Unmukt Chand and the Recalcitrant System !

Where is India ?

What we see is the Final Medals Tally of  London Olympics 2012. India's place in the list was a glorious 55th out of 204 nations that participated. If we take out the No. 2 placed China, India's population is larger than the total of all the other nations in this list put together.

The other 149 nations below India don't even count when it comes to economic and political muscle power India is capable of wielding. But we were happy and celebrating an all time best medals tally. India is the ONLY country that believes in the "Spirit of Olympics". Participation and not winning is important !

Suresh Kalmadis, All India Lawn Tennis Association, Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupati and all the corruption have played their role to perfection in undermining India on the international sports arena.

But have we ever realized the BIGGEST and WORST Culprits responsible for India's pathetic performances in sports ? Go nowhere, we just have to look into the mirror.

The Principal of St. Stephens College, Delhi is but one among us. He or she is not an exception, but the rule in this country. That person did what most of us do directly or indirectly. How many of us stand up and support our kid when the child shows inclination towards sports ?

He could beat Australia but not Indian Colleges !

Unmukt Chand is not your average Cricket crazy teenager who neglected his studies. He is an intelligent and hard-working boy with immaculate habits and heavy vocabulary. If he was short on attendance, he had extremely valid and respect-worthy reasons. He lost out to the college authorities even after taking legal recourse.

Any college in a sensible world would have bent over backwards to accommodate his needs, but not St. Stephens. Never and not even for the U-19 Cricket World Cup winning Captain. Welcome to India, we are serious about manufacturing nerds, Doctors, Engineers, Accountants and people to serve the other countries. Sports is not on our agenda.

In a country ruled by Cricket and not the silent Prime Minister, the Under-19 World Cup winning Captain gets treated so shabbily. The same Principal would have allowed the Union leaders with political clout to write examinations.

If a Cricketer with such credentials has to suffer this, imagine the plight of other sports-persons. They probably would be rusticated for shortage of attendance. As long as such a system prevails, India will remain at 55 or slide further down south on the Olympic Medals tally.

So what do we call the system ? In Unmukt Chand's own style, "Recalcitrant Authoritarianism that has become Redundant for the Student Faculty and is Undermining Sports, thus making ourselves Superfluous on the International Sports arena" !



SPun Doctor

Che, Virat and the Essence of Life !

An old quotable quote goes like, "Those worried about what would happen to next generation should stop worrying. The next generation will grow up and start worrying about next generation". Quite right !

In 1987, when Sunil Gavaskar retired, everyone was asking, "After Sunny, who ?" This was the worry on the minds of every Indian Cricket fan. We had Mohammed Azaruddin followed by Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid, Saurav Ganguly, VVS Laxman, Virendar Sehwag and Gautam Gambhir. An entire golden generation of batting stalwarts.

Today, Dada Ganguly is long gone. The Wall retired before the season began and VVS has hung his wrists at the beginning of the ongoing series. A lot of people would love to see Sachin Tendulkar bat till he is 100. But he has to go sooner than later. For all the doubters, there have always been people like me, who believed everyone including Tendulkar will some day be replaced.

The recent humongous exploits of Virat Kohli in ODI Cricket and the wonderful century of Cheteshwar Pujara at Hyderabad has once again proved this as a fact of life.

Are they talking about next generation ?

India's batting is in safe hands. It always will be. Retiring now won't be selfish Mr. Tendulkar but fairly appropriate. If you retire before a tough tour of Australia or South Africa, then THAT would be considered selfish.

10 - 12 years from today, Cricket lovers in India will be worried, "Who after Che, Virat and Co ?"

Sahir Ludhiyanvi's Classic Poetry immortalized by Khayyam's music and Mukesh's voice quite sums up the essence of life. Time and tide truly wait for none and all of us will become history someday. Yes, even Usain Bolt, Rajnikanth and Sachin Tendulkar !

मुझसे पहेले कितने शायर आये और आकर चले गए
कुछ आहें भर कर लौटगए कुछ नाघ्मे गाकर चले गए
वह भी एक पल का किस्सा थे, मै भी एक पल का किस्सा हूँ
कल तुमसे जुदा हो जाऊंगा वह आज तुम्हारा हिस्सा हूँ !

कल और आयेंगे नाघ्मों की खिलती कलियाँ चुननेवाले
मुझसे बहेतर कहेनेवाले तुमसे बहेतर सुननेवाले
कल कोई मुझको याद करे, क्यूँ कोई मुझको याद करे
मसरूफ ज़माना मेरे लिए क्यूँ वक़्त अपना बर्बाद करे ?



