Baap of all Cricket Retirements !

Why do I believe Pakistan Cricket has the 'X-Factor' ? Because they have the largest number of 'Ex-Captains' in their team.

Everyone seems to be in a hurry there; to retire, come back, retire again and come back again and then retire finally. Or do they ?

We have retirements, premature retirements, immature retirements and non-retirements. There are much awaited and anticipated retirements like that of Rahul Dravid.

Then of course the extremely catastrophic event of the retirement of Sachin Tendulkar. The fear is looming large. Well of course, that should not be much of a problem if you are a Pakistan supporter.

So finally the day the whole world was fearing about has arrived. No, not Sachin's retirement day. Not even the end of the world, but much larger and infinitely terrible tragedy. An end of an era or say any buffalo dung you like. Shahid Afridi has retired !

But that is old news, some might say. So we will twist it a little bit. Shahid Afridi has re-retired. Now, that sounds better. We can add more 're's as we progress. But wait, has he re-come back ?

It would be unfair to talk only about Afridi. Cricket has evolved from being 'Gentleman's Game' to 'Mental Jam's Game'. Everybody plays 'Mental Games'. Sometimes games and very often just mental. Steve Waugh believed 'Everything was fair in Cricket and War'. Ponting believed nothing was unfair in Cricket and Ashes.

But coming back to Afridi, what is he playing ? Game ? Mental Game ? Mental ? War or plain dumb ? Last heard he is contemplating return to Cricket. I swear on Ijaz's Butt, Pakistan Cricket is a marvel like nothing before and nothing since.

A lot of discussion has already taken place on Afridi's retirement. Enough and more has been said about this re-retirement. But how can I retire without my say ? So I decided to take a random look at retirements of our Cricketers from the past; distant and not so distant.

Don Bradman retired because '99.94 ain't so bad'. It in fact appears a lot sexier than 100 today.

Gary Sobers retired after he found out that he could no longer drive after drinking.

Geoffrey Boycott retired after proving to himself that he was technically a better batsman than Sunny Gavaskar.

Bishan Singh Bedi retired because the butterfly wasn't able to float and the bee wasn't stinging either as Zaheer Abbas and Miyandad made him look ordinary.

Sunny Gavaskar said, "Quit when people ask why rather than when". He retired scoring a tragic 96 in his last test innings and a hundred and a duck in his last first class match. A man of his words.

Mohindar Amarnath retired after he was convinced that nobody will break his record of come-backs. The 'Bunch of Jokers' made his decision easier.

Dilip Vengsarkar retired after the stupid adjudicators gave Man of the Match award to Kapil Dev for taking 434 wickets. There of course was other reason. There was no test to be played at Lords in nearest future at that time.

Kapil Dev retired after Javagal Srinath threatened to retire and Richard Hadlee almost died of boredom waiting for his record to be broken.

Azaruddin retired because of 'Maine match banaaya'. Today, he is playing a different innings in Indian Politics. He is an Icon for the likes of Mohammad Asif, Mohammad Aamer, Ajay Jadeja and Sulman Butt. Politics on either side of Indo-Pak border will not suffer for want of Sportsman Spirit.

Kim Hughes retired in tears. A real tearful adieu !

Alan Border retired because he had scored more runs than Gavaskar.

Manoj Prabhakar was retired by Sanath Jayasuriya.

Ravi Shastri was tired down by his knee and retired by Indian crowds baying for blood.

Sanjay Majrekar was retired by his shoulders. After shouldering arms to all balls outside the off stump in a One day match in the 49th over, he developed a fixed shoulder deformity. He has since proved to be a much better commentator and blogger.

Miyandad retired like only he could; like a street fighter. He fought with opponents, Umpires, Dennis Lillee, Ian Botham, his mother in law and Zaheer Abbas before there was nobody left to fight.

Imran Khan retired because he became bigger than Pakistan Cricket and in one of the proudest moments in Pakistan Cricket, he forgot his team.

Clive Lloyd retired because he had nothing more to achieve as Captain and only a little more in him as batsman.

Vivian Richards retired because he saw the beginning of the end of Caribbean domination.

Richie Richardson retired because he seriously began to believe he was in the wrong team.

Brian Lara retired because nothing else was right and he was left handed and stranded all the time.

Steve Waugh retired because he couldn't have continued for long without facing the risk of axe. He made 'Retirements in Installments' a fashion.

Inzamam ul Haq retired because there was no one left in entire Pakistan who was not run out by Inzy Bhai.

Courtney Walsh retired because people started taking advantage of his magnanimity and started running even before he marked his run up. Once a pair of Australian batsmen actually completed 2 runs before Walsh reached the bowling crease.

Shane Warne retired because 6 weeks of IPL was more lucrative than 1 year of 'Baggy Green'. And he didn't have to slog for ten and a half months. He retired from IPL because he wanted to badmouth a RCA Official in public.

