Mumbai Indians; It's all in the Name!

Mumbai Indians Lost the IPL finals to Chennai Super Kings! This match was lost by Mumbai as much as it was won by the gutsy and smart Chennai team. Not a single Newspaper or portal raised an eyebrow as to why? Why...? Because the issue involves the God! The God of Indian Cricket, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar!

Every other follower of IPL and every single Mumbai Indians fan was shattered by this defeat. More painful was the fact that Keiron Pollard, the best bet Mumbai had of making it was kept to twiddle his thumbs till the end of 17 overs. Harbhajan, Tiwari, Rayudu and then Duminy before Pollard; this was really unfathomable batting 'Dis-order'. By keeping Pollard in the dugout till it was too late, Mumbai dug their own grave.

The apologists for this 'Think-tank' say, "Pollard is weak against spin". This is plain bullshit of gigantic proportions. Even if Pollard has a problem or two with the spinning ball, Sachin or later Rayudu would have taken care of spinners while Pollard would have dealt with the pacers. Anyway, Pollard isn't so bad against spin that he wasn't worth a single against the likes of Jakati or those trademark sixes. And what exactly did the spin-experts do?

It was a God-damned blunder by the 'God' and his 'stink tank'. The way Duminy was playing, he didn't  deserve a place in King's 11 Punjab. An out of form Jayasuriya would still have been a bigger asset than Duminy in a big match like this. And we can't forget his bowling! One specialist spinner against the three of Chennai was such a big mismatch; Mumbai perhaps lost the match right there! All 3 Spinners did play their roles to perfection for Chennai. Jayasuriya would have been a better option against this 'web of spin' too!

Allegations of Match-fixing are doing rounds thick and fast among the public. It is hard to believe Sachin Tendulkar would have been party to such a dismal act. So I would like to believe Sachin was afflicted by Amnesia, short term memory loss! It is possible that in the 'Heat' of the moment, he just forgot about Pollard warming the already bristling Mumbai bench even as Duminy was playing test Cricket out there!

And then wisdom dawned upon me. I have now realized the cause for the Mumbai defeat. With due regards to Dhoni's smart Captaincy and really good Cricket by the likes of Raina, Vijay, Ashwin and Murali; it was all in the 'Name'. The fault was with Mukesh, Neeta and other owners of Mumbai Indians! They were doomed the day they chose the name Mumbai Indians. India have made it a habit to lose finals. There is India in Mumbai Indians and they played true to nature. Great Cricket till the final and then disaster!

Victory and defeat, 'It's all in the game' is a cliche! It's all in the Name is the truth !

The Ordinary and the Extra-Ordinary!

Life teaches us lessons everyday and in fact every moment. The larger one grows, one should not forget the size of the shoes. The shoes don't grow and one will end up being too big for the shoes or the boots to be precise!

We have two fabulous examples of people growing 'too big for their boots'. Both are connected to the ongoing IPL. Yes, Shashi Tharoor is the first. The second one with an aching foot in his mouth is Gautam Gambhir. Both handsome and talented men; but perhaps grew too large for their respective boots.

In a country with sweltering heat and over 100 Crore population, you can hire 700 consultants for Rs. 70 Crore sweat equity. Tharoor got his message through MMS asking him to GO because he was wrong from the word go. Hence the attack on Tharoor from Left and Right !

Tharoor is the symbol of what is wrong with our so called elite. He took his job a little too seriously and concentrated too much on external affairs. He was simply too arrogant to see what was coming. So besotted was he with the beautiful Sunanda that he was ready to 'Push' her case at any cost. It was his belief that the 'Political Class' was not up to his mark and the 'Cattle Class' will not question him; that has brought his downfall ! Learn to conceal your arrogance Mr. Tharoor, India isn't UN!

