Divided Colors of Blue !

Though the camaraderie on display on camera between Dhoni and Sehwag looked good; every Indian Cricket supporter knows, the split is out there gaping in open. And it isn't 'Bleeding Blue' any more. The team has hemorrhaged to near death. How could a Team that scaled the pinnacle of World Cup in April 2011 be so pathetically down in the dumps in February 2012 ?

Divided We Stand !

The Viru - Mahi war was always on. If not for Anil Kumble's insistence during the tour down under in 2007, Sehwag the Superstar would have been history. Dhoni would not have touched him with a barge pole if not for the match saving century at Adelaide 4 years ago.

Dhoni has shown clear preference to anyone other than Sehwag in the ODI scheme of things and he can't be faulted for that. Viru's records in ODI Cricket are just a little better than mediocre. During 2007 - 08, Sehwag was also a member of a team that was up and coming. In 2012, he is 'The Sehwag' who is back to playing the ball rather than the bowlers.

Is this divide in the team a new phenomenon triggered by a successive defeats ? Will it be fine once the team gets back to winning ways ? Far from it, the split was always there right from 2010 March and perhaps even before.

Let us go back to the Bangladesh series in March 2010 when Sehwag called Bangladesh an ordinary test team before the series. Sehwag captained India in the absence of Dhoni in the first test at Chittagong and played Amit Mishra ahead of Pragyan Ojha. Mishra went on to claim 7 wickets in the match and also scored a 50 as night watchman in Indian second innings.

This performance should have ensured a place for Mishra in the second test. It wasn't as if Pragyan Ojha was a Zaheer Khan or a Harbhajan Singh to walk into the team. But alas, Dhoni preferred to play Ojha instead. From that day, the Dhoni - Sehwag cold war has been on; like it or not.

India's subsequent performances through most of 2010 to the 2011 World Cup campaign were driven by an aim of winning the world cup. Sehwag had come across as someone not interested in Captaincy when he relinquished the Delhi Ranji Team and the Delhi Daredevils Captaincy in favor of Gambhir. Who refueled his Captaincy ambitions is unknown. But after the World Cup, he has time and again shown more than eagerness to lead India.

Dhoni hasn't covered himself in glory too. Right from dropping a Mishra to time and again undermining both the Pathans, he has played his role in demolishing the team spirit. His ad campaign mocking Harbhajan Singh was definitely the beginning of the end of Men in Blue as a team. Team India until then was all about United Colors of Blue in spite of minor skirmishes involving Sreesanth and Bhajji and such trivialities.

The fissure that erupted with this has left Bhajji out of favor, Viru out of flavor, Dhoni the martyr and Sachin Tendulkar eternally short of 100 ! That Tendulkar who was proud to be part of a team that carried him on shoulders on 2 April 2011 must be asking himself, "Mai Kaun hoon Mai Kahaan hoon !"

So who are the culprits ? 

Answer: All parties involved. 

The CB series was going fairly fine till Dhoni's bizarre tactics while chasing lead to enormous heart burns in the dressing room. Gambhir is right in his view but wrong in expressing it openly. Declaring Dhoni the Man of the Match in the tied game was like adding insult to injury. He ran out Gambhir, then Pathan and then ended up squaring a match India should have won comfortably. Did the adjudicators give him the MOM just to create further dissension in the team ? We will never know.

India didn't just lose 2 points with that tie. The damage was much more than that. It would have been India 4 vs 0 for Sri Lanka. Instead, it was 2-2 and that means 0-0. So how many points did India lose ?  The answer is 4 and that is why India are out of the tournament today ! Sri Lanka derived enormous mileage from that tie and India lost the initial advantage. They haven't won anything since then and are unlikely to win anything again.

Sehwag's refusal to learn or perhaps deliberate callousness is glaring. Gambhir went way beyond his jurisdiction when he unleashed his injudicious diction in a press meet. Tendulkar could have played peace-maker but he seems to be preoccupied with the 100. 

The youngsters had their opportunities to stake stronger claim. But Raina and Rohit have time and again thrown away starts with stupid batting. Bowlers have often been all over the park and 2 of the highest scores in the series were scored against India, naturally.

Overall, the Men in Blue are going through blues and have been beaten black and blue on this tour down under. They deserve this hammering and all the criticism. If the divide is not attended and the BCCI and Selectors decide on this continued Ostrich like approach, it will be doomsday soon.

So what is the solution ? Let Sehwag, Dhoni, Sachin, Gambhir and everyone know 'Nobody is indispensable, NOBODY'. Send a completely new junior team to the Asia Cup. If full strength team with all seniors can lose like this, the Team India fans can derive some solace if the juniors lose too. They have nothing to lose. And who knows ? We might again see a new dawn like the 2007 T-20 World Cup win. 

Even if that doesn't happen, we would still be better off teaching our next generation that even Sehwag, Gambhir and Dhoni were not spared ! Until and unless the feuding Stalwarts sort out the problems between them, keep them out. We have over half a year before we play another test.

