The Aussie Annihilation: A Lazy Analysis !

Returning to "Doctoring the Balls" after the longest hiatus of almost half an year. It wasn't as if I was too occupied or had lost interest. It was just that I was lazy to compile a blog-post and was satisfied with short comments on the Social Media. Here I am just compiling some of them together; my take on the Annihilation of Aussies !

Chennai:

India's Opening pair reminds me so much of "Sholay". We have a Viru and a Vi-Jay and then there is a Coin Toss Dhoni NEVER wins !

Exasperated with the Aussie tail bothering our bowlers, Bhajji has declared, "India should ban wickets 8 / 9 / 10 or take them at the beginning of the innings !"

The Chennai pitch where India scored 572 and their last 3 wickets added 200 in less than 50 overs is a bonafide dodgy subcontinental minefield of a track not suitable for Test Cricket !

Question: What did Nathan tell Sachin Tendulkar that upset his rhythm before his fall ?
Answer: Saaraa shehar humen Lyon ke naam se jaanta hai !

Virat is now definitely ready to carry the burden of nation. Well deserved century ! 

 

Jadeja getting so much turn and 3 wickets on day-1 of a test means just one thing. This test might end before lunch on day-4, if not earlier !

 

Hyderabad:

 

The theme at Hyderabad was: Kai Po CHE ! 

 

Clarke survived a very close LBW of Jadeja. So Jaddu boy decided to take the law into his own hands and bowled him now ! 

 

Clarke gambled by declaring with 1 wicket still left. But Dhoni is a Master of the Gamble: He sent 2 Night Watchmen to Open !

 

Shane Watson's wife gives birth to their first child. Likely to be named Powerpoint Presentation-1 ! 

 

Michael Clarke will get out in all possible ways to Jadeja before the end of this series !

 

Ravindra jadeja should be immediately appointed Honorary Manager of all Government offices. He knows how handle Clarkes !

 

Cheteshwar Pujara and Murali Vijay have beaten Australia by an innings at Hyderabad !

 

Of the 4 suspended Australian players, only one is a Man [Usman]. Rest all are Sons [Watson, Pattinson, Johnson] !

 

If coach were to ask Bhajji to make a presentation, he'd've given him a glittering 'gift wrapped' "Presentation !" 

 

Haddin going to India: He is expected to Wade through troubled waters !

 

Mohali:

 

India's Population Control Board must hire M S Dhoni's services. He can eliminate many with his ways at the crease during tight chases !

 

Mickey Arthur has ordered Phil Hughes to buy a Pup or Dog that can eat his homework before the second innings !

 

Rajeev Shukla was quoted as, "Shikar Dhawan is the best thing to have happened to Indian Cricket since Rahul Gandhi !"

 

Inspired from the famous Bachchan dialoguie from "Sharaabi": "Mooche Ho to ho Shikhar Dhawan jaisi, Nahin to naa ho !"

The Hundred Man and the Twirling Mustache

End of the road for the Viru-Gauty ? Too early to write them off but Dhawan, Vijay success means a happy Dhoni sans the Delhi-Bully gang !

 

Delhi:
 

Dhoni has won everything in this series except toss !

 

Jadeja will get two wickets lesser in Delhi test thanks to Clarke !

 

Jadeja can't give up on Australian Captains. Clarke nahin toh Watson sahi !

 

Jadeja completes an over in the time that Ishant takes to push back his hair into place !

 

Will Ojha spend 1 year on 99 ala Tendulkar ?

 

We soon might have ads like "This ball of the over sponsored by...blah blah" on NEO Prime TV !

 

I wonder why they didn't send Ajinkya Rahane to open. He has enough experience opening; the drinks bottles !

 

Indian middle order is like our bureaucracy. They sit in AC and order around. We people know they won't but we still expect them to deliver the goods !

  

Australia missed Clarke the bowler than the batsman. Jadeja too missed him, but the batsman !

 

Australia Captain Clarke has ''Declared'' they can take pride over the fact that India couldn't bowl them out 8 times in the series !

No more performance related worries for Mrs. Che Pujara !

Che Pujara's wife is totally satisfied and extremely happy with his performance !

 

SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Divided Colors of Blue !

Though the camaraderie on display on camera between Dhoni and Sehwag looked good; every Indian Cricket supporter knows, the split is out there gaping in open. And it isn't 'Bleeding Blue' any more. The team has hemorrhaged to near death. How could a Team that scaled the pinnacle of World Cup in April 2011 be so pathetically down in the dumps in February 2012 ?

Divided We Stand !

The Viru - Mahi war was always on. If not for Anil Kumble's insistence during the tour down under in 2007, Sehwag the Superstar would have been history. Dhoni would not have touched him with a barge pole if not for the match saving century at Adelaide 4 years ago.

Dhoni has shown clear preference to anyone other than Sehwag in the ODI scheme of things and he can't be faulted for that. Viru's records in ODI Cricket are just a little better than mediocre. During 2007 - 08, Sehwag was also a member of a team that was up and coming. In 2012, he is 'The Sehwag' who is back to playing the ball rather than the bowlers.

Is this divide in the team a new phenomenon triggered by a successive defeats ? Will it be fine once the team gets back to winning ways ? Far from it, the split was always there right from 2010 March and perhaps even before.

Let us go back to the Bangladesh series in March 2010 when Sehwag called Bangladesh an ordinary test team before the series. Sehwag captained India in the absence of Dhoni in the first test at Chittagong and played Amit Mishra ahead of Pragyan Ojha. Mishra went on to claim 7 wickets in the match and also scored a 50 as night watchman in Indian second innings.

This performance should have ensured a place for Mishra in the second test. It wasn't as if Pragyan Ojha was a Zaheer Khan or a Harbhajan Singh to walk into the team. But alas, Dhoni preferred to play Ojha instead. From that day, the Dhoni - Sehwag cold war has been on; like it or not.

India's subsequent performances through most of 2010 to the 2011 World Cup campaign were driven by an aim of winning the world cup. Sehwag had come across as someone not interested in Captaincy when he relinquished the Delhi Ranji Team and the Delhi Daredevils Captaincy in favor of Gambhir. Who refueled his Captaincy ambitions is unknown. But after the World Cup, he has time and again shown more than eagerness to lead India.

Dhoni hasn't covered himself in glory too. Right from dropping a Mishra to time and again undermining both the Pathans, he has played his role in demolishing the team spirit. His ad campaign mocking Harbhajan Singh was definitely the beginning of the end of Men in Blue as a team. Team India until then was all about United Colors of Blue in spite of minor skirmishes involving Sreesanth and Bhajji and such trivialities.

The fissure that erupted with this has left Bhajji out of favor, Viru out of flavor, Dhoni the martyr and Sachin Tendulkar eternally short of 100 ! That Tendulkar who was proud to be part of a team that carried him on shoulders on 2 April 2011 must be asking himself, "Mai Kaun hoon Mai Kahaan hoon !"

So who are the culprits ? 

Answer: All parties involved. 

The CB series was going fairly fine till Dhoni's bizarre tactics while chasing lead to enormous heart burns in the dressing room. Gambhir is right in his view but wrong in expressing it openly. Declaring Dhoni the Man of the Match in the tied game was like adding insult to injury. He ran out Gambhir, then Pathan and then ended up squaring a match India should have won comfortably. Did the adjudicators give him the MOM just to create further dissension in the team ? We will never know.

