Astrology, Feng Shui and Selecting Team India

Breaking News...

The BCCI has disbanded the recently reconstituted BCCI Selection Committee with immediate effect. Mr. Sandeep Patil and Co have received the marching orders and a brand new Selection Committee with high profile "Specialist selectors" has been constituted. The regional quota has been disbanded for good.

Mr. Sreenivasan gave brief introduction of the new selection committee members. The photographs have been withheld due to the inauspicious period prevailing according to the adverse planetary positions and will be made public once the stars are favorable.

The list of Selectors

Sri. Guruvayoor Somasekhara "Kalimuthu" Panicker Avargal: A prominent practitioner of the famous South Indian black magic hails from a village near Madhurai in Tamil Nadu and he will be the Chief of Selectors. Though originally from Guruvayoor in Kerala, Sri. Panicker has vast knowledge of South Indian black magic. He will target the key players from opposition camps and make them ineffective against India with his Tantra Kriya and Shatru Paraajaya Kriya. It was with his help that CSK tamed Chris Gayle in the 2010 IPL Final. It is believed that Mr. Sreenivasan had employed the expertise of Sri. Panicker to fix Mr. Jagmohan Dalmiya to Kolkotta.

Sri. Vijaylal Dhambi: An expert in planetary positions, he will decide which player has the best possibilities to succeed in a given match. He will be in charge of major selection decisions. His first reaction to his appointment is positive. He said, "Dhoni's Rahu is in south west position and that has brought a lot of bad luck". He also has advised BCCI to use golden coins for toss in future since steel is unlucky metal for Dhoni.

Smt. Sithaa Dhyaan: The famous tarot card reader and expert palmist will assist in finalizing the playing 11 during every match. She will also assess which player should bat at which number. She is the first and the only lady Selector and this is a revolutionary step taken by the BCCI. Ms. Dhyaan had rightly predicted India would win the 2011 World Cup only if Dhoni bats at No. 4. Her husband Mr. Dhyanchand Trivedi vouches for this. He added, "She also had predicted that Dhoni will hit the winning shot and that will be a six"

Sri. Pushpak K. Rajeev: The famous Numerologist will decide on the lucky jersey number for each and every Indian player. The players will be contractually bound to wear the jersey number selected by him so that their chances of winning matches increase infinitely. He emphatically stated that his status as the leading Numerologist in India was enhanced after he changed his name from Pushpakumar Rajeev to Pushpak K. Rajeev. As a token of his service, he claims Sachin Tendulkar will be luckier and will score another 25 hundreds if he changes his name to Sachchin Tenndullkarr !

Sri. Khurram Buildingwaalah: The internationally acclaimed exponent of "Integrated Vastu and Feng Shui Science" will be the fifth selector. He will advise players to sit in appropriate positions and also decide on field positions. He is of the firm opinion that India's bowling and fielding lacked sting due to poor Feng Shui positioning. Proper practice will help them to bowl and field better. He will also examine the houses of all Indian players and suggest corrective measures to avoid evils of poor Vastu. He shot to fame after he suggested a favorable Vastu position to Yeddiyurappa in his jail cell. Mr. Yeddiyurappa managed to get bail after following Sri Buildingwaala's advice.

Sri. Sanjay Manjrekar: He will be the only Cricketer in the new selection committee and has been selected for his ability to face players with a straight face after writing or talking shit about them. Those he believes to be unfit will be given preference in selection after consulting the other 5 selectors.

Mr. Sreenivasan was quoted, "India will henceforth win all tournaments and test matches. We are confident that the new committee will do a very good job. All of them will select the team for the next series from the Holy Hills of Tirumala"

Captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni has hailed the BCCI decision as the right decision in the right direction. He said...

SPun Doctor

Generous Dhoni, Talented Rohit and the Lesser Mortals !

One Day International Matches: 21, 10, 33, 15, 0, 4, 68, 5, 0, 0, 4, 4
T-20 International Matches: 0, 4*, 1*, 55*, 1

These are Rohit Sharma's returns from International matches in 2012. He averages overall 17 runs per dismissal. In T-20, it is 30.5 thanks to a 55 not out but in ODI Cricket, it is a pathetic 14 runs.

Manoj Tiwari has scored a hundred and a 65 in the 8 matches he has got to play. He has a 4 wicket haul in the only match he failed with the bat in 2012. In that match, he made 21 which was 8 more than the total number of runs Rohit Sharma scored in the entire series.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni is obviously a generous man. His selectors have been more generous than that. He gives chance after chance to Rohit in the name of promise and talent. One or two failures and Yusuf Pathan gets thrown out. Forget Yusuf, Manoj Tiwari today, is the MOST WRONGED man in Indian Cricket.