Unless the runs flow, no Superstar can forever be so !

SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Debacle Down Under: Postmortem of a White Wash !

Since the people who have scripted great overseas triumphs are already back in the hut, we can assume India will lose the Adelaide test by more than 250 if not 300 runs. So let me do the postmortem of the series straightaway. I am in a hurry and want to do it before anyone else does it.

There are too many people to take things seriously and work on strategies for revival of Team India. Hence let me take a look at the lighter side of the battle 'Agneepath' that never was.

Ravichandran Ashwin, the only Indian face that was available for post-match meet the press throughout the tour gives us the detailed report. "Here are the reasons for the debacle", said Ashwin ,"Pick your choice".

1] BCCI: hasn't delivered on the promises made to players after our World Cup win. Most of us were not even born when India won the Cup last time. So we expected better treatment from the Board. We sent a warning during West Indies tour by not attempting a win in the third test. BCCI didn't heed the warning and thus it is 8-0 overseas now. We aren't embarrassed because what else can we do to show our displeasure ?

2] Poonam Pandey: is worse than the BCCI. She too has deceived us. She failed to keep her promise to strip if we won. Team India have thus decided to strip ourselves of all that we held when we won the World Cup on 2 April 2011.

3] Anna Hazare: is an honest man and needs the support of every Indian including Team India. Hence we  want to support Anna Hazare on his demand for a strong 'Jan Lokpal' bill. Till the 'Bill' is passed, we promise we wouldn't win a single match offshore.

4] Brahmagupta, Aryabhata, Mayans or to whomsoever it may concern: Those who invented 'Zero' are responsible for the sorry plight of Indian Cricket today. Had it not been invented, we wouldn't be having 10. Thus Tendulkar and in turn an entire nation wouldn't have been burdened by the number 10 times 10 that is 100.

5] Clarke: Average Indians are tormented by the omnipotent, bribe seeking Clerk in Government offices. Being 'true blue' Indians, we too have a mental clock against anything that remotely sounds like Clerk. That is why they simply can't get Clarke out of our system !

6] The Off Stump: is where all the problems lie because it is always off and never on. It so terribly disturbs us Indians and we end up groping all over.

7] The Umpires and Referees: They simply didn't cheat or target us this time. There was no fighting spirit because both the irritant [Symonds] and the galvanizer [Bhajji] were not there this time. We never draw first blood you see, we always avenge atrocities; real or imaginary.

8] The World Cup of woes: It isn't our fault. It is just history repeating itself. We have heard India lost badly even at home after winning the World Cup in 1983. We have lost only away and not at home. Nobody is ashamed in the dressing room because everyone is wearing at least underwear. And none of us have taken off the shirt and swung it wildly like some of our detractors did in the past.

9] Seniors: have guided us well as to how to handle defeat. Once we know how to handle that, we will be able to handle everything in life. The seniors just want us to get used to this feeling before they leave. After winning and being No. 1 team for almost 2 years, they didn't want all the blame to fall on us juniors when they quit and we suddenly start to lose. They are magnanimous and have copped all the criticism.

10] Juniors: have always believed failure is the stepping stone to success. We will come out stronger. You can already see the signs of that in Umesh and Virat's performances. We all know it can't get any worse, so only way from here is upwards and we will rise from the Ashes, oops Thrashes !

The Positives !

Well of course, now I will have to meet my CSK Captain, I mean India Captain Dhoni to find out if all these reasons are enough or we need to formulate more. So kindly excuse me. I will come back with more if you people are not satisfied.



SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

BCCI Agenda for Resurrection of Cricket !

Team India Down Under, Down Under: How to lift them up ?

Team  India's worst tour of Australia is on and things are getting worse by the day. Let us look at the pre-tour hype and the situation that prevailed and then how things have unfolded since the fall of Tendulkar at the fag end of day-2 at Melbourne. From 214/2, India have just withered away and wilted.

Australia were in dire straits. They were beaten by New Zealand and were bowled out for 48 by South Africa very recently. Ponting and Hussey have been out of form for longer than anyone could care to remember. They were going to miss the Iconic All-rounder Shane Watson and Pat Cummins from the beginning. Harris and Marsh missed half of the test and then James Pattinson got injured. Thus good number of cream of the present Aussie team have missed the major part of Cricket that has been played so far.

India on the other hand were in full strength with the exception of Praveen Kumar. So this was touted as India's best chance to win a test series down under. But what has happened how ? First test was lost on day 5, second on day 4 and third within minutes of lunch break on day 3. At this rate, the Adelaide test might get over on day-2. Srikkanth is totally devastated and Dhoni has declared himself to be the main culprit. The BCCI believes the performance has not been up to the mark.