India didn't just lose 2 points with that tie. The damage was much more than that. It would have been India 4 vs 0 for Sri Lanka. Instead, it was 2-2 and that means 0-0. So how many points did India lose ?  The answer is 4 and that is why India are out of the tournament today ! Sri Lanka derived enormous mileage from that tie and India lost the initial advantage. They haven't won anything since then and are unlikely to win anything again.

Sehwag's refusal to learn or perhaps deliberate callousness is glaring. Gambhir went way beyond his jurisdiction when he unleashed his injudicious diction in a press meet. Tendulkar could have played peace-maker but he seems to be preoccupied with the 100. 

The youngsters had their opportunities to stake stronger claim. But Raina and Rohit have time and again thrown away starts with stupid batting. Bowlers have often been all over the park and 2 of the highest scores in the series were scored against India, naturally.

Overall, the Men in Blue are going through blues and have been beaten black and blue on this tour down under. They deserve this hammering and all the criticism. If the divide is not attended and the BCCI and Selectors decide on this continued Ostrich like approach, it will be doomsday soon.

So what is the solution ? Let Sehwag, Dhoni, Sachin, Gambhir and everyone know 'Nobody is indispensable, NOBODY'. Send a completely new junior team to the Asia Cup. If full strength team with all seniors can lose like this, the Team India fans can derive some solace if the juniors lose too. They have nothing to lose. And who knows ? We might again see a new dawn like the 2007 T-20 World Cup win. 

Even if that doesn't happen, we would still be better off teaching our next generation that even Sehwag, Gambhir and Dhoni were not spared ! Until and unless the feuding Stalwarts sort out the problems between them, keep them out. We have over half a year before we play another test.

Unless the runs flow, no Superstar can forever be so !

SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Panic button in the times of Knee Jerks !

England on the verge of thrashing India 4-0 in the Test series. There are reactions galore. One of my friends said, "What happened all of a sudden that the batsmen, bowlers and fielders; all have failed except for one".

Geoffrey Boycott  declared, "India look like a pale shadow of an ordinary team". There are a lot of reactions, over-reactions and knee-jerk reaction with doomsayers abundant.

In spite of a lot of criticism, Dhoni declared, "No need to press the panic button". Sreesanth said, "This is not the toughest series we have played". Not much has been heard from the likes of Laxman, Sachin, Sehwag and of course Gambhir.

Facebook, Twitter and all social networking sites are overflowing with snide remarks, tweets and offensive comments about the greed of our players. It hurts to see a team lose like this. I don't remember Team India playing such spineless Cricket since the 2003 New Zealand series.

For one who predicted a 2-1 or 1-2 or 2-2 result for the series, I too am taken aback. So I decided to sit back and doing a postmortem of the series. Keeping the knee-jerk out, here is what I feel about the series.

What went right for England

England were playing full strength with very few carrying injuries. Playing at home, they had abundant supply of replacements. They had walloped Australia in Australia and were very very eager for the No. 1 spot. They played ruthless, efficient and Champion brand of Cricket, no doubts. They deserve to be No. 1 now and no contesting that either. But if we look closer, so many things went in favor of England. Almost all things.

Home conditions, swinging pitches with bounce and carry.
All top order batters in form and even one who was out of form came out on top as the series progressed.
Their bowlers were definitely in supreme control and never allowed Indian batsmen to relax.
Every Umpiring and UDRS decisions went in favor of England. They got the Bell run-out reversed and sent Dravid packing when there was no clear evidence.
Overall they were fantastic on field and absolutely ruthless in every aspect including gamesmanship.

What went wrong for India

Sehwag and Gambhir in full form and fitness have terrorized best of the bowling attacks over the past 4 years. Both of them were coming back from long lay off and lack of match fitness showed.
Laxman and Tendulkar have done fabulously well for 4 years since 2007, the last time India toured England. Every time there was a crisis, one of these two had stepped in to lift the team. It was just the law of averages perhaps. Both failed in tandem.
During the series, India never completed test without someone breaking down.
Losing 2 out of 11 players on a tour can be tough. Then how about entire half of the team ? Gambhir, Zaheer, Harbhajan, Sehwag, Yuveraj, Sachin and then Praveen Kumar were hampered by injuries at one time or the other. Three of them were completely sidelined.
Umpires were reasonably kind to India but UDRS was not.

I have no complaint about the Cricket India played. The best of the teams can lose. But the way they capitulated to the pressure mounted by England to call back Bell was deplorable. For me, that was the defining moment in the series. If India had stood the ground, it would not have escalated into World war-3. But it definitely would have sent a message across. It was all downhill from there. The tough have thumped the soft-bellied meek.

This piece should not be dismissed as rantings of a disgruntled Indian fan. Just remember how England bumbled through World Cup 2011 and then kept complaining about everything including the size of the shrimps served for dinner.

Before we castigate this team for this series, let us not forget they had 'Won' the World Cup less than four months ago and had not lost a Test series since 2008. This just was one really sad series where nothing went right for India and everything worked perfectly for England. That will not happen all the times. India will bounce back and we have enough talent to sustain us in the Top-3 if not the top spot.

So, cheer up guys and gals and relax. Tomorrow is another day and Poms will fall sooner than later !





SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

What do I do when low on Cricket Adrenaline ?

Team India are the reigning World Champions in ODI Cricket.

We also have the World No. 1 Test Team since over a year.

IPL attracts more eyeballs than most of the International series.

Rahul Sharma and Sreenath Aravind have bowled with promise.

Ambati Rayudu and Paul Valthaty have enlivened the proceedings.

Shane Warne believes Rohit Sharma is a Master in the making.

Tendulkar is still hungry for runs and Dravid isn't finished either.

Virat Kohli is batting well and shows guts as Captain of men.

Sehwagging reached epitome before he was shouldered out.

Gambhir is taking both Captaincy and his name too seriously.

Ashish Nehra continues to recover from one injury after another.

Yuvi continues to prove he is a different player in Indian Colors.

Munaf bowled well till he lost his head and match to Amit Mishra.

Sreesanth excels as Sreesanth and bowls 5 good balls in an over.

Bhajji hasn't slapped Sree and called Symonds a Gentleman... Man !

So much happening and Mumbai Indians choking before the Finals !

So much of action, fun and excitement has not really excited me. Why ?

Why am I dormant compared to my normal over-talkative standards ?

Very often this happens to me during those never-ending ODI series.

Every single IPL season, I have felt it as it comes to the business end.

Tendulkar may be God to millions and many who don't believe in God.

Sehwag may be the most destructive batsman in all forms of Cricket.

Gayle may have redefined the IPL Batsmanship taking it to a new height.

I realized something today. I am going through a trough in Crickinterest.

I realized today that I am missing something, rather missing someone !

Fortunately I know what to do when I feel so low on Cricket Adrenaline...

I just watch THIS !




Post Script: I can sit through an entire day and then through the night watching VVS bat with the tail in tow than suffer some of that 'Cricket' played by the likes of Sunny Sohal and Manish Pandey; the Masters of Inelegance !



SPun Doctor

Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Victory has many Fathers; Let them all be !

Victory has many Fathers; Let them all be !

