Hunt for the Hundred and the Weight is Over !

Hundred and beyond; A preview of the aftermath of Sachin's 100th 100 !

His first international Century took a long time to come and the hundredth is taking it's own bitter time. The diehard Cricket Romantics expected an Indian win lead by Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar scoring his ton of tons in the World Cup final against Sri Lanka. Alas, that was not to be.

Since then, it has become a national obsession and even many Australians want the celestial event to happen in Australia. A TV News Channel went to the extent of dissecting the Demons in Sachin's mind. The 'Sachin ke Dimag me Shaitan' show on India TV must be rated the most obnoxious ever.

Demons in the God's Mind ?

These days, Anna Hazare stops his fast and Rakhi Sawant doesn't want to marry Baba Ramdev when Tendulkar is batting. The inmates of the Bigg Boss' house don't fight or flirt and even the evil mothers-in-law in those innumerable Saas-Bahu serials relax their scheming towards the hapless daughters-in-law.

That is the only time when Manmohan Singh isn't pestered by opposition to open his mouth. As SRT opens his account with a dab to point, Sachinists, Commentators, Comment-Tweeters and all and sundry jobless humanity begins the count down, 99...98...97... Simply put, the Century number Century becomes the most important issue in India. More important than Jan Lokpal, Inflation, Mamta's tantrums, Mayavati's elephants and Kapil Sibal's wisdom put together.

It is almost certain that everyone worth a public profile on Facebook or an @Iamimportant Twitter-arm  is ready with their piece of sound-byte on the Celestial event and are waiting to pour out as and when and if it happens. Dr. Balls always had this intuition to predict future and read minds and here he comes with a list of "Who would say what" !

Manmohan Singh: People told I am a weak and meek PM and I have shown them what I can do and Sachin has shown what he can do. Errr, Excuse me, Madam is going to talk now. I will talk to you after that if she allows me to...

Sonia Gandhi: My family has sacrificed for the independence of India and today, an Indian has managed to reach a height never attained before only because of those sacrifices. I congratulate my late Mother-in-law and my beloved husband Rajiv on this great moment. Nothing would have been possible without their dedication and sacrifices.

Rahul Gandhi: There are two Indias out there. Those who can score centuries and those who cannot even score a single run. Uncle Diggi says, we have to be ashamed of ourselves that nobody from UP has managed to score even one century in a long time and a Mumbai bred man scores 100 of them. This is what we call unequal India. Diggiji also says, we must stop Sachin from scoring any more centuries till someone from UP scores at least one century.

Digvijay Singh: There is a definite Right-wing Hindu Extremist conspiracy here. We all know Golvalkar was a communal RSS leader. Then it was Gavaskar, Vengsarkar, Shivalkar, Kanitkar, Achrekar, Agarkar and Prabhakar. And today we have Tendulkar, another Maharashtra Hindu getting all the praise. The minority batsmen have to get 33% reservation in the team. Congress party alone, under the able leadership of Sonia Gandhiji gave support to a Muslim batsman in Azaruddin. Our future Prime Minister Rahulji also wants more and more minorities and lower caste people to score centuries.

Raj Thakre: This is a proud moment for 'Marathi Manoos' in general and for Mumbai in particular. We want all taxi drivers to compulsorily change the names of their taxis to Sachin Tendulkar Taxi. Those who don't do, will be deported to UP and Bihar. And all Bangladeshis should go back to Bangladesh immediately. Because of them, we don't have place to celebrate this great achievement because they are occupying all of Mumbai.

Sharad Pawar: Me, my family, the BCCI, my party, the UPA Government and all of India join to congratulate Sachin on this record. To all those who doubted his ability to achieve this, this is a resounding slap on the face [OMG, what did I say...]

Kapil Sibal: 100 centuries is not exactly 100 centuries. I can prove to you that it is much more than that. It can be even less than that. We have to give enough weight to the variable inflation rate when we consider the number of centuries. I will ask our IIM Gurus to dig deep into this matter and we will come out with a detailed report soon.

Mayavati: Who is Sachin Tendulkar ? He has done nothing for the Bahujan people of Uttar Pradesh or India. There is not even a single statue of Sachin Tendulkar in UP. So he is not important. If he donates even ten percent of his earnings to poor people of UP, we can construct more statues of Mayavati and elephants all over UP.

