The Best IPL Knock I have seen !

Some Factistics [Factual Statistics]

Pitch playing a ripper and Sreesanth bowling almost underground.
4 down for 2 in the second over and later 35 for 3 in the seventh.
7 team-mates scored 61 runs of 75 balls with 3 fours and 2 sixes.
Take out 33 from 20 by Pathan and Britt during slog and it becomes 28 from 55 balls.
The ball managed to cross the ropes only twice from the other end when he batted.
All other batsmen together managed 9 fours and 5 sixes of 188 balls scoring 173 runs.

He got out at his team score of 132 but not before making 80 runs of 47 balls.
5 scintillating sixes and 8 fabulous fours at a strike rate of 170 [10 RPO].
People might say a lot of things. They might talk about Valthaty and Gayle.
Kohli holds the orange cap. Sachin the most consistent. Many have fired.
Rohit has played well too and David Hussey hit the longest six so far.

He was honest and accepted his team was suffering because he had failed to fire.
And in spite of a bad shoulder and a worse pitch, he needed to fire !
Delhi languishing at the bottom of the table needed the Captain for resurrection.

Harsha Bhogle tweeted Yuveraj and Sehwag are better India players than IPL players.
He was right. Well, mostly. Somehow Sehwag prefers the bigger stage to ignite.

The partisan crowd at Kochi didn't realize how fortunate they were today.
They have witnessed one of the rarest of the rare Gems today on a tough pitch.
In conditions like this where their own team has lost 20 wickets for a total of 187 runs...

Resurrection Man !

And the de facto Fact - QED:
Virendar Sehwag's 80 today is easily 'The Best' IPL knock I have seen so far !
I rest my case !



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Time to Test the Bench in the Caribbean !

IPL has thrown up some surprises. Some players whom I have disliked all along have done well. Some whom I have hyped up haven't. And some whom I have waited for have done well too. And thankfully, the new teams aren't door mats. Let us take a look at Indian players @ IPL 2011 chapter.

Of the lesser known faces, Abu Nechim looked good when he got a chance. Ambati Rayudu has been fantastic. Paul Valthaty is Revelation and Revolution put together. He is the 'Item Number' of IPL-4. Harmeet Singh Bansal got slower but also got Sehwag. Vinay Kumar has never looked better.

Bharat Chipli is another surprise package. Venugopal Rao is a blooming, but perhaps a tad too late for a total recall. Dinesh Karthik is not the same Boss DK he was a year ago. Abhishek Nayar too has slipped down the ladder.

Murali Vijay and Badrinath have played well, but nothing exceptional. Shikar Dhawan has been a total disaster. Naman Ojha is missing Warne. Che Pujara hasn't got the chances to bat higher. Saurabh Tiwari has been too tame. Anirudha Srikkanth has shown more maturity than his father.

Dravid and Laxman have batted well, but ! Mohammed Kaif hasn't got a look in. Akash Chopra is a very good blogger today. Wridhiman Saha is in a team whose Captain's name is M. S. Dhoni. Ajit Agarkar will retire after this season.

Dinda has bowled no-balls and bad balls and wants to believe he is India's answer to Malinga. That he is NOT. Irfan Pathan has done precious little. Jakati is not the same bowler he was in IPL-2010. Gony is more of agony and Sreesanth is Freesanth.

Murali Karthik is toiling gamely, but selectors are not looking back. Sidharth Trivedi has blown hot and blown cold. Abhimanyu Mithun has been blown away. Umesh yadav wants to play tests. But where is he ? Why aren't Rajastan trying Deepak Chahar ? And where is Kamran Khan ?

Sarabjit Ladda looks good and then looks bad. What is Asad Pathan ? A Bowler who can bat or a Batsman who can bowl ? Too many Pathans, too little Pathaning !

Rohit Sharma is maintaining the Legend of Rohit Sharma. I watched live, Raveendra Jadeja slam two huge sixes against CSK. Robin Uthappa has played his customary big shots. Balaji looks fabulous with slower ones but perhaps Vinay Kumar is a better package.

Yusuf Pathan has bowled better and flattered to deceive with the bat. Thankfully Piyush Chawla will not be in contention; Jadeja demolished him. Pragyan Ojha looks pale and Amit Mishra just about hale.

Manoj Tiwari has missed out on scaling the next level twice this time. Good, yet not as good as say, Rayudu, Valthaty or Uthappa. Everyone is busy talking about Poonam Pandey. Does anyone remember the first Indian to score an IPL century ?