Disclaimer: This is my most serious post ever. I have never been so serious. No, not even while I was waiting for my daughter's arrival through a complicated Cesarean section 12 seasons ago. I am so very dead serious because I am seeing a good chance of winning 'A Cup for Mr. Tendulkar' is going up in smoke thanks to a few rectifiable factors. So I am making a serious attempt to find a way of of the mess.

I have often been accused of trivializing the serious issues with my mirth. It hurts but what else can one do when the team one adores continues to play like idiots when it matters the most.

Let us take stock. India are No. 1 side in Tests and No. 2 in ODI format. They won the T-20 World Cup in South Africa in 2007 when none expected them to. They white-washed New Zealand recently with an under strength team. They also played pretty well without the bigwigs in the recently concluded ODI series in South Africa before going down 3-2.

But what happens to India when an ICC event comes up ? It perhaps isn't Team India that turns up. It must be some other team. You, Me and Hum don't know this team. This is my inference. Why do I think so ? Let us understand what is happening. 

Captain not so Cool 

Why does the Cool go Captain Fool during ICC events. His fixation with certain players and dislike for some others has cost us dear. It was His Highness Ravindra Jadeja during the T-20 World Cup. It happens to be Piyush Chawla and Munaf Patel this time.

Why does Dhoni want Munaf to bowl at death ? It invariably means instant death for the team. Munaf doesn't have the pace. He can't reverse swing and he bowled his last yorker about 9 years ago and that too accidentally. 

Batting Disorder 

Dhoni also is experimenting too much with the batting line up. It is fine if and when it works. But we saw it went wrong not once, not twice but thrice. Why do you want to upset the rhythm ? Well, Dhoni should know better. Both Virat and Yusuf stand undermined in confidence. If we want to win from here, Virat should bat higher and that means higher than Gautam.

Gambhir is capable of switching gears quicker. Hence he should be made to understand the importance of batting at No. 4. Yusuf should never bat before Yuveraj. He perhaps gets complacent when he knows there still are Dhoni, Yuvi and Virat in the pavilion waiting to bat. Best of Yusuf has come when he has batted with back to the wall with only the tail to follow. Let him carry on with his brand of Cricket.

Power Play Problems 

Time and again, things have fallen apart during the Batting Power Play. This happened in the 5th ODI in the South Africa series. Yusuf Pathan was indulging in savage hitting with a spread out field scoring 8 -10 runs an over without breaking much sweat. Then they took BPP and Yusuf fell promptly. India collapsed against England and then were decimated by South Africa. Why is it so happening ?

The answer is simple. We have a batting line up full of gigantic Egos. Left alone, they have the capabilities to clear any ground in the world. When the batting power play comes into action, somehow our boys think they have to hit every ball and score may be 100 runs from those 5 overs. And thus we end up getting all out from unbelievable positions.

So what do we do ? Simple again. Tell the boys, "Never bother about the Batting Power plays. When you have wickets in hands, runs will come. Don't throw your wicket." Sehwag and Pathan can be excused to a little extent for being impetuous but not others. Against England, Yuveraj and Dhoni got out in back to back overs playing injudicious shots and India were bowled out for at least 20 - 25 runs short of what would have been. Against South Africa, Sachin and Gambhir fell in back to back overs and that turned the tide. 

Reverse Swing 

Like it or not, Asian teams did well with reverse swing in the past. But now, all other teams have picked up and are in fact doing better. Taking BPP once the ball starts to reverse has proved counter productive. Even England lost the plot against India during BPP against Zaheer Khan's reverse swing.

What is the solution ? Take BPP earlier. If we have wickets in hands with batsmen in good nick, take BPP soon after the 15 overs. Then play those overs just like the first 15 overs. What are the benefits ?

1] Sachin / Sehwag or Sachin / Gambhir or Sehwag / Gambhir or Gambhir / Kohli pair can manage to score about 30 - 35 or even 40 runs from these overs without much risk. The wickets will be in hand for the final assault.

2] When the ball reverses, we are not compelled to take BPP. The opponents will not be risking close in fielders to prevent singles during this period even if the ball is reversing. This gives an option for settled batsmen to rotate strike and strike big when you get an opportunity. Four singles and a boundary can still get you 40 runs from 5 overs between overs 41 and 45. But with lesser batsmen at the crease, bowlers like Steyn and Malinga can become lethal. So earlier they play the BPP, better it will be.

3] 2 overs each lesser from bowlers like Steyn, Malinga or Gul during the death means that much lesser problem. Fast bowlers and reverse swing will not be so lethal without the field support and when in form top order batsmen at the crease. This is what happened when Ross Taylor caned the Pakistan bowling. 

Middle Over Crisis 

Like the middle age crisis, Team India faces middle over crisis. Sachin and Gambhir inexplicably slowed down during middle overs. It isn't possible to bat in fifth gear all the time. But keep it in fourth or at least third during middle overs. When a run rate of 8.5 RPO drops to just about 6.5 during middle overs, it allows the opponents to regroup. Allows lesser bowlers to squeeze in a lot of overs. And thus we end up with a lot lesser runs than what could have been. 

Team > Individual Milestones

 The 'Mantra' should be to keep the runs trickling. Personal milestones should have no roles and only the interest of team should matter. It was annoying to see Yusuf Pathan's generosity when he slowed down to allow Yuveraj to reach his 50 against Ireland. Just imagine if India get knocked out of the tourney in a tight tie for fourth place with England. It will be remembered that India lost the cup in a bid to give one of their players a World Cup record. Duminy will tell us that is not done by South Africans. 

Bowling Woes 

As of now we are unlikely to find a drastic solution. I was right from the beginning criticizing the selection of Nehra, Munaf and Chawla. I would have preferred any three from Irfan Pathan, R P Singh, Amit Mishra, Pragyan Ojha and Sreesanth.

The troika I mentioned bring down the stock of the team thanks also to their fielding and absolute lack of batting. Whatever might have been his problems in longer version of Cricket, Irfan has done well in shorter formats and is a wicket taking bowler. Praveen Kumar is a loss, but he isn't exactly a Steyn or Malinga.

No use crying over split milk. What can we do with the available stock ? Bring back Sreesanth and give him some confidence. The Captain needs to back all his players. Not the selected ones like Chawla. Bring in Ashwin. He is a wicket taking bowler and can bowl at death or slog. Forget about bowling becoming one-dimensional. It is not. Bhajji and Ashwin are totally different bowlers and Pathan is the non-spinner who keeps things tight.

Squeeze in 10 - 12 overs from Yusuf and Yuveraj but keep faith in main bowlers. Sreesanth and not Zaheer is the best exponent of reverse swing in India. Bowl him in 4 spells of 3, 3, 2 and 2 overs like Steyn does. He just needs some support. Can we expect that from Dhoni ? 

Fielding the Best 11 

Well, they showed some commitment while fielding against Saffers. If we keep Munaf and Nehra out, one third of the fielding woes are solved. Shield Bhajji from mid-off and mid-on. Keep Sachin in the Third man and Bhajji in the mid-wicket / square leg. Zaheer is another slow mover who can be shielded in the fine-leg. Virat at point adds to the pressure. And we can frequently bring in Raina to cover up for slow movers.

So finally I would go in with...

