Team India Down Under, Down Under: How to lift them up ?
Team India's worst tour of Australia is on and things are getting worse by the day. Let us look at the pre-tour hype and the situation that prevailed and then how things have unfolded since the fall of Tendulkar at the fag end of day-2 at Melbourne. From 214/2, India have just withered away and wilted.
Australia were in dire straits. They were beaten by New Zealand and were bowled out for 48 by South Africa very recently. Ponting and Hussey have been out of form for longer than anyone could care to remember. They were going to miss the Iconic All-rounder Shane Watson and Pat Cummins from the beginning. Harris and Marsh missed half of the test and then James Pattinson got injured. Thus good number of cream of the present Aussie team have missed the major part of Cricket that has been played so far.
India on the other hand were in full strength with the exception of Praveen Kumar. So this was touted as India's best chance to win a test series down under. But what has happened how ? First test was lost on day 5, second on day 4 and third within minutes of lunch break on day 3. At this rate, the Adelaide test might get over on day-2. Srikkanth is totally devastated and Dhoni has declared himself to be the main culprit. The BCCI believes the performance has not been up to the mark.
Hence a very high level meeting of the BCCI, Selectors and former players was held. Since it was to be a high level and top secret meeting, it was held at Siachen Glacier. Whatever happened in the meeting has been recorded in the minutes. But all that can't be divulged. BCCI has come out with an agenda for the resurrection of Team India and the fortunes of Indian Cricket. And the document has been forwarded to ICC.
The 10 point agenda the BCCI has approved for the rejuvenation of Cricket.
01] Ghaas Poos is serious health hazard: The main problem seems to be Indians are allergic to grass and that hampers their performance seriously. Hence no grass should be allowed to exist on any pitch where India have to play. Even Ivan Lendle had declared, "Grass is for cows". Indian players are not cows, they are Tigers. Tigers at home to be precise. So henceforth ICC should make sure that a herd of cows is deployed at all venues where Team India are to play test matches. The grazing cows will ensure the pitch will be devoid of grass. And all the hoof marks will makes sure our spinners can get purchase from day one.
02] Speed Breakers: We all know speed thrills but it also kills. All the speed bowling in England and India has almost killed Indian Cricket. ICC 'must' realize almost two thirds of revenue filling the ICC coffers comes from Indian Cricket, if not three fourths. If Indian supporters stop watching Cricket, ICC can shut shop. So all fast bowlers operating against India 'must' be fitted with speed-breakers with immediate effect. None should bowl faster that 125kmph or whatever is the average speed at which Vinay Kumar bowled in the previous match; whichever is slower.
03] Three day Tests: When India travel abroad, all tests should be restricted to just 3 days and not 5 days. We first have to give them a realistic chance to draw a test before we can think of winning again. And during these 3 days, lunch break should be extended to 90 minutes and tea break to 30 minutes. The breaks happen to be the best part of tests played by India these days, because no wickets fall during these period. This also ensures a lot more scope for advertizements and that means more money for ICC.
04] No Slip ups please: "Indian batsmen are like faithful husbands, they perform only at home", tweeted Poonam Pandey. But an insider from Team India camp on conditions of anonymity has declared, "Indian players are disappointed that Poonam has not kept her word of stripping if India won the World Cup. Hence they are disappointed". The faithful husbands that they are, they hate all the gossiping by the Aussie wicket-keeper and slip fielders. Hence no slip fielders should be allowed to stand within the 30 yard circle when Indian 'Top Order Batsmen' bat.
05] Field restrictions: It has been noticed by BCCI that too many fielders are seen in the field blocking his shots when Rahul Dravid is batting. Though that is distracting him, the gentleman has never complained. But it is distracting him and he is falling over his own feet to be bowled again and again and then again. So he should be allowed to make 3 changes in the field when he bats. He is the first and only Indian to support the lie-detector test suggested by ICC. Hence he should get this privilege to place 3 fielders of his choice anywhere he wants to. That could even be the dressing room.
06] Save Tigers Campaign: Tigers and Indian batsmen have many things in common. The main thing in common is both are endangered species. Whole world is campaigning to save tigers. We advocate with equal fervor for a campaign to save our 'Tigers at home'. Henceforth, Team India should be allowed to play all away tests in India. To differentiate home and away tests, ESPN-Star Sports will telecast 'away series' and any channel chosen by BCCI will telecast home matches. This is more than enough for people to differentiate a home and away series.
07] The Demons to be exorcised: Some channels believe there are demons in the mind of Sachin Tendulkar that are preventing him from scoring the hundredth ton. Those demons seem to be affecting the entire team too. Whatever has to be done to exorcise the demons must be done and an away series against Bangladesh followed by one against Zimbabwe should be arranged; both to be played in India. Once he gets his century of century, all the pressure will be off and Indians can get back to the business of playing Cricket.
08] Benefits of IPL not being utilized: IPL is a magnificent event with a lots of glamor, lights, action, champagne, cheer girls, beer girls and Vijay Mallya. But what is the use ? Many of these selfish English and Australian Cricketers avoid IPL and concentrate only on their national teams. This is making Test Cricket a lopsided contest. Poor selfless Indians are toiling to play IPL, CL-T20, ODIs, Tests and if they get spare time, they also play Cricket with kids and Moms in the rain. They do all this even at the cost of West Indies tour. These selfish guys like Clarke and Cook should be immediately made to sign up for IPL. If they don't relent, they should be barred from playing international Cricket. We believe in providing everyone with a level playing field with lots of cracks in the pitches and no grass as mentioned earlier.
09] Word Cricket means India: Today, World Cricket and even the 'Word' Cricket means India. We don't have to elaborate on this. If India go on getting humiliated like this on every tour and end up at the bottom of the table, people of India will give up on Cricket as Rahul Dravid rightly suspects. That means Cricket will be dead. Hence we must ensure Team India get enough chances to win and our Tigers get to feast on runs. Hence not only Zimbabwe and Kenya but UAE, Nepal, Bhutan, Afghanistan, Scotland, Greenland and every land possible should be given Test status immediately so that there are enough teams to be beaten by India. We suspect Ireland might turn out to be dangerous, hence it is better to avoid them.
10] Final nail: DRS, Hawk eye, Eagle eye, Umpires, Third Umpires and Match Referees; all these entities have conspired to undermine Indian Cricket over the years. Hence in the larger interest of saving Cricket, the entire responsibility of running Cricket administration should be immediately handed over to an able body with 'rich' experience. Since we see nobody 'richer' than the BCCI, we deem it fit that the ICC must be immediately handed over to IPL Governing body to 'enrich' Cricket !
We believe all these measures will help in reaping short term as well as long term benefits for the financial security of Cricket. Hence ICC should follow these guidelines with immediate effect.
Signed/-
BCCI
IPL Governing body
Indias Selectors
Former Players
Team India [Signed from Go karting club in Perth]
Copy to all Cricket fans.
SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/
No comments:
Post a Comment