Indian Plumpier League: The Bigger IPL !

Disclaimer: This post is a figment of imagination of the writer. This is purely a fun article and doesn't intend to be derogatory about any of the honorable people mentioned. No way does this betray any maliciousness on part of the writer who himself is on the verge of being certified overweight. 

No offense is meant about the well endowed men and women. I am 'Broad'-minded. When I say that, it should not be confused with the Narrow minded ICC Match Referee with an England Captain for a son.

From being Agarkar-like, time has managed to render me in the 'just under the overweight league' with a BMI closing in on 25. I was never known for athleticism and that perhaps is why I preferred to play and follow Cricket. Not that I was any good at that. But Cricket still remains the only field game that still offers 'Fat' chances to the physically over-endowed to hold their own against the likes of Jonty Rhodes and Keiron Pollard.

There was 'Ample' evidence that Samit Patel was dropped from England probables list due to the eschewed fitness standards set by the ECB. The now past India Coach had expressed concerns over 'Overweight' Indian Cricketers. That was unfortunate. Just imagine if  weight or size did matter in the past, Sri Lanka would not have won their lone World Cup and England would not have won Ashes in 1987.

Here is an ode to those big 'BIG' men who regaled us with their skills. Here we launch the "Indian Plumpier League" [IPL]. Let us take a look at those weighty teams and their leaders of 'substance'. For those keen to play in the League, pound in all the pounds you can; more the merrier. The auction will strictly be held on the basis of Pounds. And all payments, hefty or otherwise will be made in Pounds too. A Pound for a Pound !

1] Chubby Supper Kings: With their love for heavy meals at night, the Chubby Kings lead from the front. So they have the Chubbiest Captain !

Leverlock, Stock and Barrel !

2] Belly Bare Devils: The Team from the Capital languishing at the bottom this season. Who can pick the spirits of this team ? Who else but the one with a belly that can scare the Devil ?

Belly that can Scare Devil !

3] Gol-Guppa Weight Ryders: Having either puny or fit skippers has been SRK's idea of a Captain. That is why the team has never been 'Stout' on field. But when you have a 'Big Jesse' for Captain, nobody meddles with them.

Just see Weight Ryder !

4] Binge's 11 Fun-jab: For binge eating, binge drinking, fun and jabs, you need not look around. He is a 'Legend' in all. The Prince did 'Eat' them all up during the World Cup !

Eat all You-We can !

5] Chicken Gorgers: They can munch and gorge on anything and everything including bowling attacks and 'Aloo Bondas' of Hyderabad. A worthy skipper has to be a man of stature.

The BIGGEST Talent from Pakistan

6] Royal Chill-hangers Ampleore: They will just chill out on Royal Challenge and avenge all the defeats so far. The Mr. Cool of Lankan Cricket will 'walk' away with the Captaincy. Well, he always walked his runs.

'Run'atunga who always walked runs !

7] Boonie Warriors India: One of the all time great overweight Cricketers excelled in fielding with all his girth. He will be a Boon to any lowly placed team.

A Boon for the underdogs !

8] Cocky Tuskers Carousel: For the Cocky Mallu who walks without a care like a tusker, they finally have a merry-go-Round of tuskers. The Cockiest of them all will lead the team. Gatting, Batting, Fatting and Swatting [of Pakistani Umpires] all allowed.

Gatting Batting Fatting !

9] Bum-boy Indians: For those who love everything in big chunks. The most Powarful man in Indian Cricket will lead from the front. His style and substance will make him a 'Roll-model' !

Powar Power !

10] Rotundistan Royals: A Patel from England alone qualifies to lead the bunch of Rotundistan Royals. To Sum it all, will get justice at last. This completes the ensemble of ten teams.

Sum of it all Patel !

This Obese version of IPL will begin as soon as we manage to find enough players plumper than the plump to complete 10 teams. Anyone interested to join the weight-wagon, don't wait, just shoot your applications. Weight is the only criteria !

Some patented attractions:

Cheer girls will be replaced with more ample and attractive 'Beer Babes'. Buxom is the word !

Buxom Beer Babes !

Concessions on ticket prices to those weighing above 100kg. They will be accommodated in the exclusive 'Century Club'.

Beer, beef and all kind of food served at subsidized rates before, during and even after the match.

