Generous Dhoni, Talented Rohit and the Lesser Mortals !

One Day International Matches: 21, 10, 33, 15, 0, 4, 68, 5, 0, 0, 4, 4
T-20 International Matches: 0, 4*, 1*, 55*, 1

These are Rohit Sharma's returns from International matches in 2012. He averages overall 17 runs per dismissal. In T-20, it is 30.5 thanks to a 55 not out but in ODI Cricket, it is a pathetic 14 runs.

Manoj Tiwari has scored a hundred and a 65 in the 8 matches he has got to play. He has a 4 wicket haul in the only match he failed with the bat in 2012. In that match, he made 21 which was 8 more than the total number of runs Rohit Sharma scored in the entire series.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni is obviously a generous man. His selectors have been more generous than that. He gives chance after chance to Rohit in the name of promise and talent. One or two failures and Yusuf Pathan gets thrown out. Forget Yusuf, Manoj Tiwari today, is the MOST WRONGED man in Indian Cricket.

For Dhoni, Rohit Sharma with 225 runs in 17 innings in 2012 is more important to the team than Virendar Sehwag who scored 219 runs in just one ODI innings in December 2011. In spite of all the attitude issues and ego clashes, preferring Rohit over Viru is criminal to put it mildly.

But even if Sehwag gets omitted on form, doesn't that rule apply to Rohit too ? Why different yardsticks for Rohit, Viru and Tiwari ?

We have seen how Piyush Chawla and Ravindra Jadeja have managed to sneak into the team in spite of continued non-performance. One success and he tends to keep them forever and just a couple of below par show and the lesser mortals get the 'axe effect'

But what is insidious and more evil is the way Dhoni is gradually demolishing Irfan Pathan. He somehow has a serious dislike for the name Pathan. After completely demolishing Yusuf Pathan, he has now taken up the job to finish off the half brother.

If he has so much faith in Rohit Sharma, why not send Rohit to open ? He is a top order batsman and has opened before. Why make Irfan a sacrificial lamb again ? Indian Cricket fans haven't forgotten how Greg Chappelle demolished Irfan by making him do too many things.

Irfan is NOT Shane Watson. He is a bowling All-rounder. He has won some crucial matches batting at 7 or 8. By forcing him to open, Dhoni is killing him again. Irfan doesn't know what is expected of him.

Mr. Dhoni, for the sake of the millions of fans who adulate your team, please stop this game of politics and ego. Your ego trip with Viru is YOUR problem. Stop destroying a precious talent who has found some kind of confidence after a long hiatus !

And can we hope for a reply for a set of questions ?

How many matches will Rohit get to play on much publicized talent after scoring just one 50 ?
How many matches will Tiwari get to warm the benches after every successful performance ?

Knowing you, Mr. Dhoni, we don't expect an answer. You have become the Dictator and you will end up demolishing this team. Unfortunate !


SPun Doctor

BCCI Agenda for Resurrection of Cricket !

Team India Down Under, Down Under: How to lift them up ?

Team  India's worst tour of Australia is on and things are getting worse by the day. Let us look at the pre-tour hype and the situation that prevailed and then how things have unfolded since the fall of Tendulkar at the fag end of day-2 at Melbourne. From 214/2, India have just withered away and wilted.

Australia were in dire straits. They were beaten by New Zealand and were bowled out for 48 by South Africa very recently. Ponting and Hussey have been out of form for longer than anyone could care to remember. They were going to miss the Iconic All-rounder Shane Watson and Pat Cummins from the beginning. Harris and Marsh missed half of the test and then James Pattinson got injured. Thus good number of cream of the present Aussie team have missed the major part of Cricket that has been played so far.

India on the other hand were in full strength with the exception of Praveen Kumar. So this was touted as India's best chance to win a test series down under. But what has happened how ? First test was lost on day 5, second on day 4 and third within minutes of lunch break on day 3. At this rate, the Adelaide test might get over on day-2. Srikkanth is totally devastated and Dhoni has declared himself to be the main culprit. The BCCI believes the performance has not been up to the mark.

Hence a very high level meeting of the BCCI, Selectors and former players was held. Since it was to be a high level and top secret meeting, it was held at Siachen Glacier. Whatever happened in the meeting has been recorded in the minutes. But all that can't be divulged. BCCI has come out with an agenda for the resurrection of Team India and the fortunes of Indian Cricket. And the document has been forwarded to ICC.

The 10 point agenda the BCCI has approved for the rejuvenation of Cricket.

01] Ghaas Poos is serious health hazard: The main problem seems to be Indians are allergic to grass and that hampers their performance seriously. Hence no grass should be allowed to exist on any pitch where India have to play. Even Ivan Lendle had declared, "Grass is for cows". Indian players are not cows, they are Tigers. Tigers at home to be precise. So henceforth ICC should make sure that a herd of cows is deployed at all venues where Team India are to play test matches. The grazing cows will ensure the pitch will be devoid of grass. And all the hoof marks will makes sure our spinners can get purchase from day one. 

02] Speed Breakers: We all know speed thrills but it also kills. All the speed bowling in England and India has almost killed Indian Cricket. ICC 'must' realize almost two thirds of revenue filling the ICC coffers comes from Indian Cricket, if not three fourths. If Indian supporters stop watching Cricket, ICC can shut shop. So all fast bowlers operating against India 'must' be fitted with speed-breakers with immediate effect. None should bowl faster that 125kmph or whatever is the average speed at which Vinay Kumar bowled in the previous match; whichever is slower. 

03] Three day Tests: When India travel abroad, all tests should be restricted to just 3 days and not 5 days. We first have to give them a realistic chance to draw a test before we can think of winning again. And during these 3 days, lunch break should be extended to 90 minutes and tea break to 30 minutes. The breaks happen to be the best part of tests played by India these days, because no wickets fall during these period. This also ensures a lot more scope for advertizements and that means more money for ICC. 

04] No Slip ups please: "Indian batsmen are like faithful husbands, they perform only at home", tweeted Poonam Pandey. But an insider from Team India camp on conditions of anonymity has declared, "Indian players are disappointed that Poonam has not kept her word of stripping if India won the World Cup. Hence they are disappointed". The faithful husbands that they are, they hate all the gossiping by the Aussie wicket-keeper and slip fielders. Hence no slip fielders should be allowed to stand within the 30 yard circle when Indian 'Top Order Batsmen' bat. 

05] Field restrictions: It has been noticed by BCCI that too many fielders are seen in the field blocking his shots when Rahul Dravid is batting. Though that is distracting him, the gentleman has never complained. But it is distracting him and he is falling over his own feet to be bowled again and again and then again. So he should be allowed to make 3 changes in the field when he bats. He is the first and only Indian to support the lie-detector test suggested by ICC. Hence he should get this privilege to place 3 fielders of his choice anywhere he wants to. That could even be the dressing room. 

06] Save Tigers Campaign: Tigers and Indian batsmen have many things in common. The main thing in common is both are endangered species. Whole world is campaigning to save tigers. We advocate with equal fervor for a campaign to save our 'Tigers at home'. Henceforth, Team India should be allowed to play all away tests in India. To differentiate home and away tests, ESPN-Star Sports will telecast 'away series' and any channel chosen by BCCI will telecast home matches. This is more than enough for people to differentiate a home and away series. 

07] The Demons to be exorcised: Some channels believe there are demons in the mind of Sachin Tendulkar that are preventing him from scoring the hundredth ton. Those demons seem to be affecting the entire team too. Whatever has to be done to exorcise the demons must be done and an away series against Bangladesh followed by one against Zimbabwe should be arranged; both to be played in India. Once he gets his century of century, all the pressure will be off and Indians can get back to the business of playing Cricket. 

08] Benefits of IPL not being utilized: IPL is a magnificent event with a lots of glamor, lights, action, champagne, cheer girls, beer girls and Vijay Mallya. But what is the use ? Many of these selfish English and Australian Cricketers avoid IPL and concentrate only on their national teams. This is making Test Cricket a lopsided contest. Poor selfless Indians are toiling to play IPL, CL-T20, ODIs, Tests and if they get spare time, they also play Cricket with kids and Moms in the rain. They do all this even at the cost of West Indies tour. These selfish guys like Clarke and Cook should be immediately made to sign up for IPL. If they don't relent, they should be barred from playing international Cricket. We believe in providing everyone with a level playing field with lots of cracks in the pitches and no grass as mentioned earlier. 

