Rohit Sharma: Demand for a DNA Test !

After finding nothing interesting to write on Cricket for over 100 days, I return to write on Cricket because of the magnitude of the event that is happening right now.

I have always considered Dhoni as an extremely recalcitrant Captain who will play some of his favorites with the 'come what may' attitude and will keep some away with equal passion. He has done that with Ravindra Jadeja before and now it is Rohit [Nohit] Sharma. Everyone following Cricket in India must have felt dismayed to see the name of Rohit in the India list this afternoon and Rohit hasn't belied our belief in him !

So much so, even people not even remotely connected to Cricket have expressed anguish, anger and exasperation. Here are some of the reactions pouring in as India slide towards another defeat thanks to a middle order batsman who can't score a run but can't be dropped either.

Anna Hazare: I have decided to go on an indefinite fast till Rohit Sharma is dropped from the team. Cricket is sustained by the Aam Aadmi's money and not by the BCCI, Selectors or the Captain's whims. We need a strong Jan Team-Pal bill. This bill will ensure that the Indian team for every match will be selected by people's vote.

Rahul Gandhi: I will ensure 18% reservation for Muslims in the team. Yusuf Pathan, Mohammed Kaif, Mohammed Azaruddin and other Muslims just don't get chances while Rohit Sharma can go on and on because he is a Sharma.

Kapil Sibal: We can prove that this is NOT Indian National Team. This is Indian Notional Team. How can one man continue to enjoy immunity while others have to perish even if they perform.

Mamta Banerjee: This is all about Pawar Politics. This is clear injustice to Kolkotta, I mean Bengal. Manoj Tiwari doesn't get chances because he is from Bengal and Rohit continues to play because he has support of Mumbai lobby. We will protest and will withdraw support to the Central Government if the Prime Minister doesn't intervene in this matter.

Baba Ramdev: Rohit Sharma's kundli's are bad. He needs to concentrate and for that he has to come to me and I'll teach him Yoga and then he'll start scoring runs like the flow of Ganga !

Sachin Tendulkar: Rohit is very talented. He and Virat Kohli will break my record of 100 centuries. Mmmm, I mean, Virat might score about 90 and anyone who gets as many chances as Rohit can certainly score 10 centuries if he plays for 10 years. We can't forget Zimbabwe are back in the business. Together they will break my record.

Saurav Ganguly: I am seriously thinking of reconsidering  my retirement options. With my records, I can still come back into the team and I am not half as bad as this guy Rohit who has got more chances than Me, Manoj, Yusuf, Laxmi Shukla and entire Bengal team have got.

Sharad Pawar: All this is nonsense. Rohit is a very talented and Pawar-ful boy. He is miffed because he has not got the No. 2 position in the team. You give him that position and he will start raking in heavily.

Sunil Gavaskar: If we look carefully, Rohit has got bowled or LBW in last 3 matches. Which means he has got out to good balls. He hasn't thrown his wicket away because he values it. Give him some time to settle down; may be 2 - 3 years or 4 and he'll be fine.

Yusuf Pathan: I can win matches from any position. But to win matches, I have to get chances to win from any position. Rohit is failing from any position he bats and I have to just sit and watch from any position.


M. S. Dhoni: Well of course, these things happen in Cricket. He's a brilliant player going through a bad patch. We're confident, he'll overcome that. And you must remember I am a wicket-keeper and just can't afford to drop ! We might think of resting Sehwag in next match to accommodate Manoj Tiwari who might be rusting !

Rahane, Tiwari and many others: We demand DNA test for Rohit Sharma too to find out "Yeh kaunsa bade Baap ka Beta hai !"







SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Sachin Tendulkar: Bharat Ratna and beyond !

Anticipatory Bail: I am an ordinary Indian in love with Cricket. I harbor no ill-will against any Cricketer including Sachin Tendulkar. I have made my admiration for him more than obvious in the past. But it hurts to see the personality cult completely overshadowing the wonderful game in India.

I can never forget or overlook the fact that India missed an Asia Cup Final berth largely due to SRT's 100th 100 becoming more important to a nation than a win. But since 'some' SRT fans can go to ridiculous lengths and depths to defend him and revere him, I might have to guard myself and my family against attacks. I take that risk because for me Cricket is greater than Sachin Tendulkar.

