Speculations on Yuvinspiration !

Yograj: His Son's Father !

Has Yuveraj Singh's father spilled the beans ? Or is he as clueless as we are ? It is common knowledge in Indian Cricket that everyone wants to say, "Thank You Sachin" ! So I don't really think we have to buy this. But we are too impatient to wait for the thing to come from the horse's mouth.

Hence we thought it was time for Doctoring the Balls. Some investigations into this You-We-Inspiration needed. So went Dr. Ball Subramaniam [Dr. Balls for short] to do some research on Yuvinspiration. He met some possible candidates. And here is his report.

What Yograj Singh didn't mention when Dr. Balls met him, "Well, I have bloody tortured, terrorized and trained the lad. There can be only one inspiration and that is ME, Yograj Singh, the 'Baap' of Yuveraj Singh. I am a very modest man you see and that is why I prefer to say "Thank You Sachin" !

So here we go...

Roy of Inspiration ?

Dr. Balls: Mr. Roy, are you the man who has inspired Yuvi to fire ? After all that happened in IPL-3, he was sulking, lost form and was at the lowest ebb of his morale. It was you who stood by him. You were the only "Sahara" in whole of India for him. We think it has to be YOU !

Subrata Roy: Well of course, everyone has inspired Yuvi. He is a great guy. It should not be considered as a jab if I say he was let down by Punjab. Yuvi is a precious gem and we needed him and we got him. If he thinks I am his inspiration, I am honored. But for me, Yuvi is the inspiration. India will win the World Cup this time and our team will win the IPL-4 under Yuvi's dynamic leadership.

Next...

Inventor of The Pallu Scoop !

Dr. Balls: Ma'am, you have been his strength and have brought him up through 'Thin and Thick". We have reasons to believe YOU are the person Yuvi has drawn inspiration. In this 'Reincarnation of Yuveraj Singh', you are the Mother India !

Shabnam Singh: Yuvi is a great boy. He has drawn inspiration from many people including Sachin and Saurav. I have only told him not to take inspiration from his father. I have been a devoted mother. I have taught him only one shot, 'The Pallu Scoop'. It isn't true that Dilshan invented it. I did. Yuvi thinks that is a 'Girls' shot and being the 'Man' he is, he doesn't like to play that. Otherwise my boy is a fantastic son. He has become 'So Big' today solely because of his own efforts, hard work and talent. I am blessed to be his mother. If he thinks I am his inspiration, he is being nice to his mother and all mothers. I wish they win the World Cup this time.

Next...

Dada of his boys !

 Dr. Balls: Dada, you had written a letter to Yuvi when you were Captain and he was out of form and out of team. There are reasons to believe you could have done it again. Are you the man who has 'lifted' Yuvi ?

Saurav: See, nobody lifts Yuvi, especially these days. He is his own man. I might have written a letter to him long ago. But I also wrote letters to Agarkar, Kartik and many others. They didn't respond. I don't want to spoil the party by telling you if I have written to Yuvi or not. Let them go all the way. I have never stolen the limelight from my team-mates. And I am proud of my boys, Viru, Yuvi, Zaks, Bhajji and all of them. But I would prefer him to disclose the name after winning the finals. We went a long way in 2003. I want this team to go one step further. All the best to Yuvi, Mahi and all of them.

Next...

Anchal me kya hai ?

Dr. Balls: Ms. Kumar, are you the inspiration of Yuvi the match winner ? Are you the one who has made him so determined ? Is it "Love ke liye kuch bhi karega" ?

Anchal Kumar: See, first thing first ! We are just good friends. In fact Family Friends ! So there is no question of my having an affair with Yuvi. And he is younger to me too. I have seen him grow up. I am happy he is doing well now. I don't think I am his inspiration, but if my friendship has inspired him I'd be proud. I wish the team all the best. They should win the World Cup this time.

Next...

The Smile that Launched a Million Runs !

Dr. Balls: Sachin, an entire nation has taken inspiration from you. Now everyone is eager to know who is the mysterious inspiration in Yuvi's life. Yuvi's father believes it is YOU. What do you think ?