Anna Hazare: Just 100 centuries is nothing. We have Politicians who have amassed hundreds of crores and that is why we need a strong Lokpal bill. We will invite Sachin Tendulkar to join us for the fast to press for the bill. He will bat a whole day without taking breakfast, lunch, drinks and tea as part of the protest.

Krishnamachari Srikkanth: Bloody-shit-it-is-over-at-last. Oh-no-I-am-a-cheap-selector-and-not-supposed-to-say-that. Well-it-all-sounds-like-dream-come-true. Anyway-this-should-be-new-year-gift-to-all-Indians-feeling-bad-about-India-losing-all-those-tests-by-big-big-margins.

Sunil Gavaskar: Records are meant to be broken. But this little Genius has created so many records, it is hard to imagine someone some day overtaking all his records. He should have got more than these hundred hundreds. Taking into account all those 80s and 90s he has made, he would have had nothing less than 125 centuries by now. But this still is 100 times magnificent.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Well of course, we all know he had scored 99 hundreds and if he could do that, sooner or later he would score the hundredth one too. He had scored the hundredth run 99 times before and we were quite confident he would do it one more time. It all fell in place and we can't forget the contribution of the team-mates and especially our bowlers who always gave Sachin more than enough runs to chase all these years.

Navjyot Singh Sidhu: Records and statistics my friend, are like the bikini. They expose a lot but conceal the vital. We look at 100 centuries today but haven't seen all the hard work that has gone into making those runs. Give the Devil his due at least today and accept the fact that when it comes to Sachin Tendulkar's hunger for runs, 'Sky is the Limit'. He has batted all his career while wickets tumbled like a row of cycles in a cycle stand in Ludhiana. It is not just a number or a record, it is rather a treasure; King Sachin's treasure.

Virendar Sehwag: Sachin is my idol and I have always tried to play like him. But I don't know anything about records. Who held the record before ? Was it an Indian ? Actually I was sleeping when he scored those runs and that is why I didn't know whose record was broken. 

Vinod Kambli: I never received enough support from selectors and administration. Even Sachin didn't support me when I was not scoring any runs. I would have scored 150 centuries by now if they had supported me. 

Ravi Shastri: That one went like a tracer-bullet. He went onto to up the ante at the right moment and it's all happening there now. It was a super exhibition of batsman-ship by the little Champion in front of a full house of a half empty stadium. This is a proud moment not only for India but for the entire Cricket fraternity. 

Shane Warne: My good friend has finally done it. His inner confidence stood strong during tough times and that is why I would like him to be the Indian brand ambassador for my line of inner-wear. 

Ricky Ponting: This is an inspiration to me. I went through a lean phase but decided not to give up. Now I am sure I too will be able to score more hundreds.

Shahid Afridi: His feet were really trembling when he played that last ball. I could see my LED TV vibrating as the bowler began his run up. He was definitely scared. But anyway he has got the record now and I congratulate him. We are not like Indians. They never congratulated us when we scored hundred centuries.

Brad Haddin: He has got a hundred now and all others in their team will pretty much be jealous of him and they will turn against each other. They can break easily and that will lead to complete destruction.

Virat Kohli: He has carried the burden of the nation ever since me, Suresh and Rohit were in our nappies. That is why we all carried his burden after the World Cup win. Now we ourselves would like to carry the burden of the nation from here. When I showed the finger, all I meant was that I was ready to carry the burden of the nation on my middle finger. My Delhi team-mate Ishant too gestured he is ready to take over the burden from Zaheer Bhai.

"I just said, I can carry the burden on my middle finger!"

The Common Man or Aam Aadmi: OMG, all these months of waiting for this to happen every time he batted and to see him fall short every time caused enormous heart burns. We watched match after match with Lays and Coke and Cashew nuts and Beer. All the binging due to subsequent depression and what do I see now standing on the scale ?  

THE WEIGHT IS OVER !

The list can get as unending as the wait for the hundred. Hence, as the owner of the blog, I am restraining Dr. Balls here to come out with just one more; that of 'The Sachin Tendulkar' himself.

"People kept throwing stones at me. I converted them into mile-stones and then built a palatial home with the remaining ones. People still kept throwing stones. So I have constructed a Monument now !"

SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/