Pakistan lost badly to South Africa at Abu Dhabi.
Collapsistan Lost and Nobody Blamed !
Kevin Peitersen calls John Buchanan [JB] a 'Nobody' [NB]. Does that mean Bhooka Nan was blamed ?
Usually Cricket reports contain so many details about balls and no-ball calls, wickets and tickets and runs and ruins !
And This was reported as a matter of fact rather than as a matter of act !
Beats me, just take a look at what all weird things happened...
From 140 / 1 after 30 overs, Pakistan were bundled out for 203 in the penultimate over.
Collapses aren't new to Pakistan Cricket. They can definitely be renamed 'Collapsistan'. But even by their own exalted standards, this was ridiculous because they weren't even properly hitting out !
After the departure of Younis Khan, from Misbah-ul-Haq down; 8 Pakistan batsmen just could not hit a single boundary if we leave out the lone sixer by Shoaib Actor.
In fact the last boundary of Pakistan innings was a mishit of the last ball of 26th over. Actor managed the lone sixer of the third ball of 49th over.
Younis Khan once again proved, "Clash is Temporary, Class is Permanent". Why is he such a recluse ?
Zulkarnain Haider made his ODI debut and played a classic test innings. Has he 'booked' his berth ?
Pakistan deployed 7 bowlers and they managed only 2 no-balls and both were bowled by Actor Miyan. They just are not ready to cross the line !
Hashim Amla is playing like Virendar Sehwag. Who gave him the liberty ?
Graeme Smith hurt his fingers again for the 739th time. 'Poppadam Fingers' !
Pakistan batsmen must have been intimidated by the name Lonwabo Tsotsobe. They probably thought it was some mosquito causing Dengue Fever. It's rumored that Afridi called Yuveraj Singh to find out about it !
AB de Villiers scored only 51. Can't believe that. When was the last time he got out so cheaply ?
Graeme Smith retired hurt. Kallis didn't want to be left behind and he too cramped !
South Africa are called Saffers or SA. But Pakistan team has three SAs in their 11. Shahid Afridi, Saeed Ajmal and Shoaib Actor. This was 3 SAs vs SA !
Saffers are shuffling their batting order like nobody's business. Is Greg Chappelle around there ?
Billy Bowden wasn't there, but A-sad Rauf more than made up for that by getting the prized wicket of Younis Khan !
So much happened and absolutely no noise pollution ! Why ?
Here are the reasons...
Pakistan Parliament hasn't constituted an inquiry commission and all the donkeys in Pakistan are reported to be safe.
Ejaz Butt is silent. Someone was heard gossiping he was attending an intensive course on 'Fart of Living' !
Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif are in Dubai; away from their herd, busy being heard.
Miyandad is playing 'Grand-Dad' and is getting ready to welcome his daughter's fifth child. He wants 11 children from her so that he can have a team of his own. He hopes to become the Undisputed Coach of Pakistan.
And Mohsin Khan is busy seeking no objection certificates for the As-ifs and Butts and is talking to Dawn !
S-Pun Doctor
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
India Won !
India drubbed Australia by 7 wickets and saved the Indian fans a lot of stress and heartache !
If Mohali was won on an Oxygen cylinder, Bengaluru was a 'Smoother Delivery' !
2-0 is better than 1-0 and certainly much better than 1-1. Thanks Laxman !
"I don't like to count. I score and let others count": Sachin Tendulkar continues to grow up and nobody can help it !
Vijay finally has arrived. Gautam Gambhir should watch his steps !
Sehwag failed to cross 50 in a Test for the first time after 11 tests.
Incidentally this coincides with his tongue wagging more than the bat !
Pujara has arrived. Che is here to stay !
Thanks Rahul for being 'The Wall' for all these years !
But I think it is time to say Dravid RIP [Retire In Peace] !
Raina needs to rein in his ODI and T-20 shots in Test Cricket !
Dhoni can do nothing wrong, including promoting Che today !
Bhajji the Batsman failed. Bhajji the bowler fared better !
Ojha is not Bedi, but we will settle for Ojha because he doesn't call Bhajji a Chucker !
Zaheer is an 'Old ball' and is better with the Old Ball ! Dhoni revers him !
Sreesanth still has the fire in the belly. But not much in the new ball !
Laxman was smiling like a sage at the post match celebrations, and why not ?
Ishant Sharma gets his confidence back when he sees a certain Mr. Ponting in the opposition.
He deserves an applause too !
Kudos to Gary Kirsten, his support staff and his wards !
A wholesome Victory for a Team that looks more like a Number-1 Test Team now !
If Mohali was won on an Oxygen cylinder, Bengaluru was a 'Smoother Delivery' !
2-0 is better than 1-0 and certainly much better than 1-1. Thanks Laxman !
"I don't like to count. I score and let others count": Sachin Tendulkar continues to grow up and nobody can help it !
Vijay finally has arrived. Gautam Gambhir should watch his steps !
Sehwag failed to cross 50 in a Test for the first time after 11 tests.
Incidentally this coincides with his tongue wagging more than the bat !
Pujara has arrived. Che is here to stay !
Thanks Rahul for being 'The Wall' for all these years !