For Dhoni, Rohit Sharma with 225 runs in 17 innings in 2012 is more important to the team than Virendar Sehwag who scored 219 runs in just one ODI innings in December 2011. In spite of all the attitude issues and ego clashes, preferring Rohit over Viru is criminal to put it mildly.

But even if Sehwag gets omitted on form, doesn't that rule apply to Rohit too ? Why different yardsticks for Rohit, Viru and Tiwari ?

We have seen how Piyush Chawla and Ravindra Jadeja have managed to sneak into the team in spite of continued non-performance. One success and he tends to keep them forever and just a couple of below par show and the lesser mortals get the 'axe effect'

But what is insidious and more evil is the way Dhoni is gradually demolishing Irfan Pathan. He somehow has a serious dislike for the name Pathan. After completely demolishing Yusuf Pathan, he has now taken up the job to finish off the half brother.

If he has so much faith in Rohit Sharma, why not send Rohit to open ? He is a top order batsman and has opened before. Why make Irfan a sacrificial lamb again ? Indian Cricket fans haven't forgotten how Greg Chappelle demolished Irfan by making him do too many things.

Irfan is NOT Shane Watson. He is a bowling All-rounder. He has won some crucial matches batting at 7 or 8. By forcing him to open, Dhoni is killing him again. Irfan doesn't know what is expected of him.

Mr. Dhoni, for the sake of the millions of fans who adulate your team, please stop this game of politics and ego. Your ego trip with Viru is YOUR problem. Stop destroying a precious talent who has found some kind of confidence after a long hiatus !

And can we hope for a reply for a set of questions ?

How many matches will Rohit get to play on much publicized talent after scoring just one 50 ?
How many matches will Tiwari get to warm the benches after every successful performance ?

Knowing you, Mr. Dhoni, we don't expect an answer. You have become the Dictator and you will end up demolishing this team. Unfortunate !


SPun Doctor

Rohit Sharma: Demand for a DNA Test !

After finding nothing interesting to write on Cricket for over 100 days, I return to write on Cricket because of the magnitude of the event that is happening right now.

I have always considered Dhoni as an extremely recalcitrant Captain who will play some of his favorites with the 'come what may' attitude and will keep some away with equal passion. He has done that with Ravindra Jadeja before and now it is Rohit [Nohit] Sharma. Everyone following Cricket in India must have felt dismayed to see the name of Rohit in the India list this afternoon and Rohit hasn't belied our belief in him !

So much so, even people not even remotely connected to Cricket have expressed anguish, anger and exasperation. Here are some of the reactions pouring in as India slide towards another defeat thanks to a middle order batsman who can't score a run but can't be dropped either.

Anna Hazare: I have decided to go on an indefinite fast till Rohit Sharma is dropped from the team. Cricket is sustained by the Aam Aadmi's money and not by the BCCI, Selectors or the Captain's whims. We need a strong Jan Team-Pal bill. This bill will ensure that the Indian team for every match will be selected by people's vote.

Rahul Gandhi: I will ensure 18% reservation for Muslims in the team. Yusuf Pathan, Mohammed Kaif, Mohammed Azaruddin and other Muslims just don't get chances while Rohit Sharma can go on and on because he is a Sharma.

Kapil Sibal: We can prove that this is NOT Indian National Team. This is Indian Notional Team. How can one man continue to enjoy immunity while others have to perish even if they perform.

Mamta Banerjee: This is all about Pawar Politics. This is clear injustice to Kolkotta, I mean Bengal. Manoj Tiwari doesn't get chances because he is from Bengal and Rohit continues to play because he has support of Mumbai lobby. We will protest and will withdraw support to the Central Government if the Prime Minister doesn't intervene in this matter.

Baba Ramdev: Rohit Sharma's kundli's are bad. He needs to concentrate and for that he has to come to me and I'll teach him Yoga and then he'll start scoring runs like the flow of Ganga !

Sachin Tendulkar: Rohit is very talented. He and Virat Kohli will break my record of 100 centuries. Mmmm, I mean, Virat might score about 90 and anyone who gets as many chances as Rohit can certainly score 10 centuries if he plays for 10 years. We can't forget Zimbabwe are back in the business. Together they will break my record.

Saurav Ganguly: I am seriously thinking of reconsidering  my retirement options. With my records, I can still come back into the team and I am not half as bad as this guy Rohit who has got more chances than Me, Manoj, Yusuf, Laxmi Shukla and entire Bengal team have got.

