we are flat track bullies and tigers at home. Other teams come cropper in India; our pitches are to be blamed. Our players can't play on good pitches. Funnily, India have lost just one test series since the controversial 2008 tour down under. 

The barking Poms: On filed behavior of the English team has been pathetic at best. Andy Flower has been unapologetic about it. That team which wanted India to call Bell back, has not shown an iota of sporting gesture in return; neither in England nor in India. From Indian point of view, it should be fine. It gives more pleasure to bash an arrogant opponent than a down to earth one. But the average Indian is just a little curious to know how the British crowd, which booed Team India for the Bell run out would react to their own unsporting players. 

The plight of Kohli: Virat Kohli has impressed one and all with the maturity he has shown in ODI Cricket. But soon after his century on his home-ground, a tweetable tweet went thus: "Well played Kohli, that was sexy. But remember Dude, you aren't even the second best batsman in your own town". That is a Classic way of saluting the Champion Opening pair of Gautam Gambhir and Viru the Sehwag ! 

India B Plus: Tendulkar, Sehwag, Yuveraj, Zaheer Khan, Harbhajan, Nehra, Munaf, Rohit, Sreesanth, Ishant, Pathan, Badrinath and Murali Vijay missing from the 14 member team means England are playing at best India B Plus team, not even India A. 

Suspended Animation: This thumping win against a team that had mauled team India just a month ago has forced the Indian fans to keep in suspended animation, the lingering thought of the Century number 100 of a certain Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. 

Taken for granted: The fatigue to too much of Cricket showed in the thing attendance during the final two matches. Or was it because the crowd took the 'White wash' with Indian Blue for granted ? 

Mother of all collapses: England just wanted to get out of here, quite like Dhoni and his boys wanted to leave the Old Blighty only a few weeks ago. 129 without loss to 176 all out doesn't need much elaboration. This was the mother, grandmother and even great grand aunt of all collapses ! 

Ra1 Factor: Going through a promotional overdrive for his latest Sci-Fi movie Ra-1, Shah Rukha Khan somehow forgot to show up during the post match presentation. Neither at Mumbai, his adopted home not at Kolkotta home to his KKR team. Surprising ! 

Return of the Jade-ja

His Highness Ravindra Singh Jadeja has been best remembered for his T-20 World Cup flop shows so far. Given a lifeline by Dhoni's fondness and his equal dislike for Yusuf Pathan, Jadeja has grabbed his chances and done brilliantly during the series. His fielding has always been good. He is a decent fifth bowler in ODI Cricket. But this time, he batted well in given chances and has earned his place in the team to Australia. 

Pace the Music: Umesh Yadav and Varun Aron generating pace was music to the Indian ears. But we ought to be careful because Ishant, Munaf and many more began their careers as raw energy pacers only to be either sidelined by injuries or turn into line and length trundlers. The motto should be "Don't Hype them till they are Ripe" ! 

Positive for the Poms: Samit Patel and Steve Finn were the only positives for the English side. World's best spinner was taken to cleaners and he couldn't hold on to the ball. They too missed Anderson, Broad, Strauss and the lack of experience showed !

Ab Dhoni ko kaun taal sakta hai ?

They just couldn't get him out throughout the series. He played the waiting game, the blasting game, nudges and edges, helicopter shot and his trademark bludgeoning drives. Leading from the front was redefined !

Finally it was a fair and square blue wash for the Poms with Brand India Bleeding Blue ! Happy Diwali to all Indians !

The Poms will come back next year for the Test Series. They are way too far better a Test Team than their ODI credentials. A wash in white flannels is what a 'Real White Wash' constitutes. Can Dhoni and Co achieve that ?




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Pom Pom Pom: Every Donkey has a Day !

Team  India's graph and my blogging curve seem to be related; though unintentionally. The World Cup victory had left me contented for some time and I wrote on IPL only because it was relaxing to write when you didn't have to worry about 'One Team' you love.