But I think it is time to say Dravid RIP [Retire In Peace] !
Raina needs to rein in his ODI and T-20 shots in Test Cricket !
Dhoni can do nothing wrong, including promoting Che today !
Bhajji the Batsman failed. Bhajji the bowler fared better !
Ojha is not Bedi, but we will settle for Ojha because he doesn't call Bhajji a Chucker !
Zaheer is an 'Old ball' and is better with the Old Ball ! Dhoni revers him !
Sreesanth still has the fire in the belly. But not much in the new ball !
Laxman was smiling like a sage at the post match celebrations, and why not ?
Ishant Sharma gets his confidence back when he sees a certain Mr. Ponting in the opposition.
He deserves an applause too !
Kudos to Gary Kirsten, his support staff and his wards !
A wholesome Victory for a Team that looks more like a Number-1 Test Team now !
S-Pun Doctor
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
5 Non-Cricketing Reasons for the Mohali Win !
India won by a millimeter, a test they could have won by miles. Did Australia fight tooth and nail ? Or did the Indian batsmen play shots that deserved tooth and nail extraction without local anesthesia ? We will leave it there !
As is our habit, we woke up to Crisis Man Laxman's brilliance and then returned quickly to debate on Sachin Tendulkar missing out on yet another hundred. I know many people would have been happier if Tendulkar were to get his century even if India had lost the match. We are Indians, Sachin comes first. Perhaps soon after Rajnikant !
But Sachin missed out and India won ! And we had a god-damned exciting match that would have killed many on either side of the border if the opponent were to be Pakistan.
Why did India win in spite of...
* Atrocious shots by Virendar Sehwag in both innings ?
* Sachin Tendulkar's dismissal at most inopportune moments in both innings ?
* Dravid's problem with leg-cutters ?
* Sanjay Hazare's magnanimity ?
* Super All-rounder Bhajji's failure to fire with the bat in both knocks ?
* Ishant Sharma's Dirty Dozen No-balls ?
* Dhoni's shoddy work behind and in front of the stumps ?
India deserved to win because they made lesser mistakes in spite of having Sehwag, Bhajji, Ishant and Dhoni on their side. Aussies were beaten by Medical Maladies and not Cricketing Dandies !
Here are the 'Actual Reasons'
1] Rheumatoid Arthritis: Brent Fraser Bowden's peculiar condition that mostly affects the small joints of hands and legs. When Johnson struck Ojha plumb in front of middle stump, 'Poor Billy' just couldn't move his hands in time to show Ojha the 'Crooked Finger'.
By the time he managed to lift his hand, the over-throw by Smith had reached the boundary. Bowden was s--t scared of Jrod going on the rampage again dissecting Billy's Late Out Decision !
2] Lumbago: With a Doctor for father, Laxman knows how to get injured conveniently. For second Test running, he did very little running and managed to keep India in the running till end. Don't be fooled by his 'Nice Guy' looks. He even manipulates the day five pitch. It stops misbehaving when Laxman's wrists start behaving !
3] Gigantism: With a height of nearly 8 feet Ishant Sharma intimidates everyone on ground and even in your drawing rooms. Any length becomes either too short or too long for him. In both knocks he proved 'Size Does Matter'. His second innings bravado was terminated by Gould rather than Hilfenhaus.
4] Delhi Belly: Aussies were obviously affected by Delhi Belly thanks to 'Butter Chicken' of Punjab. This meant they had their hands full of butter and pants full of potty. No wonder they dropped so many catches they would have held on in grade-3 Coma Down under.
5] Amnesia: The pollution in India affects the memory cells of Captain Ponting. He develops Amnesia time and again and he bowls Hussey and bats North. He forgot Philip Hughes existed on this planet.
Many Australians including Jrod want to assassinate Marcus North. I don't blame them. Australian batting goes down South with North ! Any amount of Paine afflicted by later order doesn't compensate for this middle - middle order dud; even the fluke wicket of Tendulkar !
So... Ponting continues the hunt for 'First Frontier' and we can say... Jai Ho !
S-Pun Doctor
As is our habit, we woke up to Crisis Man Laxman's brilliance and then returned quickly to debate on Sachin Tendulkar missing out on yet another hundred. I know many people would have been happier if Tendulkar were to get his century even if India had lost the match. We are Indians, Sachin comes first. Perhaps soon after Rajnikant !
But Sachin missed out and India won ! And we had a god-damned exciting match that would have killed many on either side of the border if the opponent were to be Pakistan.
Why did India win in spite of...
* Atrocious shots by Virendar Sehwag in both innings ?
* Sachin Tendulkar's dismissal at most inopportune moments in both innings ?
* Dravid's problem with leg-cutters ?
* Sanjay Hazare's magnanimity ?
* Super All-rounder Bhajji's failure to fire with the bat in both knocks ?
* Ishant Sharma's Dirty Dozen No-balls ?
* Dhoni's shoddy work behind and in front of the stumps ?
India deserved to win because they made lesser mistakes in spite of having Sehwag, Bhajji, Ishant and Dhoni on their side. Aussies were beaten by Medical Maladies and not Cricketing Dandies !