09] Word Cricket means India: Today, World Cricket and even the 'Word' Cricket means India. We don't have to elaborate on this. If India go on getting humiliated like this on every tour and end up at the bottom of the table, people of India will give up on Cricket as Rahul Dravid rightly suspects. That means Cricket will be dead. Hence we must ensure Team India get enough chances to win and our Tigers get to feast on runs. Hence not only Zimbabwe and Kenya but UAE, Nepal, Bhutan, Afghanistan, Scotland, Greenland and every land possible should be given Test status immediately so that there are enough teams to be beaten by India. We suspect Ireland might turn out to be dangerous, hence it is better to avoid them. 

10] Final nail: DRS, Hawk eye, Eagle eye, Umpires, Third Umpires and Match Referees; all these entities have conspired to undermine Indian Cricket over the years. Hence in the larger interest of saving Cricket, the entire responsibility of running Cricket administration should be immediately handed over to an able body with 'rich' experience. Since we see nobody 'richer' than the BCCI, we deem it fit that the ICC must be immediately handed over to IPL Governing body to 'enrich' Cricket !

We believe all these measures will help in reaping short term as well as long term benefits for the financial security of Cricket. Hence ICC should follow these guidelines with immediate effect.


Signed/-


BCCI
IPL Governing body
Indias Selectors
Former Players
Team India [Signed from Go karting club in Perth]


Copy to all Cricket fans.




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Faithful Husbands: 1983 to 2011 and Back to the 90s !

After almost 2 months away from Doctoring the Balls, I am back because I have something to blog. There hardly was anything to blog home about for me in that long hiatus.

There is a sinister similarity when it comes to how India went on to win the ODI World Cup and then how their test match form dwindled like the credibility of the UPA government. From 1983, Cricket Crazy Indians had a long wait of 28 years before the summit was attained again on 2 April 2011. As I progress with this post, we will understand what are the similarities between 1983 and 2011.

The similarities begin with this photograph.

The Record-kars !

So here is what I mean by similarities.

What happened in 1983 and after that ?

Soon after the World Cup win on 25 June 1983, India huffed and puffed to draw a home test series against Pakistan. The only thing the team, the country and even the Parliament were interested in was Sunil Gavaskar scoring his 28th century in a dead as a dodo Bangalore test.

The subsequent Test series against West Indies was a disaster as the revenge of the Calypso Kings resulted in a royal 3-0 home series hiding for India. But what was the public reaction ? Indians were happy, extremely satisfied because Sunny Gavaskar managed to score his 29th and 30th test centuries at Delhi and Madras respectively. Nobody was bothered or disappointed except for the rowdy crowd at Calcutta.

Subsequently India were beaten at home by a second string England team and could not press for a win down under in 1986. They should have won both Melbourne and Sydney easily, but drew both.

In the intervening period, India won the World Championship down under in 1985, some totally inconsequential ODI series, the Asia Cups and some sundry tea cups. And then Chetan Sharma lost the last ball battle to Javed Miyandad in Sharjah to open a new chapter in Indian Cricket that lead to a total psychological domination of India by Pakistan.

All through this ODI hype and hoopla, only noteworthy test win was the 1986 conquering of the Old Blighty under Kapil Dev. But for this win, India were Tigers at home and kittens away. Like Poonam Pandey said, "They were like faithful husbands who perform only at home".

All through the 1983 to 1987 period, only thing that mattered to Indian Cricket was Sunil Gavaskar and his records. It was about 8000 Test runs, then Gary Sobers, then Boycott, then it was 29th century and then the 30th. Then he became the first batsman to scale 9000 and then the 10K mark in test Cricket described in his own language as '10 times magnificent'.

Sunil Gavaskar finally ended his batathon in 1987 with a tragic 96 at Bangalore as Pakistan managed to win their first ever test series on Indian soil. People again kept talking about how Sunny stood tall amongst ruins and conveniently forgot how another test was lost after being in a winning position for most of first 3 days.

Raj Singh Dungarpur had a brainwave and he thus disbanded the over thirty [OT] team to build the Team of the 90s. The team of 90s must be rated the most lopsided team ever. They were almost always invincible at home, and as a rule were invariably humbled abroad. They could not even beat Zimbabwe in Zimbabwe.

So what kept the interest of people in the 90s ?

Answer: Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar !

Circa 2011:

For over two decades now, I have witnessed thousands and thousands of people who rejoice when SRT scores a century even if India lose the match. I personally know many who pray for a century from their God, but not for an Indian win. Some of the Sachinists actually derive masochistic pleasure when 'He' scores and the team loses.

This isn't one bit to blame Sachin Tendulkar, the Man or the Hunk who sold his Ferrari. This is about 'Our' mentality. The mentality unique to us Indians. We claim to have invented 'Zero' and we do have a serious fetish for that entity. We love to add Zeros to our numbers and watch them swell. We just can't have enough of landmarks, records and bloody statistics.

During the entire World Cup Campaign, the print and visual media was more concerned about Sachin Tendulkar scoring a century than an Indian win. History tells us the story was the same when Sunil Gavaskar batted and today 'He-story' repeats itself.

We admire, applaud and hail Michael Clarke when he declares on the verge of a personal milestone. But when Rahul Dravid declared with Sachin on 194, Sachin, Sachinists and the entire nation went to town about how unfair it was to deny him a landmark. That same Rahul Dravid played an uncharacteristic reverse sweep to get out with a triple century in sight. He played that shot only to up the ante as Ravi Shastri would like to say. Nobody appreciated it, people just blamed him for playing a stupid shot.

Sunil Gavaskar's dislike for adventurism by batsmen when they reach 80s or 90s is legendary. We can see him seething if an Indian batsman plays a rash shot in nervous nineties. Saurav Ganguly once wanted Rahul Dravid to slow down because Ganguly was closing in on a century. RD got out immediately and neither did Saurav get his century.

Ever since he debuted as the youngest Indian to play test Cricket, SRT has created so many records, it is difficult to keep a tab on that. I think we can better count the records which he doesn't own. Gavaskar once was described as Record-kar. Well, we have a Record-kar version 2.0 today walking into the twilight of his career.

So what matters today for the average Indian ? The land mark of 100 International Centuries for SRT and nothing else. Every time India bat in a test innings, people want India to be 2 down as quickly as possible so that Sachin can come and score the hundredth ton. It is another thing that our openers have obliged the expecting fans more often than not. It appears as if even our openers and other team-mates want the Century No. 100 to be out of their system.

Today, more people were disappointed when SRT fell for 80 than when India finally lost by innings and 68 runs. Very few people are bothered by six successive massive test defeats abroad because most of them are busy worrying about the 'celestial event' of the 100th 100. This exactly is why Cricket will never lose its importance in India.

It was Sunil Gavaskar then, it is Sachin Tendulkar today and it probably will be about Virat Kohli tomorrow. What will happen to Team India ? We will continue to collapse to new lows in Tests abroad, continue to thrive in ODI Cricket and slowly but steadily return to the 90s; Tigers at home and kittens away !

And with other teams increasingly catching up with playing conditions in India, soon we might lose on our home stretch too. Even a lowly placed West Indies ran India close in the recently concluded series. South Africa have more than once shown India can be beaten at home.

So what will happen to India then ?

Well, IPL will be our Savior ! Only an Indian Team will win IPL and we can rejoice with more and more records ! Long live 'Faithful Husbands' !



SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Father, Son and the Holy Spirit of Cricket !

More than a month since "Doctoring the Balls" last saw a post. July was completely barren. Partly because of personal issues and partly because of not much inspirational stuff happening. The West Indies - India series was totally forgettable. I don't even remember who all played that series.

The ongoing England - India series seems to be attracting more attention for what is not Cricket than Cricket. Conceding the fact that England appear distinctly superior team at present, I still believe India have been pretty unlucky on several aspects.

Most of the good decisions on field have gone in favor of England and almost all bad decisions too have. But that isn't anything new for India. When was the last time did India have the better of Umpiring ? Adding to the issue is every expert's verdict that India are themselves to be blamed for not accepting UDRS.

But this post is about 'What is NOT Cricket' and NOT about 'What is Cricket'. Let us just take a look at what has happened so far.

Kick and remorse !

Event-1: Swann kicks the stumps and expresses remorse and gets away without even a fine. This was his second such offense in 5 month. Praveen Kumar expresses displeasure about Umpiring decision and gets fined. Even he showed remorse, buts still was fined...