I was disappointed by the defensive Cricket played in West Indies and the whole of England tour was a nightmare to be best forgotten as soon as possible. But somewhere during the series, I had tweeted, "Every dog has a day and today belongs to Pomeranian".

Their Test series win was comprehensive though too many things went wrong for India. But their ODI win was plain lucky. The arrogance of the Neo-No.1 team was oozing and pouring from every orifice as the humbled Team India's body language went down to Antarctica.

I stuck to my tweet and was pretty sure Team India will see better days soon. Exactly during the slump of Team India, I too was not able to follow Cricket the way I usually do, thanks to some personal issues apart from a hectic professional life. Hence the posts here dwindled and perhaps saved me from writing much negative about my favorite team.

After having thumped England thoroughly, Team India have vindicated my faith in them and that of millions of fans. All good things will have to come to an end and all bad things too will have to come to an end. Dhoni and his boys are back and they are bleeding blue !

Considering the fact that Team India have Sachin, Viru, Yuvi, Zaheer and Nehra missing from our best possible 11, this win augurs well for the future. Add the first choice replacements like Rohit, Ishant, Sreesanth, Munaf, Vijay, Dinesh Karthik and Badri to the list. And due to form and selection issues, Yusuf Pathan and Bhajji too are not playing. That means this is at best India B-Plus Team, not even India-A !

Mission Accomplished : Captain Accomplished !

For all the criticism they faced during the English tour, Team India showed exemplary behavior during the whole tour. We are witnessing how the English players are behaving when the fortune has taken a 'U' turn. Dhoni very slyly yet very rightly pointed out during post-match presentation during the second ODI.

There is a huge gulf of class between these two teams. One knows how to behave even when the chips are down. The other is downright arrogant and almost vainglorious. Having criticized Dhoni's calling Bell decision, I feel the laws of natural forces have caught up with the Poms quite very soon.

Some of the statements by English experts and press during the England tour went like this...

Geoffrey Boycott: "India look a pale shadow of an ordinary team"
Nasser Hussain: "There were a few donkeys out there in the field today..."

Some extremely inconsiderate Indian critics and tweeters have called some of the players in this English team, donkeys. That is unfortunate and totally abusive. Some went to the extent of tweeting, "Some of the English players looked like pale shadows of donkeys out there"

We should respect our guests. "Athithi Devo Bhava" - Treat the guest like God.
So please stop this nonsense now !

Post Script: The animal kingdom isn't very proud to be associated with the English Team that has turned out in this series so far ! And the hardworking and efficient donkeys have protested saying, "We consider this blasphemous. We are always well behaved even if people consider us sloppy. We wouldn't be rude and obnoxious when we know we are in deep shit. So we want all this abuse to stop immediately"

Every Donkey has a Day !

SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

I have a Wait Problem oops Weight Problem !

 "I was to blame for my weight problems" Samit Patel !

Broad and The Broader !

Ball Ball Bach Gaye !

Showing Stomach for a Fight !

All these years I used to suspect Pizza Hut, Paneer Maakhni, Mushroom Pepper and Salt, Gulab Jamoon, Roasted cashew nuts, Coconut oil, soft drinks, Lays and Baskin Robbins were responsible for my 'weight problem' !

I have a Wait Problem; just can't wait for food !

Thanks Samit Patel for owning up. We all need someone or something to blame for anything and everything.

Now I can blame you in future !

Thanks again !


SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Panic button in the times of Knee Jerks !

England on the verge of thrashing India 4-0 in the Test series. There are reactions galore. One of my friends said, "What happened all of a sudden that the batsmen, bowlers and fielders; all have failed except for one".

Geoffrey Boycott  declared, "India look like a pale shadow of an ordinary team". There are a lot of reactions, over-reactions and knee-jerk reaction with doomsayers abundant.

In spite of a lot of criticism, Dhoni declared, "No need to press the panic button". Sreesanth said, "This is not the toughest series we have played". Not much has been heard from the likes of Laxman, Sachin, Sehwag and of course Gambhir.