Sharad Pawar: All this is nonsense. Rohit is a very talented and Pawar-ful boy. He is miffed because he has not got the No. 2 position in the team. You give him that position and he will start raking in heavily.

Sunil Gavaskar: If we look carefully, Rohit has got bowled or LBW in last 3 matches. Which means he has got out to good balls. He hasn't thrown his wicket away because he values it. Give him some time to settle down; may be 2 - 3 years or 4 and he'll be fine.

Yusuf Pathan: I can win matches from any position. But to win matches, I have to get chances to win from any position. Rohit is failing from any position he bats and I have to just sit and watch from any position.


M. S. Dhoni: Well of course, these things happen in Cricket. He's a brilliant player going through a bad patch. We're confident, he'll overcome that. And you must remember I am a wicket-keeper and just can't afford to drop ! We might think of resting Sehwag in next match to accommodate Manoj Tiwari who might be rusting !

Rahane, Tiwari and many others: We demand DNA test for Rohit Sharma too to find out "Yeh kaunsa bade Baap ka Beta hai !"







SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Debacle Down Under: Postmortem of a White Wash !

Since the people who have scripted great overseas triumphs are already back in the hut, we can assume India will lose the Adelaide test by more than 250 if not 300 runs. So let me do the postmortem of the series straightaway. I am in a hurry and want to do it before anyone else does it.

There are too many people to take things seriously and work on strategies for revival of Team India. Hence let me take a look at the lighter side of the battle 'Agneepath' that never was.

Ravichandran Ashwin, the only Indian face that was available for post-match meet the press throughout the tour gives us the detailed report. "Here are the reasons for the debacle", said Ashwin ,"Pick your choice".

1] BCCI: hasn't delivered on the promises made to players after our World Cup win. Most of us were not even born when India won the Cup last time. So we expected better treatment from the Board. We sent a warning during West Indies tour by not attempting a win in the third test. BCCI didn't heed the warning and thus it is 8-0 overseas now. We aren't embarrassed because what else can we do to show our displeasure ?

2] Poonam Pandey: is worse than the BCCI. She too has deceived us. She failed to keep her promise to strip if we won. Team India have thus decided to strip ourselves of all that we held when we won the World Cup on 2 April 2011.

3] Anna Hazare: is an honest man and needs the support of every Indian including Team India. Hence we  want to support Anna Hazare on his demand for a strong 'Jan Lokpal' bill. Till the 'Bill' is passed, we promise we wouldn't win a single match offshore.

4] Brahmagupta, Aryabhata, Mayans or to whomsoever it may concern: Those who invented 'Zero' are responsible for the sorry plight of Indian Cricket today. Had it not been invented, we wouldn't be having 10. Thus Tendulkar and in turn an entire nation wouldn't have been burdened by the number 10 times 10 that is 100.

5] Clarke: Average Indians are tormented by the omnipotent, bribe seeking Clerk in Government offices. Being 'true blue' Indians, we too have a mental clock against anything that remotely sounds like Clerk. That is why they simply can't get Clarke out of our system !

6] The Off Stump: is where all the problems lie because it is always off and never on. It so terribly disturbs us Indians and we end up groping all over.

7] The Umpires and Referees: They simply didn't cheat or target us this time. There was no fighting spirit because both the irritant [Symonds] and the galvanizer [Bhajji] were not there this time. We never draw first blood you see, we always avenge atrocities; real or imaginary.

8] The World Cup of woes: It isn't our fault. It is just history repeating itself. We have heard India lost badly even at home after winning the World Cup in 1983. We have lost only away and not at home. Nobody is ashamed in the dressing room because everyone is wearing at least underwear. And none of us have taken off the shirt and swung it wildly like some of our detractors did in the past.

9] Seniors: have guided us well as to how to handle defeat. Once we know how to handle that, we will be able to handle everything in life. The seniors just want us to get used to this feeling before they leave. After winning and being No. 1 team for almost 2 years, they didn't want all the blame to fall on us juniors when they quit and we suddenly start to lose. They are magnanimous and have copped all the criticism.

10] Juniors: have always believed failure is the stepping stone to success. We will come out stronger. You can already see the signs of that in Umesh and Virat's performances. We all know it can't get any worse, so only way from here is upwards and we will rise from the Ashes, oops Thrashes !

The Positives !

Well of course, now I will have to meet my CSK Captain, I mean India Captain Dhoni to find out if all these reasons are enough or we need to formulate more. So kindly excuse me. I will come back with more if you people are not satisfied.



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/