Here are the 'Actual Reasons'
1] Rheumatoid Arthritis: Brent Fraser Bowden's peculiar condition that mostly affects the small joints of hands and legs. When Johnson struck Ojha plumb in front of middle stump, 'Poor Billy' just couldn't move his hands in time to show Ojha the 'Crooked Finger'.
By the time he managed to lift his hand, the over-throw by Smith had reached the boundary. Bowden was s--t scared of Jrod going on the rampage again dissecting Billy's Late Out Decision !
2] Lumbago: With a Doctor for father, Laxman knows how to get injured conveniently. For second Test running, he did very little running and managed to keep India in the running till end. Don't be fooled by his 'Nice Guy' looks. He even manipulates the day five pitch. It stops misbehaving when Laxman's wrists start behaving !
3] Gigantism: With a height of nearly 8 feet Ishant Sharma intimidates everyone on ground and even in your drawing rooms. Any length becomes either too short or too long for him. In both knocks he proved 'Size Does Matter'. His second innings bravado was terminated by Gould rather than Hilfenhaus.
4] Delhi Belly: Aussies were obviously affected by Delhi Belly thanks to 'Butter Chicken' of Punjab. This meant they had their hands full of butter and pants full of potty. No wonder they dropped so many catches they would have held on in grade-3 Coma Down under.
5] Amnesia: The pollution in India affects the memory cells of Captain Ponting. He develops Amnesia time and again and he bowls Hussey and bats North. He forgot Philip Hughes existed on this planet.
Many Australians including Jrod want to assassinate Marcus North. I don't blame them. Australian batting goes down South with North ! Any amount of Paine afflicted by later order doesn't compensate for this middle - middle order dud; even the fluke wicket of Tendulkar !
So... Ponting continues the hunt for 'First Frontier' and we can say... Jai Ho !
S-Pun Doctor
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Athithi Devo Bhavah !
Athithi Devo Bhavah !
Treat the Guest like God !
Sanjay Hazare for Nobel Peace Prize !
Whatever your enemy did to you, forgive them. This is what Jesus Christ said and then still be nice to them said Mahatma Gandhi.
Even though Australia aren't exactly enemies, Indians can't possibly forget what happened Down under two winters ago. Though Symonds and Hayden are happy playing IPL and would be happy if Indians develop amnesia for such a thing; Clarke, Ponting and almost whole list of India batting order remains barring Dada.
What happened at Mohali this evening can be explained thanks only to this. Captain Dhoni edged an outgoing one from Johnson. Watson picked up one about which he was not sure. It was given to Third Umpire.
Mr. Sanjay Hazare had promptly ruled Hussey not out on day one, when Rahul Dravid was not so sure. What we saw on Television and what the Commentators saw was that Watson picked it up on the bounce. We have yet to ascertain if Mr. Hazare was provided some other footage by Neo Cricket. Only he declared Dhoni out. Harbhajan fell to very next ball.
In one stroke the Test has been declared 'Open' even as India threw the Commonwealth Games Open with grand splendor. This probably is how Mr. Hazare wants to prove to those forever cribbing Aussies, "Look you nincompoops, this is how we treat our Guests; like Gods".
For all the bad press India got from Australia thanks to Suresh Kalmadi, Sanjay Hazare has restored our faith in Christ and in Gandhi !
Thank You Mr. Hazare !
We strongly recommend you for Nobel Peace Prize and also for the post of the Headman of Indian Tourism Industry. At least this way, Indian Cricket Lovers will not have to suffer you any more !
S-Pun Doctor
Treat the Guest like God !
Sanjay Hazare for Nobel Peace Prize !
Whatever your enemy did to you, forgive them. This is what Jesus Christ said and then still be nice to them said Mahatma Gandhi.
Even though Australia aren't exactly enemies, Indians can't possibly forget what happened Down under two winters ago. Though Symonds and Hayden are happy playing IPL and would be happy if Indians develop amnesia for such a thing; Clarke, Ponting and almost whole list of India batting order remains barring Dada.
What happened at Mohali this evening can be explained thanks only to this. Captain Dhoni edged an outgoing one from Johnson. Watson picked up one about which he was not sure. It was given to Third Umpire.
Mr. Sanjay Hazare had promptly ruled Hussey not out on day one, when Rahul Dravid was not so sure. What we saw on Television and what the Commentators saw was that Watson picked it up on the bounce. We have yet to ascertain if Mr. Hazare was provided some other footage by Neo Cricket. Only he declared Dhoni out. Harbhajan fell to very next ball.
In one stroke the Test has been declared 'Open' even as India threw the Commonwealth Games Open with grand splendor. This probably is how Mr. Hazare wants to prove to those forever cribbing Aussies, "Look you nincompoops, this is how we treat our Guests; like Gods".
For all the bad press India got from Australia thanks to Suresh Kalmadi, Sanjay Hazare has restored our faith in Christ and in Gandhi !
Thank You Mr. Hazare !
We strongly recommend you for Nobel Peace Prize and also for the post of the Headman of Indian Tourism Industry. At least this way, Indian Cricket Lovers will not have to suffer you any more !
S-Pun Doctor
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