Facebook, Twitter and all social networking sites are overflowing with snide remarks, tweets and offensive comments about the greed of our players. It hurts to see a team lose like this. I don't remember Team India playing such spineless Cricket since the 2003 New Zealand series.

For one who predicted a 2-1 or 1-2 or 2-2 result for the series, I too am taken aback. So I decided to sit back and doing a postmortem of the series. Keeping the knee-jerk out, here is what I feel about the series.

What went right for England

England were playing full strength with very few carrying injuries. Playing at home, they had abundant supply of replacements. They had walloped Australia in Australia and were very very eager for the No. 1 spot. They played ruthless, efficient and Champion brand of Cricket, no doubts. They deserve to be No. 1 now and no contesting that either. But if we look closer, so many things went in favor of England. Almost all things.

Home conditions, swinging pitches with bounce and carry.
All top order batters in form and even one who was out of form came out on top as the series progressed.
Their bowlers were definitely in supreme control and never allowed Indian batsmen to relax.
Every Umpiring and UDRS decisions went in favor of England. They got the Bell run-out reversed and sent Dravid packing when there was no clear evidence.
Overall they were fantastic on field and absolutely ruthless in every aspect including gamesmanship.

What went wrong for India

Sehwag and Gambhir in full form and fitness have terrorized best of the bowling attacks over the past 4 years. Both of them were coming back from long lay off and lack of match fitness showed.
Laxman and Tendulkar have done fabulously well for 4 years since 2007, the last time India toured England. Every time there was a crisis, one of these two had stepped in to lift the team. It was just the law of averages perhaps. Both failed in tandem.
During the series, India never completed test without someone breaking down.
Losing 2 out of 11 players on a tour can be tough. Then how about entire half of the team ? Gambhir, Zaheer, Harbhajan, Sehwag, Yuveraj, Sachin and then Praveen Kumar were hampered by injuries at one time or the other. Three of them were completely sidelined.
Umpires were reasonably kind to India but UDRS was not.

I have no complaint about the Cricket India played. The best of the teams can lose. But the way they capitulated to the pressure mounted by England to call back Bell was deplorable. For me, that was the defining moment in the series. If India had stood the ground, it would not have escalated into World war-3. But it definitely would have sent a message across. It was all downhill from there. The tough have thumped the soft-bellied meek.

This piece should not be dismissed as rantings of a disgruntled Indian fan. Just remember how England bumbled through World Cup 2011 and then kept complaining about everything including the size of the shrimps served for dinner.

Before we castigate this team for this series, let us not forget they had 'Won' the World Cup less than four months ago and had not lost a Test series since 2008. This just was one really sad series where nothing went right for India and everything worked perfectly for England. That will not happen all the times. India will bounce back and we have enough talent to sustain us in the Top-3 if not the top spot.

So, cheer up guys and gals and relax. Tomorrow is another day and Poms will fall sooner than later !





SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Father, Son and the Holy Spirit of Cricket !

More than a month since "Doctoring the Balls" last saw a post. July was completely barren. Partly because of personal issues and partly because of not much inspirational stuff happening. The West Indies - India series was totally forgettable. I don't even remember who all played that series.

The ongoing England - India series seems to be attracting more attention for what is not Cricket than Cricket. Conceding the fact that England appear distinctly superior team at present, I still believe India have been pretty unlucky on several aspects.

Most of the good decisions on field have gone in favor of England and almost all bad decisions too have. But that isn't anything new for India. When was the last time did India have the better of Umpiring ? Adding to the issue is every expert's verdict that India are themselves to be blamed for not accepting UDRS.

But this post is about 'What is NOT Cricket' and NOT about 'What is Cricket'. Let us just take a look at what has happened so far.

Kick and remorse !

Event-1: Swann kicks the stumps and expresses remorse and gets away without even a fine. This was his second such offense in 5 month. Praveen Kumar expresses displeasure about Umpiring decision and gets fined. Even he showed remorse, buts still was fined...