Sehwag
Sachin
Kohli
Gambhir
Yuveraj
Dhoni
Yusuf
Bhajji
Ashwin
Zaheer
Sreesanth

If we still don't win, we will have two new scape-goats: Sreesanth and Ashwin. Makes no difference. Let them be !

If we go onto win... Victory has many fathers; let them all be !


SPun Doctor

Saffer ke baad Geet : A Musical Tribute to Team India !

After the Saffer debacle on Saturday, a lot of Indians are furious. Unjustified and justified depending upon why one is angry. The Team has suffered a defeat to Saffers in the Safar of this World Cup. But are we justified in castigating them ? No and Yes !

NO: If one is angry simply because India lost, that is not justified. It was just a game and a close one at that.

YES: If you are angry at the semantics after the match, that is reason to be angry with Dhoni and Co; Dhoni especially.

Hum Honge Kaamyaab Ek Din !

Here is an interesting post on BCC!. From here, one thing lead to another and I have dedicated songs to all our Players. 

This was inspired by my friend Balram Cheruparambil. He started with dedication on Facebook. I have made some changes from his original status according to my choice. But I am indebted to Balu for the inspiration.

So here we go as we sing along for the sake of Team India !

Sehwag: Aaj mai Upar, Aasmaan neeche, Aaj mai aage zamaana hai peeche !

[He is right now at the top of the heap and is busy with Upar Cut]

Sachin: Duniya me hum aaye hain toh jeena hi padega !

[How long and how much can he endure ?]

Gambhir: Mai Zindagi ka saath nibhaata chala gaya !

[One who goes along the tide]

Virat Kohli: Ek, Do, Teen, Chaar, Paanch, Che, Saat, Aat, Nau, Dus, Gyaaraa, Baaraa, Tera !

[He doesn't know which is his number in the batting order]

Yuveraj: Saree Duniya Ka Bojh Hum Uthate Hain !

[Bat, bowl, field and then carry his weight. He is doing everything]

Dhoni: Hum Bolega toh Bologe ki Bolta hai !

[He talks, people say he is talking. He doesn't talk, people say, look he has nothing to say]

Pathan: Sarfaroshi ki Tamanna ab hamaare dil me hai !

[He walks to the Crease with a desire to be martyred]

Raina: Gardish me ho Taare, na ghabraana pyaare !

[His stock might be low, but not his spirit]

Bhajji: Mujhko dekhoge jahaan tak, mujhko paaoge wahaan tak, Raaston se Carvan tak, iss zameen se aasmaan tak, mai hi mai hoon, mai hi mai hoon "Doosra" koi nahin !

[He is stressing to Dhoni about his stature in the team as Un-expendable]

Zaheer: Akele hain chale aao kahaan ho !

[To any bowler who can bowl / restrict runs / pick a few wickets !] Is Kumble listening ? 

Munaf: Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa Laya Laya Laya Laya !

[He is out there with a 'Gift' for the batsmen; as a bowler and as a fielder]

.

Nehra: Hum Bewafa hargiz na the, par hum wafa kar na sake !

[Has bowled some deadly death overs in the past. One bad day and he is Public Enemy No. 1. Not fair]

Sreesanth: Chahe koi mujhe junglee kahe !

[Public admonitions, fines and bench; nothing can change him]

Chawla: Tujhse naaraaz nahin zindagi, hairaan hoon me !

[We can't even be angry with the lad. He just doesn't know he is making all Pareshaan]

Ashwin: Koi humdum na raha, koi Sahaara na raha, Hum kisike na rahe, Koi Humaara na raha !

[The most successful Indian spinner of recent times has no takers in the team]

The Theme [Team] Song for Team India and Supporters:

Yeh Safar bahut hai katin magar na udaas ho mere humsafar !

And finally...

Gary Kirsten: Hum to jate apne gaon, sabko Ram Ram Ram !

[He will sing this song to India after the World Cup]

SPun Doctor

A Tale of Two Tails !

The Cliffhanger between India and South Africa was without doubt a good advertisement for Cricket. It could have gone either way. But guys like Peterson, Botha and most importantly du Plessis held their nerves when Nehra lost it.

But in the end if we look at the match, both innings turned head over heals in the 40th over. India lost Sachin in their 40th and then started the procession. South Africa struggling for run rate had a big over of 17 runs by the otherwise brilliant Zaheer Khan and that perhaps pipped India in the end.

Let us talk about the collapse. The same happened against England. Our late order batters just threw their wickets away like they throw rotten eggs at Politicians. Agreed Steyn bowled well. But it wasn't as if he was unplayable.

Even a few singles and twos and India could have had a score 310 and that would have given Nehra a better chance. But as the cliche goes, Cricket is not a game of Ifs and Butts ! But if that is true, how come Ijaz Butt continues to rule Pakistan Cricket ?

South Africa had their share of idiots too. ABDV and Duminy were stupid to perish the way they did. Botha too played a bad shot. But they had more sane people than in the Indian 11.

Gautam Gambhir dropped a simple catch. Dhoni missed a should have been stumping. Munaf Patel continues to bowl length balls at death and even the No. 10 and 11 can hit him for sixes. He got a wicket solely because of the stupidity exhibited by Morne van Wyk.And Zaheer Khan, Munaf Patel and Nehra are so very ordinary in the deep, they bled some precious runs. Virat and Raina were the only saving grace.

Dhoni decided to call Nehra even after Bhajji was bowling pretty well and went for only 7 in his last over. He was high on confidence compared to Nehra. Nehra has done it in the past for India. He has won some tight matches. But of late, he has been just rubbish. India needs to take at least one more look at Sreesanth and definitely not Piyush again. And of course, bring in Ashwin.

Finally, the main difference between the teams was at the rear end. South African tail clicked with Botha and Peterson scoring 41 runs of 22 balls sharing 4 boundaries and 2 sixes between them. Indian tail scored 3 runs of 16 balls with 3 ducks !

Thus in the end, it was "A Tale of Two Tails"; one that sucked and another that Clicked !
.

SPun Doctor

Why India may not break the WC Jinx ?

I have received quite a lot of flak for predicting doom for India in this World Cup and a Pakistan win. People in India cannot accept either. Well guys, get ready with your stones and effigies. No, not me; who cares for me ? I am talking about Indian Cricketers...

THIS is my post for Die hard Cricket Fans ! I am providing the link here to avoid duplication issues with Google !


SPun Doctor

Appam, Guruvayoorappan and Sree's anth

Chinnaswamy Stadium, Bengaluru, Indian Dressing room. 3:00 PM, 23 February 2011. Closed door meeting of Team India with Gary Kirsten and his support staff.

The ICC Anti-Corruption Unit has installed secret spy cameras in all the dressing rooms. We have managed to watch this sensational video, thanks to our contacts with some bookies who have grabbed the contracts to install these cameras.

We sincerely regret our inability to provide the actual video due to copyright issues. Before anyone posts the video on Youtube and the BCCI deletes it, here it is; the commentary of the entire meeting "deferred live".

Gary, Dhoni, Sachin, Viru, Gauty, Bhajji, Zaheer and Yuvi sitting on comfortable chairs at the center of the room arranged like a thirty yard circle. Raina, Virat, Munaf, Chawla, Yusuf and Gary's support staff can be seen gracing an outer circle of chairs, like the boundary ropes.