Sachin: Well, he called me 'Grandpa' and inspired me to score a Double century in one day Cricket. I haven't called him any names in public even though I threatened to do so. That was all in good spirit. I really don't know if I have inspired him or anyone. But it is nice to be of inspiration to someone. To know who is his inspiration, you should ask Yuveraj and not me. But I think you should wait till he decides to tell. Now let him concentrate on the game. I just hope he keeps performing and everyone performs well and we manage to win the World Cup.

Thank You Sachin !


SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Munaf Patel for Captain : Let the Helicopter Fly !

Cricket is all about skills. Multiple levels of skills. Batting, Bowling, Fielding. It also involves the cerebral, like strategizing, planning and of course execution.

I don't know what were the plans and strategies Team India had deployed when they played Australia. Most things they did went well and some things the Aussies did, did not. The luck factor too was more often with the Indians except the coin.

Virendar Sehwag's shoulder and knee and Gautam Gambhir's suicidal mania apart, Team India gave more or less 100%. All the 10 'Players' in the team did their best. And then there was Munaf Patel. What is he doing in the team ? I have harped on this before, but let us take one more look.

Except Bangladesh defending 370, he's never threatened to take a wicket any time.
He has gone for over 6 an over after the first match. 5 wickets for 268 in 44 overs.
Most of these wickets have come at the end of an expensive over.
Twice out of two chances to bowl at death, he has been whacked by tail-enders.
He is an Opening bowler who seldom opens the bowling these days.
Bowls no Yorker, no bouncer and can't reverse the ball even if Dhoni were to bite it.
He is the only 'fast bowler' who is consistent. He consistently bowls length balls at death.
After Abey Kuruvilla, Munaf has inherited the mantle of 'Slowest Fast Bowler' on earth.
Ashwin and Pathan have bowled more during Power plays than Munaf.
He was taken to the cleaners by Haddin and Ponting while others toiled.
He hasn't completed his quota of 10 overs in the last 5 matches.
He inspires confidence in Dhoni. Sachin bowled at death and did better.
Fielding has fluctuated between pathetic to comic, never threatening to improve.
His visits to the batting crease have been 'blink and you miss' guest appearances.

With all these 'Qualifications', how does he manage to continue in the team ?

Here are the possibilities...

India want to fool the opponents by creating some false sense of well being.
He is some kind of a lucky mascot for the highly superstitious Indians.
The Captain doesn't have confidence in the available alternatives.
The Team believes he can deliver in crunch situations.

But none of these are good enough reasons to keep him in the team. Yusuf Pathan has bowled 35 overs [mostly during power plays] and gone for 167 runs at 4.77 though wickets have eluded him. So it would be a better option to go ahead with Yusuf purely as a bowler. Whatever runs he scores and all the fielding he does are all bonus.

So who should be playing against Pakistan ? Let us take a Man vs Man look at our next opponents.

Pit Munaf against Umar Gul. Oh, forget it. Pit him against rookie Wahab, still not a match. Pit him against the slower Abdul Razack and Munaf comes across as useless. If Pakistan manage to beat India at Mohali, the difference will be Munaf Patel.

So if the 'Think Tank' still thinks Munaf should play, please do us a favor...

Dhoni has been burdened by Captaincy. His batting has suffered and the Helicopter isn't flying. So relieve him of Captaincy. Make Munaf Patel the Captain. He will be true to himself and as usual do nothing. The Team can take care of itself and let the Helicopter fly !

Enough is Munaf !




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Good Bye to a Bloody Mean Champion Cricketer !

A young friend of mine tweeted after tonight's match...
Australia meet West Indies... at the Airport !

That was funny and a lot of people are rejoicing the fall of a Champion.
Let Australia sulk. Stronger or weaker, they will come back.
But there was one man who went out tonight perhaps for the last time in a World Cup.

I never liked Ponting. His earliest claim to fame was on a juniors tour of India when he flayed all the junior Indian bowlers. Many of them never played senior Cricket. Then he made more news for pub brawls than for his on field exploits. Ever since he made his debut, I had a special dislike for him.

I disliked Ponting because...

He had the best team playing with him or under him through most of his career.
He blasted India in the 2003 World Cup Final and that scar can't heal. Not even after this win.
He had Shane Warne and Glen McGrath giving him wickets whenever he wanted.
He was the most prolific scorer in the new millennium and not Sachin.
He almost threatened to overtake Sachin at one time and break most of his records.
He had three World Cups in his kitty and two of them as as Captain.
But most importantly, he had never lost a World Cup match as a Captain.