Moral of the story: An Indian's remorse is not remorse enough to escape fine.

Event-2: Baby Broad goes to examine if Laxman had applied Vaseline to the edge of the bat to cheat the 'hot spot' and is convinced there was no Vaseline. Michel Vaughan tweets about Vaseline and then counters the outrage with sarcasm. We never knew Vaughan had any sense of humor. If he had he never showed it in his playing days. What would have been the reaction if Sreesanth were to go and examine the bat of Bell or Strauss in a similar situation ?

Moral of the story: Having a Match Referee for father helps. Sreesanth's father is not even an Umpire.

Event-3: Bell was technically and stupidly run-out. But still English stink tank wanted India to take back the appeal. India complied because they didn't feel good about that. They had suffered a lot in the Caribbean. But isn't it surprising that it is only one way traffic when it comes to "Spirit of Cricket" ?

• Sachin Tendulkar was once run out thanks to timely obstruction by Shoaib Akhtar. He was NOT recalled.
• Dhoni was twice ruled out wrongly by the third Umpire and the whole world saw that. No Captain or Commentator remembered the spirit of Cricket.
• Chris Broad has been so narrow minded in his approach towards Team India that he is worse than Bucknor and Harper.
• Srikkanth was run out wandering out side his crease in his first test. The opposition Captain never thought much about the debutant then.
• Sehwag was denied a century in one of the most un-sportsman like act by the Sri Lankan Off spinner. Of course he was punished, may be because he too is not the son of an ICC official.
• Any act of aggression by Indians on field gets immediate and immaculate punishment. From Manoj Prabhakar to Ganguly, Gambhir, Bhajji, Sreesanth and many more examples. But others somehow get let off easily with 'expression of remorse'.

Can someone remind me of an incident of an Indian batsman being called back by opponents when he was declared out wrongly ?

Spirit of Cricket will have a meaning when it is a give and take. So far it has always been interpreted as "India give and others take" all favors !

With the way the English press, players and Commentators have behaved so far, this is bloody war out there and we are conceding vital advantage there ! I don't blame Dhoni and his team for playing poor Cricket. It happens to the best of the men and best of the teams. But I am pissed off like hell because they called back Bell. How long will India have to keep playing the nice guys or be forced to play the virtuous ?




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Crick-Veda: Oldest Chronicle on Gentleman's Game !

Disclaimer: I don't belong to RSS / VHP / Bajrang Dal. I am not right-wing Hindu extremist. I am not Francois Gautier. I am not Gurumoorthy. I am not Manoj Kumar. Neither am I Akshay Kumar. I am not a devotee of any Baba including Sai Baba, Rahul Baba, Baba Ramdev and Baba Black sheep. I am not related to any Thakre; living on nonliving. My surname isn't Togadia. I have no religion except Cricket. I don't believe in God, but I believe in Rahul Dravid and I have seen Sachin Tendulkar. The nearest I have felt to divinity was when I saw VVS Laxman on drive Shane Warne through mid-wicket at Eden in 2001. And I believe Virendar Sehwag can save us from Satan by just Upar Cutting him. This post is a work of fiction but that should not be a reason to disbelieve it.

Breaking News... Breaking News... Breaking News...

Cricket is Indian by Origin !

This sensational discovery has rocked the world today and will be remembered as a Red-Letter day. This will change forever, all hitherto held beliefs about Cricket in general and the mankind in particular. During a routine excavation in some undisclosed place in Uttar Pradesh, the ASI has found a huge treasure. That alone wouldn't be so special or sensational. But they have found out a new dimension in the form of a book named Crick-Veda [Krikveda for the Swadeshi brigade], believed to be the long lost and forgotten fifth Veda.

Carbon dating and all kind of authentication tests are being held on this voluminous epic. It is believed to be at least 8000 - 9000 years old. Experts are busy deciphering the text. You are reading this here first because of our close contacts with ASI. Dr. Balls is an insider in ASI and has contacts from bottom to top. Here are some of the salient aspects about the book, brought only to those who follow Doctoring the Balls !!!