Hence a very high level meeting of the BCCI, Selectors and former players was held. Since it was to be a high level and top secret meeting, it was held at Siachen Glacier. Whatever happened in the meeting has been recorded in the minutes. But all that can't be divulged. BCCI has come out with an agenda for the resurrection of Team India and the fortunes of Indian Cricket. And the document has been forwarded to ICC.

The 10 point agenda the BCCI has approved for the rejuvenation of Cricket.

01] Ghaas Poos is serious health hazard: The main problem seems to be Indians are allergic to grass and that hampers their performance seriously. Hence no grass should be allowed to exist on any pitch where India have to play. Even Ivan Lendle had declared, "Grass is for cows". Indian players are not cows, they are Tigers. Tigers at home to be precise. So henceforth ICC should make sure that a herd of cows is deployed at all venues where Team India are to play test matches. The grazing cows will ensure the pitch will be devoid of grass. And all the hoof marks will makes sure our spinners can get purchase from day one. 

02] Speed Breakers: We all know speed thrills but it also kills. All the speed bowling in England and India has almost killed Indian Cricket. ICC 'must' realize almost two thirds of revenue filling the ICC coffers comes from Indian Cricket, if not three fourths. If Indian supporters stop watching Cricket, ICC can shut shop. So all fast bowlers operating against India 'must' be fitted with speed-breakers with immediate effect. None should bowl faster that 125kmph or whatever is the average speed at which Vinay Kumar bowled in the previous match; whichever is slower. 

03] Three day Tests: When India travel abroad, all tests should be restricted to just 3 days and not 5 days. We first have to give them a realistic chance to draw a test before we can think of winning again. And during these 3 days, lunch break should be extended to 90 minutes and tea break to 30 minutes. The breaks happen to be the best part of tests played by India these days, because no wickets fall during these period. This also ensures a lot more scope for advertizements and that means more money for ICC. 

04] No Slip ups please: "Indian batsmen are like faithful husbands, they perform only at home", tweeted Poonam Pandey. But an insider from Team India camp on conditions of anonymity has declared, "Indian players are disappointed that Poonam has not kept her word of stripping if India won the World Cup. Hence they are disappointed". The faithful husbands that they are, they hate all the gossiping by the Aussie wicket-keeper and slip fielders. Hence no slip fielders should be allowed to stand within the 30 yard circle when Indian 'Top Order Batsmen' bat. 

05] Field restrictions: It has been noticed by BCCI that too many fielders are seen in the field blocking his shots when Rahul Dravid is batting. Though that is distracting him, the gentleman has never complained. But it is distracting him and he is falling over his own feet to be bowled again and again and then again. So he should be allowed to make 3 changes in the field when he bats. He is the first and only Indian to support the lie-detector test suggested by ICC. Hence he should get this privilege to place 3 fielders of his choice anywhere he wants to. That could even be the dressing room. 

06] Save Tigers Campaign: Tigers and Indian batsmen have many things in common. The main thing in common is both are endangered species. Whole world is campaigning to save tigers. We advocate with equal fervor for a campaign to save our 'Tigers at home'. Henceforth, Team India should be allowed to play all away tests in India. To differentiate home and away tests, ESPN-Star Sports will telecast 'away series' and any channel chosen by BCCI will telecast home matches. This is more than enough for people to differentiate a home and away series. 

07] The Demons to be exorcised: Some channels believe there are demons in the mind of Sachin Tendulkar that are preventing him from scoring the hundredth ton. Those demons seem to be affecting the entire team too. Whatever has to be done to exorcise the demons must be done and an away series against Bangladesh followed by one against Zimbabwe should be arranged; both to be played in India. Once he gets his century of century, all the pressure will be off and Indians can get back to the business of playing Cricket. 

08] Benefits of IPL not being utilized: IPL is a magnificent event with a lots of glamor, lights, action, champagne, cheer girls, beer girls and Vijay Mallya. But what is the use ? Many of these selfish English and Australian Cricketers avoid IPL and concentrate only on their national teams. This is making Test Cricket a lopsided contest. Poor selfless Indians are toiling to play IPL, CL-T20, ODIs, Tests and if they get spare time, they also play Cricket with kids and Moms in the rain. They do all this even at the cost of West Indies tour. These selfish guys like Clarke and Cook should be immediately made to sign up for IPL. If they don't relent, they should be barred from playing international Cricket. We believe in providing everyone with a level playing field with lots of cracks in the pitches and no grass as mentioned earlier. 

09] Word Cricket means India: Today, World Cricket and even the 'Word' Cricket means India. We don't have to elaborate on this. If India go on getting humiliated like this on every tour and end up at the bottom of the table, people of India will give up on Cricket as Rahul Dravid rightly suspects. That means Cricket will be dead. Hence we must ensure Team India get enough chances to win and our Tigers get to feast on runs. Hence not only Zimbabwe and Kenya but UAE, Nepal, Bhutan, Afghanistan, Scotland, Greenland and every land possible should be given Test status immediately so that there are enough teams to be beaten by India. We suspect Ireland might turn out to be dangerous, hence it is better to avoid them. 