Ashwin is loitering around outside the outer circle without knowing where he was supposed to sit. He has a cup of piping hot coffee in his left hand. He is all ears and hence the coffee is still waiting. Are we missing someone ?

Gary: Okay, everyone on board. Everyone can express opinions here. All of you are opinionators. But nothing goes outside. So let us start. We can't take England batting lightly. They chased down 293 in spite of opener KP never opening up.

Bhajji: Gary Paji, honestly none of us have expressed any opinions on Bored or anywhere else. All that is totally fabricated by some strange guys called Vibheeshan and Golden Jazz. Looking at these names, they are likely to be Sri Lankans who want to divide our united unity.  I have asked Sachin Paji to talk to Malinga about this. If I come across these guys, I will cut those hands off.

Gary: Alright Bhajji, we all know you are such a team man and you will never write a report like that.

Yuveraj: What report ? Bhajji can't even SMS properly. Saala report kya likhega ?

Gary: Enough is enough, everyone falls in line...

Munaf Patel suddenly wakes up from his slumber and asks, "Gary, did you say Munaf is Munaf ? But I maintained good line and length"

Dhoni: Exactly, we have to maintain line and length and keep them below 234 odd if they bat first. And Sreesanth should keep quite. As long as he is not messing up with certain things, it is fine.

At this juncture, Ashish Nehra limps in with a toothy grin and joins the outer circle. He declares, "I am fit for England, I want to screw them again. This time not 6, I want 7"

Sachin, asserting that he too is fit again, "What do you think is a good score if we are batting first ?"

Viru: 175...

Gauty: Abe team ka total pooch raha hai, tera nahin...

Zaheer: It looks like a turning track. 250 - 260 kaafi hoga. Chawla bhi toh hoga !

Viru: Theek hai, theek hai. Sreesanth nahin hoga toh theek hai. Waise baaki ke 75 - 85 kaun banaayega ?

Virat: Viru Bhai, you can't score 175 in every game...

Viru: Why not ? I want to play 50 overs. Last time out hogaya, toh iss baar poore pachaas hazaar, I mean poore pachaas overs khelna hai...

Gary: [Cutting short Viru] It isn't important who scores how many, we need a team effort...

Pathan suddenly stands up and yells, "What team ? I can win any match from any position..."

Yuveraj: Saala 2 century kya lagaya aur lambi lambi baat karta hai... Ek over me 6 sixer lagaake dikha. And then turns to Dhoni and asks, "Mahi, woh Broad ka bachcha Broad khel raha hai kya ?"

Dhoni: Yuvi, your role in the team has been redefined. You have to do a little bit of everything, batting, bowling and fielding.

Yuveraj: What do you think I am doing now ? I am bowling more than bit, I am batting very little, and fielding a little too.

Raina: What fielding ? I can do much better. The last time you dived in to the swimming pool, all the water splashed out. You can't dive now...

Gary: No fighting please...

Dhoni: Exactly, it is alright to pick up small issues with opponents till a certain level. But you should not create problems for team mates. Sreesanth should maintain discipline, as long as he is not crossing certain lines, it is alright. I am missing Street smart Obama, I mean Pehelwan PK. What we have got instead is an over-smart Appam. What can we do ? Injuries are part and parcel of the game...

All this while feeling like an orphan, Sreesanth is sitting at a corner and watching again and again his 5-0-53-0 spell against Bangladesh.

He grunts, kisses his lockets with all those religious symbols, draws an imaginary cross over his chest and then swears to himself, "Oh Guruvayoorappa, I too want a revenge match. Please let Bangladesh qualify for Semi-Final and I want to beat them and break that Kayes' head"

Meanwhile Yuvi wants to prove a point to Raina and dives right over Raina's head and lands heavily on Sreesanth. Sree in turn goes cartwheeling and bangs his head to the LCD television monitor and is knocked out cold. A part of the LCD monitor goes black.

There is utter chaos and someone shouts, "Pour some water on his face". In the pandemonium, Chawla does what he thinks is best suited [to himself]. He snatches the cup from Ashwin and pours all the hot coffee on Sree's face and trips Nehra with his legs and Nehra too lands with a thud and has injured his hamstrings again.

Dhoni: See, I had just warned him and here he is. Kabhie nahin sudhrega. He has damaged the LCD monitor and now Nehra is injured and will not be able to take 7 wickets against England. I think we have to report this to the Match Referee. Australia and Ponting can do whatever they like, but we are not like them.

Sreesanth is recovering from daze. Wiping off the coffee from his face and neck, Sree grumbles, "But Dhoni Bhai, what did I do ? I don't even know what hit me. Was it an Earthquake or did the roof collapse ? And why am I smelling like Indian Coffee House waiter ?"

Yuveraj takes offense and yells, "Look Appam C, I am not that heavy as you are insinuating", turns to Dhoni and moans, "See, how derogatory he is talking about me..."

Sreesanth: Wait, wait Yuvi Paaji wait, I didn't...

Yuveraj: Dekho dekho, baar baar mere weight ke baare me bol raha hai...

Dhoni: Yes, yes... It is very difficult to control Sreesanth. We have tried our best to reform him. But how he has smashed the LCD monitor, broken Nehra's long leg and hurt Yuvi's senti mentals. We can't tolerate this anymore. Sreesanth has crossed all the certain lines and now he has to be punished. I am going to call a press meet at 7:30 PM !

Sreesanth: Ende Guruvayoorappa rakshikkane ... !




S-Pun Doctor

Maheadlines in the times of World Cup !

Weird things do happen in Cricket. They just keep happening. More so during the World Cup.

He wasn't even thought of as a WC probable before the South Africa ODI Series.

4 wickets on an apology of a track and Dhoni has warmed up to Piyush Chawla.

In a batting card that reads: Sachin, Sehwag, Gambhir, Kohli, Yuveraj, Pathan, Dhoni, Bhajji and Zaheer Khan...

"This is what we hear": Chawla needs to contribute with bat too: Dhoni

What about Yuveraj, Raina and Dhoni himself ?

Dhoni aka Mahi is the Head of Team India. Hence whatever he utters becomes Maheadlines !

We are living in weird yet exciting times.

We can expect more and more Maheadlines...

Yuveraj needs to take 5 wickets more often

Sachin needs to score more ODI centuries than anyone

Pathan needs to win more matches from any position

Sehwag has to improve his strike rate while batting 50 overs

Ashwin is too tall for a spinner, he needs to get shorter

Munaf has to cut down on speed while bowling and running

Zaheer has to lead from the front and then back too

Sreesanth shouldn't open his mouth to appeal or even to eat Appam

Gambhir needs to bowl his leg-spin more regularly

Virat should improve his wicket-keeping skills

Nehra's teeth need to visit a Dentist before the Final

Raina needs to change his gear [Does it mean the CSK gear ?] 

Bhajji should remember he hasn't scored an ODI Century

And...

I think I must give more tips to my team-mates





S-Pun Doctor

Cold facts from the Warm-up game !

*

Some interesting and random sub-plots from the warm up game.

What looked like a cake walk turned into choke walk for the Aussies.

The match looked all but over at Australia 118 / 1 in the 22 over.

But as was quoted by Yogi Berra, "It ain't over until it is over !".

13 people played for India on Sunday the 13th February.

One bad-boy [Sreesanth] welcomed another bad boy [Ponting] in a manner that suited both.