Moral of the story: An Indian's remorse is not remorse enough to escape fine.

Event-2: Baby Broad goes to examine if Laxman had applied Vaseline to the edge of the bat to cheat the 'hot spot' and is convinced there was no Vaseline. Michel Vaughan tweets about Vaseline and then counters the outrage with sarcasm. We never knew Vaughan had any sense of humor. If he had he never showed it in his playing days. What would have been the reaction if Sreesanth were to go and examine the bat of Bell or Strauss in a similar situation ?

Moral of the story: Having a Match Referee for father helps. Sreesanth's father is not even an Umpire.

Event-3: Bell was technically and stupidly run-out. But still English stink tank wanted India to take back the appeal. India complied because they didn't feel good about that. They had suffered a lot in the Caribbean. But isn't it surprising that it is only one way traffic when it comes to "Spirit of Cricket" ?

• Sachin Tendulkar was once run out thanks to timely obstruction by Shoaib Akhtar. He was NOT recalled.
• Dhoni was twice ruled out wrongly by the third Umpire and the whole world saw that. No Captain or Commentator remembered the spirit of Cricket.
• Chris Broad has been so narrow minded in his approach towards Team India that he is worse than Bucknor and Harper.
• Srikkanth was run out wandering out side his crease in his first test. The opposition Captain never thought much about the debutant then.
• Sehwag was denied a century in one of the most un-sportsman like act by the Sri Lankan Off spinner. Of course he was punished, may be because he too is not the son of an ICC official.
• Any act of aggression by Indians on field gets immediate and immaculate punishment. From Manoj Prabhakar to Ganguly, Gambhir, Bhajji, Sreesanth and many more examples. But others somehow get let off easily with 'expression of remorse'.

Can someone remind me of an incident of an Indian batsman being called back by opponents when he was declared out wrongly ?

Spirit of Cricket will have a meaning when it is a give and take. So far it has always been interpreted as "India give and others take" all favors !

With the way the English press, players and Commentators have behaved so far, this is bloody war out there and we are conceding vital advantage there ! I don't blame Dhoni and his team for playing poor Cricket. It happens to the best of the men and best of the teams. But I am pissed off like hell because they called back Bell. How long will India have to keep playing the nice guys or be forced to play the virtuous ?




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

What do I do when low on Cricket Adrenaline ?

Team India are the reigning World Champions in ODI Cricket.

We also have the World No. 1 Test Team since over a year.

IPL attracts more eyeballs than most of the International series.

Rahul Sharma and Sreenath Aravind have bowled with promise.

Ambati Rayudu and Paul Valthaty have enlivened the proceedings.

Shane Warne believes Rohit Sharma is a Master in the making.

Tendulkar is still hungry for runs and Dravid isn't finished either.

Virat Kohli is batting well and shows guts as Captain of men.

Sehwagging reached epitome before he was shouldered out.

Gambhir is taking both Captaincy and his name too seriously.

Ashish Nehra continues to recover from one injury after another.

Yuvi continues to prove he is a different player in Indian Colors.

Munaf bowled well till he lost his head and match to Amit Mishra.

Sreesanth excels as Sreesanth and bowls 5 good balls in an over.

Bhajji hasn't slapped Sree and called Symonds a Gentleman... Man !

So much happening and Mumbai Indians choking before the Finals !

So much of action, fun and excitement has not really excited me. Why ?

Why am I dormant compared to my normal over-talkative standards ?

Very often this happens to me during those never-ending ODI series.

Every single IPL season, I have felt it as it comes to the business end.

Tendulkar may be God to millions and many who don't believe in God.

Sehwag may be the most destructive batsman in all forms of Cricket.

Gayle may have redefined the IPL Batsmanship taking it to a new height.

I realized something today. I am going through a trough in Crickinterest.

I realized today that I am missing something, rather missing someone !

Fortunately I know what to do when I feel so low on Cricket Adrenaline...

I just watch THIS !




Post Script: I can sit through an entire day and then through the night watching VVS bat with the tail in tow than suffer some of that 'Cricket' played by the likes of Sunny Sohal and Manish Pandey; the Masters of Inelegance !



SPun Doctor

Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Munaf Patel for Captain : Let the Helicopter Fly !

Cricket is all about skills. Multiple levels of skills. Batting, Bowling, Fielding. It also involves the cerebral, like strategizing, planning and of course execution.

I don't know what were the plans and strategies Team India had deployed when they played Australia. Most things they did went well and some things the Aussies did, did not. The luck factor too was more often with the Indians except the coin.

Virendar Sehwag's shoulder and knee and Gautam Gambhir's suicidal mania apart, Team India gave more or less 100%. All the 10 'Players' in the team did their best. And then there was Munaf Patel. What is he doing in the team ? I have harped on this before, but let us take one more look.

Except Bangladesh defending 370, he's never threatened to take a wicket any time.
He has gone for over 6 an over after the first match. 5 wickets for 268 in 44 overs.
Most of these wickets have come at the end of an expensive over.
Twice out of two chances to bowl at death, he has been whacked by tail-enders.
He is an Opening bowler who seldom opens the bowling these days.
Bowls no Yorker, no bouncer and can't reverse the ball even if Dhoni were to bite it.
He is the only 'fast bowler' who is consistent. He consistently bowls length balls at death.
After Abey Kuruvilla, Munaf has inherited the mantle of 'Slowest Fast Bowler' on earth.
Ashwin and Pathan have bowled more during Power plays than Munaf.
He was taken to the cleaners by Haddin and Ponting while others toiled.
He hasn't completed his quota of 10 overs in the last 5 matches.
He inspires confidence in Dhoni. Sachin bowled at death and did better.
Fielding has fluctuated between pathetic to comic, never threatening to improve.
His visits to the batting crease have been 'blink and you miss' guest appearances.

With all these 'Qualifications', how does he manage to continue in the team ?

Here are the possibilities...

India want to fool the opponents by creating some false sense of well being.
He is some kind of a lucky mascot for the highly superstitious Indians.
The Captain doesn't have confidence in the available alternatives.
The Team believes he can deliver in crunch situations.

But none of these are good enough reasons to keep him in the team. Yusuf Pathan has bowled 35 overs [mostly during power plays] and gone for 167 runs at 4.77 though wickets have eluded him. So it would be a better option to go ahead with Yusuf purely as a bowler. Whatever runs he scores and all the fielding he does are all bonus.

So who should be playing against Pakistan ? Let us take a Man vs Man look at our next opponents.

Pit Munaf against Umar Gul. Oh, forget it. Pit him against rookie Wahab, still not a match. Pit him against the slower Abdul Razack and Munaf comes across as useless. If Pakistan manage to beat India at Mohali, the difference will be Munaf Patel.

So if the 'Think Tank' still thinks Munaf should play, please do us a favor...

Dhoni has been burdened by Captaincy. His batting has suffered and the Helicopter isn't flying. So relieve him of Captaincy. Make Munaf Patel the Captain. He will be true to himself and as usual do nothing. The Team can take care of itself and let the Helicopter fly !

Enough is Munaf !




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Good Bye to a Bloody Mean Champion Cricketer !

A young friend of mine tweeted after tonight's match...
Australia meet West Indies... at the Airport !

That was funny and a lot of people are rejoicing the fall of a Champion.
Let Australia sulk. Stronger or weaker, they will come back.
But there was one man who went out tonight perhaps for the last time in a World Cup.

I never liked Ponting. His earliest claim to fame was on a juniors tour of India when he flayed all the junior Indian bowlers. Many of them never played senior Cricket. Then he made more news for pub brawls than for his on field exploits. Ever since he made his debut, I had a special dislike for him.

I disliked Ponting because...

He had the best team playing with him or under him through most of his career.
He blasted India in the 2003 World Cup Final and that scar can't heal. Not even after this win.
He had Shane Warne and Glen McGrath giving him wickets whenever he wanted.
He was the most prolific scorer in the new millennium and not Sachin.
He almost threatened to overtake Sachin at one time and break most of his records.
He had three World Cups in his kitty and two of them as as Captain.
But most importantly, he had never lost a World Cup match as a Captain.

I hated Ponting because...

He had transgressed the spirit of Cricket more often than anyone could care to remember.
But he somehow escaped with much lighter punishment than others, especially Asians.
He lead from the front all the unholy activity during the infamous Sydney Test in 2008.
Forget walking, he regularly contested Umpiring decisions and mostly escaped Scott free.
And most importantly for never walking but expecting opponents to 'walk' !