People's overwhelming demand for 'Bharat Ratna' for Sachin Tendulkar stands Viratified. So it is just a formality and just a matter of time now. The 'Future God' of Indian Cricket has endorsed the 'Reigning God' and let us get ready to celebrate the 'Holy event'.

A lot of people believed the Cricket World Cup was lucky to have been held by Sachin Tendulkar and many more think Bharat Ratna will be honored by associating with SRT.

After meeting a lot of people and getting to the bottom of a million discussions, Dr. Balls our Cricket Crazy Indian has come up with a modifiable and further expandable list of honors to be conferred upon the God. He believes if we can make it to 100 without waiting for a whole year, that would be a great honor for all Indians. Here is the list...

Apart from the confirmed Bharat Ratna, Sachin Tendulkar should also be honored with following awards...

1] Dada Saheb Phalke Award: For his acting skills. The National awards and Filmfare awards are too small for him.

2] Jnan Peetha Award: Some day, he is going to write his memoirs, if and when he retires. The greatest honor for literary excellence should be his for taking. Why not hand it over to him right now as "Anticipatory Award" ?

3] Dronacharya Award: From Sehwag to Kohli to Bhajji to Arjun Tendulkar; everyone was inspired to play Cricket by SRT. Sunil Gavaskar was inspired by Tendulkar's genius even before he was born. Tendulkar should get this one with immediate effect.

4]  Param Veer Chakra: He has fought so many 'one man army' battles over the past 23 years for Team India. So the minimum recognition would be to decorate the 'Param Veer Chakra' with Sachin Tendulkar.

5] Tansen Award:  His name retrospectively inspired R. D. Burman's father to be named Sachin Dev Burman and India's music Diva Lata Mangeshkar is his fan. That should be qualification enough for SRT to receive the Tansen Award. And it is 'music' to the ears of millions of his followers when he says in his musical voice, "I have always played for the country and never for personal milestones" !

6] Emerging India Business Award: The pinnacle of business award should recognize the yeoman service rendered by SRT in the field of business. Selling Pepsi, running restaurants, selling second hand Ferrari [which he got with a duty waiver] and then selling just about anything his managers have suggested; he has done it all. And more importantly, thousands like Harsha Bhogle and Ravi Shastri to even Katy Perry have made a life and living out of praising Sachin Tendulkar.

7] Indian Council of Agricultural Research [ICAR] Award: SRT deserves this award. We don't have to give reasons for everything.

Those readers who don't want to kill me might as well suggest more awards to be honored by Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar !





SPun Doctor

Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ?

 Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ? Or Why Cricket is Mathematics ?

Disclaimer: This is an original research article and hence might appear extremely long. Any perceived humor in any part of this article is unintended and is purely accidental like the 23.5 degree bend of Saeed Ajmal's elbow. If any part / parts of this piece appear disjointed like Suresh Raina's technique, that too is coincidental. The author holds all copyrights over the article. Any reproduction of any part of this post done any time in the past by anyone should be considered as pardonable acts of flattery.

While I was bothered by India missing out on an Asia Cup Final berth, most of India was busy celebrating Tendulkar’s 100^th 100. So I was wondering, “Is there something wrong with me ? Why am I hurt so much when even the players don’t appear to be hurt by losing the Asia Cup crown they had held thus far ?”

A Soccer fan on Facebook who hates Cricket pestered me a lot the other day. He refused to recognize Cricket World Cup and believed Soccer fans are jovial and Cricket fans turn violent if someone derides Cricket. He used a lot of convoluted logic and then demanded that I must give up on Cricket because I happen to be a Doctor and because one of his teachers believed Cricket meant Crick [whatever that meant].

After banishing him to pavilion, oops oblivion; I sat down and thought; “Why is Cricket so popular in India ? And why do I love it so much ?”. Since I am a hardcore Indian, who has never ventured out of the borders, if I find an answer to why Indians love Cricket so much, we’ll know the answer to why I love it so much !

Here is what I have come to understand why the game is so humongous in India ! The reason is Cricket is a religion in India and we knew it long ago. We have the proof for that and will give a link at the end of this post.