Manish Pandey

Sehwag should have had shoulder surgery NOW. He is MESSING up the IPL and will be MISSING the West Indies and England tours. Too bad. Sachin is Sachin, Thank You Sachin.

Yuvi the Captain isn't as great as Yuvi the match winner. Bhajji is looking as ordinary as he has been for past 3 years. Zaheer needs rest. Gambhir can make an ordinary team with Kallis, Lee, Morgan, Shakib, Yusuf and Gambhir.

It is believed Dhoni, Sachin, Sehwag, Bhajji and Zaheer would like to be rested. Nehra is yet to recover from injury. Will he be ready for the West Indies ?

Though Dhoni has maintained that IPL should not be the criteria for India selection, we can't altogether ignore the greatest Glicket show on earth.

So here is my ODI Team for the West Indies Tour ! This is open for updating as the IPL progresses.

1] Gautam Gambhir [Captain - He should OPEN or should not play]
2] Paul Valthaty [Why not ? It is time to see if he is good at the next level]
3] Virat Kohli [Obvious choice. There isn't a better No. 3 right now]
4] Yuveraj Singh [Rested enough and rusted enough. He needs to be playing]
5] Suresh Raina [He too has to be there too]
6] Robin Uthappa [He deserves a chance. Second Wicket Keeper]
7] Yusuf Pathan [Poor IPL batting form. But he deserves at least 1 full series]
8] Parthiv Patel [The Wicket Keeper. Has batted usefully]
9] Ishant Sharma [He has been good so far. He is Future !]
10] Munaf Patel [In spite of my dislike, he is in because he is IN]
11] Ravindra Jadeja [Well, he has come back in a BIG way]
12] R. Ashwin [He is our strongest Spinner in shorter formats]
13] R. P. Singh [Scratchy. But a little support and he can be R. P. Swing !]
14] Vinay Kumar [Absolute guts and hard work. Deserves to be there]
15] Ashish Nehra / Praveen Kumar [One of them needed for the experience]

Unless someone from this list plays really badly or someone else plays really exceptionally, this could be the team. Rayudu, Rohit, Balaji  and Vijay can consider themselves unlucky to miss the flight. But then we have a pretty good Bench Strength. We can afford to waste a few talents. Even Greg Chappell believes so !




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Victory has many Fathers; Let them all be !

Victory has many Fathers; Let them all be !

Disclaimer: This is my most serious post ever. I have never been so serious. No, not even while I was waiting for my daughter's arrival through a complicated Cesarean section 12 seasons ago. I am so very dead serious because I am seeing a good chance of winning 'A Cup for Mr. Tendulkar' is going up in smoke thanks to a few rectifiable factors. So I am making a serious attempt to find a way of of the mess.

I have often been accused of trivializing the serious issues with my mirth. It hurts but what else can one do when the team one adores continues to play like idiots when it matters the most.

Let us take stock. India are No. 1 side in Tests and No. 2 in ODI format. They won the T-20 World Cup in South Africa in 2007 when none expected them to. They white-washed New Zealand recently with an under strength team. They also played pretty well without the bigwigs in the recently concluded ODI series in South Africa before going down 3-2.

But what happens to India when an ICC event comes up ? It perhaps isn't Team India that turns up. It must be some other team. You, Me and Hum don't know this team. This is my inference. Why do I think so ? Let us understand what is happening. 

Captain not so Cool 

Why does the Cool go Captain Fool during ICC events. His fixation with certain players and dislike for some others has cost us dear. It was His Highness Ravindra Jadeja during the T-20 World Cup. It happens to be Piyush Chawla and Munaf Patel this time.

Why does Dhoni want Munaf to bowl at death ? It invariably means instant death for the team. Munaf doesn't have the pace. He can't reverse swing and he bowled his last yorker about 9 years ago and that too accidentally. 

Batting Disorder 

Dhoni also is experimenting too much with the batting line up. It is fine if and when it works. But we saw it went wrong not once, not twice but thrice. Why do you want to upset the rhythm ? Well, Dhoni should know better. Both Virat and Yusuf stand undermined in confidence. If we want to win from here, Virat should bat higher and that means higher than Gautam.