There can be a million reasons to dislike Ponting and hate Ponting.
But he was a Genius without a doubt. A flawed Genius if there is one.

For one who had not lost a single World Cup match and had overseen annihilation of all the 3 South Asian Teams in 3 successive World Cup Finals, Ponting went out against 3 South Asian Teams. He couldn't beat any one of them this time.

Sri Lanka were in a very good position before the rains intervened.
Pakistan gave Ponting the first taste of World Cup defeat in a dozen years.
And India knocked him and his team out of the World Cup tonight.

He was under pressure from all corners. For the LCD episode. For the Steve Smith episode. For not walking. For talking. And for being Ricky Ponting ! But what a way to go. He was out of form for longer than even Rahul Dravid. Boy, did he choose a match to strike form ? He couldn't have done anything more or better. He and his team just ran into a slightly better team on the day.

Ricky Ponting has tormented Indians for so long and so badly, it is a relief to see him walk away into sunset or to hell.

But before that, let us say gracefully...

He was such a bloody mean Champion Cricketer !

And he went out with his head held high !

Good bye Ponting !



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

WTF - The Pressure is always on India !

Before India - England group match, Strauss said, "The Pressure is on India. They are playing at home". England tied a match they should have lost first and then won easily. Both teams choked and out-choked each other for a tie.

Smith was quoted, "It is a big match. The Pressure is on Indians. We are coming from a series win against them. They are playing at home and that can act against them". South Africa came back strongly from a lashing and restricted India. But then choked in the middle and would have lost but for some luck towards end.

Smith said during the series prior played on South African grounds, "The Pressure is on India. They are known to be susceptible on fast and bouncy pitches. We will go all out at them". India tied the Test series 1-1. Won the T-20 and lost the ODI series 3-2 with a depleted team.

Sammy said, "We will target the chinks in the Indian batting. We will go all out for a win. The Pressure is on Indians". Chasing 269 for a win, West Indies collapsed from 153 / 2 and lost by 80 runs.

Even minnows love to have a go at India. Shakib al Hassan said, "We won against them the last time. So the Pressure is on the Indians". Viru and Virat plastered Bangladesh bowlers and India cantered home in spite of an off color bowling.

We have seen almost all Captains playing against India coming up with almost same pre-match / pre-series quotes. So much so, Saurav Ganguly once said, "Yes, the Pressure is always on us. When we play at home, the Pressure is on us because we are playing in front of huge huge crowds with huge expectations. When we play away from home, the Pressure is on us because we are playing on fast tracks and in alien conditions. I would like to know when the Pressure is on others !"

If India lose, everyone can say, "We said so. Didn't we ?"

When India manage to win at home in spite of all this unbearable Pressure; they say, "Well, they always play well at home and are a formidable team in these conditions".

And when India manage to win abroad against all odds and in spite of all the Pressure; what do we get to hear... ?
"Well, they did play well. We could have done with a little bit of luck here and there"
"We didn't play up to our potential"
"Well, it is tough, we let ourselves down"
"A few decisions too went against us"
"We just had one bad session and lost the match"
"We had a bad day in the office. We will come back hard"
"Well, nothing went according to our plans. But we will work out strategies to hit back"

Why is it that 'The Pressure" is always on India ? WTF ?

And today, Australia believe the 'Pressure' is on India. Because there are a lot of expectations and they are playing at home...



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @
http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Pricky Apologies and other World Cup Trivia, Part-3

After a lot of those Trivia, we have finally entered the Knockout stage of the 2011 Cricket World Cup. There was some Cricket, a lot of action, minnows, reverse swing, collapses, drama, choking and then Shoaib Akhtar. So here is a little ruminating on the action so far. 

Lost and Found [Theme] Team: A Gayle-less and KRoach-less West Indies 'Lost' to India and 'Found' an allegedly easier Quarterfinal match with Pakistan.

Moral of the story: Some teams still fear Australia !

A shitting Farewell: Steve Tikolo, arguably the Greatest African batsman outside South Africa was given a typical farewell by his team. They showed him how they have depended on him all these years and how he will be missed. He looked like 'Budhdha' and always had a saintly calm about him. His records never did justice to his talent.

Budhdha Smiling !

Astralialogers Day: An eminent Astrologer in India predicted an India - Australia Final. Well, he probably meant "A Final before Final" ! 5 people predicted 5 different things without a single winner. Ass-trology sucks big time.

Clutching at the last Strauss: England did a Houdini to enter the Quarterfinals with the distinction of being the team that beat teams above them in Test Rankings and lost to teams below them and then tied with the No. 1 ranked team. West Indies as usual bucked the trend.

PRicky Apologies: Australian Captain has 'apologized' in advance to no one in particular. He will give the reasons for his apology during the press conference after the India - Australia Quarterfinal. The honored recipient of his apology too will be declared on that day.

Birds of the same leather: Steven Smith and Munaf Patel have more than some things in common. Both are supposed to be bowlers, but have not completed their quota of 10 overs in living memory. Both are forgotten by their Captains when the white leather cherry has to be used for some effect. And both are in their respective teams with no specific roles.

Survival of the un-fittest: Munaf Patel also is the 'Greatest survivor'. He twice went for too many at death. A number 10 batsman hit Patel over the top facing his first ball in the world cup. He neither has a yorker nor a bouncer. Reverse swing is Latin. He is an opening bowler who seldom opens. Took a catch to avoid getting smashed in his face by the ball. Fitness at best can be compared to that of Ranatunga [No Idea how fit he is today]. And he continues to play for India !

MOM Player of the First Round: From being dropped for Raina, Yuvi has come a long way to rain runs and wickets. Though fitness still appears to be below par, Yuvi is throwing his weight around and in the right places. He has more MOMs than anyone else [Man Of the Match awards I mean] this time.

Most Exciting World Cup Debut: Kohli Viratified himself as a Class act with a century on debut. Devendra Bishoo has definitely impressed. Rampaul took a five for. But the most exciting Debutant is Tahir Imran. No explanations deemed necessary.

Most Under-rated Player: Umar Gul has bowled probably the best except for one match. He has swung the new ball and the old ball in almost all conditions. Take him out and Pakistan would struggle. But so far we have heard noise about Afridi, Sehwag, Sachin, Taylor, Roach, Malinga and even Ashwin.

One Man Army: Ever since the days of Kumble, India have remained a 'One Man Bowling Army'. Thanks to Ashwin, now they have two and a half bowlers in a 'One Man Army' that is Zaheer Khan.

Most Improved Player: Kakmal hasn't dropped anything since that fateful match against the Kiwis. That is an improvement unlikely to be improved upon.

Contenders, nay Pretenders: Bangladesh punched above their might to beat England. But their bowling was exposed by Sehwag and Kohli and batting by KRoach and Tsotsobe. They would do well to be realistic about their chances. One series win against a reluctant New Zealand doesn't make them contenders. They still remain what they are; Pretenders.

Giant Minnows of the Cup: Ireland stood tall throughout. They chased down 300 twice [Only team so far to do so]. Different people have stood up on different occasions. Stirling, O'Brien brothers, Dockrell, Porterfield, Cusack, Johnston and Wilson made it a memorable world cup. Hats off. They should break into Test league soon.

Fodder of all Collapses: India collapsed twice. Pakistan collapsed against New Zealand. England Collapsed against anyone they liked. Australia collapsed against Pakistan. New Zealand collapsed against Sri Lanka. Collapses were collapsing all over. But the fodder of all collapses was when South Africa collapsed against England chasing 172. They collapsed twice in the same innings !

Tell-Tail signs of the World Cup: Ravichandran Ashwin has scored more runs in one innings than all the runs scored by Bhajji, Zaheer, Nehra, Munaf and Chawla in all the matches put together. Indian tail appears to be ever ready to 'Curtail' !

Walk for the Heart: After watching the inevitable collapses following his fall, Tendulkar is a 'Heart-broken' man. Hence he 'walked' against the West Indies, because the Doctors say walking is good for the heart. Dr. Hayden should advise a certain Mr. Ponting to walk once in a while. He badly needs to walk, at least after the Umpire has ruled him out.

A-shock-ing Decision: There was Bucknor, there was Hair and there still is Bowden. But the most shockingly incompetent Umpire on the 'Elite' panel must be Ashock De Silva. It doesn't get any worse. We hope not to see any 'Silva' line in the cloud during knockouts.