10] Final nail: DRS, Hawk eye, Eagle eye, Umpires, Third Umpires and Match Referees; all these entities have conspired to undermine Indian Cricket over the years. Hence in the larger interest of saving Cricket, the entire responsibility of running Cricket administration should be immediately handed over to an able body with 'rich' experience. Since we see nobody 'richer' than the BCCI, we deem it fit that the ICC must be immediately handed over to IPL Governing body to 'enrich' Cricket !

We believe all these measures will help in reaping short term as well as long term benefits for the financial security of Cricket. Hence ICC should follow these guidelines with immediate effect.


Signed/-


BCCI
IPL Governing body
Indias Selectors
Former Players
Team India [Signed from Go karting club in Perth]


Copy to all Cricket fans.




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Hunt for the Hundred and the Weight is Over !

Hundred and beyond; A preview of the aftermath of Sachin's 100th 100 !

His first international Century took a long time to come and the hundredth is taking it's own bitter time. The diehard Cricket Romantics expected an Indian win lead by Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar scoring his ton of tons in the World Cup final against Sri Lanka. Alas, that was not to be.

Since then, it has become a national obsession and even many Australians want the celestial event to happen in Australia. A TV News Channel went to the extent of dissecting the Demons in Sachin's mind. The 'Sachin ke Dimag me Shaitan' show on India TV must be rated the most obnoxious ever.

Demons in the God's Mind ?

These days, Anna Hazare stops his fast and Rakhi Sawant doesn't want to marry Baba Ramdev when Tendulkar is batting. The inmates of the Bigg Boss' house don't fight or flirt and even the evil mothers-in-law in those innumerable Saas-Bahu serials relax their scheming towards the hapless daughters-in-law.

That is the only time when Manmohan Singh isn't pestered by opposition to open his mouth. As SRT opens his account with a dab to point, Sachinists, Commentators, Comment-Tweeters and all and sundry jobless humanity begins the count down, 99...98...97... Simply put, the Century number Century becomes the most important issue in India. More important than Jan Lokpal, Inflation, Mamta's tantrums, Mayavati's elephants and Kapil Sibal's wisdom put together.

It is almost certain that everyone worth a public profile on Facebook or an @Iamimportant Twitter-arm  is ready with their piece of sound-byte on the Celestial event and are waiting to pour out as and when and if it happens. Dr. Balls always had this intuition to predict future and read minds and here he comes with a list of "Who would say what" !

Manmohan Singh: People told I am a weak and meek PM and I have shown them what I can do and Sachin has shown what he can do. Errr, Excuse me, Madam is going to talk now. I will talk to you after that if she allows me to...

Sonia Gandhi: My family has sacrificed for the independence of India and today, an Indian has managed to reach a height never attained before only because of those sacrifices. I congratulate my late Mother-in-law and my beloved husband Rajiv on this great moment. Nothing would have been possible without their dedication and sacrifices.

Rahul Gandhi: There are two Indias out there. Those who can score centuries and those who cannot even score a single run. Uncle Diggi says, we have to be ashamed of ourselves that nobody from UP has managed to score even one century in a long time and a Mumbai bred man scores 100 of them. This is what we call unequal India. Diggiji also says, we must stop Sachin from scoring any more centuries till someone from UP scores at least one century.

Digvijay Singh: There is a definite Right-wing Hindu Extremist conspiracy here. We all know Golvalkar was a communal RSS leader. Then it was Gavaskar, Vengsarkar, Shivalkar, Kanitkar, Achrekar, Agarkar and Prabhakar. And today we have Tendulkar, another Maharashtra Hindu getting all the praise. The minority batsmen have to get 33% reservation in the team. Congress party alone, under the able leadership of Sonia Gandhiji gave support to a Muslim batsman in Azaruddin. Our future Prime Minister Rahulji also wants more and more minorities and lower caste people to score centuries.

Raj Thakre: This is a proud moment for 'Marathi Manoos' in general and for Mumbai in particular. We want all taxi drivers to compulsorily change the names of their taxis to Sachin Tendulkar Taxi. Those who don't do, will be deported to UP and Bihar. And all Bangladeshis should go back to Bangladesh immediately. Because of them, we don't have place to celebrate this great achievement because they are occupying all of Mumbai.

Sharad Pawar: Me, my family, the BCCI, my party, the UPA Government and all of India join to congratulate Sachin on this record. To all those who doubted his ability to achieve this, this is a resounding slap on the face [OMG, what did I say...]

Kapil Sibal: 100 centuries is not exactly 100 centuries. I can prove to you that it is much more than that. It can be even less than that. We have to give enough weight to the variable inflation rate when we consider the number of centuries. I will ask our IIM Gurus to dig deep into this matter and we will come out with a detailed report soon.