Gambhir is capable of switching gears quicker. Hence he should be made to understand the importance of batting at No. 4. Yusuf should never bat before Yuveraj. He perhaps gets complacent when he knows there still are Dhoni, Yuvi and Virat in the pavilion waiting to bat. Best of Yusuf has come when he has batted with back to the wall with only the tail to follow. Let him carry on with his brand of Cricket.

Power Play Problems 

Time and again, things have fallen apart during the Batting Power Play. This happened in the 5th ODI in the South Africa series. Yusuf Pathan was indulging in savage hitting with a spread out field scoring 8 -10 runs an over without breaking much sweat. Then they took BPP and Yusuf fell promptly. India collapsed against England and then were decimated by South Africa. Why is it so happening ?

The answer is simple. We have a batting line up full of gigantic Egos. Left alone, they have the capabilities to clear any ground in the world. When the batting power play comes into action, somehow our boys think they have to hit every ball and score may be 100 runs from those 5 overs. And thus we end up getting all out from unbelievable positions.

So what do we do ? Simple again. Tell the boys, "Never bother about the Batting Power plays. When you have wickets in hands, runs will come. Don't throw your wicket." Sehwag and Pathan can be excused to a little extent for being impetuous but not others. Against England, Yuveraj and Dhoni got out in back to back overs playing injudicious shots and India were bowled out for at least 20 - 25 runs short of what would have been. Against South Africa, Sachin and Gambhir fell in back to back overs and that turned the tide. 

Reverse Swing 

Like it or not, Asian teams did well with reverse swing in the past. But now, all other teams have picked up and are in fact doing better. Taking BPP once the ball starts to reverse has proved counter productive. Even England lost the plot against India during BPP against Zaheer Khan's reverse swing.

What is the solution ? Take BPP earlier. If we have wickets in hands with batsmen in good nick, take BPP soon after the 15 overs. Then play those overs just like the first 15 overs. What are the benefits ?

1] Sachin / Sehwag or Sachin / Gambhir or Sehwag / Gambhir or Gambhir / Kohli pair can manage to score about 30 - 35 or even 40 runs from these overs without much risk. The wickets will be in hand for the final assault.

2] When the ball reverses, we are not compelled to take BPP. The opponents will not be risking close in fielders to prevent singles during this period even if the ball is reversing. This gives an option for settled batsmen to rotate strike and strike big when you get an opportunity. Four singles and a boundary can still get you 40 runs from 5 overs between overs 41 and 45. But with lesser batsmen at the crease, bowlers like Steyn and Malinga can become lethal. So earlier they play the BPP, better it will be.

3] 2 overs each lesser from bowlers like Steyn, Malinga or Gul during the death means that much lesser problem. Fast bowlers and reverse swing will not be so lethal without the field support and when in form top order batsmen at the crease. This is what happened when Ross Taylor caned the Pakistan bowling. 

Middle Over Crisis 

Like the middle age crisis, Team India faces middle over crisis. Sachin and Gambhir inexplicably slowed down during middle overs. It isn't possible to bat in fifth gear all the time. But keep it in fourth or at least third during middle overs. When a run rate of 8.5 RPO drops to just about 6.5 during middle overs, it allows the opponents to regroup. Allows lesser bowlers to squeeze in a lot of overs. And thus we end up with a lot lesser runs than what could have been. 

Team > Individual Milestones

 The 'Mantra' should be to keep the runs trickling. Personal milestones should have no roles and only the interest of team should matter. It was annoying to see Yusuf Pathan's generosity when he slowed down to allow Yuveraj to reach his 50 against Ireland. Just imagine if India get knocked out of the tourney in a tight tie for fourth place with England. It will be remembered that India lost the cup in a bid to give one of their players a World Cup record. Duminy will tell us that is not done by South Africans. 

Bowling Woes 

As of now we are unlikely to find a drastic solution. I was right from the beginning criticizing the selection of Nehra, Munaf and Chawla. I would have preferred any three from Irfan Pathan, R P Singh, Amit Mishra, Pragyan Ojha and Sreesanth.

The troika I mentioned bring down the stock of the team thanks also to their fielding and absolute lack of batting. Whatever might have been his problems in longer version of Cricket, Irfan has done well in shorter formats and is a wicket taking bowler. Praveen Kumar is a loss, but he isn't exactly a Steyn or Malinga.

No use crying over split milk. What can we do with the available stock ? Bring back Sreesanth and give him some confidence. The Captain needs to back all his players. Not the selected ones like Chawla. Bring in Ashwin. He is a wicket taking bowler and can bowl at death or slog. Forget about bowling becoming one-dimensional. It is not. Bhajji and Ashwin are totally different bowlers and Pathan is the non-spinner who keeps things tight.