What we are going to disclose here is established beyond doubt in this priceless piece of Cricket Testament, ODIment and T-20ment, all compiled together. Cricket was a game, a religion and a way of life in India. It was called Kri karet, which means 'Doing the work'.

It was work as well as worship for the people of India that was Bharat. This emphatically proves Cricket was not a British game as has been claimed so far. Almost every Indian will vouch for this. The British picked up this beautiful game from India just like they picked up spices. We now know why Cricket is so spicy.

Cricket, was played in North Indian heartlands and South Indian paddy fields. The boys and men running in the fields tilled the land [Kri Khet in Hindustani and Kriya Kshetra in Sanskrit] and thus prepared it for watering and subsequent cultivation of crops. This must the earliest known example of business with pleasure. They worked while they played and they played while they worked. What a revolutionary ancestors did we inherit from ! And many people believe Cricket is a lazy game, rubbish !

The extremely talented men of those days used to hit the ball very hard and long and then people used to go in search of the ball. That is how the coinage "Leather hunt" evolved.

Hanumaan was the first ever Cricket-fever stricken boy known from history. He thought the red and shining Sun was a Cricket ball and went to catch it and this evolved into a legend. People misinterpreted it and said he went to pluck a fruit. Absolutely baseless and ball-less. Just look at this illustration, the Sun looks exactly like a Cricket ball shining in the Sun ! And Hanumaan is clearly trying to pick a one handed catch out of thin air. He isn't plucking any fruit out there.

Catch it !

Why did Krishna slay Kaliya the snake ? Because Kaliya refused to return the ball. Krishna and his friends were playing Cricket [Kri Karet in those days] by the Yamuna river bank. A DLF maximum from Krishna went into the river and Kaliya refused to return the ball. Thus their game of Cricket was halted by the mean snake. Hence Krishna had no other option but to slay the stubborn and spoilsport Kaliya to retrieve the ball to continue the game before the Umpires declared bad light. Even today we don't like to be disturbed while we enjoy our Cricket. Be it the snake or the wife.

In one of the most touching chapters, Sage Krikshwamitra explains the relation and differences between Test Cricket, One Day Cricket and T-20 Cricket. He says, T-20 Cricket is like your little daughter. You love her because she is your daughter. She may do childish things and appear juvenile. But you love her because she is your own product. But you have very little chances of recovering lost ground if your daughter gets spoiled, just like T-20 Cricket match. T-20, like your little girl is damn popular with people of all ages because you can carry it around with ease and you won't feel bad if she pees on your laps.

One Day Cricket is like the wife. You can play during day or at night. She is mature, beautiful, enticing and enchanting. You can control a lot of things with her. But you can't keep her switched on forever. Like every wife, she can be demanding. You need to do a lot of running around and be prepared to lose her if your fail with the bat or the ball. Most importantly she is more entertaining at night after you are done with all the work. She comes with a lot of color and cheer.

Test Cricket is without doubt, the Mother. You respect her, revere her, love her and listen to her. You can even fall asleep in her lap and still not miss much. She can go on and on and on for days sounding like a bore. But in the end, you are wiser, stronger and winner if you do the listening and playing properly. Like Mother, Test Cricket gives you more than one chances. Nor one bad over, neither a single bad shot can lose it all for you. And you better show discipline with your Mom, else you will be routed by the forces that guard the earth.

Further evidence from present day analogies: From aesthetics of the variants of the game, Crick Veda moves to the weapons used. The ball was the weapon of the aggressor. The bat belonged to the more responsible defenders. It symbolizes how one can use a weapon for both defensive and offensive purposes. So typically Indian. We just have to look at how Rahul Dravid and Virendar Sehwag use the same weapon to different effects.