Mayavati: Who is Sachin Tendulkar ? He has done nothing for the Bahujan people of Uttar Pradesh or India. There is not even a single statue of Sachin Tendulkar in UP. So he is not important. If he donates even ten percent of his earnings to poor people of UP, we can construct more statues of Mayavati and elephants all over UP.

Anna Hazare: Just 100 centuries is nothing. We have Politicians who have amassed hundreds of crores and that is why we need a strong Lokpal bill. We will invite Sachin Tendulkar to join us for the fast to press for the bill. He will bat a whole day without taking breakfast, lunch, drinks and tea as part of the protest.

Krishnamachari Srikkanth: Bloody-shit-it-is-over-at-last. Oh-no-I-am-a-cheap-selector-and-not-supposed-to-say-that. Well-it-all-sounds-like-dream-come-true. Anyway-this-should-be-new-year-gift-to-all-Indians-feeling-bad-about-India-losing-all-those-tests-by-big-big-margins.

Sunil Gavaskar: Records are meant to be broken. But this little Genius has created so many records, it is hard to imagine someone some day overtaking all his records. He should have got more than these hundred hundreds. Taking into account all those 80s and 90s he has made, he would have had nothing less than 125 centuries by now. But this still is 100 times magnificent.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Well of course, we all know he had scored 99 hundreds and if he could do that, sooner or later he would score the hundredth one too. He had scored the hundredth run 99 times before and we were quite confident he would do it one more time. It all fell in place and we can't forget the contribution of the team-mates and especially our bowlers who always gave Sachin more than enough runs to chase all these years.

Navjyot Singh Sidhu: Records and statistics my friend, are like the bikini. They expose a lot but conceal the vital. We look at 100 centuries today but haven't seen all the hard work that has gone into making those runs. Give the Devil his due at least today and accept the fact that when it comes to Sachin Tendulkar's hunger for runs, 'Sky is the Limit'. He has batted all his career while wickets tumbled like a row of cycles in a cycle stand in Ludhiana. It is not just a number or a record, it is rather a treasure; King Sachin's treasure.

Virendar Sehwag: Sachin is my idol and I have always tried to play like him. But I don't know anything about records. Who held the record before ? Was it an Indian ? Actually I was sleeping when he scored those runs and that is why I didn't know whose record was broken. 

Vinod Kambli: I never received enough support from selectors and administration. Even Sachin didn't support me when I was not scoring any runs. I would have scored 150 centuries by now if they had supported me. 

Ravi Shastri: That one went like a tracer-bullet. He went onto to up the ante at the right moment and it's all happening there now. It was a super exhibition of batsman-ship by the little Champion in front of a full house of a half empty stadium. This is a proud moment not only for India but for the entire Cricket fraternity. 

Shane Warne: My good friend has finally done it. His inner confidence stood strong during tough times and that is why I would like him to be the Indian brand ambassador for my line of inner-wear. 

Ricky Ponting: This is an inspiration to me. I went through a lean phase but decided not to give up. Now I am sure I too will be able to score more hundreds.

Shahid Afridi: His feet were really trembling when he played that last ball. I could see my LED TV vibrating as the bowler began his run up. He was definitely scared. But anyway he has got the record now and I congratulate him. We are not like Indians. They never congratulated us when we scored hundred centuries.

Brad Haddin: He has got a hundred now and all others in their team will pretty much be jealous of him and they will turn against each other. They can break easily and that will lead to complete destruction.

Virat Kohli: He has carried the burden of the nation ever since me, Suresh and Rohit were in our nappies. That is why we all carried his burden after the World Cup win. Now we ourselves would like to carry the burden of the nation from here. When I showed the finger, all I meant was that I was ready to carry the burden of the nation on my middle finger. My Delhi team-mate Ishant too gestured he is ready to take over the burden from Zaheer Bhai.

"I just said, I can carry the burden on my middle finger!"

The Common Man or Aam Aadmi: OMG, all these months of waiting for this to happen every time he batted and to see him fall short every time caused enormous heart burns. We watched match after match with Lays and Coke and Cashew nuts and Beer. All the binging due to subsequent depression and what do I see now standing on the scale ?  

THE WEIGHT IS OVER !

The list can get as unending as the wait for the hundred. Hence, as the owner of the blog, I am restraining Dr. Balls here to come out with just one more; that of 'The Sachin Tendulkar' himself.

"People kept throwing stones at me. I converted them into mile-stones and then built a palatial home with the remaining ones. People still kept throwing stones. So I have constructed a Monument now !"

SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Faithful Husbands: 1983 to 2011 and Back to the 90s !

After almost 2 months away from Doctoring the Balls, I am back because I have something to blog. There hardly was anything to blog home about for me in that long hiatus.

There is a sinister similarity when it comes to how India went on to win the ODI World Cup and then how their test match form dwindled like the credibility of the UPA government. From 1983, Cricket Crazy Indians had a long wait of 28 years before the summit was attained again on 2 April 2011. As I progress with this post, we will understand what are the similarities between 1983 and 2011.