We Indians found out ‘Zero’ and we hold on to the Zero with all the love, affection and even jingoism. We celebrate ‘Numbers’ and Mathematics. Just take a look at our festivals, “Nav Ratra or Dusshera”. They denote numbers. Just imagine the Australians referring to the Don as “99.94 Sir Don Bradman” ! That never happens. But we revere our Swamis with “108 Sri So and So Swami” and “1008 Sri So and So Swami” and so on.

I am often confused about our rituals ‘Sahasra Kumbhabhishekam’, ‘Laksharchana’, “Shata-Koti Rama-naama Japa Utsav” and many such magnificent numbers. I don’t know if we are celebrating the Gods or the numbers. No wonder we are brought up with imposition like “Write this 500 times”.

When someone completes 84 years and 4 months, we celebrate "Sahasra Poorna Chandra Darshan" that indicates the person has witnessed 1000 full moons. That is apart from the small numbers like "Shasti poorti" or 60th birthday or "Sapthathi" or 70th birthday. We also celebrate western influenced Silver, Golden, Diamond and Platinum jubilees. We are a land of an over a billion number of people who love celebrating numbers and landmarks; more the merrier !

We have a Trinity of Gods and many Cricket fanatic Indians equate the 3 Stumps to the 3 Gods; Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. We have 33 Crore Gods and we adore a man with over 33,000 international runs as God. How we love our bloated numbers can be understood by taking a look at our ‘Puranas’. 

The creator Brahma had four heads. Vishnu had four hands and Shiva had a ‘Third eye’. Cricket maniacs would love to compare Shiva with ‘Third Umpire’ or the four hands of Vishnu with a ‘Boundary Hit’. A ‘Sixer’ will be equated to ‘Shanmukha’ the God with six faces who went around the world on a peacock, again the national bird of India.

Imagine what Ravan would have done as a Bowler !

Even our villains were no lesser. Ravan was supposed to have had 10 heads, though one always wonders how he managed symmetry and equilibrium with that rather odd looking even number of heads. If Ravan were to play Cricket, would he be considered as one player or ten different players ? Very tough question before the ICC. Thankfully I am not on the ICC and neither is Ravan playing Cricket today.

Cricket Sri Lanka would have done their best to prove that was a congenital deformity that he was born with 10 heads and 20 hands. Murali with just 2 hands was more than a handful for the batsmen. Imagine the confusion the batsman would have faced as to which hand was Ravan going to bowl. Just mind-boggling !

Well, I have digressed from numbers to Ravan. Let me come back to Cricket and the love for numbers. No other sport celebrates numbers like Cricket. We have half-century, century, double century, triple century, quadruple century and a fifty between each landmark. We have five-for as a matter of celebration for a bowler and then 10 wickets in a match. We have seen different kinds of celebrations by different batsmen on reaching the coveted mark. Why a century ? We even had a player do an impromptu dance on the pitch after hitting a six !

Every time Sachin Tendulkar steps on the ground, he is creating a new record. He will retire with the record of holding the most number of records in any sport. I think he already has crossed a century of them; the number of records he is holding.

Every moment in a Cricket match brings out numbers. Kids who play or watch Cricket regularly will be very sound in Mathematics. They will calculate the required run-rate after every over and will be full and thorough with their fractions. How a required rate of 6.15 RPO becomes 6.67 after a maiden over; only a Cricket kid can tell. No other kids can do the Maths in the mind like the Cricket kids. The economy rate, the RPO, the batting average, the bowling average and the strike rate; Cricket has numbers within numbers within numbers and then more numbers, records and then Sachin Tendulkar.

Most of the games and sporting events are over and done within minutes, hours or at worst a day. Mike Tyson had once finished a boxing bout even before people could settle down in their seats. Whereas a Cricket Test match lasts almost a third of an entire Olympic game or a Grand-slam Tennis tourney, 2 days longer than the Davis Cup Final and almost as long as a North Indian wedding discounting the first night. Cricket is nothing but pure and unadulterated Mathematics simplified and made enjoyable for all age groups !

Diving deeper into the matter of Maths, Cricket is played inside an Oval with a quadrilateral pitch in the middle with cylindrical stumps on both ends of the pitch. The ball is a perfect sphere, though it can change shapes when certain highly talented bowlers are in action. The bat and ball have specified weight and size guidelines. We have square cut and square drive which actually are played square of the wicket but somehow end up at point or third-man.