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The Wrists that launched a Thousand Flicks !

What do I feel now ? When I saw Yahoo headline, "VVS Laxman retires..." I thought he would do it after the New Zealand series. But it went on "... with immediate effect" !

Well, his timing never deserted him. He said he is making way for the younger generation. What better way than give them the cushion of playing on home soil ? Salutes to Laxman for being VVS !

The Gods of Eden !

People are writing a lot of wonderful things about Laxman. I am not as gifted with words. So I have to do it my way. What do I think now ? What all things come to my mind now ? I can write a thousand things, but will settle for 10 things that come straight from the heart !

281 and Eden: The Best Ever Cricket Innings by an Indian !

Wrists: That on-drove Shane Warne through mid-wicket !

Flicks: That gave us so many kicks as he batted along with the "Wall" of bricks !

Gentleman: Who enthralled us with his wrists, smile and magnificent demeanor !

VVS: Very Very Slow, Very Very Silent, Very Very so many more things yet he'll forever be remembered as Very Very Special !

Tail: There may be many who can be branded Talisman in Indian Cricket. But there was only one Tailsman; VVS Laxman.

ODI: He was a gentleman who didn't believe in one night or rather one day stands and hence never really flicked or clicked in ODI Cricket.

Fourth Innings: If VVS joins the Commentary team on any channel after retirement, the program will thenceforth be known as "Tail-lines from the Fourth Innings".

Australia: 18 August will henceforth be celebrated as Independence day in Australian Cricket. Now they are forever free from the tyrannical artistry of VVS !

Finally... 

Artistry: What do we call a book on the batting artistry of VVS ?
"The Wrists that launched a Thousand Flicks !"



#SPun Doctor

Random Cricket Headlines !

This is Radio Doctoring the Balls 99.99. Cricket Headlines brought to you by Dr. Balls.

Shahid Afridi didn't announce retirement from any form of Cricket today.

Sachin Tendulkar's legs were not trembling when he registered his first vote in the Rajya Sabha because Shoaib Aqtar was not present in the house at that time. Shahid Afridi has confirmed this report.

Kevin Peitersen has appointed Shahid Afridi as his 'Retirement Coach' and Mohammed Yousuf will act as a Consultant on retirement plans.

On grounds of anonymity, a BCCI insider has confided to Dr. Balls that Gautam Gambhir lost his Vice-Captaincy not on disciplinary grounds. Since GG is actually 2G, the BCCI patronized by Sharad Pawar didn't want to be seen promoting anything even remotely related to 2G.

What do the juniors in Team India call Sehwag behind him ? Virus [Viru S] !

Former Australia Captain Ricky Ponting's Biography has been titled, "Rickypedia". The contents have been kept top secret. But Dr. Balls promises to bring out a preview even before it is written and plans to call it, "Rickyleaks".

Amnesty International is not amused because Kapil Dev has joined Rapidex advanced English speaking course to understand the meaning of Amnesty !

After injuries to two international Wicket-keepers Mark Boucher and Kumar Sangakkara, Pakistan fans sincerely hope they'll be third time lucky with Kamran Akmal aka Kakmal.

India and Sri Lanka have decided not to play another 5 match ODI series in near future. Sri Lanka because they fear Virat Kohli will become the first ever player to score 100 centuries against same team and India because BCCI saw too many empty stands during the last series.

Manoj Tiwari says, 'You improve mentally when you are a part of Team India'. What he means is when you compete with reservation candidates like Rohit Sharma, your performance is bound to improve.

Pakistan offers to play their home series against India in India.

Mahindra set to sponsor Sri Lanka Premier League. Sri Lankan fans fear it is Rajapaksa and Indian fans believe it is their own Captain Cool Dhoni. 

Tiwary is a serious contender for a regular place in ODI team: says Coach Fletcher. Rohit Sharma runs crying to Dhoni and is pacified by the Captain saying, "Don't worry, we can always REST Viru Sehwag".

After Andrew Strauss dropped himself down the order during second test, Alistair Cook was heard telling his mates, "We'd be better off if he drops himself from the team". Broad has declared all this as baseless.

And finally the tail-line:
Away from Cricket, though Mary Kom apologized to the nation for not bringing the Gold, she has reasons to cheer. Manappuram Gold Loan people have expressed willingness to sanction Gold Loan against her bronze medal so that she can buy LPG cylinders in her state.

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India - Sri Lanka Series: The Abnormal Analysis !