Squeeze in 10 - 12 overs from Yusuf and Yuveraj but keep faith in main bowlers. Sreesanth and not Zaheer is the best exponent of reverse swing in India. Bowl him in 4 spells of 3, 3, 2 and 2 overs like Steyn does. He just needs some support. Can we expect that from Dhoni ? 

Fielding the Best 11 

Well, they showed some commitment while fielding against Saffers. If we keep Munaf and Nehra out, one third of the fielding woes are solved. Shield Bhajji from mid-off and mid-on. Keep Sachin in the Third man and Bhajji in the mid-wicket / square leg. Zaheer is another slow mover who can be shielded in the fine-leg. Virat at point adds to the pressure. And we can frequently bring in Raina to cover up for slow movers.

So finally I would go in with...

Sehwag
Sachin
Kohli
Gambhir
Yuveraj
Dhoni
Yusuf
Bhajji
Ashwin
Zaheer
Sreesanth

If we still don't win, we will have two new scape-goats: Sreesanth and Ashwin. Makes no difference. Let them be !

If we go onto win... Victory has many fathers; let them all be !


SPun Doctor

Yuckmal and other World Cup Trivia - Part-1

The Cricket World Cup is on and I landed back on Terra Firma with a resounding thud this evening. My second favorite team was Kamraned initially and then Taylored. From then it went all Southee-wards. So now we have some fun on the KumRun and Pakistan is back to being Pakistan.

Here is a random look at some of the trivia from the action up till now.

Finally... He caught something !

It is reported that 'KumRun' Akmal finally 'caught' something. Well, it turned out to be a stomach bug. And he 'dropped' again; this time in his pants ! His team-mates now call him Yuckmal !

Shoaib Aqthar recommended for Nobel Peace Prize. For not mugging Yuckmal.

People are unnecessarily being harsh on Kakmal. He confessed to his younger brother that he was just being nice to the Birthday Boy. But he is cut up with Taylor for not reciprocating the gesture.

Bollywood stunt masters have used boxing gloves, hockey sticks, stumps and even a basketball to wreck violence on celluloid. They now have added an exciting new weapon, "The Groin Protector" !

Bangladesh fans believed their team was full of 'Rock Stars'. But the team played as if they belonged to the 'Stone age'. So the 'Stones Rocked' and there was a Gayle storm on Twitter.

henrygayle Chris Gayle

This is some bullshit.....Bangladesh stoning our bus!!! Freaking glass Break!!! This is crap,can't believe..what next bullets!!!! Kiss teeth 4 Mar 

Piyush Chawla is taking his batting seriously. Well, who is taking his bowling seriously ?

Dhoni planning to promote Yusuf in the batting order. Then which position will he win matches from any position ?

Munaf Patel lauded by Dhoni for a fine effort in the field. He managed to beat the ball to the fence and picked it outside the ropes.

Ashish Nehra fit to play. He actually walked from the Team Bus to the ground on his own legs.

Sreesanth heard talking to a friend about cutting a music CD. Dhoni mistook it for LCD and gave Sree a public dressing down.

The Pepsi ad is doomed. 'Palti hit' has herniated. 'Upar Cut' isn't going Upar enough. 'Doosra' is missing in action. 'Pallu scoop' isn't Dilshining. Most importantly the 'Helicopter' hasn't taken wings and the 'Fan' is stuck.

But Indian Captain has rejected outright, the theory that he has lost the flair. Dhoni explained, "Helicopter is also called Chopper. You all must have noticed I am chopping a lot these days. So you still can watch me play 'Chopper Shots'. In the end, we all mature over a period of time"

Kohli is the newest addition to the 'Atheists' gang. He Viratified the Sachin LBW verdict and then asked the God to take a walk !

South Africa have rubbished the reports that they choked against England. Smith said, "We played our natural game and will continue to do so in future" !

Afridi is reported to be upset and asked Umar Gul, "How could you get How out ?". Jamie How made 4 runs of 29 balls with a striking strike rate of 13.79.

Umar Gul took the only catch in the New Zealand innings. All other catches went in One direction.

"Our bowling is weak" say Indian experts. An in depth analysis has revealed the reason. All our batsmen are on some kind of energy boosters. Like Sachin on Boost. But none of the bowlers are on anything. That explains Yuveraj's new found vigor. He has been "Revitalized" !