India has a tradition of stretching beyond the limits and breaking records. Ram broke the Shiv Dhanush. Sachin has been breaking records ever since he was born. Arjun hit the fish's eye to win over a girl. Yuveraj hits the bill-boards. Karna was the first to show how one can use own body parts as defense tools. Mohindar Amarnath followed suit when he took on all the bouncers on his body without flinching. Krishna said it was fair to be unfair to deal with an unfair enemy. Saurav Ganguly was just equally mean to Australians. There are innumerable revisits.

Let us look at different aspects of the game. Batting was a Royal occupation. They never liked to run. Indian batsmen still don't like to run. Ask Sehwag, Pathan and Yuvi. Bowlers were the Soldiers. They attacked and won over enemies by felling the opponents. Do soldiers get any better than Bhajji, Kumble, Zaheer and Kapil Dev ? Fielding was for kids and the labor workers. Even today, the young and the fringe players field. The rest just rest.

Kri Karet expert from history and the earliest known Sexologist Batsayana has elaborated on the attraction between the Kri Karet Players and the girls and women from the entertainment fields. The singers, actors and dancers of the yore had a very special and enduring liking for the talented and good looking players.

There were so many affairs, courtships and marriages between Kri Karetars and artisans. Urvashi fell for Arjun's looks as well as skills. Seeta, the Princess was bowled over by the record breaking abilities of Ram. Bheem's ability to wield the mace [the first ever Mongoose] won over Hidimba. Nothing has changed in India 8000 years since.

There are millions of illustrations, coaching manuals and extensive records mentioned in Krikveda. We just have provided a sample here. But we promise to come back with entire translation sooner than later. Till then keep pondering over the points mentioned here.

Can all this old world wisdom in Cricket be anything but Indian ?

QED: Cricket is Indian by Origin !

SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Baap of all Cricket Retirements !

Why do I believe Pakistan Cricket has the 'X-Factor' ? Because they have the largest number of 'Ex-Captains' in their team.

Everyone seems to be in a hurry there; to retire, come back, retire again and come back again and then retire finally. Or do they ?

We have retirements, premature retirements, immature retirements and non-retirements. There are much awaited and anticipated retirements like that of Rahul Dravid.

Then of course the extremely catastrophic event of the retirement of Sachin Tendulkar. The fear is looming large. Well of course, that should not be much of a problem if you are a Pakistan supporter.

So finally the day the whole world was fearing about has arrived. No, not Sachin's retirement day. Not even the end of the world, but much larger and infinitely terrible tragedy. An end of an era or say any buffalo dung you like. Shahid Afridi has retired !

But that is old news, some might say. So we will twist it a little bit. Shahid Afridi has re-retired. Now, that sounds better. We can add more 're's as we progress. But wait, has he re-come back ?

It would be unfair to talk only about Afridi. Cricket has evolved from being 'Gentleman's Game' to 'Mental Jam's Game'. Everybody plays 'Mental Games'. Sometimes games and very often just mental. Steve Waugh believed 'Everything was fair in Cricket and War'. Ponting believed nothing was unfair in Cricket and Ashes.

But coming back to Afridi, what is he playing ? Game ? Mental Game ? Mental ? War or plain dumb ? Last heard he is contemplating return to Cricket. I swear on Ijaz's Butt, Pakistan Cricket is a marvel like nothing before and nothing since.

A lot of discussion has already taken place on Afridi's retirement. Enough and more has been said about this re-retirement. But how can I retire without my say ? So I decided to take a random look at retirements of our Cricketers from the past; distant and not so distant.

Don Bradman retired because '99.94 ain't so bad'. It in fact appears a lot sexier than 100 today.

Gary Sobers retired after he found out that he could no longer drive after drinking.

Geoffrey Boycott retired after proving to himself that he was technically a better batsman than Sunny Gavaskar.

Bishan Singh Bedi retired because the butterfly wasn't able to float and the bee wasn't stinging either as Zaheer Abbas and Miyandad made him look ordinary.

Sunny Gavaskar said, "Quit when people ask why rather than when". He retired scoring a tragic 96 in his last test innings and a hundred and a duck in his last first class match. A man of his words.

