India - Sri Lanka Series: The Abnormal Analysis !

Another India - Sri Lanka limited overs Cricket series came to an end and India came out winners. They won the ODI series 4-1 and the lone match of the T-20 series. It has already been dissected by everyone from Yahoo to ESPN Crickinfo. So I find no fun in doing it in normal. So here is my 'abnormal analysis' of the series.

The total time Rohit [Nohit] Sharma spent at the batting crease in the 5 matches was no longer than the time Ashok Dinda takes to return to his run up.

WOE-HIT SHARMA

The series will seriously be remembered as "The Return of the Pathan" series. Irfan wants to save Tigers but he was definitely too hot for the Lions.

Dhoni believes in the adage "Faith moves mountains". But all his faith failed to get Nohit Sharma's feet moving as he was either bowled or LBW throughout the series.

Manoj Tiwari struggled in the field because he had difficulty in getting rid of the feeling of the bench stuck to his bottom.

The lone T-20 match series had a Man-of-the-match and a Man-of-the-series. And both were different people. They had an award for everyone and only person who didn't recieve an award was Sanjay Manjrekar.

Rohit Sharma should have got the "Best Survivor" award sponsored by Kitply, the termite proof plywood.

Luckily the "T-20 Series" was a one match affair. If this was a 3 match series, the presentation ceremony would have gone on even after the Olympics.

After the ODI series, I remember Bachchan's famous dialogue to Vinod Khanna in 'Amar Akbar Anthony': "Hey Inspector, tune appun ko bahut maara, appun ne tereko sirf ek maara. Par jo maara woh solid maara, hai ki nahin ?" Sri Lanka won just one match against India's 4. But they won that one match in solid style by chasing India's total in under 20 overs.

What is common between Rohit Sharma and Manmohan Singh ? 'Time' labelled Singh as Underachiever. Time and again Nohit has proved to be Underachiever !

The SPCA [Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] might sue Virat Kohli for targeting the Lankan Lions so consistently and brutally.

Zaheer Khan bowled so many wides in the series, it looked as if he was inspired by "Isha Sharvani's Jhalak".

Rahul Sharma's performance was hampered by the 'grass' on the outfield. 

But most important abnormal analysis about the series happened in the Parliament House in Delhi where Sachin Tendulkar demanded that the 'Zero hour' in the parliament be renamed 'Hundred hour' because Zero is inauspicious !






SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Crick-Veda: Oldest Chronicle on Gentleman's Game !

Disclaimer: I don't belong to RSS / VHP / Bajrang Dal. I am not right-wing Hindu extremist. I am not Francois Gautier. I am not Gurumoorthy. I am not Manoj Kumar. Neither am I Akshay Kumar. I am not a devotee of any Baba including Sai Baba, Rahul Baba, Baba Ramdev and Baba Black sheep. I am not related to any Thakre; living on nonliving. My surname isn't Togadia. I have no religion except Cricket. I don't believe in God, but I believe in Rahul Dravid and I have seen Sachin Tendulkar. The nearest I have felt to divinity was when I saw VVS Laxman on drive Shane Warne through mid-wicket at Eden in 2001. And I believe Virendar Sehwag can save us from Satan by just Upar Cutting him. This post is a work of fiction but that should not be a reason to disbelieve it.

Breaking News... Breaking News... Breaking News...

Cricket is Indian by Origin !

This sensational discovery has rocked the world today and will be remembered as a Red-Letter day. This will change forever, all hitherto held beliefs about Cricket in general and the mankind in particular. During a routine excavation in some undisclosed place in Uttar Pradesh, the ASI has found a huge treasure. That alone wouldn't be so special or sensational. But they have found out a new dimension in the form of a book named Crick-Veda [Krikveda for the Swadeshi brigade], believed to be the long lost and forgotten fifth Veda.

Carbon dating and all kind of authentication tests are being held on this voluminous epic. It is believed to be at least 8000 - 9000 years old. Experts are busy deciphering the text. You are reading this here first because of our close contacts with ASI. Dr. Balls is an insider in ASI and has contacts from bottom to top. Here are some of the salient aspects about the book, brought only to those who follow Doctoring the Balls !!!

What we are going to disclose here is established beyond doubt in this priceless piece of Cricket Testament, ODIment and T-20ment, all compiled together. Cricket was a game, a religion and a way of life in India. It was called Kri karet, which means 'Doing the work'.