Another India - Sri Lanka limited overs Cricket series came to an end and India came out winners. They won the ODI series 4-1 and the lone match of the T-20 series. It has already been dissected by everyone from Yahoo to ESPN Crickinfo. So I find no fun in doing it in normal. So here is my 'abnormal analysis' of the series.

The total time Rohit [Nohit] Sharma spent at the batting crease in the 5 matches was no longer than the time Ashok Dinda takes to return to his run up.

WOE-HIT SHARMA

The series will seriously be remembered as "The Return of the Pathan" series. Irfan wants to save Tigers but he was definitely too hot for the Lions.

Dhoni believes in the adage "Faith moves mountains". But all his faith failed to get Nohit Sharma's feet moving as he was either bowled or LBW throughout the series.

Manoj Tiwari struggled in the field because he had difficulty in getting rid of the feeling of the bench stuck to his bottom.

The lone T-20 match series had a Man-of-the-match and a Man-of-the-series. And both were different people. They had an award for everyone and only person who didn't recieve an award was Sanjay Manjrekar.

Rohit Sharma should have got the "Best Survivor" award sponsored by Kitply, the termite proof plywood.

Luckily the "T-20 Series" was a one match affair. If this was a 3 match series, the presentation ceremony would have gone on even after the Olympics.

After the ODI series, I remember Bachchan's famous dialogue to Vinod Khanna in 'Amar Akbar Anthony': "Hey Inspector, tune appun ko bahut maara, appun ne tereko sirf ek maara. Par jo maara woh solid maara, hai ki nahin ?" Sri Lanka won just one match against India's 4. But they won that one match in solid style by chasing India's total in under 20 overs.

What is common between Rohit Sharma and Manmohan Singh ? 'Time' labelled Singh as Underachiever. Time and again Nohit has proved to be Underachiever !

The SPCA [Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] might sue Virat Kohli for targeting the Lankan Lions so consistently and brutally.

Zaheer Khan bowled so many wides in the series, it looked as if he was inspired by "Isha Sharvani's Jhalak".

Rahul Sharma's performance was hampered by the 'grass' on the outfield. 

But most important abnormal analysis about the series happened in the Parliament House in Delhi where Sachin Tendulkar demanded that the 'Zero hour' in the parliament be renamed 'Hundred hour' because Zero is inauspicious !






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Rohit Sharma: Demand for a DNA Test !

After finding nothing interesting to write on Cricket for over 100 days, I return to write on Cricket because of the magnitude of the event that is happening right now.

I have always considered Dhoni as an extremely recalcitrant Captain who will play some of his favorites with the 'come what may' attitude and will keep some away with equal passion. He has done that with Ravindra Jadeja before and now it is Rohit [Nohit] Sharma. Everyone following Cricket in India must have felt dismayed to see the name of Rohit in the India list this afternoon and Rohit hasn't belied our belief in him !

So much so, even people not even remotely connected to Cricket have expressed anguish, anger and exasperation. Here are some of the reactions pouring in as India slide towards another defeat thanks to a middle order batsman who can't score a run but can't be dropped either.

Anna Hazare: I have decided to go on an indefinite fast till Rohit Sharma is dropped from the team. Cricket is sustained by the Aam Aadmi's money and not by the BCCI, Selectors or the Captain's whims. We need a strong Jan Team-Pal bill. This bill will ensure that the Indian team for every match will be selected by people's vote.

Rahul Gandhi: I will ensure 18% reservation for Muslims in the team. Yusuf Pathan, Mohammed Kaif, Mohammed Azaruddin and other Muslims just don't get chances while Rohit Sharma can go on and on because he is a Sharma.

Kapil Sibal: We can prove that this is NOT Indian National Team. This is Indian Notional Team. How can one man continue to enjoy immunity while others have to perish even if they perform.

Mamta Banerjee: This is all about Pawar Politics. This is clear injustice to Kolkotta, I mean Bengal. Manoj Tiwari doesn't get chances because he is from Bengal and Rohit continues to play because he has support of Mumbai lobby. We will protest and will withdraw support to the Central Government if the Prime Minister doesn't intervene in this matter.

Baba Ramdev: Rohit Sharma's kundli's are bad. He needs to concentrate and for that he has to come to me and I'll teach him Yoga and then he'll start scoring runs like the flow of Ganga !

Sachin Tendulkar: Rohit is very talented. He and Virat Kohli will break my record of 100 centuries. Mmmm, I mean, Virat might score about 90 and anyone who gets as many chances as Rohit can certainly score 10 centuries if he plays for 10 years. We can't forget Zimbabwe are back in the business. Together they will break my record.