Gesture to Cherish: Pakistan's continued support of KAkmal. Like it or not, once you are in a team, the team has to stand behind the player facing a rough patch. Dhoni would do well to learn a lesson regarding Sreesanth. Kakmal has already lost more matches for Pakistan than any player ever could manage in a lifetime.

This story again has grown like India's power play woes. So, let me curtail this here like Steyn did to Indian tail. Hope to be back with more Trivia. Cricket will never run out of Trivia like Murali with his tricks !

SPun Doctor

Kakmal, Super Moon and other World Cup Trivia, Part 2

If there is a Part-1, there has to be sequel. So I had to come with Part-2 to "Yuckmal and other World Cup Trivia". Who else could have inspired this post other than the Akmals ? So here we go again...

Please Read the post at "DieHard Cricket Fans"


SPun Doctor

Victory has many Fathers; Let them all be !

Victory has many Fathers; Let them all be !

Disclaimer: This is my most serious post ever. I have never been so serious. No, not even while I was waiting for my daughter's arrival through a complicated Cesarean section 12 seasons ago. I am so very dead serious because I am seeing a good chance of winning 'A Cup for Mr. Tendulkar' is going up in smoke thanks to a few rectifiable factors. So I am making a serious attempt to find a way of of the mess.

I have often been accused of trivializing the serious issues with my mirth. It hurts but what else can one do when the team one adores continues to play like idiots when it matters the most.

Let us take stock. India are No. 1 side in Tests and No. 2 in ODI format. They won the T-20 World Cup in South Africa in 2007 when none expected them to. They white-washed New Zealand recently with an under strength team. They also played pretty well without the bigwigs in the recently concluded ODI series in South Africa before going down 3-2.

But what happens to India when an ICC event comes up ? It perhaps isn't Team India that turns up. It must be some other team. You, Me and Hum don't know this team. This is my inference. Why do I think so ? Let us understand what is happening. 

Captain not so Cool 

Why does the Cool go Captain Fool during ICC events. His fixation with certain players and dislike for some others has cost us dear. It was His Highness Ravindra Jadeja during the T-20 World Cup. It happens to be Piyush Chawla and Munaf Patel this time.

Why does Dhoni want Munaf to bowl at death ? It invariably means instant death for the team. Munaf doesn't have the pace. He can't reverse swing and he bowled his last yorker about 9 years ago and that too accidentally. 

Batting Disorder 

Dhoni also is experimenting too much with the batting line up. It is fine if and when it works. But we saw it went wrong not once, not twice but thrice. Why do you want to upset the rhythm ? Well, Dhoni should know better. Both Virat and Yusuf stand undermined in confidence. If we want to win from here, Virat should bat higher and that means higher than Gautam.

Gambhir is capable of switching gears quicker. Hence he should be made to understand the importance of batting at No. 4. Yusuf should never bat before Yuveraj. He perhaps gets complacent when he knows there still are Dhoni, Yuvi and Virat in the pavilion waiting to bat. Best of Yusuf has come when he has batted with back to the wall with only the tail to follow. Let him carry on with his brand of Cricket.

Power Play Problems 

Time and again, things have fallen apart during the Batting Power Play. This happened in the 5th ODI in the South Africa series. Yusuf Pathan was indulging in savage hitting with a spread out field scoring 8 -10 runs an over without breaking much sweat. Then they took BPP and Yusuf fell promptly. India collapsed against England and then were decimated by South Africa. Why is it so happening ?

The answer is simple. We have a batting line up full of gigantic Egos. Left alone, they have the capabilities to clear any ground in the world. When the batting power play comes into action, somehow our boys think they have to hit every ball and score may be 100 runs from those 5 overs. And thus we end up getting all out from unbelievable positions.

So what do we do ? Simple again. Tell the boys, "Never bother about the Batting Power plays. When you have wickets in hands, runs will come. Don't throw your wicket." Sehwag and Pathan can be excused to a little extent for being impetuous but not others. Against England, Yuveraj and Dhoni got out in back to back overs playing injudicious shots and India were bowled out for at least 20 - 25 runs short of what would have been. Against South Africa, Sachin and Gambhir fell in back to back overs and that turned the tide. 

Reverse Swing 

Like it or not, Asian teams did well with reverse swing in the past. But now, all other teams have picked up and are in fact doing better. Taking BPP once the ball starts to reverse has proved counter productive. Even England lost the plot against India during BPP against Zaheer Khan's reverse swing.

What is the solution ? Take BPP earlier. If we have wickets in hands with batsmen in good nick, take BPP soon after the 15 overs. Then play those overs just like the first 15 overs. What are the benefits ?

1] Sachin / Sehwag or Sachin / Gambhir or Sehwag / Gambhir or Gambhir / Kohli pair can manage to score about 30 - 35 or even 40 runs from these overs without much risk. The wickets will be in hand for the final assault.

2] When the ball reverses, we are not compelled to take BPP. The opponents will not be risking close in fielders to prevent singles during this period even if the ball is reversing. This gives an option for settled batsmen to rotate strike and strike big when you get an opportunity. Four singles and a boundary can still get you 40 runs from 5 overs between overs 41 and 45. But with lesser batsmen at the crease, bowlers like Steyn and Malinga can become lethal. So earlier they play the BPP, better it will be.

3] 2 overs each lesser from bowlers like Steyn, Malinga or Gul during the death means that much lesser problem. Fast bowlers and reverse swing will not be so lethal without the field support and when in form top order batsmen at the crease. This is what happened when Ross Taylor caned the Pakistan bowling. 

Middle Over Crisis 

Like the middle age crisis, Team India faces middle over crisis. Sachin and Gambhir inexplicably slowed down during middle overs. It isn't possible to bat in fifth gear all the time. But keep it in fourth or at least third during middle overs. When a run rate of 8.5 RPO drops to just about 6.5 during middle overs, it allows the opponents to regroup. Allows lesser bowlers to squeeze in a lot of overs. And thus we end up with a lot lesser runs than what could have been. 

Team > Individual Milestones

 The 'Mantra' should be to keep the runs trickling. Personal milestones should have no roles and only the interest of team should matter. It was annoying to see Yusuf Pathan's generosity when he slowed down to allow Yuveraj to reach his 50 against Ireland. Just imagine if India get knocked out of the tourney in a tight tie for fourth place with England. It will be remembered that India lost the cup in a bid to give one of their players a World Cup record. Duminy will tell us that is not done by South Africans. 

Bowling Woes 

As of now we are unlikely to find a drastic solution. I was right from the beginning criticizing the selection of Nehra, Munaf and Chawla. I would have preferred any three from Irfan Pathan, R P Singh, Amit Mishra, Pragyan Ojha and Sreesanth.

The troika I mentioned bring down the stock of the team thanks also to their fielding and absolute lack of batting. Whatever might have been his problems in longer version of Cricket, Irfan has done well in shorter formats and is a wicket taking bowler. Praveen Kumar is a loss, but he isn't exactly a Steyn or Malinga.

No use crying over split milk. What can we do with the available stock ? Bring back Sreesanth and give him some confidence. The Captain needs to back all his players. Not the selected ones like Chawla. Bring in Ashwin. He is a wicket taking bowler and can bowl at death or slog. Forget about bowling becoming one-dimensional. It is not. Bhajji and Ashwin are totally different bowlers and Pathan is the non-spinner who keeps things tight.

Squeeze in 10 - 12 overs from Yusuf and Yuveraj but keep faith in main bowlers. Sreesanth and not Zaheer is the best exponent of reverse swing in India. Bowl him in 4 spells of 3, 3, 2 and 2 overs like Steyn does. He just needs some support. Can we expect that from Dhoni ? 

Fielding the Best 11 

Well, they showed some commitment while fielding against Saffers. If we keep Munaf and Nehra out, one third of the fielding woes are solved. Shield Bhajji from mid-off and mid-on. Keep Sachin in the Third man and Bhajji in the mid-wicket / square leg. Zaheer is another slow mover who can be shielded in the fine-leg. Virat at point adds to the pressure. And we can frequently bring in Raina to cover up for slow movers.

So finally I would go in with...

Sehwag
Sachin
Kohli
Gambhir
Yuveraj
Dhoni
Yusuf
Bhajji
Ashwin
Zaheer
Sreesanth

If we still don't win, we will have two new scape-goats: Sreesanth and Ashwin. Makes no difference. Let them be !

If we go onto win... Victory has many fathers; let them all be !