The similarities begin with this photograph.

The Record-kars !

So here is what I mean by similarities.

What happened in 1983 and after that ?

Soon after the World Cup win on 25 June 1983, India huffed and puffed to draw a home test series against Pakistan. The only thing the team, the country and even the Parliament were interested in was Sunil Gavaskar scoring his 28th century in a dead as a dodo Bangalore test.

The subsequent Test series against West Indies was a disaster as the revenge of the Calypso Kings resulted in a royal 3-0 home series hiding for India. But what was the public reaction ? Indians were happy, extremely satisfied because Sunny Gavaskar managed to score his 29th and 30th test centuries at Delhi and Madras respectively. Nobody was bothered or disappointed except for the rowdy crowd at Calcutta.

Subsequently India were beaten at home by a second string England team and could not press for a win down under in 1986. They should have won both Melbourne and Sydney easily, but drew both.

In the intervening period, India won the World Championship down under in 1985, some totally inconsequential ODI series, the Asia Cups and some sundry tea cups. And then Chetan Sharma lost the last ball battle to Javed Miyandad in Sharjah to open a new chapter in Indian Cricket that lead to a total psychological domination of India by Pakistan.

All through this ODI hype and hoopla, only noteworthy test win was the 1986 conquering of the Old Blighty under Kapil Dev. But for this win, India were Tigers at home and kittens away. Like Poonam Pandey said, "They were like faithful husbands who perform only at home".

All through the 1983 to 1987 period, only thing that mattered to Indian Cricket was Sunil Gavaskar and his records. It was about 8000 Test runs, then Gary Sobers, then Boycott, then it was 29th century and then the 30th. Then he became the first batsman to scale 9000 and then the 10K mark in test Cricket described in his own language as '10 times magnificent'.

Sunil Gavaskar finally ended his batathon in 1987 with a tragic 96 at Bangalore as Pakistan managed to win their first ever test series on Indian soil. People again kept talking about how Sunny stood tall amongst ruins and conveniently forgot how another test was lost after being in a winning position for most of first 3 days.

Raj Singh Dungarpur had a brainwave and he thus disbanded the over thirty [OT] team to build the Team of the 90s. The team of 90s must be rated the most lopsided team ever. They were almost always invincible at home, and as a rule were invariably humbled abroad. They could not even beat Zimbabwe in Zimbabwe.

So what kept the interest of people in the 90s ?

Answer: Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar !

Circa 2011:

For over two decades now, I have witnessed thousands and thousands of people who rejoice when SRT scores a century even if India lose the match. I personally know many who pray for a century from their God, but not for an Indian win. Some of the Sachinists actually derive masochistic pleasure when 'He' scores and the team loses.

This isn't one bit to blame Sachin Tendulkar, the Man or the Hunk who sold his Ferrari. This is about 'Our' mentality. The mentality unique to us Indians. We claim to have invented 'Zero' and we do have a serious fetish for that entity. We love to add Zeros to our numbers and watch them swell. We just can't have enough of landmarks, records and bloody statistics.

During the entire World Cup Campaign, the print and visual media was more concerned about Sachin Tendulkar scoring a century than an Indian win. History tells us the story was the same when Sunil Gavaskar batted and today 'He-story' repeats itself.

We admire, applaud and hail Michael Clarke when he declares on the verge of a personal milestone. But when Rahul Dravid declared with Sachin on 194, Sachin, Sachinists and the entire nation went to town about how unfair it was to deny him a landmark. That same Rahul Dravid played an uncharacteristic reverse sweep to get out with a triple century in sight. He played that shot only to up the ante as Ravi Shastri would like to say. Nobody appreciated it, people just blamed him for playing a stupid shot.

Sunil Gavaskar's dislike for adventurism by batsmen when they reach 80s or 90s is legendary. We can see him seething if an Indian batsman plays a rash shot in nervous nineties. Saurav Ganguly once wanted Rahul Dravid to slow down because Ganguly was closing in on a century. RD got out immediately and neither did Saurav get his century.

Ever since he debuted as the youngest Indian to play test Cricket, SRT has created so many records, it is difficult to keep a tab on that. I think we can better count the records which he doesn't own. Gavaskar once was described as Record-kar. Well, we have a Record-kar version 2.0 today walking into the twilight of his career.

So what matters today for the average Indian ? The land mark of 100 International Centuries for SRT and nothing else. Every time India bat in a test innings, people want India to be 2 down as quickly as possible so that Sachin can come and score the hundredth ton. It is another thing that our openers have obliged the expecting fans more often than not. It appears as if even our openers and other team-mates want the Century No. 100 to be out of their system.

Today, more people were disappointed when SRT fell for 80 than when India finally lost by innings and 68 runs. Very few people are bothered by six successive massive test defeats abroad because most of them are busy worrying about the 'celestial event' of the 100th 100. This exactly is why Cricket will never lose its importance in India.