Saurav Ganguly: I am seriously thinking of reconsidering  my retirement options. With my records, I can still come back into the team and I am not half as bad as this guy Rohit who has got more chances than Me, Manoj, Yusuf, Laxmi Shukla and entire Bengal team have got.

Sharad Pawar: All this is nonsense. Rohit is a very talented and Pawar-ful boy. He is miffed because he has not got the No. 2 position in the team. You give him that position and he will start raking in heavily.

Sunil Gavaskar: If we look carefully, Rohit has got bowled or LBW in last 3 matches. Which means he has got out to good balls. He hasn't thrown his wicket away because he values it. Give him some time to settle down; may be 2 - 3 years or 4 and he'll be fine.

Yusuf Pathan: I can win matches from any position. But to win matches, I have to get chances to win from any position. Rohit is failing from any position he bats and I have to just sit and watch from any position.


M. S. Dhoni: Well of course, these things happen in Cricket. He's a brilliant player going through a bad patch. We're confident, he'll overcome that. And you must remember I am a wicket-keeper and just can't afford to drop ! We might think of resting Sehwag in next match to accommodate Manoj Tiwari who might be rusting !

Rahane, Tiwari and many others: We demand DNA test for Rohit Sharma too to find out "Yeh kaunsa bade Baap ka Beta hai !"







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Sachin Tendulkar: Bharat Ratna and beyond !

Anticipatory Bail: I am an ordinary Indian in love with Cricket. I harbor no ill-will against any Cricketer including Sachin Tendulkar. I have made my admiration for him more than obvious in the past. But it hurts to see the personality cult completely overshadowing the wonderful game in India.

I can never forget or overlook the fact that India missed an Asia Cup Final berth largely due to SRT's 100th 100 becoming more important to a nation than a win. But since 'some' SRT fans can go to ridiculous lengths and depths to defend him and revere him, I might have to guard myself and my family against attacks. I take that risk because for me Cricket is greater than Sachin Tendulkar.

People's overwhelming demand for 'Bharat Ratna' for Sachin Tendulkar stands Viratified. So it is just a formality and just a matter of time now. The 'Future God' of Indian Cricket has endorsed the 'Reigning God' and let us get ready to celebrate the 'Holy event'.

A lot of people believed the Cricket World Cup was lucky to have been held by Sachin Tendulkar and many more think Bharat Ratna will be honored by associating with SRT.

After meeting a lot of people and getting to the bottom of a million discussions, Dr. Balls our Cricket Crazy Indian has come up with a modifiable and further expandable list of honors to be conferred upon the God. He believes if we can make it to 100 without waiting for a whole year, that would be a great honor for all Indians. Here is the list...

Apart from the confirmed Bharat Ratna, Sachin Tendulkar should also be honored with following awards...

1] Dada Saheb Phalke Award: For his acting skills. The National awards and Filmfare awards are too small for him.

2] Jnan Peetha Award: Some day, he is going to write his memoirs, if and when he retires. The greatest honor for literary excellence should be his for taking. Why not hand it over to him right now as "Anticipatory Award" ?

3] Dronacharya Award: From Sehwag to Kohli to Bhajji to Arjun Tendulkar; everyone was inspired to play Cricket by SRT. Sunil Gavaskar was inspired by Tendulkar's genius even before he was born. Tendulkar should get this one with immediate effect.

4]  Param Veer Chakra: He has fought so many 'one man army' battles over the past 23 years for Team India. So the minimum recognition would be to decorate the 'Param Veer Chakra' with Sachin Tendulkar.

5] Tansen Award:  His name retrospectively inspired R. D. Burman's father to be named Sachin Dev Burman and India's music Diva Lata Mangeshkar is his fan. That should be qualification enough for SRT to receive the Tansen Award. And it is 'music' to the ears of millions of his followers when he says in his musical voice, "I have always played for the country and never for personal milestones" !

6] Emerging India Business Award: The pinnacle of business award should recognize the yeoman service rendered by SRT in the field of business. Selling Pepsi, running restaurants, selling second hand Ferrari [which he got with a duty waiver] and then selling just about anything his managers have suggested; he has done it all. And more importantly, thousands like Harsha Bhogle and Ravi Shastri to even Katy Perry have made a life and living out of praising Sachin Tendulkar.

7] Indian Council of Agricultural Research [ICAR] Award: SRT deserves this award. We don't have to give reasons for everything.

Those readers who don't want to kill me might as well suggest more awards to be honored by Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar !





SPun Doctor