It was work as well as worship for the people of India that was Bharat. This emphatically proves Cricket was not a British game as has been claimed so far. Almost every Indian will vouch for this. The British picked up this beautiful game from India just like they picked up spices. We now know why Cricket is so spicy.

Cricket, was played in North Indian heartlands and South Indian paddy fields. The boys and men running in the fields tilled the land [Kri Khet in Hindustani and Kriya Kshetra in Sanskrit] and thus prepared it for watering and subsequent cultivation of crops. This must the earliest known example of business with pleasure. They worked while they played and they played while they worked. What a revolutionary ancestors did we inherit from ! And many people believe Cricket is a lazy game, rubbish !

The extremely talented men of those days used to hit the ball very hard and long and then people used to go in search of the ball. That is how the coinage "Leather hunt" evolved.

Hanumaan was the first ever Cricket-fever stricken boy known from history. He thought the red and shining Sun was a Cricket ball and went to catch it and this evolved into a legend. People misinterpreted it and said he went to pluck a fruit. Absolutely baseless and ball-less. Just look at this illustration, the Sun looks exactly like a Cricket ball shining in the Sun ! And Hanumaan is clearly trying to pick a one handed catch out of thin air. He isn't plucking any fruit out there.

Catch it !

Why did Krishna slay Kaliya the snake ? Because Kaliya refused to return the ball. Krishna and his friends were playing Cricket [Kri Karet in those days] by the Yamuna river bank. A DLF maximum from Krishna went into the river and Kaliya refused to return the ball. Thus their game of Cricket was halted by the mean snake. Hence Krishna had no other option but to slay the stubborn and spoilsport Kaliya to retrieve the ball to continue the game before the Umpires declared bad light. Even today we don't like to be disturbed while we enjoy our Cricket. Be it the snake or the wife.

In one of the most touching chapters, Sage Krikshwamitra explains the relation and differences between Test Cricket, One Day Cricket and T-20 Cricket. He says, T-20 Cricket is like your little daughter. You love her because she is your daughter. She may do childish things and appear juvenile. But you love her because she is your own product. But you have very little chances of recovering lost ground if your daughter gets spoiled, just like T-20 Cricket match. T-20, like your little girl is damn popular with people of all ages because you can carry it around with ease and you won't feel bad if she pees on your laps.

One Day Cricket is like the wife. You can play during day or at night. She is mature, beautiful, enticing and enchanting. You can control a lot of things with her. But you can't keep her switched on forever. Like every wife, she can be demanding. You need to do a lot of running around and be prepared to lose her if your fail with the bat or the ball. Most importantly she is more entertaining at night after you are done with all the work. She comes with a lot of color and cheer.

Test Cricket is without doubt, the Mother. You respect her, revere her, love her and listen to her. You can even fall asleep in her lap and still not miss much. She can go on and on and on for days sounding like a bore. But in the end, you are wiser, stronger and winner if you do the listening and playing properly. Like Mother, Test Cricket gives you more than one chances. Nor one bad over, neither a single bad shot can lose it all for you. And you better show discipline with your Mom, else you will be routed by the forces that guard the earth.

Further evidence from present day analogies: From aesthetics of the variants of the game, Crick Veda moves to the weapons used. The ball was the weapon of the aggressor. The bat belonged to the more responsible defenders. It symbolizes how one can use a weapon for both defensive and offensive purposes. So typically Indian. We just have to look at how Rahul Dravid and Virendar Sehwag use the same weapon to different effects.

India has a tradition of stretching beyond the limits and breaking records. Ram broke the Shiv Dhanush. Sachin has been breaking records ever since he was born. Arjun hit the fish's eye to win over a girl. Yuveraj hits the bill-boards. Karna was the first to show how one can use own body parts as defense tools. Mohindar Amarnath followed suit when he took on all the bouncers on his body without flinching. Krishna said it was fair to be unfair to deal with an unfair enemy. Saurav Ganguly was just equally mean to Australians. There are innumerable revisits.

Let us look at different aspects of the game. Batting was a Royal occupation. They never liked to run. Indian batsmen still don't like to run. Ask Sehwag, Pathan and Yuvi. Bowlers were the Soldiers. They attacked and won over enemies by felling the opponents. Do soldiers get any better than Bhajji, Kumble, Zaheer and Kapil Dev ? Fielding was for kids and the labor workers. Even today, the young and the fringe players field. The rest just rest.