It was Sunil Gavaskar then, it is Sachin Tendulkar today and it probably will be about Virat Kohli tomorrow. What will happen to Team India ? We will continue to collapse to new lows in Tests abroad, continue to thrive in ODI Cricket and slowly but steadily return to the 90s; Tigers at home and kittens away !

And with other teams increasingly catching up with playing conditions in India, soon we might lose on our home stretch too. Even a lowly placed West Indies ran India close in the recently concluded series. South Africa have more than once shown India can be beaten at home.

So what will happen to India then ?

Well, IPL will be our Savior ! Only an Indian Team will win IPL and we can rejoice with more and more records ! Long live 'Faithful Husbands' !



SPun Doctor Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Hang on; The Show goes on !

Cricket is a strange game where amusing things keep happening. So it is neigh say impossible to remain away from Cricket for long; even when India play Sri Lanka in a 21 match bilateral ODI series soon after the IPL. So much fun on the run and how could SPun Doctor miss all the pun ?

So here is my 11 for the week that was or almost.

1] Run Gauty Run: First of all Gautam's running between wickets has become a Gambhir problem for India. Every time he sets out for a run, he seems to run out of ideas. He needs to contact Abhishek Bachchan immediately to get an idea. GG is just 2G he needs to upgrade to "What an !dea 3G"

2] Limited Sehwagging: Virendar Sehwag probably needs to be reminded of a Test match being played over 5 days and not 20 overs. He last played competitive Cricket for Delhi Daredevils and since then hasn't seen the 21st over yet. He also has become the most stumped player of all times.

3] No Es-Cape Town: South Africa and Australia collectively lost 20 wickets for 143 runs at one stage during the first test in mildly testing conditions at Cape Town. Australian collapse looked more like West Indian. And short little Raina and other Indian batsmen are supposed to be weak against pace and short pitched bowling.

4] Taylor for the minnows: Zimbabwe on the other hand have shown tremendous guts in their come back to test Cricket. The last day of the Bulawayo test was a great day for Test Cricket in spite of the fact that the underdog lost. It was a Taylor made chase till Brendon lasted. All stitches fell off after his fall.

Taylor made Captain's knock !

5] Capital Punishment: India have been quite benevolent all these years allowing the likes of Ajmal Kasab and Afzal Guru to live luxuriously at our expenditure and going on postponing the gallows. But for once, Team India escaped from Capital punishment at the national Capital thanks to meek capitulation by West Indies and some special bowling by Ravichandran Ashwin. Conceding 95 runs on first innings against stronger teams would have meant a fifth straight test defeat for Dhoni and Co.

6] Royal British Certificate of Merit: We the Indians somehow need the British to certify our products and prodigies even six decades after they left the shores. It was the Surrey Manager Chris Adams' certificate that gave Ojha a new lifeline and he has done well to hang on. But has the hangman's noose fallen elsewhere on a certain Turbanator's career ? 

7] Complete Retirement Plans: Shahid Afridi has made a awesome welcome back to international Cricket at the tender yet ripe age of 25. When he decides to retire this time, he promises to retire completely ! And until he retires completely, we should not consider his retirement as full and final. We hope he will join Mohammed Yusuf in the retirement home once he does so finally. Or will he ? 

8] Down with the Count Down: Sachinists all over India, abroad and on the Mars should remember one thing. He has managed to score the hundredth run ninety nine times in the past two decades. He can as well do it the hundredth time sooner than  later. But to do so, he needs to score those ninety nine runs first. At least keep peace till he enters nineties. So can we please relax and let him relax too ? And for TENdulkar's sake, can we begin the count down from Ten rather than Hundred ? 

9] Spots Fixed Butt there still is an appeal: While the Pakistani troika of Butt, Asif and Amer have been fixed to their spots in the UK prison by stringent laws, Pakistan have steamrolled a much stronger on paper Sri Lanka in their home series being played abroad. Pakistan Cricket never runs out of surprises, while the shamed trio is busy making a different kind of appeal ! 

10] Cricket Bravery award of the year:  Siddle and Lyon for saving Aussies from the ignominy of equaling the lowest ever score in a Test innings and also for more than doubling the score from where they came together. So shocked were the South Africans by the Australian batting display that even Morkel failed bowl a single no ball or a wide ball.

11] A Cricket Trivia question: How many times has a number 11 batsman top scored for his team in a Test innings ? Australia achieved the distinction at Cape Town. While the former greats lose sleep, the haloed Baggy Green ain't green no more !

With a lot more Cricket coming up, SPun Doctor hopes to 'come back' with more pun on the run. That honestly doesn't mean retirement and come back.




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/

Badla: Revenge Only Half Done !

Cricket is inseparable from Indian culture. It runs in our arteries and Cricket bridges the gap between the nerves. Even when our national team is doing badly, we bide our time for that one moment that can turn things around. This optimism keeps us alive and helps us to forget and forgive Kalmadis, Rajas, Yeddis and a thousand scams. Here are some of the trivia from the "Badla" series !