SPun Doctor

Saffer ke baad Geet : A Musical Tribute to Team India !

After the Saffer debacle on Saturday, a lot of Indians are furious. Unjustified and justified depending upon why one is angry. The Team has suffered a defeat to Saffers in the Safar of this World Cup. But are we justified in castigating them ? No and Yes !

NO: If one is angry simply because India lost, that is not justified. It was just a game and a close one at that.

YES: If you are angry at the semantics after the match, that is reason to be angry with Dhoni and Co; Dhoni especially.

Hum Honge Kaamyaab Ek Din !

Here is an interesting post on BCC!. From here, one thing lead to another and I have dedicated songs to all our Players. 

This was inspired by my friend Balram Cheruparambil. He started with dedication on Facebook. I have made some changes from his original status according to my choice. But I am indebted to Balu for the inspiration.

So here we go as we sing along for the sake of Team India !

Sehwag: Aaj mai Upar, Aasmaan neeche, Aaj mai aage zamaana hai peeche !

[He is right now at the top of the heap and is busy with Upar Cut]

Sachin: Duniya me hum aaye hain toh jeena hi padega !

[How long and how much can he endure ?]

Gambhir: Mai Zindagi ka saath nibhaata chala gaya !

[One who goes along the tide]

Virat Kohli: Ek, Do, Teen, Chaar, Paanch, Che, Saat, Aat, Nau, Dus, Gyaaraa, Baaraa, Tera !

[He doesn't know which is his number in the batting order]

Yuveraj: Saree Duniya Ka Bojh Hum Uthate Hain !

[Bat, bowl, field and then carry his weight. He is doing everything]

Dhoni: Hum Bolega toh Bologe ki Bolta hai !

[He talks, people say he is talking. He doesn't talk, people say, look he has nothing to say]

Pathan: Sarfaroshi ki Tamanna ab hamaare dil me hai !

[He walks to the Crease with a desire to be martyred]

Raina: Gardish me ho Taare, na ghabraana pyaare !

[His stock might be low, but not his spirit]

Bhajji: Mujhko dekhoge jahaan tak, mujhko paaoge wahaan tak, Raaston se Carvan tak, iss zameen se aasmaan tak, mai hi mai hoon, mai hi mai hoon "Doosra" koi nahin !

[He is stressing to Dhoni about his stature in the team as Un-expendable]

Zaheer: Akele hain chale aao kahaan ho !

[To any bowler who can bowl / restrict runs / pick a few wickets !] Is Kumble listening ? 

Munaf: Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa Laya Laya Laya Laya !

[He is out there with a 'Gift' for the batsmen; as a bowler and as a fielder]

.

Nehra: Hum Bewafa hargiz na the, par hum wafa kar na sake !

[Has bowled some deadly death overs in the past. One bad day and he is Public Enemy No. 1. Not fair]

Sreesanth: Chahe koi mujhe junglee kahe !

[Public admonitions, fines and bench; nothing can change him]

Chawla: Tujhse naaraaz nahin zindagi, hairaan hoon me !

[We can't even be angry with the lad. He just doesn't know he is making all Pareshaan]

Ashwin: Koi humdum na raha, koi Sahaara na raha, Hum kisike na rahe, Koi Humaara na raha !

[The most successful Indian spinner of recent times has no takers in the team]

The Theme [Team] Song for Team India and Supporters:

Yeh Safar bahut hai katin magar na udaas ho mere humsafar !

And finally...

Gary Kirsten: Hum to jate apne gaon, sabko Ram Ram Ram !

[He will sing this song to India after the World Cup]

SPun Doctor

A Tale of Two Tails !

The Cliffhanger between India and South Africa was without doubt a good advertisement for Cricket. It could have gone either way. But guys like Peterson, Botha and most importantly du Plessis held their nerves when Nehra lost it.

But in the end if we look at the match, both innings turned head over heals in the 40th over. India lost Sachin in their 40th and then started the procession. South Africa struggling for run rate had a big over of 17 runs by the otherwise brilliant Zaheer Khan and that perhaps pipped India in the end.

Let us talk about the collapse. The same happened against England. Our late order batters just threw their wickets away like they throw rotten eggs at Politicians. Agreed Steyn bowled well. But it wasn't as if he was unplayable.

Even a few singles and twos and India could have had a score 310 and that would have given Nehra a better chance. But as the cliche goes, Cricket is not a game of Ifs and Butts ! But if that is true, how come Ijaz Butt continues to rule Pakistan Cricket ?

South Africa had their share of idiots too. ABDV and Duminy were stupid to perish the way they did. Botha too played a bad shot. But they had more sane people than in the Indian 11.

Gautam Gambhir dropped a simple catch. Dhoni missed a should have been stumping. Munaf Patel continues to bowl length balls at death and even the No. 10 and 11 can hit him for sixes. He got a wicket solely because of the stupidity exhibited by Morne van Wyk.And Zaheer Khan, Munaf Patel and Nehra are so very ordinary in the deep, they bled some precious runs. Virat and Raina were the only saving grace.

Dhoni decided to call Nehra even after Bhajji was bowling pretty well and went for only 7 in his last over. He was high on confidence compared to Nehra. Nehra has done it in the past for India. He has won some tight matches. But of late, he has been just rubbish. India needs to take at least one more look at Sreesanth and definitely not Piyush again. And of course, bring in Ashwin.

Finally, the main difference between the teams was at the rear end. South African tail clicked with Botha and Peterson scoring 41 runs of 22 balls sharing 4 boundaries and 2 sixes between them. Indian tail scored 3 runs of 16 balls with 3 ducks !

Thus in the end, it was "A Tale of Two Tails"; one that sucked and another that Clicked !
.

SPun Doctor

A Cup for Mr. Tendulkar : But how do we do it ?

I had written why India will struggle to win the ongoing World Cup. I know it was a little too dark and gloomy. I too want India to Win a World Cup for Mr. Sachin Tendulkar. But how do we manage do it ?

THIS is how we are going to do it ! Please read it on my blog @ Die Hard Cricket Fans !


S-Pun Doctor

Why India may not break the WC Jinx ?

I have received quite a lot of flak for predicting doom for India in this World Cup and a Pakistan win. People in India cannot accept either. Well guys, get ready with your stones and effigies. No, not me; who cares for me ? I am talking about Indian Cricketers...

THIS is my post for Die hard Cricket Fans ! I am providing the link here to avoid duplication issues with Google !


SPun Doctor

De Ghumaake: I can take defeat, not disgrace !

This report in the media has left me dumb and numb. I really wish there's nothing in it. I have suffered enormous pain when some of my favorites like Azar, Cronje and Jadeja were damned in what must be the 'Dark Age' of Cricket.

Why do I admire Saurav Ganguly ? Precisely because he lifted the pall of gloom over Indian Cricket with his aggression, the will to win and his cover drive; in that order.

This current Indian Team, patronized by Sachin Tendulkar, the God and loved by millions is an absolute favorite for me. That is in spite of Sreesanth's antics, Dhoni's obstinacy and Munaf Patel's fielding.

Many a times in the past, there have been allegations about people in the current team being in contact with bookies. Suresh Raina was targeted by a section of Sri Lankan media. Never did I believe any of that. Neither do I want to believe now. But what happened during "Tie is a Tie is a Tie" does sound a little fishy !

Let us take a look...

It is amazing that India [Dhoni and Zaheer] didn't appeal when Strauss edged twice. Noise, what noise ? Every Indian is born and lives in a perpetual Railway Station. We can read and write examinations in the middle of bedlam. We can listen to Mohammed Rafi in the market and we can pick up snicks even in Eden.

Apart from this there were some strange things that happened. The BelLBW decision that went up and came unchanged was one. The way Munaf and Zaheer ran those one and three quarter useless runs was another. And then there was the most surprising of them all...

Of the last ball of the match, even as the fielder was swooping on the ball, the English pair had at their liberty the choice of running the second. At worse, they would have lost a wicket. The match would still have been a tie. And at best, there could have been an over-throw and England would have won.Why did they not run ?

Had everyone decided in advance that this match is a Tie ?

Strauss has gone on record that Shane Warne had predictweeted a Tie !

Now, am I reading too much ?

I sincerely hope this Cup is not fixed. I sincerely hope Dhoni and his boys just had 60% bad day in the office.

I was much younger when Azar declared "Maine match banaaya". Today, at forty, I am not strong enough to absorb another shock. Too passionate about Cricket for any more shocks.