The good batsman is expected to play within the 'V' or the triangle. A bowler's wrist, elbow and the shoulder should have prescribed angles unless he is born with a deformity or has acquired one due to an accident. The concepts of 'line and length' can never be explained better in any other sport. Ajit Agarkar and Irfan Pathan will stand testimony to this. Ask Sehwag about the horizontal bat and Dravid about the straight bat. This simply is a limitless list.

Look at the fielding places. Silly point isn't silly at all; they place the best fielder there. We have slips from where thing very rarely slip. Then there is square leg and squarish gully. Fine Third man from one side becomes long on from the other. Mid-wicket is actually far from the mid point of the wicket. Covers and extra-covers often uncover the best of Cricket.

An Indian's love for Cricket is nothing but an extension of the love for numbers and Mathematics. And people think we are crazy, lazy, unproductive and waste time. Far from it, we actually celebrate Mathematics which is the foundation of all that is Science. Those who don't know Cricket will never understand this. In fact, I strongly believe those who hate Cricket are actually bad in Mathematics. I vehemently recommend, we should teach Cricket to all our kids to drive the fear of Mathematics from their minds !

All original research articles tend to be quite long like this one had turned out to be. There already is a Prequel to this. Readers who haven't exhausted their patience or slept off or not lost consciousness are advised to revise their knowledge with the help of the exhaustive original research article.

We will come back with more details, once people are able to read, understand and digest this piece of wisdom !

SPun Doctor

100 Things that will happen Thanks to 100th 100 !

Finally 'THAT' thing is out of our system. 'THAT' was eating into us like a worm, like a Cancer and like a pain in the arse. That thing every second Indian was bothered by and which in turn used to bother every first Indian.

It was so bad, even our Finance Minister dished out a dead duck for a budget. It was in fact so bad, even Anna Hazare forgot to fast. It was so miserably bad that Kapil Sibal had become redundant and people had forgotten Digvijay Singh.

People hardly realized India lost 8 successive overseas tests by margins that got larger and larger. The whole team was busy thinking "Have I made it Large Enough ?". They couldn't even beat a quarter strength West Indies convincingly and mostly scraped through a home test series.

The retirement of Rahul Dravid was brushed off with, "Well of course, he was there too. Fine, let's say bye to him". During his press conference, more people were interested to know Rahul's opinion on when 'THAT' would happen ?"

We haven't measured if he lost 50 kilos, but the team certainly lost at least 25 runs thanks to the crawl. And 'THAT' celestial event has finally happened and it has not sunk in yet. But it did sink the team against Bangladesh and in turn out of the Asia Cup Final.

Virat Kohli can go on playing blinders to give India a chance to qualify for the Finals. But for most of us, only ONE thing mattered. It was 'THAT' milestone. India return home empty-handed with the aluminum spoon [Sri Lanka took the wooden spoon]. But what the heck ? We have the record, right ?

No Asia Cup, So what ? We have a Milestone !

But on the positive side; finally, well and truly the damned 100th 100 is done and over with. One man's milestone had become a millstone around the neck for 'Ten' more people inside the team and a billion outside. Here is a list of 100 things that are bound to happen now and we can say, "Thank You Sachin !"

1] Team India can play 'Normal' Cricket now and not be bothered by when 'THAT' would happen.

2] Suresh Raina will finally raise above the short ball and manage to keep it down..

3] Sachinists will finally realize there are 11 members in a Cricket team [hopefully].

4] Virat Kohli will carry the burden of the No. 3 and not only the 'Finger No. 3'

5] Some day in near future, when Sachin Tendulkar scores a 100, Team India will actually win a match.

6] Irfan Pathan will bowl 6 good balls in an over.

7] Virendar Sehwag will finally be dropped for non-performance and 'not merely be rested'.

8] Gautam Gambhir will begin to run sensibly; between the wickets I mean.

9] Dhoni will finally win a toss when it matters or even when it doesn't.

10] Team India will manage to draw an overseas test.

Since we all are already exhausted by a 100th 100, I don't want the readers [howsoever small the number might be] to suffer another torture. So here I 'retire', hoping to be at least 10 kilos lesser after this ordeal !

Congratulations Bangladesh for making the Finals of Asia Cup by beating 2 stronger teams convincingly. You deserve to be in the Final because you don't have anyone even closer to 10 centuries, leave alone 100. Good for you !

And Thank You Sachin !





SPun Doctor