I just noticed I have completed a Century on "Doctoring the Balls". But to prevent this post from becoming a calamity like the 47th over of New Zealand innings, I declare here. I will come back, as random as random comes !



SPun Doctor

A Cup for Mr. Tendulkar : But how do we do it ?

I had written why India will struggle to win the ongoing World Cup. I know it was a little too dark and gloomy. I too want India to Win a World Cup for Mr. Sachin Tendulkar. But how do we manage do it ?

THIS is how we are going to do it ! Please read it on my blog @ Die Hard Cricket Fans !


S-Pun Doctor

Appam, Guruvayoorappan and Sree's anth

Chinnaswamy Stadium, Bengaluru, Indian Dressing room. 3:00 PM, 23 February 2011. Closed door meeting of Team India with Gary Kirsten and his support staff.

The ICC Anti-Corruption Unit has installed secret spy cameras in all the dressing rooms. We have managed to watch this sensational video, thanks to our contacts with some bookies who have grabbed the contracts to install these cameras.

We sincerely regret our inability to provide the actual video due to copyright issues. Before anyone posts the video on Youtube and the BCCI deletes it, here it is; the commentary of the entire meeting "deferred live".

Gary, Dhoni, Sachin, Viru, Gauty, Bhajji, Zaheer and Yuvi sitting on comfortable chairs at the center of the room arranged like a thirty yard circle. Raina, Virat, Munaf, Chawla, Yusuf and Gary's support staff can be seen gracing an outer circle of chairs, like the boundary ropes.

Ashwin is loitering around outside the outer circle without knowing where he was supposed to sit. He has a cup of piping hot coffee in his left hand. He is all ears and hence the coffee is still waiting. Are we missing someone ?

Gary: Okay, everyone on board. Everyone can express opinions here. All of you are opinionators. But nothing goes outside. So let us start. We can't take England batting lightly. They chased down 293 in spite of opener KP never opening up.

Bhajji: Gary Paji, honestly none of us have expressed any opinions on Bored or anywhere else. All that is totally fabricated by some strange guys called Vibheeshan and Golden Jazz. Looking at these names, they are likely to be Sri Lankans who want to divide our united unity.  I have asked Sachin Paji to talk to Malinga about this. If I come across these guys, I will cut those hands off.

Gary: Alright Bhajji, we all know you are such a team man and you will never write a report like that.

Yuveraj: What report ? Bhajji can't even SMS properly. Saala report kya likhega ?

Gary: Enough is enough, everyone falls in line...

Munaf Patel suddenly wakes up from his slumber and asks, "Gary, did you say Munaf is Munaf ? But I maintained good line and length"

Dhoni: Exactly, we have to maintain line and length and keep them below 234 odd if they bat first. And Sreesanth should keep quite. As long as he is not messing up with certain things, it is fine.

At this juncture, Ashish Nehra limps in with a toothy grin and joins the outer circle. He declares, "I am fit for England, I want to screw them again. This time not 6, I want 7"

Sachin, asserting that he too is fit again, "What do you think is a good score if we are batting first ?"

Viru: 175...

Gauty: Abe team ka total pooch raha hai, tera nahin...

Zaheer: It looks like a turning track. 250 - 260 kaafi hoga. Chawla bhi toh hoga !

Viru: Theek hai, theek hai. Sreesanth nahin hoga toh theek hai. Waise baaki ke 75 - 85 kaun banaayega ?

Virat: Viru Bhai, you can't score 175 in every game...

Viru: Why not ? I want to play 50 overs. Last time out hogaya, toh iss baar poore pachaas hazaar, I mean poore pachaas overs khelna hai...

Gary: [Cutting short Viru] It isn't important who scores how many, we need a team effort...

Pathan suddenly stands up and yells, "What team ? I can win any match from any position..."

Yuveraj: Saala 2 century kya lagaya aur lambi lambi baat karta hai... Ek over me 6 sixer lagaake dikha. And then turns to Dhoni and asks, "Mahi, woh Broad ka bachcha Broad khel raha hai kya ?"

Dhoni: Yuvi, your role in the team has been redefined. You have to do a little bit of everything, batting, bowling and fielding.

Yuveraj: What do you think I am doing now ? I am bowling more than bit, I am batting very little, and fielding a little too.