Australia couldn't warm up enough in the cold wintry Bangalore evening and collapsed like Pakistan. The Pakistani Umpire must have felt at home.

Krejza continues to pick the wicket of Sehwag when he least looks like doing anything on field.

Raina and Yuvi continue to compete with each other and we still don't know who is behind.

Chawla has at least for the time being, proved me wrong and put Yuvi and Raina in serious trouble.

If pitches continue to behave this way throughout the Cup, it might be 2 + 2 + part-timers for India. Nehra and Sree will have to fill in the second seamer's slot.

Yusuf Pathan will retire with more sixes than fours, singles or twos at the end of his career.

It looked as if Johnson had started the walk back even before Bhajji bowled the ball. He was very close to the boundary line when Dhoni removed the bails.

Ponting's slog sweep was neither a slog nor a sweep. It almost looked like a swog sleep or whatever.

Michael Clarke makes a better Captain than a batsman if that is any consolation.

Virat Kohli is good. But he still isn't Dravid or Laxman. Neither in the slips nor with the clips [of the hips].

Munaf Patel did a huge favor to us. We knew he'd be cannon-fodder on Indian pitches. Thankfully he proved that well before the curtain-raiser.

Mitchell Johnson again bowled twice as many wides as all the Indian bowlers together.

Australia bowled more than 4 additional overs thanks to wides.

In fact not only Johnson but Hastings, Lee and Dussey out-wide-balled India.

And to think I was one of the very few Indians who didn't get to bowl today because Aussies folded up in 38 overs.

Ashwin and Nehra won the match for India. The 44 runs the No. 10 / 11 scored was the difference.

Australia's part-time spinners appear to be better than the main spinner.

India's lower order looks better than the middle order [which is still in South Africa].

And finally, a sensational scoop, breaking news and revelation all put together...

Sachin and Zaheer are India's secret weapons being hidden from the opponents.



S-Pun Doctor

Sree No Evil, Here No Evil !

Sreesanth: Bridle Him but Don't Smother Him

The so called Enfant Terrible of Indian Cricket is back. Back through the back door. I am not complaining.

But am I happy ? I am, I am. Not because Sree is from my adopted town Kochi. Not because I like Sree. But because, this World Cup needs Characters.

We will miss Symonds. Hayden, McGrath and Nel too will be missed. Dada has retired. We don't know when Show Pony Shoaib Aqthar will break down. Ponting isn't sure either. Asif and Amer stand no-balled. The lacuna created by the retirement of Warne is tough to be filled.

I just don't see any characters. Same Dhoni, Strauss, Tendulkar, Dan, Sanga and Binga; all talking goody goody nothings. How boring it all could have been ? It just isn't fair to expect Bhajji and less than a handful of people to entertain us when the going gets too serious.

So welcome Sree, we are happy for you. I feel bad for 'Pahelwan' Praveen. He definitely is our best new ball bowler. But Sree isn't far behind when the seam is in line and his head too is fine.

I hear a lot of noise about his temperament and tantrums. But I really feel all this is a little too overblown. Andre Nel, Glenn McGrath, Javd Miandad, Allen Donald and many others including our own Bhajji have behaved much worse on field. But only Sree gets all the bad press and negative vibes even from his own Captain.

When he was slapped by Bhajji during IPL-1, Bhajji got the suspension but Sree got all the bad publicity. Some people even went to the extent of rejoicing the episode. Ishant Sharma has been much more expensive but only Sreesanth's economy rate becomes an issue of prime time debate. Totally unfair.

Never consider me a supporter of bad behavior. But a little bit of aggression on field by an Indian bowler goes a long way in restoring the balance. The balance in favor of our beleaguered batsmen, who have been accused 'Flat Track Bullies'.

I have always believed Indian batsmen are exploited with 'short pitched barrage' by opponents mainly because our own bowlers don't give it back as well as they get. Just see the result when Sree bounced out Kallis with a beast at Durban. That aggression is what we need.

Aggression he indeed brings in tonnes. Dhoni reprimanded him when any other Captain would have patted him. Sree got the goat of Smith and then his wicket. He demolished the myth that only Indian batsmen were weak against bouncers. And what he got in return ? A public admonition from his Captain.

Hope Dhoni will be smarter this time. Sree is a passionate Cricketer who wants to take wickets and win matches for his country. He has done well in recent times in all forms of Cricket. He needs the support of his Captain and his Country. Bridle him for sure. Rein him in to certain extent, fine. But please don't smother him.

Allow him to breathe and he could be breathing fire. We need the fire and the passion !




S-Pun Doctor

Before the Cup; My Gifts to Team India !

The Cricket World Cup is around. The excitement is building up. I can never support any other team but Team India till they are knocked out. Right now I am optimistic in spite of all the negative talk and Piyush Chawla.

If they win, Team India will face a deluge of awards. If they lose, some of them might have to apply for Police protection to their person and properties. Cricket Crazy Indians, we all are !

But even if they don't win, I adore Team India including Piyush Chawla. Hope they win and win a lot of awards, prizes and contracts.

I am a middle class blogger and can't afford to reward them big. But I would like to give one gift each to every member of Team India. Howsoever trivial they might appear, I love to give them even before they play their first match at Mirpur against their 2007 nemesis.

So here are my gifts to Team India... 

1] Sachin Tendulkar: Kapil Dev said Sachin will not retire without a World Cup. If this one eludes him, it is unlikely that he can win in 2015. So I very humbly would like to gift him a miniature World Cup trophy. If India win, great. If they don't, let him keep it as a consolation prize. 

2] Virendar Sehwag: A sustained release icepack fitted into the helmet. He will need it to keep his cool. Viru is vital for India's fortunes. If Sehwagging continues throughout the tourney, the Cup cometh home. 

3] Gautam Gambhir: A tongue depressor; used in the Doctor's clinic to keep the tongue down. Gauty's bat starts to falter when his tongue takes over. He has already put an enormous burden on the team by saying this is our best chance. I remember 1987. 

4] Yuveraj Singh: No, not Revital. He is already on that. A DVD of his altercation with Andrew Flintoff and the aftermath is what he needs. The difference between the Cup and the Slip for India will be, the form of Yuvi; literally and figuratively ! 

5] Virat Kohli: Tee-shirt with "Attitude, wear it on your gloves". He might be benched initially, but should not be disappointed. The Dude with attitude needs to keep his head during the Cup. 

6] Mahendra Singh Dhoni: A miniature Helicopter. He needs to be reminded of the 'shot'. Not only in Pepsi ads, he needs to play them on the field. 

7] Yusuf Pathan: A complete Gillette Mach-3 shaving system with accessories. He needs to be told it isn't the beard that is responsible for his runs. Clean shaven guys and even his former Rajastan Royals buddy Shane Watson are scoring runs; without a beard. If the beard were to bring luck, all the Mullahs would have won the Cup for Afghanistan. 

8] Suresh Raina: The CSK jersey. He somehow becomes a transformed man in that outfit. Send him in Indian colors with CSK jersey underneath. He will have added protection against the 'short ball'. 

9] Harbhajan Singh: A wrist band with 'No. 1' inscribed. Forget 'Doosra'. Bhajji needs to get is 'Pehla' going on Indian pitches. How else can we stem the runs in the middle overs. He will have to bowl on those 'national highways'.