Log on to our website for more details:
www.indianplumpierleague.com



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Do Dhoni Chaar and other World Cup Resolutions !

After my mind spoke, here I am letting my heart to walk the talk. Walking is good for the Heart !

Like every Indian, I want India to Win the Cricket World Cup 2011. Let it be for anybody; Kapil's Devils, Sachin Tendulkar, Gary Kirsten, Golandaaz or anyone including my patients.

But there is that proverbial thin line between the Cup and the Slip. Can India give the slip a slip and bring home the Cup ? I hope they can on 2 April 2011. But for that to happen, some sacrifices have to be made and some resolutions. So here we go...

Gary Kirsten: Should tell his boys, "I ain't going nowhere". Gauty will be relieved.

Sachin Tendulkar: Can do a huge favor to entire nation by declaring on National and International media, "I am not retiring before 2015 World Cup". This will unburden Viru, Bhajji and all of Men in Blue.

Virendar Sehwag: Every time he bats long, he should get out in the 48th over. This will inspire him to bat all fifty overs at least once in his life. Imagine the quantum of effect this is going to create.

Gautam Gambhir: Should remind Viru of the 'humiliating losses' India have suffered to each of our opponents so that every match will be converted into 'Revenge Match' ! And by chance if we haven't lost to any team, remind him of 'Anticipatory Revenge'.

Virat Kohli: He is looking quite resolute now. Any more resolution may end up in dilution of the perfect picture.

Yuveraj Singh: Should take Yusuf Pathan's promotion as a personal slight and prove again, "Yuvi is the Biggest Dick of them all".

Mahendra Dhoni: Must stop snubbing Sreesanth in public and start flying the 'Helicopter' instead. He also should remember "Do Dhoni Chaar" is possible when it comes to pace - spin combination [2+2] > [3+1].

Suresh Raina: Should bide his time and pounce on an opportunity if it comes.

Yusuf Pathan: Should concentrate on trimming the beard whenever he gets an urge to talk big. Winning from any position will take care of itself.

Harbhajan Singh: Should leave restricting job to Munaf and Yuvi and go for the wickets in the middle overs. 10-0-52-3 is much better than 10-1-39-0.

Zaheer Khan: Recollect first season, wicket of Steve Waugh and bring back the Yorkers.

Munaf Patel: Should try his best not to convert ones into twos and twos into threes; for the opponents.

Sreesanth: Pray to Guruvayoorappan and St. Antony of Kaloor everyday to save career from going the Agarkar way.

Ashish Nehra: Keep people in the dark about injuries. It will force Dhoni to play [2 + 2].

Piyush Chawla: Should look at Tahir Imran. If a Pakistani leg spinner can win matches for Saffers in India, an Indian leg spinner should do better playing for India in India.

Ravichandran Ashwin: Take inspiration from Sunil Valsan. This will be his Cup without breaking sweat !

Indian Fans: Should remember this Cup isn't about Sachin Tendulkar. This perhaps is India's best chance to overcome a lot of jinxes. So chill out and enjoy Cricket without hyping. But knowing India's fallibility in the Finals, be prepared to be fooled the day after 'All Fool's Day' !






S-Pun Doctor

Operation Blue Star !

As much as I admire Yuveraj Singh and his match-winning exploits in the past; I am really depressed by his lack of fitness now.

If anyone doubts this fact, this picture down here should create alarms.

What am I trying to convey ?

Just take a look...

Gautam Gambhir batted all the 43 overs and ran so many incredible singles with Virat. Look at his shirt, it is Sky-blue.

And then take a look at Yuvi's shirt. It is Deep-blue soaked in sweat.

Yuvi was there for such a short period, and hardly ran any runs because both he and Gautam dealt in boundaries.

Even if someone wants to defend Yuvi by saying Gautam changed his shirt in between, it couldn't be after Yuvi came to bat.

And Yuvi's paunch looks awful in side views. At 40, I can claim to be in a little better shape. And I don't even play Gully-Cricket with Mandira.

Let us not forget Yuvi isn't all that older compared to Gautam.

Let us also not forget he was our best fielder by light years until two years ago.

India can't really win the World Cup without the Prince being at his best.

Not many Match-winners can Match Yuvi when he is at his best.

We still have time. So Gary and Team, please bring Yuvi back to his best

Let us call this 'Operation Blue-Star !



S-Pun Doctor