Random Cricket Headlines !

This is Radio Doctoring the Balls 99.99. Cricket Headlines brought to you by Dr. Balls.

Shahid Afridi didn't announce retirement from any form of Cricket today.

Sachin Tendulkar's legs were not trembling when he registered his first vote in the Rajya Sabha because Shoaib Aqtar was not present in the house at that time. Shahid Afridi has confirmed this report.

Kevin Peitersen has appointed Shahid Afridi as his 'Retirement Coach' and Mohammed Yousuf will act as a Consultant on retirement plans.

On grounds of anonymity, a BCCI insider has confided to Dr. Balls that Gautam Gambhir lost his Vice-Captaincy not on disciplinary grounds. Since GG is actually 2G, the BCCI patronized by Sharad Pawar didn't want to be seen promoting anything even remotely related to 2G.

What do the juniors in Team India call Sehwag behind him ? Virus [Viru S] !

Former Australia Captain Ricky Ponting's Biography has been titled, "Rickypedia". The contents have been kept top secret. But Dr. Balls promises to bring out a preview even before it is written and plans to call it, "Rickyleaks".

Amnesty International is not amused because Kapil Dev has joined Rapidex advanced English speaking course to understand the meaning of Amnesty !

After injuries to two international Wicket-keepers Mark Boucher and Kumar Sangakkara, Pakistan fans sincerely hope they'll be third time lucky with Kamran Akmal aka Kakmal.

India and Sri Lanka have decided not to play another 5 match ODI series in near future. Sri Lanka because they fear Virat Kohli will become the first ever player to score 100 centuries against same team and India because BCCI saw too many empty stands during the last series.

Manoj Tiwari says, 'You improve mentally when you are a part of Team India'. What he means is when you compete with reservation candidates like Rohit Sharma, your performance is bound to improve.

Pakistan offers to play their home series against India in India.

Mahindra set to sponsor Sri Lanka Premier League. Sri Lankan fans fear it is Rajapaksa and Indian fans believe it is their own Captain Cool Dhoni. 

Tiwary is a serious contender for a regular place in ODI team: says Coach Fletcher. Rohit Sharma runs crying to Dhoni and is pacified by the Captain saying, "Don't worry, we can always REST Viru Sehwag".

After Andrew Strauss dropped himself down the order during second test, Alistair Cook was heard telling his mates, "We'd be better off if he drops himself from the team". Broad has declared all this as baseless.

And finally the tail-line:
Away from Cricket, though Mary Kom apologized to the nation for not bringing the Gold, she has reasons to cheer. Manappuram Gold Loan people have expressed willingness to sanction Gold Loan against her bronze medal so that she can buy LPG cylinders in her state.

SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.blogspot.in/

Hunt for the Hundred and the Weight is Over !

Hundred and beyond; A preview of the aftermath of Sachin's 100th 100 !

His first international Century took a long time to come and the hundredth is taking it's own bitter time. The diehard Cricket Romantics expected an Indian win lead by Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar scoring his ton of tons in the World Cup final against Sri Lanka. Alas, that was not to be.

Since then, it has become a national obsession and even many Australians want the celestial event to happen in Australia. A TV News Channel went to the extent of dissecting the Demons in Sachin's mind. The 'Sachin ke Dimag me Shaitan' show on India TV must be rated the most obnoxious ever.

Demons in the God's Mind ?

These days, Anna Hazare stops his fast and Rakhi Sawant doesn't want to marry Baba Ramdev when Tendulkar is batting. The inmates of the Bigg Boss' house don't fight or flirt and even the evil mothers-in-law in those innumerable Saas-Bahu serials relax their scheming towards the hapless daughters-in-law.

That is the only time when Manmohan Singh isn't pestered by opposition to open his mouth. As SRT opens his account with a dab to point, Sachinists, Commentators, Comment-Tweeters and all and sundry jobless humanity begins the count down, 99...98...97... Simply put, the Century number Century becomes the most important issue in India. More important than Jan Lokpal, Inflation, Mamta's tantrums, Mayavati's elephants and Kapil Sibal's wisdom put together.

It is almost certain that everyone worth a public profile on Facebook or an @Iamimportant Twitter-arm  is ready with their piece of sound-byte on the Celestial event and are waiting to pour out as and when and if it happens. Dr. Balls always had this intuition to predict future and read minds and here he comes with a list of "Who would say what" !

Manmohan Singh: People told I am a weak and meek PM and I have shown them what I can do and Sachin has shown what he can do. Errr, Excuse me, Madam is going to talk now. I will talk to you after that if she allows me to...