10] Zaheer Khan: A "Taweez' to keep him free of injuries during the whole tourney. Though I don't believe in them, I've heard Cricketers are a superstitious lot. It might just keep him happy. If any bowler can win it for India, Khan can.

11] Ashish Nehra: An old fashioned foot-role. He needs to keep them straight and not on the leg-stump.

12] Munaf Patel: A Roller-skates set. He needs to run on the field, not walk in the park. 

13] Ravichandran Ashwin: A Bench. He will have to warm it all through the Cup, unless Bhajji gets injured or badly mauled in initial stages. 

14] Praveen Kumar: A mechanical Swing. He needs to do just that with the new ball and with the old ball. Lest him go the Ajit Agarkar way. 

15] Piyush Chawla: He already has got one in the form of a berth in the squad. Anymore pampering will be injustice to Amit Mishra and Pragyan Ojha.

And finally... 

Gary Kirsten: Not me, only Team India can give him a parting gift. The Prize will be the only befitting gift to his Priceless contribution to Team India. Hope they do it for the First and the Last man in my list; they deserve it !






S-Pun Doctor

Square and Fair : InSaf Well and Truly Done !

Square and Fair : InSaf Well and Truly Done !

A Progress Report of India - South Africa Series

South Africa -1 India - 1 in 3 Test Series. Twice in less than a year ! Home and Away for both teams. 

InSaf well and truly done ! 

Finally if we look at the whole series...

South Africa scored 1669 runs losing 44 wickets with an average of 37.93

India scored 1558 runs losing 53 wickets with an average of 29.40

South Africa scored quicker, bigger and won their win by an Innings at Centurion.
Team India scored slower, smaller and managed to Square at Durban by 87 runs.

So why do I say InSaf was done ?
Let us take a look at Player Report cards.

Team India Report Card

Zaheer: He is India's Champion bowler and did 'InSaf' to his billing and the faith his team had in him. Never forget the Durban second innings partnership with VVS.
Rating: 8.5 / 10

Sachin: India's best player in the series contributed very little when they won. Still played a major role and continues to rule.
Rating: 8.5 / 10 

Laxman: Whenever India win, this Man has to be around. Centurion was a disaster. But I will remember his knock on final day at Capetown because only 'He' played Cricket. All others batted to kill 'Test Cricket'.
Rating: 7.5 / 10 

Gambhir: Proved me wrong. Has stronger character than his more famous partner in crime. Overcame his 'Short-coming' with real guts. Forget averages, he was one of the main reasons the series ended 1-1.
Rating: 7.5 / 10 

Bhajji: Return of the prodigal. For all the panning, he has bounced back as a bowler in this series. Batted well when mattered.
Rating: 7 / 10

Dhoni: Another feather in the crown for Captain Cool who has not yet lost a Test Series. Batted perhaps his best in a long time; especially the first 50 runs at Centurion is why Dhoni is Dhoni.
Rating: 6.5 / 10 

Sreesanth: Lackluster at Centurion, he was real hot after that. Deserves all accolades for the Smith and Kallis dismissals at Durban. Make no mistakes, curb his aggression and you lose a wicket taking bowler.
Rating: 6 / 10 

Pujara: Again forget runs and averages. Che is much better than his returns. Persist with him. And when was the last time we saw a run-out like that of Tsostobe at Durban ?
Rating: 4.5 / 10

Ishant: Was steady after Centurion debacle. But could have been better.
Rating: 4 / 10

Vijay: Got to play in the most difficult match. Deserves better for his grit. Better than Raina on any day in Test Cricket.
Rating: 3.5 / 10

Sehwag: Disappointing. Threw his wicket away almost all the time. Centurion would have been different if he had not played 2 out of 2 bad shots. His cameo at Durban second innings was worth much more than those runs. But playing like Dravid at Capetown was unpardonable.
Rating: 2 / 10 

Dravid: Collingwood gone. Did he talk to RD before that ? For me, Dravid is a stumbling block for Team India. Sorry Great Man, but your time is long over.
Rating: 2 / 10

Raina: Save the future India Captain. Tigers can wait. He needs a break and a shoulder and some gumption. If Gambhir can, so can Raina.
Rating: 1 / 10

South Africa Report Card

1] Kallis: He was all over the place except when Sreesanth bounced him with a beast. The Player of the series deserving.
Rating: 9 / 10 

2] Steyn: Easily the best bowler in the world today. Couldn't have bowled more or better without risking breakdown. Practically it was series between Steyn and India.
Rating: 9 / 10

3] Boucher: Turned the Capetown test around with his aggression in second innings. He is a top performer in tough situations.
Rating: 6 / 10

4] Amla: The hometown jinx continues to haunt. Made merry at Centurion, but was just okay after that. Still the man in form. But failed at crucial times.
Rating: 5 / 10

5] de Villiers: Future Saf Captain dominated when his team was on top. Bad decisions included, he could not raise the bar when India started bowling better.
Rating: 4.5 / 10

6] Tsotsobe: Troubled Tendulkar. Was unlucky often. Took a stunning catch and was mostly ordinary.
Rating: 3.5 / 10

7] Smith: With or without Zaheer, India mostly have got better of Saf Captain. Except for the first test, he was ordinary, and just better than Sehwag. Lost out to Sreesanth and then went wimp.
Rating: 3 / 10

8] Morkel: Bowling in really helpful and familiar conditions, he was not very impressive except for the fag end. Anyone would've picked up wickets at Centurion day-1. Ishant was better.
Rating: 3 / 10

9] Prince: Was patchy, but better than Petersen. More a Pauper than a Prince. Would find it tough to make it into a decent batting line up except Saf.
Rating: 3 / 10

10] Petersen: Was worse than his partner after the Centurion. The Saf openers were the reason for India's come back. Thanks both you guys !
Rating: 2.5 / 10

11] Harris: Was ordinary but for some good balls. India perhaps have exorcised the left arm spin ghost.
Rating: 2.5 / 10

Look at the individual ratings.
India had more players performing above 5 / 10 than South Africa.
For Saffers, it was all about Kallis and Steyn with all others making special appearances Post-Centurion.
For India, Zaheer, Sachin, Laxman, Sreesanth, Bhajji, Dhoni and Gambhir did the Star Turn at different stages.

Average rating point for India: 5.27
Average rating point for Saf: 4.63

The final result was Square and Fair !

S-Pun Doctor

Random musings after two Murdered Tests !

After two immensely forgettable Tests with New Zealand, what have we got to remember, learn and carry home ? 

Indian Cricket is so very complex: Quite like Harbhajan Singh's Technique. You can never say Bhajji lacks technique. But neither can you you say he has it. Just like Team India. You can't say they are No. 1 Test Team. You can't say they aren't No. 1 either ! 

They always play on level ground: They play every opponent at their level; that is the opponent's level. Never expect Team India to crush weaklings. Never expect them to capitulate easily against the best. There will be a fight. Nothing less, nothing more. 

Why is the Indian middle order confused ? Answer is simple. First Jatman Viru Sehwag goes out and bashes everything in sight as if he were Dharmendra and the bowlers, the baddies. And then Rahul Dravid comes out with his brand of Gandhigiri and refuses to hit anything ! No wonder Dhoni, Raina and even Sachin look lost in the middle. 