I hated Ponting because...

He had transgressed the spirit of Cricket more often than anyone could care to remember.
But he somehow escaped with much lighter punishment than others, especially Asians.
He lead from the front all the unholy activity during the infamous Sydney Test in 2008.
Forget walking, he regularly contested Umpiring decisions and mostly escaped Scott free.
And most importantly for never walking but expecting opponents to 'walk' !

There can be a million reasons to dislike Ponting and hate Ponting.
But he was a Genius without a doubt. A flawed Genius if there is one.

For one who had not lost a single World Cup match and had overseen annihilation of all the 3 South Asian Teams in 3 successive World Cup Finals, Ponting went out against 3 South Asian Teams. He couldn't beat any one of them this time.

Sri Lanka were in a very good position before the rains intervened.
Pakistan gave Ponting the first taste of World Cup defeat in a dozen years.
And India knocked him and his team out of the World Cup tonight.

He was under pressure from all corners. For the LCD episode. For the Steve Smith episode. For not walking. For talking. And for being Ricky Ponting ! But what a way to go. He was out of form for longer than even Rahul Dravid. Boy, did he choose a match to strike form ? He couldn't have done anything more or better. He and his team just ran into a slightly better team on the day.

Ricky Ponting has tormented Indians for so long and so badly, it is a relief to see him walk away into sunset or to hell.

But before that, let us say gracefully...

He was such a bloody mean Champion Cricketer !

And he went out with his head held high !

Good bye Ponting !



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

WTF - The Pressure is always on India !

Before India - England group match, Strauss said, "The Pressure is on India. They are playing at home". England tied a match they should have lost first and then won easily. Both teams choked and out-choked each other for a tie.

Smith was quoted, "It is a big match. The Pressure is on Indians. We are coming from a series win against them. They are playing at home and that can act against them". South Africa came back strongly from a lashing and restricted India. But then choked in the middle and would have lost but for some luck towards end.

Smith said during the series prior played on South African grounds, "The Pressure is on India. They are known to be susceptible on fast and bouncy pitches. We will go all out at them". India tied the Test series 1-1. Won the T-20 and lost the ODI series 3-2 with a depleted team.

Sammy said, "We will target the chinks in the Indian batting. We will go all out for a win. The Pressure is on Indians". Chasing 269 for a win, West Indies collapsed from 153 / 2 and lost by 80 runs.

Even minnows love to have a go at India. Shakib al Hassan said, "We won against them the last time. So the Pressure is on the Indians". Viru and Virat plastered Bangladesh bowlers and India cantered home in spite of an off color bowling.

We have seen almost all Captains playing against India coming up with almost same pre-match / pre-series quotes. So much so, Saurav Ganguly once said, "Yes, the Pressure is always on us. When we play at home, the Pressure is on us because we are playing in front of huge huge crowds with huge expectations. When we play away from home, the Pressure is on us because we are playing on fast tracks and in alien conditions. I would like to know when the Pressure is on others !"

If India lose, everyone can say, "We said so. Didn't we ?"

When India manage to win at home in spite of all this unbearable Pressure; they say, "Well, they always play well at home and are a formidable team in these conditions".

And when India manage to win abroad against all odds and in spite of all the Pressure; what do we get to hear... ?
"Well, they did play well. We could have done with a little bit of luck here and there"
"We didn't play up to our potential"
"Well, it is tough, we let ourselves down"
"A few decisions too went against us"
"We just had one bad session and lost the match"
"We had a bad day in the office. We will come back hard"
"Well, nothing went according to our plans. But we will work out strategies to hit back"

Why is it that 'The Pressure" is always on India ? WTF ?

And today, Australia believe the 'Pressure' is on India. Because there are a lot of expectations and they are playing at home...



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @
http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Pricky Apologies and other World Cup Trivia, Part-3

After a lot of those Trivia, we have finally entered the Knockout stage of the 2011 Cricket World Cup. There was some Cricket, a lot of action, minnows, reverse swing, collapses, drama, choking and then Shoaib Akhtar. So here is a little ruminating on the action so far. 

Lost and Found [Theme] Team: A Gayle-less and KRoach-less West Indies 'Lost' to India and 'Found' an allegedly easier Quarterfinal match with Pakistan.

Moral of the story: Some teams still fear Australia !