Sonia Gandhi: My family has sacrificed for the independence of India and today, an Indian has managed to reach a height never attained before only because of those sacrifices. I congratulate my late Mother-in-law and my beloved husband Rajiv on this great moment. Nothing would have been possible without their dedication and sacrifices.

Rahul Gandhi: There are two Indias out there. Those who can score centuries and those who cannot even score a single run. Uncle Diggi says, we have to be ashamed of ourselves that nobody from UP has managed to score even one century in a long time and a Mumbai bred man scores 100 of them. This is what we call unequal India. Diggiji also says, we must stop Sachin from scoring any more centuries till someone from UP scores at least one century.

Digvijay Singh: There is a definite Right-wing Hindu Extremist conspiracy here. We all know Golvalkar was a communal RSS leader. Then it was Gavaskar, Vengsarkar, Shivalkar, Kanitkar, Achrekar, Agarkar and Prabhakar. And today we have Tendulkar, another Maharashtra Hindu getting all the praise. The minority batsmen have to get 33% reservation in the team. Congress party alone, under the able leadership of Sonia Gandhiji gave support to a Muslim batsman in Azaruddin. Our future Prime Minister Rahulji also wants more and more minorities and lower caste people to score centuries.

Raj Thakre: This is a proud moment for 'Marathi Manoos' in general and for Mumbai in particular. We want all taxi drivers to compulsorily change the names of their taxis to Sachin Tendulkar Taxi. Those who don't do, will be deported to UP and Bihar. And all Bangladeshis should go back to Bangladesh immediately. Because of them, we don't have place to celebrate this great achievement because they are occupying all of Mumbai.

Sharad Pawar: Me, my family, the BCCI, my party, the UPA Government and all of India join to congratulate Sachin on this record. To all those who doubted his ability to achieve this, this is a resounding slap on the face [OMG, what did I say...]

Kapil Sibal: 100 centuries is not exactly 100 centuries. I can prove to you that it is much more than that. It can be even less than that. We have to give enough weight to the variable inflation rate when we consider the number of centuries. I will ask our IIM Gurus to dig deep into this matter and we will come out with a detailed report soon.

Mayavati: Who is Sachin Tendulkar ? He has done nothing for the Bahujan people of Uttar Pradesh or India. There is not even a single statue of Sachin Tendulkar in UP. So he is not important. If he donates even ten percent of his earnings to poor people of UP, we can construct more statues of Mayavati and elephants all over UP.

Anna Hazare: Just 100 centuries is nothing. We have Politicians who have amassed hundreds of crores and that is why we need a strong Lokpal bill. We will invite Sachin Tendulkar to join us for the fast to press for the bill. He will bat a whole day without taking breakfast, lunch, drinks and tea as part of the protest.

Krishnamachari Srikkanth: Bloody-shit-it-is-over-at-last. Oh-no-I-am-a-cheap-selector-and-not-supposed-to-say-that. Well-it-all-sounds-like-dream-come-true. Anyway-this-should-be-new-year-gift-to-all-Indians-feeling-bad-about-India-losing-all-those-tests-by-big-big-margins.

Sunil Gavaskar: Records are meant to be broken. But this little Genius has created so many records, it is hard to imagine someone some day overtaking all his records. He should have got more than these hundred hundreds. Taking into account all those 80s and 90s he has made, he would have had nothing less than 125 centuries by now. But this still is 100 times magnificent.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Well of course, we all know he had scored 99 hundreds and if he could do that, sooner or later he would score the hundredth one too. He had scored the hundredth run 99 times before and we were quite confident he would do it one more time. It all fell in place and we can't forget the contribution of the team-mates and especially our bowlers who always gave Sachin more than enough runs to chase all these years.

Navjyot Singh Sidhu: Records and statistics my friend, are like the bikini. They expose a lot but conceal the vital. We look at 100 centuries today but haven't seen all the hard work that has gone into making those runs. Give the Devil his due at least today and accept the fact that when it comes to Sachin Tendulkar's hunger for runs, 'Sky is the Limit'. He has batted all his career while wickets tumbled like a row of cycles in a cycle stand in Ludhiana. It is not just a number or a record, it is rather a treasure; King Sachin's treasure.

Virendar Sehwag: Sachin is my idol and I have always tried to play like him. But I don't know anything about records. Who held the record before ? Was it an Indian ? Actually I was sleeping when he scored those runs and that is why I didn't know whose record was broken. 