The Great Indian Run Rate: India have over the past 3 years maintained a better run rate compared to all other teams in Tests. What is the secret ? This has been partly explained above. Sehwag wags to attain a strike rate of 100% or an average of 6 RPO. Dravid lags and attains a strike rate of 25% or about 1.5 RPO. The other confused lot fall in between at 42% or 2.5 RPO. Thus India manage to keep the total scoring rate above 3.3 RPO. 

The All Rounders problem solved: Bhajji is the answer to India's long standing prayers for a Batting All-rounder. Sending him to bat at No. 8 is a master-stroke. India's middle order actually starts here with very competent batsmen like Zaheer, Ojha and Sreesanth to follow. And just think of it, Ishant Sharma is not even playing. What an embarrassment of riches.

Suresh Raina finally has arrived as the Bowling All-rounder. So what if he has got more wickets than the runs he has scored of late ? Anyway we now have two genuine All-rounders !

Taking responsibility, Indian style: Whenever Team India are in trouble, someone or the other stands up to be counted. The 'Someone' is Laxman and the 'Other' is Harbhajan Singh ! 

This series is not about the 50th Century: Whom are they trying to fool ? Every member of the Team is so preoccupied with this number, they have actually forgotten there is a Test series going on. Anything else happening out there is an irritant. No wonder the Kiwis have taken flight after being grounded by Bangladesh !

Then some 'Random' acceptance Speeches... 

Bhajji: People threw brick-bats at me and I used the bricks to construct Milestones in Mohali and the bats to score two centuries ! 

Gambhir: I owe my performance in this test to Viru and Rahul. While Viru went on like Viru, nobody noticed me. Those who did notice, thought Rahul batted left handed at the other end. 

Dravid: I am relieved now because there is someone to take over my mantle now. I was totally confused while I watched Gambhir bat. I often felt I was out there in the middle and batting left handed. 

Sehwag: New Zealand is an ordinary team. It is just that some of us are wasting too many four balls. I have to make up for everyone including Sreesanth. I would prefer if Bhajji comes out to bat at No. 3 and Rahul comes out only if we have to face follow on. 

Raina: I play my natural game as Dhoni has asked me to. What if they keep three men on the boundary ? I can always come back and play the next innings or the next or the next... 

Laxman: I enjoy playing under pressure. I am forever indebted to my team-mates for providing me with ample opportunities to do so. It is such a pleasure, almost like sitting inside the pressure cooker used by my Mom to prepare idlees. What if you are steam cooked practically every test ? Idlees do taste Delicious ! 

Dhoni:  We have to accept we have not batted well and our bowlers have tried their level best to match the batsmen. Our fielding can be better and the wicket-keeping particularly needs some improvement. Overall though I am satisfied with our performance. You win some, you draw some and you can always drop some catches.

McCullum: Bhajji inspired me to go for the Double Ton. If he can score two hundreds in two innings, I can score two hundred in one innings. Impossible is nothing ! 

Vettori: We have come back strongly after the Bangladesh debacle. Aussies lost 2-0 in 2 Tests in India. So we are better than them now. I believe my new born baby deserves all the credit for this.

And last but not the Least !

Curator: I hoped I will be remembered as the man who prepared the pitch on which Sachin Tendulkar scored his 50th Hundred. Alas, Everyone else scored here except Sachin !





S-Pun Doctor

Oh Kiwis, They Know Not What They've done !

The Bhajji, The Kiwis and The Peace of Mind of a Country !

New Zealand have always tormented India. Much worse than the South Africans, Steve Bucknor, Maoists and Pakistan sponsored Terrorists. India's records against Australia, Pakistan, England and West Indies have shown significant improvement over the past decade. But the Kiwis somehow have maintained a kind of enviable hold over the Indian psyche. Something like the Post-Miyandad Pakistan did for a long time.

This is true in spite of the fact that India managed to beat the Kiwis in Kiwi-land the last time they visited. But that win was a labored one. This can be explained by the fact that India always play at the level of opponents. Never crushing wins; almost always hard fought wins !

Chris Martin gave a glimmer of hope of an unbelievable win for the Kiwis last evening. But that perhaps was a ploy by the Indian top order to fool the visitors and then unleash Laxman once again on a day five pitch.

Laxman did what he is best at. He batted on and on and on till the frustrated Umpire Davies got him out. How can he remain not out for the third time in three tests on a day five wicket ? There should be some kind of respect for that dreaded entity !

But what the Kiwis have managed to do or rather not managed to do is what is going to hurt us Indians more and more in future.

No, it isn't Chris Martin's spell on day-4. We have seen and survived worse !

No, it isn't Kane Kane Williamson's maiden hundred on debut. We have seen that too !

No, it isn't Jesse Ryder either. Ryder somehow likes Indian bowling like Srisanth loves to make faces.

No, it isn't about denying Sachin Tendulkar his 50th test century. He will get that and we aren't worried.

No, it also isn't about Rahul Dravid managing to survive and thus keeping Pujara out for some more time.

It is about Harbhajan Singh's Century. For a long time now, he has threatened us with his 'All-round' abilities. The Aussies managed to keep him at bay. He has played some cameo knocks before and has saved some matches or helped in some wins.

But a Test Century had eluded him. It was this distinction that allowed us to sleep in peace. The peace assured by the fact that we can always ridicule Bhajji for his 'tall claims'. Alas, the peace of mind is decimated now.

Bhajji had declared himself as 'All-rounder' before the recent Australia series. And we all had a good laugh when he failed with the bat. Imagine a Century on a last day track for Bhajji. How will we survive the Centurion Harbhajan now ?

Oh They Know Not What They Have Done !





S-Pun Doctor

India Won !

India drubbed Australia by 7 wickets and saved the Indian fans a lot of stress and heartache !

If Mohali was won on an Oxygen cylinder, Bengaluru was a 'Smoother Delivery' !

2-0 is better than 1-0 and certainly much better than 1-1. Thanks Laxman !

"I don't like to count. I score and let others count": Sachin Tendulkar continues to grow up and nobody can help it ! 

Vijay finally has arrived. Gautam Gambhir should watch his steps ! 

Sehwag failed to cross 50 in a Test for the first time after 11 tests.
 Incidentally this coincides with his tongue wagging more than the bat ! 

Pujara has arrived. Che is here to stay !

Thanks Rahul for being 'The Wall' for all these years ! 
But I think it is time to say Dravid RIP [Retire In Peace] ! 

Raina needs to rein in his ODI and T-20 shots in Test Cricket !

Dhoni can do nothing wrong, including promoting Che today ! 

Bhajji the Batsman failed. Bhajji the bowler fared better ! 

Ojha is not Bedi, but we will settle for Ojha because he doesn't call Bhajji a Chucker ! 

Zaheer is an 'Old ball' and is better with the Old Ball ! Dhoni revers him !

Sreesanth still has the fire in the belly. But not much in the new ball !

Laxman was smiling like a sage at the post match celebrations, and why not ? 

Ishant Sharma gets his confidence back when he sees a certain Mr. Ponting in the opposition.
He deserves an applause too ! 

Kudos to Gary Kirsten, his support staff and his wards ! 

A wholesome Victory for a Team that looks more like a Number-1 Test Team now !

S-Pun Doctor