We had Gautam Gambhir go on record about the 'Ordinary' Rajastan Royals. Now his extraordinary team consisting of extraordinary talents has joined Shilpa Shetty and Shane Warne's ordinary mortals in the pit of IPL ! A team boasting of names like Virendar Sehwag, David Warner, Tilakaratne Dilshan,  Dinesh Karthik and Gambhir himself failed to chase down 145 runs.

Virendar Sehwag is known for wagging; both his tongue and the bat. But only Viru is capable of Sehwagging. Anyone else howsoever close to him, trying to emulate Viru will run out of breath soon. Gaudy Gauti has hopefully realized this! Warne played with ordinary men and still managed some exciting Cricket. Gambhir has done the exact opposite of that; he managed some ordinary cricket with exciting talents. So can we call this 'Extra-Ordinary' performance?

Gautam Gambhir will do well to shut his mouth and let his batting do everything during the upcoming T-20 World Cup and afterwords ! He has done that in the past with distinction and he should be able to do an encore. Here's wishing him and Team India all the best !

The the funny side of the Game and the Names!

Names have never failed to fascinate me; especially the famous ones! Whoever named some of the famed ones will not be remembered, but the unintended genius will be appreciated by the habitual Nomeclaturologists like me!

There was a joke doing rounds during the Tiger Woods Scandal. It went like this, A Lion is an honorable animal. He would never cheat his wife, but a Tiger Wood!

We have some Cricketers with extremely long and some with really funny names. Cricket has also thrown up some very interesting situations thanks to 'Names'!

Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas: His run up while bowling doesn't measure up to the length of his name!

Vangipurappu Venkata Sai Laxman: My 9 year old Cricket crazy nephew tells me it is 'Very Very Special' Laxman.

What will happen if the Pakistan T-20 Captain bites the bullet instead of the Ball and becomes a martyr for a Cause? He will become Shaheed Afridi!

Pakistani players including Afridi never grow up. So what will happen if Pakistan's swing bowler wants to make a come back in the IPL and play for KKR in 2034? Shah Rukh Khan will tell him, "Janaab, Iss Umar mein kya Gul khilaana chahte ho?" loosely translated as "Mister, do you want to bloom roses at this age?"

How about some headlines?

Career of Graham Onions rotting due to repeated injuries!

And Bangladesh dance to the tunes of Swann Song!

Mike Gatting was batting well till he got Shane Warned!

Amit Mishra mixes them up with Limitless Mixture of tricks!

Sania, Maha, Ayesha aur Sayali; Sab ka Malik Ek Hai!

Alistair Cooks West Indies goose!

And finally the IPL-2010 is all about two people; one who was declared unfit for T-20 and one who is unwilling to play T-20 World Cup!

Jacques of All trades and the Master of Cricket in the race for the IPL Orange Cap !

Hope to be back with some more !!!

Clash of the Twitans!

Shashi Tharoor is an honorable man. He is Sonia Gandhi's poster-boy and he believes in RTI-Right To Information Act. So he goes on Twitter, Tweet Tweet about anything and everything from 'Holy Cows' to 'Cattle Class' to 'Interlocutors'. We all know how this innocent act of Tharoor almost brought the Nation to a screeching halt.

Lalit Modi is an honorable man too. He believes in RTI too. He too believes 'People' have the right to know everything, including the 'Individual Stakes' of each partner in the Kochi IPL Franchise'. So he too goes 'Tweet Tweet'.

Now this innocent tweeting has caused a huge commotion with people claiming Modi's dislike for Shashi Tharoor and his 'Karbonn Kamaal ka Catch' Ms. Sunanda Pushkar. Ours is a 'Nation' that runs high on 'ImagiNation'! Two perfectly honorable men who are just going about their business with the sweet sound of 'Tweet Tweet' and the whole country is abuzz with rumors that can be labeled "Clash of the Twitans"!

So if there indeed is a clash as the incorrigible media people are claiming, I have only one set of doubts. At the end of it all, will Tharoor be a 'Modi-fied' man or will he borrow the Mongoose from Hayden?