Vinod Kambli: I never received enough support from selectors and administration. Even Sachin didn't support me when I was not scoring any runs. I would have scored 150 centuries by now if they had supported me. 

Ravi Shastri: That one went like a tracer-bullet. He went onto to up the ante at the right moment and it's all happening there now. It was a super exhibition of batsman-ship by the little Champion in front of a full house of a half empty stadium. This is a proud moment not only for India but for the entire Cricket fraternity. 

Shane Warne: My good friend has finally done it. His inner confidence stood strong during tough times and that is why I would like him to be the Indian brand ambassador for my line of inner-wear. 

Ricky Ponting: This is an inspiration to me. I went through a lean phase but decided not to give up. Now I am sure I too will be able to score more hundreds.

Shahid Afridi: His feet were really trembling when he played that last ball. I could see my LED TV vibrating as the bowler began his run up. He was definitely scared. But anyway he has got the record now and I congratulate him. We are not like Indians. They never congratulated us when we scored hundred centuries.

Brad Haddin: He has got a hundred now and all others in their team will pretty much be jealous of him and they will turn against each other. They can break easily and that will lead to complete destruction.

Virat Kohli: He has carried the burden of the nation ever since me, Suresh and Rohit were in our nappies. That is why we all carried his burden after the World Cup win. Now we ourselves would like to carry the burden of the nation from here. When I showed the finger, all I meant was that I was ready to carry the burden of the nation on my middle finger. My Delhi team-mate Ishant too gestured he is ready to take over the burden from Zaheer Bhai.

"I just said, I can carry the burden on my middle finger!"

The Common Man or Aam Aadmi: OMG, all these months of waiting for this to happen every time he batted and to see him fall short every time caused enormous heart burns. We watched match after match with Lays and Coke and Cashew nuts and Beer. All the binging due to subsequent depression and what do I see now standing on the scale ?  

THE WEIGHT IS OVER !

The list can get as unending as the wait for the hundred. Hence, as the owner of the blog, I am restraining Dr. Balls here to come out with just one more; that of 'The Sachin Tendulkar' himself.

"People kept throwing stones at me. I converted them into mile-stones and then built a palatial home with the remaining ones. People still kept throwing stones. So I have constructed a Monument now !"

SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Mahi Way: Rear-view Vision of a Victorious Journey !

Feels like it was a dream and then feels like it has come true. No need to pinch oneself. That six was as Dhoni as Dhoni ever was. 

Mahi Way !

Ever since Praveen 'Pehelwan' Kumar got injured and India went in with Piyush, Sreesanth, Munaf and Nehra, I have been vocal in my criticism of selection and the way Team India played. I never gave them a chance of winning actually till the last 2 overs.

Spare a thought for me and many like me. Why did I do what I did ? Very simple. I have said it before. My love, admiration and adulation for Team India is boundless. It is just that it hurts badly when they lose. Even though they have won more often than not in recent years, it still hurts when they lose. Especially so if that happens in the Finals. And India had lost 7 out of the 9 Finals they have played against Sri Lanka before this one.

So if you keep criticizing and finding faults, you have better chances of absorbing the shock of a defeat. And a Win will be that much sweeter. So for all those negatives I spewed about Dhoni and his Blue Blooded Brethren, I am not going to eat crow because I am a vegetarian.

I loved them after they lost 2003 World Cup Finals. I defended them after those two T-20 World Cup disasters. I almost assassinated Greg Chappell after the 2007 World Cup first round exit. And today, I am ecstatic and over the Moon like all fellow Indians.

Turning back, let us take a look at some interesting subplots through the journey that was. 

The Journey that was

For India, the journey began with 'Taming the Bengal Tiger' at Mirpur. On the way they scratched past the minnows, tied the Poms and stumbled but once against Springboks. Then they regrouped to knock the Kangaroos out. There came the Mother of all matches and the arch enemy was vanquished at Mohali. The road show came to a grand finale in Mumbai where they signed off "Slaying the Lions" ! 

Current Affairs

Dean Jones said, "Dhoni is dreaming if he thinks India can win". Border thought Sri Lanka will be too strong for India and Steve Waugh rated Sri Lanka as favorites. Mark Taylor declared after India's win against Pakistan that Pakistan had better chances of beating Sri Lanka but India would be easy meat for the Lankan Lions. Only Ricky Ponting declared after his team's quarterfinal debacle that India will not only beat Pakistan in Semifinals but will also go onto win the World Cup. It was 4 former Australian Stars vs 1 Current Captain.