A shitting Farewell: Steve Tikolo, arguably the Greatest African batsman outside South Africa was given a typical farewell by his team. They showed him how they have depended on him all these years and how he will be missed. He looked like 'Budhdha' and always had a saintly calm about him. His records never did justice to his talent.

Budhdha Smiling !

Astralialogers Day: An eminent Astrologer in India predicted an India - Australia Final. Well, he probably meant "A Final before Final" ! 5 people predicted 5 different things without a single winner. Ass-trology sucks big time.

Clutching at the last Strauss: England did a Houdini to enter the Quarterfinals with the distinction of being the team that beat teams above them in Test Rankings and lost to teams below them and then tied with the No. 1 ranked team. West Indies as usual bucked the trend.

PRicky Apologies: Australian Captain has 'apologized' in advance to no one in particular. He will give the reasons for his apology during the press conference after the India - Australia Quarterfinal. The honored recipient of his apology too will be declared on that day.

Birds of the same leather: Steven Smith and Munaf Patel have more than some things in common. Both are supposed to be bowlers, but have not completed their quota of 10 overs in living memory. Both are forgotten by their Captains when the white leather cherry has to be used for some effect. And both are in their respective teams with no specific roles.

Survival of the un-fittest: Munaf Patel also is the 'Greatest survivor'. He twice went for too many at death. A number 10 batsman hit Patel over the top facing his first ball in the world cup. He neither has a yorker nor a bouncer. Reverse swing is Latin. He is an opening bowler who seldom opens. Took a catch to avoid getting smashed in his face by the ball. Fitness at best can be compared to that of Ranatunga [No Idea how fit he is today]. And he continues to play for India !

MOM Player of the First Round: From being dropped for Raina, Yuvi has come a long way to rain runs and wickets. Though fitness still appears to be below par, Yuvi is throwing his weight around and in the right places. He has more MOMs than anyone else [Man Of the Match awards I mean] this time.

Most Exciting World Cup Debut: Kohli Viratified himself as a Class act with a century on debut. Devendra Bishoo has definitely impressed. Rampaul took a five for. But the most exciting Debutant is Tahir Imran. No explanations deemed necessary.

Most Under-rated Player: Umar Gul has bowled probably the best except for one match. He has swung the new ball and the old ball in almost all conditions. Take him out and Pakistan would struggle. But so far we have heard noise about Afridi, Sehwag, Sachin, Taylor, Roach, Malinga and even Ashwin.

One Man Army: Ever since the days of Kumble, India have remained a 'One Man Bowling Army'. Thanks to Ashwin, now they have two and a half bowlers in a 'One Man Army' that is Zaheer Khan.

Most Improved Player: Kakmal hasn't dropped anything since that fateful match against the Kiwis. That is an improvement unlikely to be improved upon.

Contenders, nay Pretenders: Bangladesh punched above their might to beat England. But their bowling was exposed by Sehwag and Kohli and batting by KRoach and Tsotsobe. They would do well to be realistic about their chances. One series win against a reluctant New Zealand doesn't make them contenders. They still remain what they are; Pretenders.

Giant Minnows of the Cup: Ireland stood tall throughout. They chased down 300 twice [Only team so far to do so]. Different people have stood up on different occasions. Stirling, O'Brien brothers, Dockrell, Porterfield, Cusack, Johnston and Wilson made it a memorable world cup. Hats off. They should break into Test league soon.

Fodder of all Collapses: India collapsed twice. Pakistan collapsed against New Zealand. England Collapsed against anyone they liked. Australia collapsed against Pakistan. New Zealand collapsed against Sri Lanka. Collapses were collapsing all over. But the fodder of all collapses was when South Africa collapsed against England chasing 172. They collapsed twice in the same innings !

Tell-Tail signs of the World Cup: Ravichandran Ashwin has scored more runs in one innings than all the runs scored by Bhajji, Zaheer, Nehra, Munaf and Chawla in all the matches put together. Indian tail appears to be ever ready to 'Curtail' !

Walk for the Heart: After watching the inevitable collapses following his fall, Tendulkar is a 'Heart-broken' man. Hence he 'walked' against the West Indies, because the Doctors say walking is good for the heart. Dr. Hayden should advise a certain Mr. Ponting to walk once in a while. He badly needs to walk, at least after the Umpire has ruled him out.