Who will enjoy the 'Citi Moment of Success' and who will be clobbered for a 'DLF Maximum'? Friends, Malayalees and Countrymen, don't go anywhere; keep your lines on. Let us take a Maxx Mobile Strategic Timeout and wait...

Guys who will be missed !

Dhoni may or may not admit this, but he will miss the following lot in the Caribbean!

Robin Uthappa: In spite of my own words about the 'Time to go straight'; Robin has reinvented himself and should have been in the team in place of Rohit Sharma. His Reverse Shots are landing four rows outside the cover boundary!

Amit Mishra: For all those intelligent googlies and the wicket of Sachin, Piyush Chawla will almost certainly struggle on the slow pitches of the Caribbean. Mishra is our best Spinner today and should have been there.

R. P. Singh: In spite of not so impressive summer, RP still is our best slog overs bowler. RP would have been a better bet than Ashish Nehra simply because, he is fitter.

Sachin Tendulkar: Shahid Afridi came out with his first official statement as Pakistan's T-20 Captain. He is right. Sachin is wrong in his decision not to play T-20 WC. Both Sachin and Team India have lost out here! If India lose; it will be remembered that 'He didn't play' in spite of being in great form. If India win, Sachin will miss out an opportunity of being on a World Cup winning team. Even Jogindar Sharma has won a World Cup; not Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar!

Stock Taking of IPL: India's Playing Lineup!

As the IPL is moving into the last leg, we too have to move on. T-20 World Cup is almost here. So what are Team India's chances this time? To answer this question, we will have to look at each player and see what are the 'Shortcomings'! This is the stock taking of 'IPL': India's Playing Lineup!

M. S. Dhoni: His Helicopter shots aren't flying anywhere these days.

Virendar Sehwag: Strike rate still great, but striking rate not enough.

Gautam Gambhir: Form has been patchy and patience too thin.

Suresh Raina: In good touch, but suspect against good sustained 'short bowling'

Yuveraj Singh: Too brooding and seriously lacks old athleticism.

Yusuf Pathan: He will blast opposition once in 5 matches. But fails in other four.

Ravindra Jadeja: Likely to carry the scars of IPL suspension.

Rohit Sharma: IPL Pony. Unflattering record while playing for India.

Praveen Kumar: T. Suman's attack must have demoralized him. And the ball doesn't swing much in the Caribbean.

Harbhajan Singh: Doesn't enjoy bowling on slow turners.

Zaheer Khan: Will definitely suffer due to lack of support.

Vinay Kumar: A modest bowler, he will find tough at the next level.

Piyush Chawla: Might develop inferiority complex looking at Amit Mishra's exploits.

Ashish Nehra: Will he be match fit? And if he is fit, can he field during the remaining 16 overs?

Dinesh Karthik: Unlikely to play unless Dhoni gets injured, though he is in the form of his life!

Only Positive for India in this T-20 WC will be that they can't play any worse than the last time! So in spite of all these negatives; let us hope 'All is Well' when the play begins!

Breaking Views !!!

We have a million 24X7 News channels in all languages doing ‘Breaking News’. So opinionated are the people running these shows; they often come across as if they are ‘Breaking Views’ !

We just have to take a look at the Maha Siddiqui - Shoaib Malik – Sania Mirza episode and the overkill on prime-time news channels.

Finally the well-wishers and some Muslim Politicians have helped solve this deadlock to pave way for a happy Wedlock for ‘Our’ Sania with ‘Their’ Shoaib. Some channels went to the extent of predicting an improvement in Indo-Pak relations and even a lasting remedy to the Kashmir thorn. Some views indeed !

But there sure must be some story in this whole story of Ayesha – Maha vs Shoaib Malik drama. When we have so many people airing views and making Nano-pixels out of this story; why should this Blogger keep quiet? So here we go… Breaking Views !!!

The Inspirations!