Though Dhoni has brushed aside the talk of this being the "Badla" or "Pay Back" or "Revenge" series, there was steel in the Indian camp's determination. They were thrashed in the Test Series and their luck crashed during the ODIs. But home pitches, a fitter team and a lame duck English side helped in achieving this complete reversal of fortunes.

Back from 'Hell' and back in the hunt is how we can describe Dhoni and his boys today, while we dedicate a song to the the visiting English team.

The youth brigade has turned the hunter into the hunted and India remains 'Haunted' for the World No. 1 Test Team !

Just One Day Match: On the flip side though, England hold an unenviable record of winning just one 'One Day match' against India in India in the recent past. That takes a little bit of sheen from an otherwise fabulous show by the young side. 

The turning point: The British did hold the advantage during the first 35 overs of the series. It was the determination shown by the much maligned Captain Dhoni finally sank the ship of Captain Cook and his motley bunch of  over-aggressive crew. 

Media Complex: Somehow, our print and visual media alike are stuck in a strange kind of inferiority complex. Team India bat well, bowl well and filed well in home conditions; we are flat track bullies and tigers at home. Other teams come cropper in India; our pitches are to be blamed. Our players can't play on good pitches. Funnily, India have lost just one test series since the controversial 2008 tour down under. 

The barking Poms: On filed behavior of the English team has been pathetic at best. Andy Flower has been unapologetic about it. That team which wanted India to call Bell back, has not shown an iota of sporting gesture in return; neither in England nor in India. From Indian point of view, it should be fine. It gives more pleasure to bash an arrogant opponent than a down to earth one. But the average Indian is just a little curious to know how the British crowd, which booed Team India for the Bell run out would react to their own unsporting players. 

The plight of Kohli: Virat Kohli has impressed one and all with the maturity he has shown in ODI Cricket. But soon after his century on his home-ground, a tweetable tweet went thus: "Well played Kohli, that was sexy. But remember Dude, you aren't even the second best batsman in your own town". That is a Classic way of saluting the Champion Opening pair of Gautam Gambhir and Viru the Sehwag ! 

India B Plus: Tendulkar, Sehwag, Yuveraj, Zaheer Khan, Harbhajan, Nehra, Munaf, Rohit, Sreesanth, Ishant, Pathan, Badrinath and Murali Vijay missing from the 14 member team means England are playing at best India B Plus team, not even India A. 

Suspended Animation: This thumping win against a team that had mauled team India just a month ago has forced the Indian fans to keep in suspended animation, the lingering thought of the Century number 100 of a certain Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. 

Taken for granted: The fatigue to too much of Cricket showed in the thing attendance during the final two matches. Or was it because the crowd took the 'White wash' with Indian Blue for granted ? 

Mother of all collapses: England just wanted to get out of here, quite like Dhoni and his boys wanted to leave the Old Blighty only a few weeks ago. 129 without loss to 176 all out doesn't need much elaboration. This was the mother, grandmother and even great grand aunt of all collapses ! 

Ra1 Factor: Going through a promotional overdrive for his latest Sci-Fi movie Ra-1, Shah Rukha Khan somehow forgot to show up during the post match presentation. Neither at Mumbai, his adopted home not at Kolkotta home to his KKR team. Surprising ! 

Return of the Jade-ja

His Highness Ravindra Singh Jadeja has been best remembered for his T-20 World Cup flop shows so far. Given a lifeline by Dhoni's fondness and his equal dislike for Yusuf Pathan, Jadeja has grabbed his chances and done brilliantly during the series. His fielding has always been good. He is a decent fifth bowler in ODI Cricket. But this time, he batted well in given chances and has earned his place in the team to Australia. 

Pace the Music: Umesh Yadav and Varun Aron generating pace was music to the Indian ears. But we ought to be careful because Ishant, Munaf and many more began their careers as raw energy pacers only to be either sidelined by injuries or turn into line and length trundlers. The motto should be "Don't Hype them till they are Ripe" ! 

Positive for the Poms: Samit Patel and Steve Finn were the only positives for the English side. World's best spinner was taken to cleaners and he couldn't hold on to the ball. They too missed Anderson, Broad, Strauss and the lack of experience showed !

Ab Dhoni ko kaun taal sakta hai ?

They just couldn't get him out throughout the series. He played the waiting game, the blasting game, nudges and edges, helicopter shot and his trademark bludgeoning drives. Leading from the front was redefined !

Finally it was a fair and square blue wash for the Poms with Brand India Bleeding Blue ! Happy Diwali to all Indians !

The Poms will come back next year for the Test Series. They are way too far better a Test Team than their ODI credentials. A wash in white flannels is what a 'Real White Wash' constitutes. Can Dhoni and Co achieve that ?




SPun Doctor
Also blogs @ http://diehardcricketfans.org/category/contributed/govind-raj-shenoy/