Kri Karet expert from history and the earliest known Sexologist Batsayana has elaborated on the attraction between the Kri Karet Players and the girls and women from the entertainment fields. The singers, actors and dancers of the yore had a very special and enduring liking for the talented and good looking players.

There were so many affairs, courtships and marriages between Kri Karetars and artisans. Urvashi fell for Arjun's looks as well as skills. Seeta, the Princess was bowled over by the record breaking abilities of Ram. Bheem's ability to wield the mace [the first ever Mongoose] won over Hidimba. Nothing has changed in India 8000 years since.

There are millions of illustrations, coaching manuals and extensive records mentioned in Krikveda. We just have provided a sample here. But we promise to come back with entire translation sooner than later. Till then keep pondering over the points mentioned here.

Can all this old world wisdom in Cricket be anything but Indian ?

QED: Cricket is Indian by Origin !

SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Why do I love IPL ?

IPL-4 is here, opening on a Friday; on a day most of the movies are released in India and elsewhere.

IPL has a lot in common with movies in India. Cricket and Cinema go together like Viv Richards and Nina Gupta. Howsoever far apart they might be, they do make strangely great bed-fellows. And IPL, is the Masaba of this relation ! A cross breed, yet beautiful and highly successful at a very young age.

Masaba...aah !

A lot of people, Purists, Poms and pushy Aussies have denounced IPL as 'Not Cricket'.

Michel Holding, one of my childhood favorites declared, "T-20 is not Cricket and Keiron Pollard is not a Cricketer".

Those who have not got a bite in, blame IPL for 'Crass Commercialization' of the 'Once Beautiful' game.

Pakistani Cricketers declare they don't care about IPL and then secretly curse Ijaz Butt.

BCCI declares IPL as clean because they have rid IPL of the corrupting influence of evil Lalit Modi.

But let people heap abuses and denigrate IPL. Let them damn it. Let them condemn it. Let them do anything except 'ban' it. That is something nobody will do. Thankfully, because IPL is a 'Goose that lays Platinum Eggs'. Gold is passe !

It is simple. I love IPL. I always like to give 5 reasons for anything and everything. But when it comes to IPL, I have so many reasons to love IPL, I might run out of space on the web. So I will stick to 11; one each for every team and one for Lalit Modi.

I Love IPL because...

1] I can sleep tight on the previous night of IPL Final. I couldn't on 1 April 2011 night.

2] Whoever wins the IPL Final, I can celebrate. An Indian team will be winning. If it is Delhi, happy for Viru. If KKR wins, great because Pathan is there. If Mumbai Indians win, Thank You Sachin.

3] My wife and daughter cope up with shorter matches. They thought I was on another planet during the entire World Cup campaign.

4] My temper remains fine even in the worst of situations during IPL. Ashish Nehra can't ruffle me and I adore Munaf Patel. Piyush Chawla is such a wonderful prodigy after all. And Rahul Dravid can't draw a match.

5] I don't have to worry about Sachin's 100th International Century and then his 50th ODI Century and then his 102 Century and then his 19000 runs in ODIs and 15000 runs in Test Cricket and so on...

6] 92 runs needed of 60 balls doesn't send my heart rate soaring to 184 in 60 seconds. It remains down, almost like Munaf Patel's speed. Nothing can change it.

7] Nobody will dare to drop Yusuf Pathan to accommodate Nohit Sharma / Ravindra Jadeja in the team.

8] Ravindra Jadeja can't lose a match for India, howsoever hard he might try.

9] Suresh Raina will not be bothered by short pitched bowling.

10] Shane Warne can continue to play; perhaps till we celebrate the Silver Jubilee of IPL.

11] And most importantly, Billy Bowden can't beat India !

And one for the Glamor !

How can we ignore the Glamor quotient ? How can we ignore Preity Zinta, Shilpa Shetty and her sister, SRK, Deepkia and her latest boyfriend and Kingfisher ? And of course the parties and Page-3 crowd and Fake IPL Player ? IPL is GLICKET [Glamor + Cricket]

Hail IPL; the greatest show on Earth !



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/