Random Cricket Headlines !

This is Radio Doctoring the Balls 99.99. Cricket Headlines brought to you by Dr. Balls.

Shahid Afridi didn't announce retirement from any form of Cricket today.

Sachin Tendulkar's legs were not trembling when he registered his first vote in the Rajya Sabha because Shoaib Aqtar was not present in the house at that time. Shahid Afridi has confirmed this report.

Kevin Peitersen has appointed Shahid Afridi as his 'Retirement Coach' and Mohammed Yousuf will act as a Consultant on retirement plans.

On grounds of anonymity, a BCCI insider has confided to Dr. Balls that Gautam Gambhir lost his Vice-Captaincy not on disciplinary grounds. Since GG is actually 2G, the BCCI patronized by Sharad Pawar didn't want to be seen promoting anything even remotely related to 2G.

What do the juniors in Team India call Sehwag behind him ? Virus [Viru S] !

Former Australia Captain Ricky Ponting's Biography has been titled, "Rickypedia". The contents have been kept top secret. But Dr. Balls promises to bring out a preview even before it is written and plans to call it, "Rickyleaks".

Amnesty International is not amused because Kapil Dev has joined Rapidex advanced English speaking course to understand the meaning of Amnesty !

After injuries to two international Wicket-keepers Mark Boucher and Kumar Sangakkara, Pakistan fans sincerely hope they'll be third time lucky with Kamran Akmal aka Kakmal.

India and Sri Lanka have decided not to play another 5 match ODI series in near future. Sri Lanka because they fear Virat Kohli will become the first ever player to score 100 centuries against same team and India because BCCI saw too many empty stands during the last series.

Manoj Tiwari says, 'You improve mentally when you are a part of Team India'. What he means is when you compete with reservation candidates like Rohit Sharma, your performance is bound to improve.

Pakistan offers to play their home series against India in India.

Mahindra set to sponsor Sri Lanka Premier League. Sri Lankan fans fear it is Rajapaksa and Indian fans believe it is their own Captain Cool Dhoni. 

Tiwary is a serious contender for a regular place in ODI team: says Coach Fletcher. Rohit Sharma runs crying to Dhoni and is pacified by the Captain saying, "Don't worry, we can always REST Viru Sehwag".

After Andrew Strauss dropped himself down the order during second test, Alistair Cook was heard telling his mates, "We'd be better off if he drops himself from the team". Broad has declared all this as baseless.

And finally the tail-line:
Away from Cricket, though Mary Kom apologized to the nation for not bringing the Gold, she has reasons to cheer. Manappuram Gold Loan people have expressed willingness to sanction Gold Loan against her bronze medal so that she can buy LPG cylinders in her state.

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Collapsistan Lost and Nobody Blamed !

Pakistan lost badly to South Africa at Abu Dhabi.

Collapsistan Lost and Nobody Blamed !

Kevin Peitersen calls John Buchanan [JB] a 'Nobody' [NB]. Does that mean Bhooka Nan was blamed ?

Usually Cricket reports contain so many details about balls and no-ball calls, wickets and tickets and runs and ruins !

And This was reported as a matter of fact rather than as a matter of act !

Beats me, just take a look at what all weird things happened...

From 140 / 1 after 30 overs, Pakistan were bundled out for 203 in the penultimate over.

Collapses aren't new to Pakistan Cricket. They can definitely be renamed 'Collapsistan'. But even by their own exalted standards, this was ridiculous because they weren't even properly hitting out !

After the departure of Younis Khan, from Misbah-ul-Haq down; 8 Pakistan batsmen just could not hit a single boundary if we leave out the lone sixer by Shoaib Actor.

In fact the last boundary of Pakistan innings was a mishit of the last ball of 26th over. Actor managed the lone sixer of the third ball of 49th over.

Younis Khan once again proved, "Clash is Temporary, Class is Permanent". Why is he such a recluse ?

Zulkarnain Haider made his ODI debut and played a classic test innings. Has he 'booked' his berth ?

Pakistan deployed 7 bowlers and they managed only 2 no-balls and both were bowled by Actor Miyan. They just are not ready to cross the line !

Hashim Amla is playing like Virendar Sehwag. Who gave him the liberty ?

Graeme Smith hurt his fingers again for the 739th time. 'Poppadam Fingers' !

Pakistan batsmen must have been intimidated by the name Lonwabo Tsotsobe. They probably thought it was some mosquito causing Dengue Fever. It's rumored that Afridi called Yuveraj Singh to find out about it !

AB de Villiers scored only 51. Can't believe that. When was the last time he got out so cheaply ?

Graeme Smith retired hurt. Kallis didn't want to be left behind and he too cramped !

South Africa are called Saffers or SA. But Pakistan team has three SAs in their 11. Shahid Afridi, Saeed Ajmal and Shoaib Actor. This was 3 SAs vs SA !

Saffers are shuffling their batting order like nobody's business. Is Greg Chappelle around there ?

Billy Bowden wasn't there, but A-sad Rauf more than made up for that by getting the prized wicket of Younis Khan !

So much happened and absolutely no noise pollution ! Why ?

Here are the reasons...

Pakistan Parliament hasn't constituted an inquiry commission and all the donkeys in Pakistan are reported to be safe.

Ejaz Butt is silent. Someone was heard gossiping he was attending an intensive course on 'Fart of Living' !

Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif are in Dubai; away from their herd, busy being heard.

Miyandad is playing 'Grand-Dad' and is getting ready to welcome his daughter's fifth child. He wants 11 children from her so that he can have a team of his own. He hopes to become the Undisputed Coach of Pakistan.

And Mohsin Khan is busy seeking no objection certificates for the As-ifs and Butts and is talking to Dawn !



S-Pun Doctor