Moral of the Story: Current Opinion matters because you've seen the balls on ground, not on LCD TV ! 

Toss ka Boss : Caught Cheating ?

Sanga: Tails I Win, Heads I win Too !

Sanga perhaps cheated,

Pushpakumara bleated.

All the others Tweeted,

And Dhoni just Batted !

Okay, You take the Toss,

That'll be the only Loss,

For me, nothing is gross. 

In the end, I am the Boss !

And the Spirit of Cricket literally went for a 'Toss' once again in an India - Sri Lanka match after la affaire Randiv !

Sehwagging: 175 - 0 in Six weeks

Viru 'Revenge' Sehwag started the proceedings with such a flourish against Bangladesh that all our middle order batsmen became complacent. His 175 curtain raiser spoiled them and there were too many collapses. So Viru decided enough is enough and went downhill. He creamed Gul in the semi-final before Riaz fixed him and Indian batting crippled after that. So Viru opened with a 'duck' in the Finals and Gautam and Mahi came to party !

Awful Taufel

This man must be rated the best Umpire of all times. In an era when the job is coming under increasing scrutiny, this man stands 'tall and handsome'. He had 11 Challenges against his on field calls. 10 were correct and the eleventh was inconclusive. The benefit of doubt always goes to batsmen. Not very fair ! Aleem Dar too was fabulous.

Day of Poonam Pandey

India did win. We all know that and Rajnikant has confirmed that what we saw on Saturday actually was a full length highlight of the match he watched on Friday the First of April. So where is Poonam Pandey ? We are waiting for the date and the day !

Best Team need not Win 

South Africa by far were the best team this time around. They had the fabulous top-4 and Duminy at 5 and a cool Du Plessis. Their fielding has always been class act. Nothing special about it. Most importantly they had the finest variety of bowling attack. Two world class quickies. One classic leg spinner. One nice left arm spinner and then Botha. How on earth can one team be so unlucky in knock out stages ?

The Series of the Man 

Thousands of short messages and emails did the rounds questioning his fitness, flair and form. Runs were hard to come. In spite of making fun of his fitness, I had predicted before the Cup that India's fortunes will rest on the fitness and form of 'One Man'. 4 Man of the matches. Runs in crunch moments. 2 successful chases under lights and tremendous stress. Wickets whenever his Captain asked him to bowl. What more can a man do ? This world cup was about 2 Individuals. Shahid Khan Afridi went out due to his batting follies. Yuveraj Singh made this World Cup his own with a magnificent All Round show ! Take a Bow Yuvi, you deserve all the accolades !

About Pakistan and Shahid Afridi

Pakistan played very good Cricket. They came across a well knit bunch who played for their Talisman like Captain Shahid Khan Afridi. I would have loved to see them in final. Alas ! They had just 2 bad days. Given some kind of support, they will go a long way. And please throw Senator Rehaman Malik into dungeons along with Ijaz Butt.

About Minnows 

All about Ryan ten Doeschate, Ireland, 2 successful 300+ chases, Kevin O'Brien, fastest World Cup Century, George Dockrell, Paul Stirling and too many useless matches. Give Ireland more exposure and perhaps a Test Status by 2015 should be theirs.

About some Great Men

Some really great men have played their last world cup matches. Ricky Ponting left a heart broken man with his winning streak broken. Murali left without much of an impact when it mattered. Sachin had his moments and charmed lives. He fell at the doorstep of history. But his team didn't let him down for once. He will walk away a contented man.

At another level, Sehwag, Brett Lee, Kallis, Peitersen, Strauss, Collingwood, Dilshan, Mahela, Sanga, Zaheer Khan, Shoaib Akhtar, Younis Khan and Hussey too might have played their last world cup matches. Malinga has declared he might not play another world cup.

Cricket will find new Stars and Brand Ambassadors for the Future. Virat Kohli, Umar Akmal, Tharanga, ABDV and many more will come. But we will miss the 'Greats' mentioned above. Especially 2015 World Cup might open as the first World Cup in 23 years not to feature a certain Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar !

And a Solemn Wish 

Let us all make a solemn wish that Pakistan will find a genuine Wicket Keeper before the 2015 World Cup !

SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Breaking Views !!!

We have a million 24X7 News channels in all languages doing ‘Breaking News’. So opinionated are the people running these shows; they often come across as if they are ‘Breaking Views’ !

We just have to take a look at the Maha Siddiqui - Shoaib Malik – Sania Mirza episode and the overkill on prime-time news channels.

