5 Non-Cricketing Reasons for the Mohali Win !

India won by a millimeter, a test they could have won by miles. Did Australia fight tooth and nail ? Or did the Indian batsmen play shots that deserved tooth and nail extraction without local anesthesia ? We will leave it there !

As is our habit, we woke up to Crisis Man Laxman's brilliance and then returned quickly to debate on Sachin Tendulkar missing out on yet another hundred. I know many people would have been happier if Tendulkar were to get his century even if India had lost the match. We are Indians, Sachin comes first. Perhaps soon after Rajnikant !

But Sachin missed out and India won ! And we had a god-damned exciting match that would have killed many on either side of the border if the opponent were to be Pakistan.

Why did India win in spite of...
* Atrocious shots by Virendar Sehwag in both innings ?
* Sachin Tendulkar's dismissal at most inopportune moments in both innings ?
* Dravid's problem with leg-cutters ?
* Sanjay Hazare's magnanimity ?
* Super All-rounder Bhajji's failure to fire with the bat in both knocks ?
* Ishant Sharma's Dirty Dozen No-balls ?
* Dhoni's shoddy work behind and in front of the stumps ?

India deserved to win because they made lesser mistakes in spite of having Sehwag, Bhajji, Ishant and Dhoni on their side. Aussies were beaten by Medical Maladies and not Cricketing Dandies !

Here are the 'Actual Reasons'


1] Rheumatoid Arthritis: Brent Fraser Bowden's peculiar condition that mostly affects the small joints of hands and legs. When Johnson struck Ojha plumb in front of middle stump, 'Poor Billy' just couldn't move his hands in time to show Ojha the 'Crooked Finger'.

By the time he managed to lift his hand, the over-throw by Smith had reached the boundary. Bowden was s--t scared of Jrod going on the rampage again dissecting Billy's Late Out Decision !

2] Lumbago: With a Doctor for father, Laxman knows how to get injured conveniently. For second Test running, he did very little running and managed to keep India in the running till end. Don't be fooled by his 'Nice Guy' looks. He even manipulates the day five pitch. It stops misbehaving when Laxman's wrists start behaving !

3] Gigantism: With a height of nearly 8 feet Ishant Sharma intimidates everyone on ground and even in your drawing rooms. Any length becomes either too short or too long for him. In both knocks he proved 'Size Does Matter'. His second innings bravado was terminated by Gould rather than Hilfenhaus.

4] Delhi Belly: Aussies were obviously affected by Delhi Belly thanks to 'Butter Chicken' of Punjab. This meant they had their hands full of butter and pants full of potty. No wonder they dropped so many catches they would have held on in grade-3 Coma Down under.

5] Amnesia: The pollution in India affects the memory cells of Captain Ponting. He develops Amnesia time and again and he bowls Hussey and bats North. He forgot Philip Hughes existed on this planet.

Many Australians including Jrod want to assassinate Marcus North. I don't blame them. Australian batting goes down South with North ! Any amount of Paine afflicted by later order doesn't compensate for this middle - middle order dud; even the fluke wicket of Tendulkar !

So... Ponting continues the hunt for 'First Frontier' and we can say... Jai Ho !





S-Pun Doctor