Glen McGrath retired because Warne was retiring and he could no longer dare to predict 5-0 white wash without sounding silly.

Saurav Ganguly retired from International Cricket after scoring a double century because he was 'once bitten, twice shy'. He retired from domestic Cricket and came back to help his team qualify and then re-retired. He again faced the axe in IPL. But the Tiger roared again in IPL-2011 and we are waiting for total retirement.

Younis Khan retired because he couldn't handle the foul smelling posterior that heads Pakistan Cricket. He looks both tired and retired as of now.

Anil Kumble retired because the graceless Cricket fans in India wanted him to and anoint Dhoni the Captain. Why ? They want Dhoni to retire ! Kumble again retired from IPL because even the President of Karnataka State Cricket Association is not allowed to play Cricket in suits.

Muralidharan retired because 800 is a huge number and the ICC rules still don't allow runners for fielders.

But no retirement or re-retirement is quite like that of Mohammad Yousuf / Yousuf Yohana. His was the first retirement that came with a clause and a comma. He retired for the time being ! Later he was re-retired by Selectors. Before that, he retired from his religion. With that he also took retirement from shaving. In between he retired from ICC Cricket and signed up for ICL Cricket. But even before it began, he retired from ICL and wanted to Captain Pakistan. Then he retired as Pakistan Captain and now we don't know. Even he doesn't know if he is retired or is on a come back trail or on a go back trail. Move over Afridi, Yusuf is the most retired man on earth. And his is the 'Baap of all Cricket Retirements' !




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

A Cup for Mr. Tendulkar : But how do we do it ?

I had written why India will struggle to win the ongoing World Cup. I know it was a little too dark and gloomy. I too want India to Win a World Cup for Mr. Sachin Tendulkar. But how do we manage do it ?

THIS is how we are going to do it ! Please read it on my blog @ Die Hard Cricket Fans !


S-Pun Doctor

Shahid Afridi: The Day of the Whack-all !

The Day of the Whack-all or Reincarnation of Shahid Afridi !

Cricket is a Team game with individuals often making large impacts. I will deal with Kevin O'Brien some other day. One Knock Out there doesn't make a Champion. For now, let us just say he landed the KO punch on Poms last night.

I am old fashioned, slow and used to bowl leg-spin as a teenager. I retired to pursue my profession after watching THIS. Well, that actually was because I realized I was way too mediocre a bowler. But I still am a bowler at heart and love the bowlers getting the better of a batsman than watching those flat-track bullies go bombastic.Okay, Viru Sehwag is an exception.

That is why I loved 'The revenge of the Slinga" and today I just rooted for Afridi. From biting the ball, he has traveled a long way to make it take flight, hiss and bite back ! Shahid Afridi has been a revelation in this edition of the World Cup. Pray where is the Shahid Afridi we all knew till the other day ?

He has looked calm, mostly composed and not once bitten; no not the ball, I mean the tongue. And there aren't those expletives too.

We don't really know how old Afridi really is. Shah Rukh Khan once claimed Afridi made his debut when SRK went to college. That must be ages ago because SRK made his debut when I went to college and I myself went to college once upon a time.

He is Pakistan's Wicket taker in Chief. He is their most economical bowler. He is their motivator par excellence on field and he is not keeping wickets. If he were to know he'd have to live with KAkmal, he perhaps would have learned that too. And he is the 'fastest slow bowler' on the planet today.

Against Sri Lanka, he bowled a gem of a spell and picked up a wicket every time his team needed one. His dismissal of Lanka counterpart Sanga was one of the most important moments of this Cup.

He would like to carry the Premadasa minefield wherever he goes. No wonder he doesn't want to play in India before the final. One doubt though, does he really believe India will go that far ? Being an Indian, I don't.

Watching KO Brien's pyrotechnics, I was reminded of a younger and dangerous Afridi. Too much of maturity has 'Dhonied' him. He came as a batsman who could bowl. Today, he is a bowler who it is believed 'can bat'.

But what the heck ? Afridi is winning matches and that is what matters. I love Leg Spinners and when I say that, I don't mean Piyush Chawla.

Afridi had most of his wickets bowled or LBW, except for Gordon. The wides apart, his accuracy was immaculate.

Those who were waiting for another upset tonight, better look elsewhere. England and India are always there. If any team can defend any total, that has to be Pakistan. And their Captain has played a huge role in this rejuvenation. For me, Pakistan are Favorites.

He was the perpetual 'Whack-all' for a little too long. But he showed some kind of maturity during their T-20 WC win in 2009. Since then, he has blown hot and blown cold as a batsman. But his utility as a 'Team Man' has soared amazingly and he leads the MVP Race without scoring too many runs.

Towards the business end of this Cup, I suspect he might just peak with the bat too. Remember he wants to play the 'Final' in India and India doesn't have a Premadasa.