Finally the well-wishers and some Muslim Politicians have helped solve this deadlock to pave way for a happy Wedlock for ‘Our’ Sania with ‘Their’ Shoaib. Some channels went to the extent of predicting an improvement in Indo-Pak relations and even a lasting remedy to the Kashmir thorn. Some views indeed !

But there sure must be some story in this whole story of Ayesha – Maha vs Shoaib Malik drama. When we have so many people airing views and making Nano-pixels out of this story; why should this Blogger keep quiet? So here we go… Breaking Views !!!

The Inspirations!

Ayesha aka Maha Siddiqui is an obviously Indian girl brought up on Manmohan Desai movies. So her version of the story has a 20 year old Shoaib Malik coming up to her with the missing ‘Hair Pin’. Doesn’t it look similar to the Amitabh Bachchan – Parveen Babi hand-kerchief scene from the Desai potboiler ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’? So it was here their life took a ‘Hair Pin Bend’ according to the Indian Girl !

Shoaib Malik is a Pakistani boy who allegedly grew up on pirated discs of Abbas - Mastan movies starting from Baazigar. This is quite evident in his side of the ‘Story’ of the beautiful Ayesha Siddiqui and the overweight matronly looking Maha Khala - Apa. He has once again proved how naive these Pakistani boys really are ! They somehow never grow up there. Look at Shahid Afridi, he still remains 25, even as his eldest daughter is getting ready to elope with an Indian boy at Dubai !

The Aspirations !

This only goes on to prove one thing, both Ayesha aka Maha and Shoaib are pretty good at spinning; I mean the yarn ! Shoaib was reported for ‘Chucking’ the ball early on in his checkered career and underwent rehabilitation.

Today he stands banned for one year by the PCB on charges of ‘Chucking’ matches. But all this hasn’t stopped him from ‘Bowling’ Maidens over ! Just take a look, Ayesha Siddiqui, Maha Apa, Sayali Bhagat and now our own sweet little Sania; the list keeps growing like the tantrums of Sreesanth !

The Hard Truths !

Neha Dhupia was once famously quoted, “Only Shah Rukh Khan and sex sell”. The IPL and the ‘Not so Idiot Box’ have left even ‘My Name is Khan’ of SRK an also ran movie. Sex still sells but in spells. Hence the Bollywood is in serious trouble today. Perhaps we can save Bollywood by clubbing Cricket, Cinema and Sex together !

The Remedy to be Directed by Modi !

Cricket these days comes with an overdose of SRK and all those Bollywood babes from Preity to Shilpa to Deepika to Sameera. Kartina Kaif gets more footage than Mohammed Kaif during Cricket matches, thanks to IPL. Do we need any more proof ? Just marry Cinema to Cricket, but of course under the able Dictatorship oops Directorship of Lalit Modi !

The Un-boundary Script !

The view is getting wider and wider; in fact wider than the 140mm grin of Lalit Modi. An over-popular but under-achiever Tennis Star with looks to beat the Bollywood beauties, an out of favor former Cricket Captain of our neighboring country and an overweight, overambitious and stardust struck girl from the Deccan Chargers land; what a dizzy cocktail; A DLF Maximum !

The Mini-Screen-Play !

To further spice things up, we have Sayali Bhagat an intimate friend of Shoaib Malik. This has prompted the ‘Imaginative’ channel people to launch a new series for the season 3. After ‘Rakhi ka Swayamvar’ and ‘Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jayenge’; we have a new gala reality show to be titled Shoaib Indian Dulhaniya Le Ayenge to be anchored by Pakistan Captain Shahid Afridi. Rakhi Sawant has consented to add weight to the show !

The Producer and the BIG Picture !

If these channels are so smart, how can Bollywood lag behind ? They won’t like to be compared to Preity Zinta’s King’s 11 Punjab after all. So Abbas – Mastan duo have already come forward with a multinational project to be shot in the Middle East, India, Pakistan, Australia, USA and Wimbledon. Warne R Brothers are likely to finance the movie with money earned from the flourishing underwear business !

And the Title:

The movie will be released on 1 April 2011 during the IPL-4 season ! The filming is expected to begin soon after the 15 April 2010 wedding and will have to wind up before Shoaib completes his one year ban. It will star Maha Siddiqui, Ayesha, Sayali Bhagat, Sania Mirza and Rakhi Sawant in the lead with Shoaib Malik in and as...

Sab ka Malik Ek Hai !