Ayesha aka Maha Siddiqui is an obviously Indian girl brought up on Manmohan Desai movies. So her version of the story has a 20 year old Shoaib Malik coming up to her with the missing ‘Hair Pin’. Doesn’t it look similar to the Amitabh Bachchan – Parveen Babi hand-kerchief scene from the Desai potboiler ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’? So it was here their life took a ‘Hair Pin Bend’ according to the Indian Girl !

Shoaib Malik is a Pakistani boy who allegedly grew up on pirated discs of Abbas - Mastan movies starting from Baazigar. This is quite evident in his side of the ‘Story’ of the beautiful Ayesha Siddiqui and the overweight matronly looking Maha Khala - Apa. He has once again proved how naive these Pakistani boys really are ! They somehow never grow up there. Look at Shahid Afridi, he still remains 25, even as his eldest daughter is getting ready to elope with an Indian boy at Dubai !

The Aspirations !

This only goes on to prove one thing, both Ayesha aka Maha and Shoaib are pretty good at spinning; I mean the yarn ! Shoaib was reported for ‘Chucking’ the ball early on in his checkered career and underwent rehabilitation.

Today he stands banned for one year by the PCB on charges of ‘Chucking’ matches. But all this hasn’t stopped him from ‘Bowling’ Maidens over ! Just take a look, Ayesha Siddiqui, Maha Apa, Sayali Bhagat and now our own sweet little Sania; the list keeps growing like the tantrums of Sreesanth !

The Hard Truths !

Neha Dhupia was once famously quoted, “Only Shah Rukh Khan and sex sell”. The IPL and the ‘Not so Idiot Box’ have left even ‘My Name is Khan’ of SRK an also ran movie. Sex still sells but in spells. Hence the Bollywood is in serious trouble today. Perhaps we can save Bollywood by clubbing Cricket, Cinema and Sex together !

The Remedy to be Directed by Modi !

Cricket these days comes with an overdose of SRK and all those Bollywood babes from Preity to Shilpa to Deepika to Sameera. Kartina Kaif gets more footage than Mohammed Kaif during Cricket matches, thanks to IPL. Do we need any more proof ? Just marry Cinema to Cricket, but of course under the able Dictatorship oops Directorship of Lalit Modi !

The Un-boundary Script !

The view is getting wider and wider; in fact wider than the 140mm grin of Lalit Modi. An over-popular but under-achiever Tennis Star with looks to beat the Bollywood beauties, an out of favor former Cricket Captain of our neighboring country and an overweight, overambitious and stardust struck girl from the Deccan Chargers land; what a dizzy cocktail; A DLF Maximum !

The Mini-Screen-Play !

To further spice things up, we have Sayali Bhagat an intimate friend of Shoaib Malik. This has prompted the ‘Imaginative’ channel people to launch a new series for the season 3. After ‘Rakhi ka Swayamvar’ and ‘Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jayenge’; we have a new gala reality show to be titled Shoaib Indian Dulhaniya Le Ayenge to be anchored by Pakistan Captain Shahid Afridi. Rakhi Sawant has consented to add weight to the show !

The Producer and the BIG Picture !

If these channels are so smart, how can Bollywood lag behind ? They won’t like to be compared to Preity Zinta’s King’s 11 Punjab after all. So Abbas – Mastan duo have already come forward with a multinational project to be shot in the Middle East, India, Pakistan, Australia, USA and Wimbledon. Warne R Brothers are likely to finance the movie with money earned from the flourishing underwear business !

And the Title:

The movie will be released on 1 April 2011 during the IPL-4 season ! The filming is expected to begin soon after the 15 April 2010 wedding and will have to wind up before Shoaib completes his one year ban. It will star Maha Siddiqui, Ayesha, Sayali Bhagat, Sania Mirza and Rakhi Sawant in the lead with Shoaib Malik in and as...

Sab ka Malik Ek Hai !