I can take defeat, not disgrace !
Come on Team India, millions root for you, don't let the millions down.
Fix the problems in the bowling, fielding and late order batting.
Let nobody dare to fix matches !




SPun Doctor

Appam, Guruvayoorappan and Sree's anth

Chinnaswamy Stadium, Bengaluru, Indian Dressing room. 3:00 PM, 23 February 2011. Closed door meeting of Team India with Gary Kirsten and his support staff.

The ICC Anti-Corruption Unit has installed secret spy cameras in all the dressing rooms. We have managed to watch this sensational video, thanks to our contacts with some bookies who have grabbed the contracts to install these cameras.

We sincerely regret our inability to provide the actual video due to copyright issues. Before anyone posts the video on Youtube and the BCCI deletes it, here it is; the commentary of the entire meeting "deferred live".

Gary, Dhoni, Sachin, Viru, Gauty, Bhajji, Zaheer and Yuvi sitting on comfortable chairs at the center of the room arranged like a thirty yard circle. Raina, Virat, Munaf, Chawla, Yusuf and Gary's support staff can be seen gracing an outer circle of chairs, like the boundary ropes.

Ashwin is loitering around outside the outer circle without knowing where he was supposed to sit. He has a cup of piping hot coffee in his left hand. He is all ears and hence the coffee is still waiting. Are we missing someone ?

Gary: Okay, everyone on board. Everyone can express opinions here. All of you are opinionators. But nothing goes outside. So let us start. We can't take England batting lightly. They chased down 293 in spite of opener KP never opening up.

Bhajji: Gary Paji, honestly none of us have expressed any opinions on Bored or anywhere else. All that is totally fabricated by some strange guys called Vibheeshan and Golden Jazz. Looking at these names, they are likely to be Sri Lankans who want to divide our united unity.  I have asked Sachin Paji to talk to Malinga about this. If I come across these guys, I will cut those hands off.

Gary: Alright Bhajji, we all know you are such a team man and you will never write a report like that.

Yuveraj: What report ? Bhajji can't even SMS properly. Saala report kya likhega ?

Gary: Enough is enough, everyone falls in line...

Munaf Patel suddenly wakes up from his slumber and asks, "Gary, did you say Munaf is Munaf ? But I maintained good line and length"

Dhoni: Exactly, we have to maintain line and length and keep them below 234 odd if they bat first. And Sreesanth should keep quite. As long as he is not messing up with certain things, it is fine.

At this juncture, Ashish Nehra limps in with a toothy grin and joins the outer circle. He declares, "I am fit for England, I want to screw them again. This time not 6, I want 7"

Sachin, asserting that he too is fit again, "What do you think is a good score if we are batting first ?"

Viru: 175...

Gauty: Abe team ka total pooch raha hai, tera nahin...

Zaheer: It looks like a turning track. 250 - 260 kaafi hoga. Chawla bhi toh hoga !

Viru: Theek hai, theek hai. Sreesanth nahin hoga toh theek hai. Waise baaki ke 75 - 85 kaun banaayega ?

Virat: Viru Bhai, you can't score 175 in every game...

Viru: Why not ? I want to play 50 overs. Last time out hogaya, toh iss baar poore pachaas hazaar, I mean poore pachaas overs khelna hai...

Gary: [Cutting short Viru] It isn't important who scores how many, we need a team effort...

Pathan suddenly stands up and yells, "What team ? I can win any match from any position..."

Yuveraj: Saala 2 century kya lagaya aur lambi lambi baat karta hai... Ek over me 6 sixer lagaake dikha. And then turns to Dhoni and asks, "Mahi, woh Broad ka bachcha Broad khel raha hai kya ?"

Dhoni: Yuvi, your role in the team has been redefined. You have to do a little bit of everything, batting, bowling and fielding.

Yuveraj: What do you think I am doing now ? I am bowling more than bit, I am batting very little, and fielding a little too.

Raina: What fielding ? I can do much better. The last time you dived in to the swimming pool, all the water splashed out. You can't dive now...

Gary: No fighting please...

Dhoni: Exactly, it is alright to pick up small issues with opponents till a certain level. But you should not create problems for team mates. Sreesanth should maintain discipline, as long as he is not crossing certain lines, it is alright. I am missing Street smart Obama, I mean Pehelwan PK. What we have got instead is an over-smart Appam. What can we do ? Injuries are part and parcel of the game...

All this while feeling like an orphan, Sreesanth is sitting at a corner and watching again and again his 5-0-53-0 spell against Bangladesh.

He grunts, kisses his lockets with all those religious symbols, draws an imaginary cross over his chest and then swears to himself, "Oh Guruvayoorappa, I too want a revenge match. Please let Bangladesh qualify for Semi-Final and I want to beat them and break that Kayes' head"

Meanwhile Yuvi wants to prove a point to Raina and dives right over Raina's head and lands heavily on Sreesanth. Sree in turn goes cartwheeling and bangs his head to the LCD television monitor and is knocked out cold. A part of the LCD monitor goes black.

There is utter chaos and someone shouts, "Pour some water on his face". In the pandemonium, Chawla does what he thinks is best suited [to himself]. He snatches the cup from Ashwin and pours all the hot coffee on Sree's face and trips Nehra with his legs and Nehra too lands with a thud and has injured his hamstrings again.

Dhoni: See, I had just warned him and here he is. Kabhie nahin sudhrega. He has damaged the LCD monitor and now Nehra is injured and will not be able to take 7 wickets against England. I think we have to report this to the Match Referee. Australia and Ponting can do whatever they like, but we are not like them.

Sreesanth is recovering from daze. Wiping off the coffee from his face and neck, Sree grumbles, "But Dhoni Bhai, what did I do ? I don't even know what hit me. Was it an Earthquake or did the roof collapse ? And why am I smelling like Indian Coffee House waiter ?"

Yuveraj takes offense and yells, "Look Appam C, I am not that heavy as you are insinuating", turns to Dhoni and moans, "See, how derogatory he is talking about me..."

Sreesanth: Wait, wait Yuvi Paaji wait, I didn't...

Yuveraj: Dekho dekho, baar baar mere weight ke baare me bol raha hai...

Dhoni: Yes, yes... It is very difficult to control Sreesanth. We have tried our best to reform him. But how he has smashed the LCD monitor, broken Nehra's long leg and hurt Yuvi's senti mentals. We can't tolerate this anymore. Sreesanth has crossed all the certain lines and now he has to be punished. I am going to call a press meet at 7:30 PM !

Sreesanth: Ende Guruvayoorappa rakshikkane ... !




S-Pun Doctor

Maheadlines in the times of World Cup !

Weird things do happen in Cricket. They just keep happening. More so during the World Cup.

He wasn't even thought of as a WC probable before the South Africa ODI Series.

4 wickets on an apology of a track and Dhoni has warmed up to Piyush Chawla.

In a batting card that reads: Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, Kohli, Yuveraj, Pathan, Dhoni, Bhajji and Zaheer Khan...

"This is what we hear": Chawla needs to contribute with bat too: Dhoni

What about Yuveraj, Raina and Dhoni himself ?

Dhoni aka Mahi is the Head of Team India. Hence whatever he utters becomes Maheadlines !

We are living in weird yet exciting times.

We can expect more and more Maheadlines...

Yuveraj needs to take 5 wickets more often

Sachin needs to score more ODI centuries than anyone

Pathan needs to win more matches from any position

Sehwag has to improve his strike rate while batting 50 overs

Ashwin is too tall for a spinner, he needs to get shorter

Munaf has to cut down on speed while bowling and running

Zaheer has to lead from the front and then back too

Sreesanth shouldn't open his mouth to appeal or even to eat Appam

Gambhir needs to bowl his leg-spin more regularly

Virat should improve his wicket-keeping skills

Nehra's teeth need to visit a Dentist before the Final

Raina needs to change his gear [Does it mean the CSK gear ?] 

Bhajji should remember he hasn't scored an ODI Century

And...

I think I must give more tips to my team-mates





S-Pun Doctor

Before the Cup; My Gifts to Team India !

The Cricket World Cup is around. The excitement is building up. I can never support any other team but Team India till they are knocked out. Right now I am optimistic in spite of all the negative talk and Piyush Chawla.

If they win, Team India will face a deluge of awards. If they lose, some of them might have to apply for Police protection to their person and properties. Cricket Crazy Indians, we all are !