Raina: What fielding ? I can do much better. The last time you dived in to the swimming pool, all the water splashed out. You can't dive now...

Gary: No fighting please...

Dhoni: Exactly, it is alright to pick up small issues with opponents till a certain level. But you should not create problems for team mates. Sreesanth should maintain discipline, as long as he is not crossing certain lines, it is alright. I am missing Street smart Obama, I mean Pehelwan PK. What we have got instead is an over-smart Appam. What can we do ? Injuries are part and parcel of the game...

All this while feeling like an orphan, Sreesanth is sitting at a corner and watching again and again his 5-0-53-0 spell against Bangladesh.

He grunts, kisses his lockets with all those religious symbols, draws an imaginary cross over his chest and then swears to himself, "Oh Guruvayoorappa, I too want a revenge match. Please let Bangladesh qualify for Semi-Final and I want to beat them and break that Kayes' head"

Meanwhile Yuvi wants to prove a point to Raina and dives right over Raina's head and lands heavily on Sreesanth. Sree in turn goes cartwheeling and bangs his head to the LCD television monitor and is knocked out cold. A part of the LCD monitor goes black.

There is utter chaos and someone shouts, "Pour some water on his face". In the pandemonium, Chawla does what he thinks is best suited [to himself]. He snatches the cup from Ashwin and pours all the hot coffee on Sree's face and trips Nehra with his legs and Nehra too lands with a thud and has injured his hamstrings again.

Dhoni: See, I had just warned him and here he is. Kabhie nahin sudhrega. He has damaged the LCD monitor and now Nehra is injured and will not be able to take 7 wickets against England. I think we have to report this to the Match Referee. Australia and Ponting can do whatever they like, but we are not like them.

Sreesanth is recovering from daze. Wiping off the coffee from his face and neck, Sree grumbles, "But Dhoni Bhai, what did I do ? I don't even know what hit me. Was it an Earthquake or did the roof collapse ? And why am I smelling like Indian Coffee House waiter ?"

Yuveraj takes offense and yells, "Look Appam C, I am not that heavy as you are insinuating", turns to Dhoni and moans, "See, how derogatory he is talking about me..."

Sreesanth: Wait, wait Yuvi Paaji wait, I didn't...

Yuveraj: Dekho dekho, baar baar mere weight ke baare me bol raha hai...

Dhoni: Yes, yes... It is very difficult to control Sreesanth. We have tried our best to reform him. But how he has smashed the LCD monitor, broken Nehra's long leg and hurt Yuvi's senti mentals. We can't tolerate this anymore. Sreesanth has crossed all the certain lines and now he has to be punished. I am going to call a press meet at 7:30 PM !

Sreesanth: Ende Guruvayoorappa rakshikkane ... !




S-Pun Doctor

Maheadlines in the times of World Cup !

Weird things do happen in Cricket. They just keep happening. More so during the World Cup.

He wasn't even thought of as a WC probable before the South Africa ODI Series.

4 wickets on an apology of a track and Dhoni has warmed up to Piyush Chawla.

In a batting card that reads: Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, Kohli, Yuveraj, Pathan, Dhoni, Bhajji and Zaheer Khan...

"This is what we hear": Chawla needs to contribute with bat too: Dhoni

What about Yuveraj, Raina and Dhoni himself ?

Dhoni aka Mahi is the Head of Team India. Hence whatever he utters becomes Maheadlines !

We are living in weird yet exciting times.

We can expect more and more Maheadlines...

Yuveraj needs to take 5 wickets more often

Sachin needs to score more ODI centuries than anyone

Pathan needs to win more matches from any position

Sehwag has to improve his strike rate while batting 50 overs

Ashwin is too tall for a spinner, he needs to get shorter

Munaf has to cut down on speed while bowling and running

Zaheer has to lead from the front and then back too

Sreesanth shouldn't open his mouth to appeal or even to eat Appam

Gambhir needs to bowl his leg-spin more regularly

Virat should improve his wicket-keeping skills

Nehra's teeth need to visit a Dentist before the Final

Raina needs to change his gear [Does it mean the CSK gear ?] 

Bhajji should remember he hasn't scored an ODI Century

And...

I think I must give more tips to my team-mates





S-Pun Doctor

Before the Cup; My Gifts to Team India !

The Cricket World Cup is around. The excitement is building up. I can never support any other team but Team India till they are knocked out. Right now I am optimistic in spite of all the negative talk and Piyush Chawla.