A-shock-ing Decision: There was Bucknor, there was Hair and there still is Bowden. But the most shockingly incompetent Umpire on the 'Elite' panel must be Ashock De Silva. It doesn't get any worse. We hope not to see any 'Silva' line in the cloud during knockouts.

Gesture to Cherish: Pakistan's continued support of KAkmal. Like it or not, once you are in a team, the team has to stand behind the player facing a rough patch. Dhoni would do well to learn a lesson regarding Sreesanth. Kakmal has already lost more matches for Pakistan than any player ever could manage in a lifetime.

This story again has grown like India's power play woes. So, let me curtail this here like Steyn did to Indian tail. Hope to be back with more Trivia. Cricket will never run out of Trivia like Murali with his tricks !

SPun Doctor

Kakmal, Super Moon and other World Cup Trivia, Part 2

If there is a Part-1, there has to be sequel. So I had to come with Part-2 to "Yuckmal and other World Cup Trivia". Who else could have inspired this post other than the Akmals ? So here we go again...

Please Read the post at "DieHard Cricket Fans"


SPun Doctor

No Pace = No Peace !

My last post was my most serious ever. That emanated from the fact that I am depressed with the way Team India have struggled during this cup. But looking back, I gave India no chances of winning at all.

From the day Munaf got that Man of the Match award in South Africa, I knew India were doomed. Why do I believe so ? Just look at our opponents from that series. South Africa are playing this cup without the man who got more wickets and bowled much better than Munaf during the same match and the same series.

Why do I dislike Munaf Patel ? As much as the Team members, Captain and Selectors repose faith in him, I strongly believe Munaf is not the guy we need in our campaign if we want to win. And why do I 'believe' so ? Let us look at Munaf's repertory.

What He is: Decent line and length bowler. Can keep it in the corridor with the new ball.
What He ain't: At best a trundler. No Pace. No Yorker. No Bouncer. Not much Reverse Swing. Regularly bowls length balls at death. Can't run to save his own life or that of his wife. Batting is a single digit lottery; you win once in one million chances.

How can India depend on a bowler who depends upon the pressure created at the other end or by huge scores to survive ? He has got 9 wickets to his credit so far. But at what cost ? Except the Bangladesh match, he has consistently gone for runs when it mattered the most. People remember Nehra went for 13 runs in the last over. But they have forgotten Munaf went for 14 in the 48th over against Saffers. He also bowled a pathetic last over against England.

Unfortunately the wise men in the garbs of Selectors left Team India with no other options. Dhoni's zeal for Piyush Chawla is tough to understand. That boy hasn't played any meaningful ODI Cricket for ages. The selectors should have known with the "Handle with Care" tag that both Ashish and Zaheer come, we should have had one more Pacer in the 15 member army.

Piyush Chawla will go down in the history as the costliest blunder ever by a bunch of Selectors. I am not being wise in retrospection. I have from the beginning believed Nehra, Munaf and Piyush were misfits and said so.

We are now facing a possibility of a second successive first round exit at the World Cup. Many people believe India have already qualified for the Quarters. But that is far from true. There are so many possibilities.

Imagine England beat West Indies by a big margin tonight. West Indies then rout India on Sunday, again with a big margin. And Bangladesh upset Saffers, India will probably be pipped to the post by England. How do we like that ? Though there are a lot of ifs, it isn't impossible.

And if that happens, we needn't worry about our combination for the next round. Our highest paid players can straightaway start preparations for IPL-4. There is some relief. Only an Indian Team will win IPL, come what may !

What is the Carry Home message ?

Australia have Lee, Johnson and Tait; all doing well.
Saffers have Steyn and Morkel, the best pair in the business today.
England have a ready Pace replacement for every Pace bowler that gets injured.
Pakistan have Aqthar, Gul and Riaz and a factory of Fast bowlers.
Sri Lanka have Malinga and a bunch of disciplined medium pacers.
West Indies have Roach, Russel and a number of support bowlers.
New Zealand have Southee, Mills, Franklin and many slow medium pacers.

What do India have ?

Zaheer Khan !

Don't even mention Nehra and Munaf. We already have seen them, discussed them and done with. Sreesanth ? He doesn't have the confidence of his own Captain.

So the situation is simple...

No Pace = No Peace !

That is "The End" !



SPun Doctor