But even if they don't win, I adore Team India including Piyush Chawla. Hope they win and win a lot of awards, prizes and contracts.

I am a middle class blogger and can't afford to reward them big. But I would like to give one gift each to every member of Team India. Howsoever trivial they might appear, I love to give them even before they play their first match at Mirpur against their 2007 nemesis.

So here are my gifts to Team India... 

1] Sachin Tendulkar: Kapil Dev said Sachin will not retire without a World Cup. If this one eludes him, it is unlikely that he can win in 2015. So I very humbly would like to gift him a miniature World Cup trophy. If India win, great. If they don't, let him keep it as a consolation prize. 

2] Virendar Sehwag: A sustained release icepack fitted into the helmet. He will need it to keep his cool. Viru is vital for India's fortunes. If Sehwagging continues throughout the tourney, the Cup cometh home. 

3] Gautam Gambhir: A tongue depressor; used in the Doctor's clinic to keep the tongue down. Gauty's bat starts to falter when his tongue takes over. He has already put an enormous burden on the team by saying this is our best chance. I remember 1987. 

4] Yuveraj Singh: No, not Revital. He is already on that. A DVD of his altercation with Andrew Flintoff and the aftermath is what he needs. The difference between the Cup and the Slip for India will be, the form of Yuvi; literally and figuratively ! 

5] Virat Kohli: Tee-shirt with "Attitude, wear it on your gloves". He might be benched initially, but should not be disappointed. The Dude with attitude needs to keep his head during the Cup. 

6] Mahendra Singh Dhoni: A miniature Helicopter. He needs to be reminded of the 'shot'. Not only in Pepsi ads, he needs to play them on the field. 

7] Yusuf Pathan: A complete Gillette Mach-3 shaving system with accessories. He needs to be told it isn't the beard that is responsible for his runs. Clean shaven guys and even his former Rajastan Royals buddy Shane Watson are scoring runs; without a beard. If the beard were to bring luck, all the Mullahs would have won the Cup for Afghanistan. 

8] Suresh Raina: The CSK jersey. He somehow becomes a transformed man in that outfit. Send him in Indian colors with CSK jersey underneath. He will have added protection against the 'short ball'. 

9] Harbhajan Singh: A wrist band with 'No. 1' inscribed. Forget 'Doosra'. Bhajji needs to get is 'Pehla' going on Indian pitches. How else can we stem the runs in the middle overs. He will have to bowl on those 'national highways'.

10] Zaheer Khan: A "Taweez' to keep him free of injuries during the whole tourney. Though I don't believe in them, I've heard Cricketers are a superstitious lot. It might just keep him happy. If any bowler can win it for India, Khan can.

11] Ashish Nehra: An old fashioned foot-role. He needs to keep them straight and not on the leg-stump.

12] Munaf Patel: A Roller-skates set. He needs to run on the field, not walk in the park. 

13] Ravichandran Ashwin: A Bench. He will have to warm it all through the Cup, unless Bhajji gets injured or badly mauled in initial stages. 

14] Praveen Kumar: A mechanical Swing. He needs to do just that with the new ball and with the old ball. Lest him go the Ajit Agarkar way. 

15] Piyush Chawla: He already has got one in the form of a berth in the squad. Anymore pampering will be injustice to Amit Mishra and Pragyan Ojha.

And finally... 

Gary Kirsten: Not me, only Team India can give him a parting gift. The Prize will be the only befitting gift to his Priceless contribution to Team India. Hope they do it for the First and the Last man in my list; they deserve it !






S-Pun Doctor

India, The Deserving No. 1 Test team !

By hammering the hapless Kiwis by an innings and a lot, India have sealed their place at the Top of Test Rankings for some more time. Unless they get humiliated in South Africa, they might stay there. Do India deserve to be No. 1 Ranked Test Team ?

Let us take a look at our Assets and Liabilities first...

The Assets

India has on paper the strongest batting line up and perhaps one of the all time best.

Just two Guys have scored more than 26000 Test runs. Another two take the tally up to nearly 40000. Awesome, Right ?

One Opener has created the fear of God in the minds of atheists.

And the God after all comes to bat after the Wall !

Every time there is a crisis, the Man stands up and there is nothing Lax about him.

A young Tyro who has played more ODIs than any 23 year old bats at No.6 for India. If not battered by good short stuff and not bettered by his own impetuousness, is a damn good No. 6.

The Captain Cool is indeed Cool. He will face his sternest test next month.

Not many teams can boast of a No. 8 with back to back test centuries and 300 runs in a 3-Test Series. India do !

Zaheer Can get Smith and rattle any batsman in the world with new ball. If the new ball doesn't get you, the old will !

Ishant has rattled Ponting before. He has rattled Chris Martin now. If his hair doesn't obscure his vision, he should be able to pitch the ball in right areas.

Sreesanth is India's Best test Bowler on pacy pitches. If he makes batsmen dance to his tunes rather than dance himself, he should be India's Triumph Card.

Ojha can smother the run rate and frustrate any batsman. No reason why he should not be able to do it to Amla and Co.

If a Team can keep Pujara and Vijay on the bench, that speaks of the Bench Strength ! Not to forget Yuveraj Singh who is not even on the Bench.

But are these the reasons for India's Supremacy ? As much as I would like to believe, there is more to it than meets the eyes. So here we go...

The Liabilities

This team has only one bowler who can be called World Class today; Zaheer Khan. And he is 32 years old and is unlikely to improve from here.

Bhajji is hardly a bowler now. Sreesanth and Ishant are too erratic. Ojha at best is a restrictive spinner.

A Team that has a No. 3 batsman who scores at 35 - 40% strike rate is not a great asset in modern day Cricket. He actually brings the scoring to a grinding halt and there by undoing all the gains of Sehwagging.

Gambhir and Raina will be tested severely with short stuff and will find out how different is the life of a Test Cricketer outside India. Hope they will be wiser for that.

Sachin doesn't boast of a great record in South Africa. He too has had problems on those pitches.

Laxman has to make sure he doesn't leave big gaps through his stance. It looked as big as the margin with which New Zealand lost. Dale Steyn must have seen his dismissal in the Nagpur test.

Question: Can we trust Bhajji to bat to win or at least save a test for us ?
Anwer: No.
Question: Why is he in the team ?
Answer: To Take wickets.
Question: Is he doing that regularly ?
Answer: No.
Question: So what do we do with him ?
Answer: Replace him... Err Wait !
Question: But with Whom ?
Answer: Ojha...
Question: Oh Really ? Can he take wickets ?
Weren't we talking about Bench Strength ?

So how do they manage to stay at the top in spite of this ?

Answers:

1] Australia: In serious decline after the retirement of the Great Bunch. The current lot would not have qualified to carry drinks during the 1999 - 2007 Period.

2] South Africa: Great batting and the world's best fast bowler. But a bit too one dimensional team. Somehow falter when everything looks great. And Smith can author a book titled, "1001 ways to break your fingers". Take out Steyn and the bowling isn't way much better than the Kiwis.

3] England: The Best equipped Test Team now. But some loopholes still not plugged. Batting can crumble against good spin. And that has restricted their progress too often.

4] Sri Lanka: There are more than 800 reasons to believe that with Murali is gone, they will find it tough to win away from home. Malinga, please forgive me. But the ICC rules don't allow you to bowl from both sides. Even Anil Kumble wasn't allowed. Their batting can come unstuck against good quick bowling.

5] Pakistan: If anybody can inspire Pakistan Cricket, Younis Khan. But they have a Butt as the Head of the PCB. So what do you expect other than serious shit ? Send this man to Afghanistan to live with Taliban. They might surrender thanks to this Pain in the Butt of a guy.

6] West Indies: Gayle storm can engulf opponents once in a while. But overall they suffer from Sreesanth Syndrome. Absolute Brilliance one moment and Nadir of Mediocrity the very next.

7] Bangladesh: One season doesn't make a Champion team. They have done well in shorter formats of late. But the Lions are an Ordinary Team in Test Cricket. Apologies due to Sehwag !

8] I am Happy Zimbabwe aren't playing tests. Else Chris Martin would have scored a Test Century and Ishant Sharma would have batted all 5 days of a test without getting out, why without even getting beaten once.

So this reminds me of an old Hindi adage:

Andhon ke Gaon mein Kana Rajah ! 

In the land of the blind, one eyed man is King !

India Deserve to be the No. 1 Ranked Test Team !

I rest my Case.






S-Pun Doctor