Mohindar Amarnath retired after he was convinced that nobody will break his record of come-backs. The 'Bunch of Jokers' made his decision easier.

Dilip Vengsarkar retired after the stupid adjudicators gave Man of the Match award to Kapil Dev for taking 434 wickets. There of course was other reason. There was no test to be played at Lords in nearest future at that time.

Kapil Dev retired after Javagal Srinath threatened to retire and Richard Hadlee almost died of boredom waiting for his record to be broken.

Azaruddin retired because of 'Maine match banaaya'. Today, he is playing a different innings in Indian Politics. He is an Icon for the likes of Mohammad Asif, Mohammad Aamer, Ajay Jadeja and Sulman Butt. Politics on either side of Indo-Pak border will not suffer for want of Sportsman Spirit.

Kim Hughes retired in tears. A real tearful adieu !

Alan Border retired because he had scored more runs than Gavaskar.

Manoj Prabhakar was retired by Sanath Jayasuriya.

Ravi Shastri was tired down by his knee and retired by Indian crowds baying for blood.

Sanjay Majrekar was retired by his shoulders. After shouldering arms to all balls outside the off stump in a One day match in the 49th over, he developed a fixed shoulder deformity. He has since proved to be a much better commentator and blogger.

Miyandad retired like only he could; like a street fighter. He fought with opponents, Umpires, Dennis Lillee, Ian Botham, his mother in law and Zaheer Abbas before there was nobody left to fight.

Imran Khan retired because he became bigger than Pakistan Cricket and in one of the proudest moments in Pakistan Cricket, he forgot his team.

Clive Lloyd retired because he had nothing more to achieve as Captain and only a little more in him as batsman.

Vivian Richards retired because he saw the beginning of the end of Caribbean domination.

Richie Richardson retired because he seriously began to believe he was in the wrong team.

Brian Lara retired because nothing else was right and he was left handed and stranded all the time.

Steve Waugh retired because he couldn't have continued for long without facing the risk of axe. He made 'Retirements in Installments' a fashion.

Inzamam ul Haq retired because there was no one left in entire Pakistan who was not run out by Inzy Bhai.

Courtney Walsh retired because people started taking advantage of his magnanimity and started running even before he marked his run up. Once a pair of Australian batsmen actually completed 2 runs before Walsh reached the bowling crease.

Shane Warne retired because 6 weeks of IPL was more lucrative than 1 year of 'Baggy Green'. And he didn't have to slog for ten and a half months. He retired from IPL because he wanted to badmouth a RCA Official in public.

Glen McGrath retired because Warne was retiring and he could no longer dare to predict 5-0 white wash without sounding silly.

Saurav Ganguly retired from International Cricket after scoring a double century because he was 'once bitten, twice shy'. He retired from domestic Cricket and came back to help his team qualify and then re-retired. He again faced the axe in IPL. But the Tiger roared again in IPL-2011 and we are waiting for total retirement.

Younis Khan retired because he couldn't handle the foul smelling posterior that heads Pakistan Cricket. He looks both tired and retired as of now.

Anil Kumble retired because the graceless Cricket fans in India wanted him to and anoint Dhoni the Captain. Why ? They want Dhoni to retire ! Kumble again retired from IPL because even the President of Karnataka State Cricket Association is not allowed to play Cricket in suits.

Muralidharan retired because 800 is a huge number and the ICC rules still don't allow runners for fielders.

But no retirement or re-retirement is quite like that of Mohammad Yousuf / Yousuf Yohana. His was the first retirement that came with a clause and a comma. He retired for the time being ! Later he was re-retired by Selectors. Before that, he retired from his religion. With that he also took retirement from shaving. In between he retired from ICC Cricket and signed up for ICL Cricket. But even before it began, he retired from ICL and wanted to Captain Pakistan. Then he retired as Pakistan Captain and now we don't know. Even he doesn't know if he is retired or is on a come back trail or on a go back trail. Move over Afridi, Yusuf is the most retired man on earth. And his is the 'Baap of all Cricket Retirements' !




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/