If they win, Team India will face a deluge of awards. If they lose, some of them might have to apply for Police protection to their person and properties. Cricket Crazy Indians, we all are !

But even if they don't win, I adore Team India including Piyush Chawla. Hope they win and win a lot of awards, prizes and contracts.

I am a middle class blogger and can't afford to reward them big. But I would like to give one gift each to every member of Team India. Howsoever trivial they might appear, I love to give them even before they play their first match at Mirpur against their 2007 nemesis.

So here are my gifts to Team India... 

1] Sachin Tendulkar: Kapil Dev said Sachin will not retire without a World Cup. If this one eludes him, it is unlikely that he can win in 2015. So I very humbly would like to gift him a miniature World Cup trophy. If India win, great. If they don't, let him keep it as a consolation prize. 

2] Virendar Sehwag: A sustained release icepack fitted into the helmet. He will need it to keep his cool. Viru is vital for India's fortunes. If Sehwagging continues throughout the tourney, the Cup cometh home. 

3] Gautam Gambhir: A tongue depressor; used in the Doctor's clinic to keep the tongue down. Gauty's bat starts to falter when his tongue takes over. He has already put an enormous burden on the team by saying this is our best chance. I remember 1987. 

4] Yuveraj Singh: No, not Revital. He is already on that. A DVD of his altercation with Andrew Flintoff and the aftermath is what he needs. The difference between the Cup and the Slip for India will be, the form of Yuvi; literally and figuratively ! 

5] Virat Kohli: Tee-shirt with "Attitude, wear it on your gloves". He might be benched initially, but should not be disappointed. The Dude with attitude needs to keep his head during the Cup. 

6] Mahendra Singh Dhoni: A miniature Helicopter. He needs to be reminded of the 'shot'. Not only in Pepsi ads, he needs to play them on the field. 

7] Yusuf Pathan: A complete Gillette Mach-3 shaving system with accessories. He needs to be told it isn't the beard that is responsible for his runs. Clean shaven guys and even his former Rajastan Royals buddy Shane Watson are scoring runs; without a beard. If the beard were to bring luck, all the Mullahs would have won the Cup for Afghanistan. 

8] Suresh Raina: The CSK jersey. He somehow becomes a transformed man in that outfit. Send him in Indian colors with CSK jersey underneath. He will have added protection against the 'short ball'. 

9] Harbhajan Singh: A wrist band with 'No. 1' inscribed. Forget 'Doosra'. Bhajji needs to get is 'Pehla' going on Indian pitches. How else can we stem the runs in the middle overs. He will have to bowl on those 'national highways'.

10] Zaheer Khan: A "Taweez' to keep him free of injuries during the whole tourney. Though I don't believe in them, I've heard Cricketers are a superstitious lot. It might just keep him happy. If any bowler can win it for India, Khan can.

11] Ashish Nehra: An old fashioned foot-role. He needs to keep them straight and not on the leg-stump.

12] Munaf Patel: A Roller-skates set. He needs to run on the field, not walk in the park. 

13] Ravichandran Ashwin: A Bench. He will have to warm it all through the Cup, unless Bhajji gets injured or badly mauled in initial stages. 

14] Praveen Kumar: A mechanical Swing. He needs to do just that with the new ball and with the old ball. Lest him go the Ajit Agarkar way. 

15] Piyush Chawla: He already has got one in the form of a berth in the squad. Anymore pampering will be injustice to Amit Mishra and Pragyan Ojha.

And finally... 

Gary Kirsten: Not me, only Team India can give him a parting gift. The Prize will be the only befitting gift to his Priceless contribution to Team India. Hope they do it for the First and the Last man in my list; they deserve it !






S-Pun Doctor

Super Sub to be Back ?

BCCI have requested the ICC to bring back the Super-Sub into ODI Cricket with immediate effect. It is believed the ICC too is keen on this. Here are the reasons for this sudden decision...

Look at the embarrassing situation the 'Poor Indian Selectors' are facing while they sit to select the Indian 11 for any of the World Cup Matches !