Sorry Murali, Sorry Sachin, Sorry Ricky, Sorry KP and Sorry everyone else...

I am afraid April 2, 2011 will be the "Day of the Whack-all" !




SPun Doctor

Pakistan Favorites !

Cricket needs Pakistan and that is a Cricketing Gospel. They did all they could to create some drama in the match. They were brilliant and then pathetic. There were stupid run outs, dropped catches, missed stumping and 29 extras. All typically Pakistan; but win they did finally. And once again they have kept a World Cup record intact. Sri Lanka have never beaten Pakistan at the Cup.

All the feelings behind the drama were expressed in one moment of sheer fun when Umar Gul put his tongue out even as he was heaving a sigh of relief when Kulasekara hit a full-toss straight to Umar Akmal at long on. The ball well went... Umar se Umar tak !

Gul had a bad match, but Afridi trusted him to bowl the last over and he did well. Kakmal was good, bad and ugly in the same match, many times over. Still, this team seems to be bonding well. Yunis Khan is playing the pivotal role and he looks rock solid. And Shoaib Aqthar has never looked better.

Misbah-ul-haq and Yunis Khan are forging a formidable middle order. With Umar Akmal, Afridi and Razzack to follow, they can be a handful. That Ukmal guy has some cheek. After completing the Kulasekara catch, he actually walked very close to the boundary rope, as if to taunt the vociferous Sri Lankan crowd. And Afridi mock-slapped him.

Coming to Sri Lanka, why are they hiding Malinga ? They seem to stagnate once into middle order. Chamara Silva top-scored, but was perhaps the reason for the stagnation.

This World Cup promises to be the Cup of the Leg Spinners and I am not complaining. It was another Pakistani in South Africa colors who has made life worth living and Cricket worth watching. Is Dhoni watching ?

Afridi has now proved he can do wonders when entrusted with responsibility. First it was the T-20 Win in England and now he seems to be gearing up for the World Cup. He delivered every time they needed a wicket, including the wicket of his counterpart Sanga. And let us not forget he can bat a bit.

Pakistan are warming up and they can still improve and that is worrying for the opponents. But can they maintain the tempo till the end ? I hope not, because I want India to win.

But if India don't win, I would prefer Pakistan to win ! Now I am prepared to be roasted by Indian friends for this comment ! Pakistan is my second favorite team and they always will remain, in spite of fixers. We can't let the talent they manufacture there to go waste.



S-Pun Doctor

Zulaqrnain Hyder goes into Hiding; The Real Story !

Five unrelated headlines that perhaps are closely related !

Now let us see if and how they are related...

1] I was Rubbish 5 years ago: Swann !

Swann says he 'was' rubbish 5 years ago. Which should mean he doesn't think he is rubbish now. That  definitely is a great or ominous sign before the Ashes depending upon which side you are supporting ! 

2] Best Still to Come: Strauss !

Strauss believes 'their best' is yet to come. Which means the progress from rubbish to Swann is not the end of progress ! And that implies Aussies have a job on hand.

3] My Teammates respect my Captaincy: Clarke !

Clarke in the meanwhile doesn't want to sound intimidated. But he isn't confident about his own Teammates. So he says his 'Aussie Teammates' respect him. So are there 'Non-Aussie Teammates' in the Aussie Team now ? People from the other world believe this team is full of them ! 

4] Tendulkar Better than Bradman: Zaheer Abbas !

Zaheer Abbas for one is one such chap. He has no respect for the current Aussies including Mike Hussey and Marcus North. So much so, he has gone on record and declared 'The God' to be better than 'The Don' ! Last heard that Obama is planning to hire Zaheer Abbas to solve all the outstanding Indo-Pak issues !

5] PCB Send Legal Notice to Arthur !

And as a clear indicator of Pakistan softening its stand towards long-standing enemy India, PCB has warned Mickey Arthur with dire consequences. There is no mention of India, BCCI or any Indian in any part of their latest salvo. That is such a big relief !

As a further goodwill gesture, PCB has offered to play India in a home series to be played in Sri Lanka. The team will be lead by both Mohammad Yousuf and Younis Khan. MoYo will lead from one end and Y2K from the other. As usual, Afridi will be the Captain !

The PCB's Arthur threat package includes bombarding Arthur with Bigg no balls courtesy Dolly of Bigg Boss with Veena Malik for expert help. They also plan to fix him in a match with Rakhi Sawant on next edition of Rakhi ka Swayam-war ! Appointing him as the next Pakistan Coach too has been mooted as one of the harsher punishments.

No wonder the poor guy got scared beyond words. If anyone talking against 'Match Fixing' has to face all this, it isn't worth it. If Mickey Arthur can be subjected to such unbelievable torture, what will a puny little substitute of Kamran Akmal do ? He has to 'Hide' because his name says so...

So...

Zulaqrnain Hyder goes into Hiding !



S-Pun Doctor