1] Sachin Tendulkar - My God ! He IS there !
2] Virendar Sehwag - Naam toh t-suna-mi hoga !
3] Gautam Gambhir - He is Seriously there - No Choice !
4] Virat Kohli - How can India afford to drop their Top Scorer of 2010 ?
5] Yuveraj Singh - Even a half fit Yuvi is better than many fully fit players !
6] Suresh Raina - Fielding and his floating nature make him inevitable !
7] Mahendra Dhoni - Captain and Wicket-Keeper can't drop him !
8] Harbhajan Singh - How can they drop a Bowling All-rounder ?
9] Zaheer Khan - He is India's Premier Bowler and Can bat a bit too !
10] Praveen Kumar - The Street Smart Pahelwan will be an asset once match-fit !
11] Sreesanth - We all know he is a wicket taking bowler !
12] Ashish Nehra - Has done enough to merit a place here !

Vijay, Parthiv Patel, Munaf Patel, Rohit Sharma, Saurabh Tiwari, Che Pujara, Robin Uthappa, Ishant Sharma, Jadeja, Ojha and many more are in contention too. Unfortunately they can't play Two Indian Teams !

So where does this leave our You-super Pathan ?
Imagine the Crowd support he can bring in after what he has done tonight !
Can they afford to miss out on one of the Biggest Potential Match Winner and Crowd Puller ?

NO...

So what is the solution ?

The Top half can win us 'Won' matches; I mean the well played matches !
Yusuf can win us the 'Lost' matches; those are the not so well played matches !
Bring in Yusuf Pathan for whoever is having an 'Off-Day' !
Even better, we can bring in any one for anyone not doing well on that day.
Make You-super Sub Pathan our Match Winner !





S-Pun Doctor

Collapsistan Lost and Nobody Blamed !

Pakistan lost badly to South Africa at Abu Dhabi.

Collapsistan Lost and Nobody Blamed !

Kevin Peitersen calls John Buchanan [JB] a 'Nobody' [NB]. Does that mean Bhooka Nan was blamed ?

Usually Cricket reports contain so many details about balls and no-ball calls, wickets and tickets and runs and ruins !

And This was reported as a matter of fact rather than as a matter of act !

Beats me, just take a look at what all weird things happened...

From 140 / 1 after 30 overs, Pakistan were bundled out for 203 in the penultimate over.

Collapses aren't new to Pakistan Cricket. They can definitely be renamed 'Collapsistan'. But even by their own exalted standards, this was ridiculous because they weren't even properly hitting out !

After the departure of Younis Khan, from Misbah-ul-Haq down; 8 Pakistan batsmen just could not hit a single boundary if we leave out the lone sixer by Shoaib Actor.

In fact the last boundary of Pakistan innings was a mishit of the last ball of 26th over. Actor managed the lone sixer of the third ball of 49th over.

Younis Khan once again proved, "Clash is Temporary, Class is Permanent". Why is he such a recluse ?

Zulkarnain Haider made his ODI debut and played a classic test innings. Has he 'booked' his berth ?

Pakistan deployed 7 bowlers and they managed only 2 no-balls and both were bowled by Actor Miyan. They just are not ready to cross the line !

Hashim Amla is playing like Virendar Sehwag. Who gave him the liberty ?

Graeme Smith hurt his fingers again for the 739th time. 'Poppadam Fingers' !

Pakistan batsmen must have been intimidated by the name Lonwabo Tsotsobe. They probably thought it was some mosquito causing Dengue Fever. It's rumored that Afridi called Yuveraj Singh to find out about it !

AB de Villiers scored only 51. Can't believe that. When was the last time he got out so cheaply ?

Graeme Smith retired hurt. Kallis didn't want to be left behind and he too cramped !

South Africa are called Saffers or SA. But Pakistan team has three SAs in their 11. Shahid Afridi, Saeed Ajmal and Shoaib Actor. This was 3 SAs vs SA !

Saffers are shuffling their batting order like nobody's business. Is Greg Chappelle around there ?

Billy Bowden wasn't there, but A-sad Rauf more than made up for that by getting the prized wicket of Younis Khan !

So much happened and absolutely no noise pollution ! Why ?

Here are the reasons...

Pakistan Parliament hasn't constituted an inquiry commission and all the donkeys in Pakistan are reported to be safe.

Ejaz Butt is silent. Someone was heard gossiping he was attending an intensive course on 'Fart of Living' !

Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif are in Dubai; away from their herd, busy being heard.

Miyandad is playing 'Grand-Dad' and is getting ready to welcome his daughter's fifth child. He wants 11 children from her so that he can have a team of his own. He hopes to become the Undisputed Coach of Pakistan.

And Mohsin Khan is busy seeking no objection certificates for the As-ifs and Butts and is talking to Dawn !



S-Pun Doctor